"So? What happened?" she asks as she lands with a dull thump on his couch.

He'd texted her randomly at 1 am, just as she's about to head to bed, telling her that he really needed her help. He didn't even tell her what it was that happened, just that he needed her help, and for some unknown reason, she's at his apartment.

(For another unknown reason, she lies to Graham, telling him that it's Ruby that needs her help instead of Killian. She doesn't know why she does it, there's nothing to hide.)

He looks distressed; pinching the bridge of his nose while he rests his other hand on his hip. He runs said hand through his hair, messing it up even more, before he finally answers her.

"Ayden… he's uh- he got arrested."

"What?!" she jumps into a sitting position as her mouth hangs agape. "What did he do?"

"Bloody hell – I don't know lass," he sits down next to her, elbows on his knees as he hides his face in his hands. "I haven't got a clue what to do – I'm not cut out to take care of a teenage boy," he sighs, his voice muffled through the palm of his hand.

She places her hand on his back, rubbing his back reassuringly. "Why isn't your dad dealing with this?"

"He left a year after mum died."

"What?"

Oh god she feels bad. She knows a lot can happen in six years, but she never thought shit like that would happen. Mr. Jones had always seemed like such a nice man on the few occasions she's met him. While he wasn't too close to Killian, it was obvious he had a good relationship with the other two Jones boys, always joking around and being playful with them. From what she saw, she didn't think Killian minded it too much that his father favored his brothers being much closer to their mother.

Maybe she didn't know him as well as she thought.

"Yeah – thank god I dropped out of college to play football by then," he shrugs non-committedly.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Lass, there's a lot that's happened in the past six years," he huffs out a laugh, and for some reason she feels a pang of guilt.

Maybe they didn't end things as well as she thought. Had they ended it well, they would've never needed to tell each other stories of their last six years, having never lost contact with each other. She blames herself for it. After the break up, he still wanted to be friends, but she remembers vividly saying she doesn't think she can do it for a long time – that it'd hurt too much.

(He doesn't blame her – being friends with her would hurt him just as much, if not more, but he knew he'd feel that hollow emptiness without her in his life. He'd rather hurt, than not have her at all)

(But he gets it)

(He always gets it)

"You're right. Now, what happened to Ayden?" she changes the subject back to the initial problem because that can be dealt with later, Ayden, on the other hand, has to be dealt with now.

"God knows," he sighs, and she looks at him confused. "I, uh- I may have hung up on him when he called me."

"You're kidding."

"I don't know what to do, Swan! I don't know whether to be the hard ass brother and leave him in there for the night as a lesson, or bail him out because I don't want him to hate me!" He's balling his hands into fist and she has unclench his fingers one by one to stop his knuckles from turning white. "I'm not Liam – I don't know how to handle this – he's always been better with Ayden. I'm just the middle child that never really fit," he breathes heavily and he unconsciously runs his hand through his hair. "I love him. I just don't know what to do."

"Hey, hey," she says in a futile attempt of calming him down, moving to entwine her hands with his in a show of reassurance, "You're a great brother, okay? It's not your fault Ayden's acting out now – it's just one of those phases, I promise. He'll grow out of it," she assures him, staring deep into his blue eyes as she speaks the words. (He needs to hear that he's not a bad brother – he needs this) "Now why don't we go to the station and bail him out, then you can kick his ass all the way to Liam if you like."

He smiles at that, unable not to when it comes to her.

(He doesn't know what it is, but there's something about her that always gets him to calm down.)

"Yeah, yeah, okay."

-/-

"On a scale of 1 to 10, how angry is he at me?"

"We need a wider range, kid," she offers him a smile as she pats him on his back.

"He hasn't even looked at me, Emma."

"He just needs some time, you know? But you need to apologize."

"I screwed up."

The way he sits on the edge of the couch, bent over reminds her of how Killian sat just over an hour ago. The whole drive back from the station was silent. The tension between the two brothers was palpable. She saw how Killian's knuckles were beginning to turn white as he gripped tightly on the steering wheel. She basically had to pull his hand off the steering wheel at the red light to make sure blood would still be flowing.

The moment they got back to their apartment, Killian had made a beeline for his room and grabbed his running shoes. ("I'm just going to go out for a bit.") ("Killian, it's 2 in the morning," she coaxed.) ("It's always good to stay fit.") ("You're foot's just hea—" she doesn't have time to finish before he shuts the door behind him.)

