A/N: so this is it. the final installment of this short fic, and it's been an emotional one. thank you to everyone whose comented and left kudos and been wonderful, thank you thank you thank you. i wouldn't have made it to the end of this without you. this overall fic is finished, but i'm gonna be doing some drabbles and stuff based on this work, so if you'd like to see something that wasn't mentioned, then send me a prompt at my tumblr psychrollins and i'll definitely get to it. please head the warnings of domestic abuse and talk of suicide. if that causes problems, please do not read. thank you for staying with me and please tell me what you thought of this, comments make me smile.

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Seth realises, when he's picking glass out of his side, that his mother is always right. She'd always warned him that his decision making skills were going to get him into a lot trouble. He of course, always ignored her. Because he was growing up, right? You're meant to make a few mistakes along the line, that's what you learnt from in order to put things right.

But now, Seth thinks that he should probably listen to his mother more often. Because this mistake, he's learning from it, but he's not got a clue how to put it right. He can't put it right. He's made the mother, the God of all bad decisions and he's pretty sure he's going to pay for it in another life.

Not only has he really hurt someone he cares, no loves, he's also hurt himself. He's hurting himself.

Seth plucks the final shard of glass from his side and tosses the tweezers into the glass and blood filled sink. He didn't think about anyone else when he did what he did, and now he's paying for being so selfish.

He puts the tweezers back in the cabinet and turns on the tap, letting the water wash the glass and his blood swirl down the drain. He bathes the cuts in antiseptic before pulling on a shirt.

He can hear Roman's voice clear in his head, it was a month ago, at Natalya's wedding, and he could still hear him crystal clear. "Do you know how much I would have given to be you five months ago?" God damn it, Roman was in love with Dean too. And there Seth was, pushing him closer and closer to getting what he'd always wanted. And Seth's going to allow himself to be a little selfish here, even though he knows he has no right to be, he really doesn't want Dean to fall into the arms of Roman.

But Seth can't do anything about it, because he's trapped. He's trapped in a suddenly dark space of nothing but fear and pain and hatred.

It's so different to what he's used to, and he wishes he'd have thought about what he was doing a little more before he actually went and did stuff. But yeah, he's got himself here and he's sort of dealing with it the best he can.

With a sigh, Seth hobbles (his leg still feels funny from the fall down the stairs, he's not sure how he's going to drive to work tomorrow) out of the bathroom and switches out the lights. His house plunges into darkness, but it doesn't make Seth feel any safer. There's only one thing, one person that could ever make Seth feel like the world couldn't touch him, but Dean's not here. And Dean probably won't ever be here ever again.

Seth crawls under the covers and wraps them tightly around his body. It's not going to shield him from anything, but it's the best he can do. He closes his eyes, picturing Dean slipping in behind him and wrapping his arms around him, protecting him from the world. He falls to sleep pretending that he's there, breathing into his neck. But he knows that when the breathing does eventually hit his neck, it's not Dean.

xXx

Things at home are a little different after Natalya's wedding, and Roman knows why. He doesn't need to be a genius to figure out that Dean saw Seth; he only has to sleep beside him to know that. Dean starts having nightmares again, the main phrase being, "I miss you too." He feels guilty about not telling Dean that he's spoken to Seth a few times since their break up, and even guiltier about the fact that he hasn't told him about Seth's situation.

Roman still hates Seth, doesn't think that's ever going to change really, but no matter how much of an ass Seth is, the guy doesn't deserve to be knocked about like that. He wouldn't mind taking a pop at Seth himself, but that's different. Seth isn't in a relationship with him. But he just doesn't know how to tell Dean. How can he tell him that his ex is getting abused by his new partner? Roman knows that Dean's still fiercely protective over Seth, because it's not something you just lose. That instinct doesn't just leave when the person does.

He'll tell him soon maybe. Now's not the right time, Dean's still fragile, all he needs to do is get Dean back to his old self. He'll focus on that for now.

Roman grabs his bag and heads out of the bar for his lunch break. He isn't quite used to working at the bar in the middle of the day, but since Jack's been successful in his ventures, he's opened up the bars in the day selling food too. So going out and getting lunch is new to him, but he's making it work. Sometimes, when he and Dean have the same break, they have food together, but that's not today, so Roman heads over to the cafe over the road to grab a sandwich.

