Written for the Cards Against Humanity Challenge (Q: Why can't I sleep at night, A: Ghosts), Scavenger Hunt Challenge (A fic over 1,000 words using the prompts coconut, stone, and irrelevant.), Variety of Prompts Challenge (Words 4. Squib)

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There really wasn't much for Peeves to do. He was a ghost after all, there wasn't much opportunity to expand his list of recreational activities. Especially not with that bloody pink woman cracking down on him. Oh how he despised that woman. She silenced his singing, stopped his pranks, and banned him from the Great Hall. Damn it, Peeves had had enough. He missed Dumbledore and the old man's lenient rules against him. As long as he didn't cause damage to a student, the man didn't object to a few pranks. But this woman, this Umbridge threatened to vanquish his transparent ass if he so much as hovered too close to a place of learning. It was infuriating, irritating, and a whole list of words that Peeves didn't know, but felt would describe his dilemma perfectly.

He was not going to give up so easily though. Oh no, Peeves the Prankster would endure and he would come out the victor. He'd been here since 993, he wasn't going anywhere. And if that meant he had to drive the crazy cat lady out of that Headmaster's office, then so be it. And Peeves would do it too. He had an entire afterlife to waste as he pleased.

It began with simple shenanigans. He took great pleasure in bursting out of the chalkboard she used for her Defense Against the Dark Art's class, and snuffing out the candles in her office. Knocking over stone statues had always been something he loved doing, but now there was purpose to it. He moved things about in classrooms, often dumping out student's ink wells onto the floor, or into their school bags, as they slept.

After the Weasley twins departed, leaving him the sole wrecker of havoc, Peeves took it up a notch. An attempt to play with the taps had ended with him nearly flooding the second floor; that was after the great fire juggling incident where he accidently set ablaze several pages of homework and a student's hair, and somewhere around the rain of tarantulas onto the Great Hall, which he was quite pleased to take credit for. His favorite activity, toying with the house elves, was accomplished whenever he stole the coconut shavings for Sunday's desert, and littered them all over Umbridge's office. A beautiful scene of white coconut snow greeted the woman whenever she woke. He continued to sprinkle it on her whenever she walked through the halls, and blew raspberries every time she tried to reprimand him or some student.

Trying for more irritating and troublesome tactics, Peeves took note of the woman's overbearing organization. While she slept, the ghost moved everything just slightly. The irresponsible number of moving cat plates this woman owned was crazy, but they gave Peeves a great opportunity. Very quietly, he changed all of them around. Backwards, upside down, whatever position he could put them in, Peeves rearranged her office every time it was open for him to get into.

After that point, wards had been put into place against him. Of course, these spells meant nothing too him, and he wiggled through them with ease. In retaliation for her attempts to quell his fun, Peeves focused his attention onto one act; depriving the woman of sleep.

It was a tact he used on that squib caretaker, and it proved one of success. So now, Peeves' nights were spent tormenting her in her sleep. The first stage was easy; whisper in her ear. He didn't get the same results as he did with Filtch, who more often than not would jerk awake violently at the things Peeves whispered to him. The woman was easy to waken, but she fell asleep again quite quickly, not giving much note to his presents. The game had to be advanced, and advance it did.

It started with knocking over the decorations that were in her room. He went for the bug eyes cat statues on her desk first. He felt like he was doing a gift to society in shattering those monstrosities. And of course, the breaking of her little china cats always awoke the beast. Umbridge never failed to scream at him, but what she said was irrelevant, as the goal had been accomplished.

The pink monster had been deprived of sleep.

Of course, his opponent thought herself so superior to him. Anti-breaking charms were cast onto everything. This did not stop Peeves. Oh no, it only further fueled his enjoyment in the matter.

Before leaving, the Weasley twins had been kind enough to supply him with some of his favorite gadgets. He had enough explosives and smoke bombs to possible blow her entire office off of the building. If it came to it, he would not hesitate to blow the woman into a mess of pink shreds. Fear that she would return as a ghost and haunt him stopped any plans of murder from taking place. So instead, the bombs were given the simple task of preventing the unwanted Headmistress from sleeping.

He began with the smoke bombs, dropping several of them around her room, until everything was covered in a layer of black ash, and Umbridge was left retreating, coughing violently as she gathered her (ungodly) pink nightgown around her. This went on once a week. He had a strange pattern, so that she never was sure whenever an attack would come upon her.

She continued putting up wards, and containment charms, but Peeves was smarter. He had much more time to outthink her than she did to spend trying to counter him. His lack of need to eat, or sleep left him plenty of open hours to work around her attempts to keep him at bay. He'd been doing this for many years, had outsmarted the most intelligent of Headmaster's and learned how to bypass even the most complex of wards, and this was no different.

After smoke bombs, he sent the sparklers. Watching the fireworks explode and wiz around the woman's room was a sight Peeves would never get tired of. He enjoyed watching her awaken from sleep, scrambling to get to cover. Of course, a ward was put into place against explosions and fires that Peeves was still trying to work out how to break.

The tarantula prank was taken to the next level. Stealing not only the spiders, but this time a bunch of worms, and frog eyes from the Potions supplies closet, he dropped them all over her sleeping form. Her screams were music to his ears. The fact that she didn't sleep for two days after that was Peeves' Christmas.

While his day was spent blowing raspberries and creating trouble in her class, his nights were much more enjoyable in ripping the woman from her land of slumber.