"What were you thinking? Drugs?" She realizes she has to have this talk with him because knowing Killian, he's not going to. "You know better than that – especially knowing his rules—"

"I know," he begs, and the tears are beginning to well up in his eyes. She can't help but feel bad for him, but he needs to learn. "I swear, Emma – that was the first time, and the last. It's just- everyone was doing it, you know? I don't usually—"

"Hey, I know," she says softly. "But don't you see why he's so upset? He thinks it's his fault – he thinks that if you were staying with Liam, this wouldn't happen. He's blaming himself."

"No, it isn't his fault. He's the best dad I could ever ask for, not even Liam," he stresses, "He'd always been the one to take care of me. When Liam was in senior year, he was only busy with freshman year," he quotes, "but when he was in senior year, Liam was in Uni. Liam's life was put ahead of Kill's, always needing to take care of me. I feel like – It's like he's always been stuck with me, and he's never once complained."

"That's because he loves you, Ayden."

"Yeah, but he's done so much for me, and all I've done is disappoint," he sighs, his face falling back into his hands.

She smiles. "You're not a disappointment, but tell him all of this. Tell him all that you're feeling. He'd appreciate it, I promise."

"You're right," he replies and she pulls him into a hug. "I'm glad you're back," he says, and her smile grows. "We're finally getting old Killy back."

"What're you talking about? He hasn't changed one bit," she laughs.

He shrugs in her arms. "No, you weren't there. I don't know – I thought it was because of," he pauses, taking a deep breath before breathing out the word, "mum – you know how he was always closer to her. He was just all mopey, and dull and sad," he recollects, "stopped smiling, you know? He smiled more with Milah – but that wasn't real. Until you."

She pulls back, and stares at him confused. Her eyebrows are furrowed and she can't find words to reply to him. "I- I'm not back to get back together, you know?" she finally manages, and all he does is smile.

"We'll see," he shrugs.

Her mouth is hanging agape and she trying to think about what to tell him, but before she can find some words to say, the door swings open with a sweaty Killian emerging from it.

"Hey," he says breathily, still panting from his apparent run. He wipes his damp forehead with the back of his hand as we walks past them and into his room.

Both Ayden and Emma are unsure of what to do or how to react, simply staring mutely at his door until he reappears with a towel in his hand. He stares straight ahead as he walks towards the fridge and grabs a water bottle.

She stares at Ayden expectantly, and when he does nothing, she nudges hard in his side, making him flinch and mouth an 'Ow!' at her. She nods towards Killian as he's beginning to retreat back into his room, and it's only then when he seems to get her idea.

"Killian!" Ayden calls and his brother pauses in his tracks. He jumps over the couch and lands a few feet behind him. "I screwed up, Kill. I screwed up bad, and I'm sorry. You've done everything for me and all I've managed to give you in return is screwing up. I doubt I'll ever be able to make up for this – but I promise I won't screw up again."

He takes a moment, but turns around after a few seconds of silence. She tries to read his face from her spot on the couch (while at the same time trying to not look too invested at the scene playing out) and even she can't tell what he's thinking. Ayden's eyes are pleading whereas the older of the two's are hard and strong.

The tension in the room is heavy – and it all vanishes when Killian unclenches his fist and lets out a rough, "Come here."

Ayden practically runs into his older brother's arms and Killian holds him tightly.

"You're an idiot, and a git, and if you even think of doing something like that again, you're being shipped off to Aunt Lizzie," he threatens, but even from where she's sitting, she can see the soft upward tilt on his lips.

"Oh God no," Ayden laughs through a sob, "She has 'bout 50 cats."

"Yeah, and I'll make sure she puts you on shit duty."

-/-

After the boys reconcile, she heads home – but since she got there by cab, Killian insists on driving her back as 'a show of thanks' for everything she's helped him with.

She asks him about his father on the drive back.

He tells her everything.

When she crawls into bed and Graham asks her why she's tearing up, she lies with a 'Ruby's just an idiot,' and a laugh. She's still unsure why she's lying to him – she has nothing to hide.

Killian and her, they're just two friends helping each other out.

(Except they'll never just be friends.)

-/-

"You're coming right?" she asks the moment he shuts his locker door close and the initial shock on his face is replaced with a bright smile.

"'Ello, love," he greets, tilting his head the slightest bit down to press his lips hard on hers.

There are a few cheers from the boys of the soccer team at their public display of affection, (Emma's never been one to PDA) but he gets them to simmer down with a middle finger in the air as he continues to kiss her, while his other hand moves to her hair to he cradles her head.

"Hi."

He smiles cheerfully at her, swinging his arm around her shoulder and pulling her to his side, while hers manage to snake around his waist, as he leads her towards the doors of their high school. "To answer your question, lass – yes, I'm coming."