He gets his usual and takes a seat at the back. He's halfway through his sandwich, when Seth hobbles through the door. Roman's in two minds about acknowledging him, but the way Seth cradles his body as he walks to the counter has him beckoning him over once he has his food. Seth comes over, though with some difficulty, and sits opposite Roman. There's new bruises covering his face, his lips a little swollen, it's clear that he's still with the guy that he was with at the wedding. Seth bows his head when he realises that Roman's staring at his face and Roman lets out a long sigh.

"I'm not going to lie to you Seth, you look like shit." Is the first thing that Roman says, wiping his hands on his napkin. Seth shrinks into his seat and Roman sort of regrets being truthful, he probably could have said that better, if he's honest. But it's definitely true. Seth looks like he's been in the ring with Michael Tyson for far too long, looks like he's been ill for the past how many months and just let it consume him.

"Why haven't you left him yet?" Roman says, softer this time, leaning his elbows on the table. Seth looks up now, wringing his hands.

"It's hard Roman. I can't just leave him, he won't let me. I can't escape him." There are tears in his eyes, and a little piece of Roman's heart breaks. It shouldn't, because he doesn't like the man sitting in front of him enough, but he does. And maybe his hearts betraying him, but there's still that soft spot hiding in there somewhere for the man.

"Seth, listen," Roman leans forward a bit, shielding everyone from their conversation, and looks Seth directly in the eye, "I know I told you at the wedding that I er, you know, with Dean, but my main concern is that Dean's happy. And ever since the wedding, Dean's had nightmares about you. Just after he'd got rid of them, what did you say to him?" Seth looks down at his untouched food before looking up at Roman through his veil of hair.

"Just that I wanted to see him," Seth's eyes go sad, and he sniffles just a little, "I told him I never wanted to hurt him." Roman scrubs his hand over his face. That definitely describes the nightmares Dean's been having. Roman doesn't know what to say to Seth anymore, so he takes another bite out of his sandwich. He watches how Seth only picks at his food, and flinches every time a chair scrapes across the floor or plates clink together. He keeps looking around nervously and doesn't make eye contact with anyone.

Seth starts shaking when a large man enters the cafe, and Roman can't quite figure out what's going on, and he can't seem to get Seth to calm down, either.

"You don't understand, Roman, oh God this is awful, he just needs to leave I can't have him see- Oh shit OK he's seen me, fuck he's coming over OK just follow my lead." Seth babbles on at the speed of lighting as the guy approaches their table.

"Hey Seth, nice to see you." Seth puts on his best smile for the guy and honestly tries to pretend he's happy to see him.

"Hey Randy, how are you?"

"I'm good, works been good, can't complain." Roman notices how Randy doesn't ask how Seth is. Not that he really needs to ask how he is; anyone can see that Seth is not OK. Or maybe he just doesn't care, he wonders if there's anyone left to care for Seth now. Randy's eyes flicker over to him and a flash of fear crosses Seth's face.

"This is uh, my cousin Roman." Seth says, motioning to him, and Roman takes this as his cue to offer Randy his hand. Randy takes it, eyes locking onto his and growing a little darker.

"Nice to meet you, Roman."

"Likewise." Roman says, though he's pretty sure Randy can tell that it's not true. He continues to make small talk with Seth before leaving, though it does nothing to calm Seth down.

"I have to go now, I uh, don't know if I'll see you anytime soon, so yeah. Please look after Dean, I'm sorry. I'm just, I'm gonna go. Bye Roman." Seth hurries away, leaving a half eaten sandwich and his jacket, but he's gone before he can even call him back. Roman's head swims with everything Seth just said. He can't seem to figure him out anymore, and nothing about him makes sense anymore. But maybe that's because he was never the one who could figure him out. Dean always knew how to get through to Seth, no matter what was going on, Dean just knew how to handle Seth-centric stuff. He's probably way out of his depth here, but he's got to try, at least.

