A Fire Demons Guide to a Moving Castle

Chapter One: A Manual?!

Hey guys! This is a little something that's been playing around in my head for a while now and i decided to just go for it and well... ta-da! I hope you enjoy reading it!

Please leave a review at the end!

Disclaimer: I do not own Howl's Moving Castle only this little fanfic (and the guide, mwahaha)

Just a heads up: any italics enclosed in commas for example 'blah blah' are someone's thoughts.

Any Italics that aren't are Sophie reading the manual!

'Nothing better than a nice clean castle.' Thought Sophie as she peered around. 'It took me longer than usual seeing as we now have a garden but it's worth it.'

She sighed happily at the gleaming castle floors. Everywhere was neat, tidy and orderly including Howl's room which he had finally let her clean. (Though she had done that separately. It had taken her a week to clean his room and get it in order. Today she had just done a bit of 'light' dusting) And it had only taken her three hours.

The peace was suddenly disturbed by Calcifer's loud snoring. She raised an eyebrow at him before letting her jaw drop at his log pile. The logs were scattered all over the floor surrounding the hearth where Calcifer spends his days. They had trailed ash and soot in their wake.

'Right. Best get to work.' She rolled up her sleeves. A brush appeared in her hand and once again she slapped on a pair of gloves.

"Is it safe to come down Markl?" Howl called.

"No! She's just started cleaning again!"

"Again?! How long is she planning to keep it up?!"

"I don't know! Ask her!"

Sophie turned slowly to see Markl watching her from the bottom of the stairs.

"Aaah! She's spotted me!"

"Run, small boy! RUN!"

"Nooo! She's got me!" Markl cried as Sophie grabbed him by the collar.

"Markl…" Sophie said calmly. "Don't ever talk about me like that behind my back again. ESPECIALLY when I can hear you."

"Oh woe is me. I will need a new apprentice. Oh he was such a good lad… And so young. Yes, he was so young. Oh woe is me…" Howl could be heard moaning in his room.

"Oh shut up Howl. I'll deal with you later! Woe is ME more like." Sophie snapped.

Markl wriggled out of her grip and shot off upstairs. Surprisingly they were both silent after that.

Unsurprisingly Calcifer was still asleep. As was the Witch in her bed and Heen who was under the table.

Sophie turned back to clean and shrieked for over a hundred pairs of eyes were staring at her from the soot pile. Occasionally they all blinked in complete synchronisation.

"Sh-Sh-Shoo! Go on! Shoo!" She waved her hands at them.

They blinked at her again before moving as one – like a black cloud – across the room and upstairs.

'And just like that they're gone. Whatever they are. It didn't look like one big thing but lots of little things… I'll have to hunt them down later. Never mind.'

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Hmm?" Howl got up and opened his bedroom door. There was no one there. He shut the door and returned to his preparations for escaping Sophie's wrath later.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

He got up and opened the door again. Again, there was no one there. He was just about to close it when something nudged his foot. He looked down and saw a cloud of black – with over a hundred pairs of eyes – staring at him.

"Sophie kicked you out of your room?" Howl asked.

All of its eyes blinked in response.

"I know the feeling." He remembered a particularly nasty fight in which he had been forced to stay at an inn in Porthaven for a week while Sophie cleaned his room. "Come on in my little sooty friends. AH!" He yelped when they all tackled him to the ground in a hug.

"Yippee! Yippee!" They squeaked.

Thunk.

That was the last of the logs. Sophie peered into the hole where the logs had been kept to check. There was a strange shape at the back.

'Odd. What's this?' She pulled out a thick rectangular block. Wiping it with a cloth revealed that it was a book. Sophie set it down on the table and returned to the logs, humming as she worked.

All the while Calcifer was snoring loudly, drooling little green flames.

"Logs done. Sit down. Feet up. Strange book. Gaze out window. Now back to strange book." Sophie sang.

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE! MWAHAHAHAHA!" Howl shot past Sophie towards the door to escape. Which failed as the door was locked. He was now sprawled out on the floor due to the collision; a black cape surrounding him.

"Howl. You know you can't leave when the doors are locked. You have to unlock them first. Too bad I have the key. And what do you mean by 'us'?" Sophie peered down at him. "Not to mention a coward like you should be better prepared with his esca-" She shrieked.

Howl's cape had magically grown eyes that were staring at her blankly.

"RETREAT!" Howl jumped up suddenly and rushed back to his room.

"Idiot." She muttered. "Maybe I can finally look at this book."

'A Fire Demon's Guide to a Moving Castle… By Calcifer.' She eyed the fire demon. 'Might as well read it.' She turned a few pages in.

It read:

Contents:

- An Introduction

- Part One: The Ins and Outs

- Part Two: Dealing with Inhabitants and Guests

- Afterword

'How interesting.' Sophie smiled. 'On to the introduction!'

How was it? Please leave a review! And constructive criticism is always appreciated!

I'm planning on making this fanfic five chappie's long as another heads up and I'm planning on uploading the second chappie by the end of this week.

See you guys later!