"Good."

"It does seem like a bit of pressure on my end," he mentions, walking down the cemented steps, "Both your parents in one dinner – quite the second meeting."

"Well, I wouldn't be too worried if I were you – I hear you're quite the charmer," she winks.

He grins broadly back at her, "'That so?"

"Charmed one Swan – only two more to go."

He huffs out a laugh as he opens the passenger door for her, ushering her into his pickup truck before entering through the other side. "And do you know how tough it was to charm you?"

"Wasn't that tough," she mentions and he raises an eyebrow at that, "The tough part was getting me to admit."

"Then let's hope your parents are the same."

-/-

"You said you could make it."

"I know I did, love, but-" he stops midsentence and she hears a muffled 'I'm coming!' away from the phone, "Sorry about that. I really don't think I can make it. Remember Chris – the boy with cystic fibrosis? We finally got him a pair of new lungs. I really can't."

She wants to be angry, she wants to tell him that it's the fourth time in the past two months that he's bailed on her, but he's saving lives. In the grand scheme of it all, skipping out on dinner with her father is nothing compared to the life of a teenaged boy who's been suffering for the past two years. She feels guilty for even thinking it, to be upset that he's helping some parents get their child back, but she knows it's not his intention.

She doesn't say anything about it.

(She never does.)

"It's alright," she sighs. "We'll reschedule a dinner with him tomorrow or something. He's going to be in New York for a few days anyway," she says, trying to make him not feel too bad about himself.

"I swear, if I could, I would – you know that right?" he tells her and she murmurs a soft 'I know'. "I'll call you back after the surgery, yeah?"

"Yeah. Good luck, babe," she wishes, "Love you."

"Thanks, love you too," he replies before hanging up.

Perks of having a doctor boyfriend, huh? she thinks sarcastically to herself before internally kicking herself. How could she think that way when he was saving lives? It's so much more than what she's ever done.

She texts her father telling him that it'll only be her tonight, and surprisingly, he doesn't interrogate her there and then about why it's only her (and God she's thankful for it – she's scared that if someone does ask her, she'll burst and say things she doesn't really mean). He just replies telling her 'I'll see you tonight, honey' with an added kissy face emoji. (He's recently learned how to download apps, and of course that'd be the first thing he downloads)

(It's cute really – her father and technology, though she'd never tell him that)

When she replies him with a 'See ya, Dad :)' and he texts back with five different versions of smiley faces, her eye roll doesn't manage to hide her smile.

-/-

"So," her father begins and she already knows what's coming, cringing in advance, "are you going to tell me what happened to your date?"

"He's my boyfriend, not my date, Dad."

"My point exactly. You've been with the man– a year?" she nods, "- and I haven't yet met him."

"Dad, you met him when we had dinner four months ago?"

"Oh, so the time he did show up to our planned dinners?" her father retorts and she knows he means no harm saying it, but it's true.

"Dad."

"'Just saying. The one time I meet him, he's not even memorable enough to remember." He shrugs. "I'm just wondering why you're not with someone that actually wants to meet the family. Unlike that boy before – what's his name?"

"Neal?" she questions, her eyes squared because Neal was not in law material.

"No, no – the one during high school."

Oh God. Hasn't she heard this enough? How Killian is so much better for her than Graham is? Honestly, the only person left on Team Graham is Mary Margaret (even David likes Killian, having met him when Killian bumped into them while they were having coffee during lunch break).

"Killian," she answers non-committedly, as she takes a sip of the wine (she's more a beer person, but since her dad is paying, why not?)

"Killian! That was a good catch."

"They're people, Dad, not fish," she says rolling her eyes. "It doesn't matter if Killian had dinners with you or mom – I'm with Graham now, and he makes me happy –" I think, " – and he's a doctor, I knew it was going to be like this when I got into a relationship with him."

"As long as you're okay that it's always going to be like this," her father concludes, turning back to his meal with a shrug.

Always going to be like this.

She doesn't know if she's okay with that.

-/-

They don't manage to reschedule a dinner, both the men in her life ending up busy on alternate days, and she decides to cancel altogether.

Graham says he's sorry and they have their usual makeup sex. When they lie together in bed later, he tells her he'll make it the next time and presses his lips on her temple.

She realizes when she's laying there awake at 4 am that his kisses don't change the fact that her father's words still resonate in her head.

-/-

"In all honesty," she hears Killian speak from where he's sitting in the living room through the kitchen, "I don't quite fancy American football," he pauses and she's a hundred percent sure that he's stopped to scratch the back of his ear, "I'm more of a soccer fan," he says and she can imagine him cringing at the name he's called it.

"'That so?" her father's masculine voice replies. "Do you play?"

"In the school team and a youth club, sir."

"Are you good?"

"I hope so – then again, the only people who has told me I'm any good are my mother and brother, and they're bound to lie even if I weren't."

Her father's booming laugh sounds through the house, "Well, Emma says you're pretty good. Captain of the school team, I hear?"

"Yeah."

"I'd love to watch one of your matches – played soccer quite a bit at your age."

"I'd love to watch one of your matches – played soccer quite a bit at your age."

"Yeah?" Killian replies, she knows there's a smile when he says it. His father's only come for one match in the past three years, so she can tell how much this means to him.

Her father's reply is too soft for Emma to hear, and before she attempts to get into a better position in order to hear, her mother calls her back to her dishwashing duty.

"Your father seems to like him."

'Your father'she remembers back when it would be Dad seems to like him, but that was way before the divorce, before everything went sour for their marriage. But things have changed since then, and she likes to think that she adapted well.

"And you?"

Her mother smiles softly at her, her red painted lips curving upwards, "I like him too."

"That's good," she smiles up at her mother.

"Don't let the good ones go, darling."

"I know."

-/-

"She's just paranoid—"

"No, she's just finally seeing the truth—"

"She's just overwhelmed now that Killian's back—"

"That's because Killian and her are meant for each other—"

"But she's with Graham—"

"But Killian's who she's supposed to be wit—"

"She is right here," Emma cuts in after hearing too much.

She's had enough with people telling her how to run her life, and who to date, and whether he's right for her or not.

It's her life.

"I told you guys all of this because you're supposed to help me, not to argue on who you ship me with," she throws a glare at Ruby at the word, and her friend raises her hands up in surrender.

Elsa on the other hand, sits there watching everyone arguing with each other, not seeming to know how to join in on the discussion.

"Okay," Elsa speaks up nonetheless, "So, let's get this straight. You love Graham," Emma nods, "and you loved Killian," she nods again, "and now suddenly he's back and you see that Graham's not trying hard enough?"

"Um," she sounds, "It's not exactly that. It's just with Killian back, all these old memories come flying back and I don't know – Graham seems…"

"Lacking?" Elsa offers.

"Yeah."

The other two girls look at Elsa amazed. She simply offers them a shrug when Ruby looks like she's about to question how she'd been able to read her so well.

(Later, Elsa answers their wondering questions when she tells them that she's been a high school counselor for the past four years, and Mary Margaret and Ruby barrel her asking what type of things she hears)

(Elsa smirks and tells them it's student-counselor confidential)

"I'm sorry," Mary Margaret says softly, reaching out and placing her hand softly atop of Emma's. "We just want you to be happy, and I'm sorry we forced our opinions on you," she apologizes, and Emma smiles.

Her friend had always been the type to try comfort and ease people with apologies and soothing words. While they may not always be too effective, she appreciates them nonetheless.

She watches as Mary Margaret stares at Ruby expectantly, but the brunette just shrugs.

"Nope," she shakes her head, "not getting an apology from me. Killian made you happy, and you haven't been as happy as you were back then until he came back. Ever since him, you barely put yourself out there, and the one time you did between Killian and Graham, you made the shit mistake of Neal," Ruby says and she doesn't stutter at all through the words she says. "He broke your heart and you went back to post-Killian Emma. And then you meet Graham and you jump right into a relationship with him, unconsciously choosing a similar version of Killian – grey eyes and brown hair put aside. Maybe you've just never realized it, Ems, but I don't think your feelings for Killian have ever gone away."

Everyone's silent for the moments after Ruby's big speech. She doesn't seem at all concerned though, taking a sip of her beer while the rest soak up what she's said.

And that's why she loves Ruby. Since the beginning, she's never once lied to Emma, telling her the facts as it is, not bothering to sugarcoat a single thing. (When they met in freshman year, she vividly recalls Ruby calling her out on how she tied her hair, pulling her aside to fix it for her – they then proceeded to becoming best friends.)

Mary Margaret tries to look mad at Ruby for being so blunt, but she can't seem to find it in her, the expected look of shock replaced with a look of admiration.

I don't think your feelings for Killian have ever gone away. It can't be true. She's in love with Graham, and loving two people never work. It's been six years, and they've both moved on.

She doesn't love him anymore and he doesn't love her anymore.

These feelings are just memories. Nothing more.

"But I love Graham," Emma whispers back, trying and trying to convince herself that it's only Graham that she loves.

-/-

A/N: I'm kinda running out on flashback ideas, so suggestions would really help