His breaks almost over, so he finishes up his sandwich and grabs Seth's coat from the back of the chair and drapes it over his arm. Roman heads back to the bar and goes through the rest of his shift in a zombie like state. He can't get the look on Seth's face when he left out of his head, he can't erase the marring and the scars that glistened across his old friends face. He wants to throw up. Roman's not sure why he does it, but when he's collecting his own stuff from the back, he digs his hand into the pocket of Seth's jacket. Roman's not expecting to find much at all, but his heart drops when he pulls out two packets of pills. He knows they're not normal pills as soon as he sees the packaging. These aren't over the counter pills like paracetamol, they're backstreet drugs. Propoxyphene is scrawled on a little white label, and though Roman's never heard of it, he's pretty sure it's not a harmless sleeping tablet.

He shoves them back into Seth's jacket and collects his own stuff before heading out to his car. His hands are shaking as he unlocks the door and slips into the driver's seat. He pulls his phone out immediately and taps the word Propoxyphene into the search engine. He was right; these are definitely not sold over the counter. In fact, they've been withdrawn for a long time; they're a well known suicide drug. Roman clicks off the page quickly, chucking his phone into the passenger seat. His heart hammers in his chest and he feels sick. This isn't the Seth that Roman knows, Seth Rollins doesn't give up. He's known that for as long as he's known him. Roman can't hate him anymore, not when he's hurting more than anyone could realise. He didn't think that the situation was as bad as this, but now he does, and he's got to do something about it. He can't just sit back like there's nothing going on, if anything ever happened to Seth and he hadn't warned anyone, well it would be his entire fault.

He composes himself before starting up the car. Roman knows what he needs to do, because he can't do this on his own. He really can't try and save someone who probably doesn't even want to be saved. But he knows Seth, even if Seth doesn't think so, he knows that no matter how much Seth is hurting; there is someone who can make it all go away. No matter how he denies it all Seth still cares about Dean. He doesn't have to say it to anyone's face, Roman just knows. Dean needs to know, though what he chooses to do with the information is up to Dean.

Roman manages to make it home without crashing the car, which is a miracle according to how much his hands are shaking. He's really worried, so maybe he's got two packets of Seth's pills, but who's to say that Seth doesn't have more pills back at home?

Dean's cooking in the kitchen when he makes his way through the house, and he looks so happy that Roman's heart breaks even more.

"Hey Roman, I'm making that lasagne again, seeing as we actually liked it last time," He turns to face Roman, the smile instantly falling from his face when he sees Roman. "Ro, are you OK?" He looks down to the stuff in his hands, face crumpling when he looks at the jacket crumpled in Roman's hand. "Is that, that's Seth's coat." Dean states. Roman nods, clenching it in his fist.

"Dean, we uh, we need to talk. About Seth."

xXx

Seth knows he should never have lied, hell he should never have gone over and sat with Roman. That was the mistake; it was so stupid of him. Of course Antonio knew who Roman was; they'd met at the wedding. So telling Randy that Roman was his cousin was a really bad idea, because of course Antonio had told him to keep his eyes open for Roman. He's not even sure how he's alive right now, he can't even move. How stupid is he? To think that Antonio wouldn't call him out on today. But maybe this is his fault, maybe he should have realised what sort of person Antonio was when they were kids.

He understands now, just how much pain Dean used to be in when his shoulder was bad. Antonio hadn't stopped kicking him when his shoulder popped and went into a funny angle. Now he can barely move, his ribs are on fire, his head's pounding and he can't even feel his left arm. He doesn't have the right to do what he's about to do, but he does it anyway.

Seth scoots himself slowly over to the telephone table, unable to stand and manages to grab the phone from its cradle. He lets out a long breath, exhausted already from his small amounts of movement, and slowly dials Dean's number. He's never forgotten it, so it doesn't matter that his mobile is upstairs where his number is stored. The phone rings out for a long time, so long that Seth's pretty sure that Dean's not going to answer. He almost ends the call, until there's a crackle and Dean's soft voice filters through the phone. It's so nice to hear that Seth starts to cry.

"Hello?"

Seth chokes back a sob, partly from Dean's voice and partly from the pain rocketing through his body at the movement his crying creates. "Dean, Dean I need you, please."

There's a sharp intake of breath down the line some shuffling and then Dean's talking again, rushed and concerned. "Seth, Seth are you OK? What's happened, oh God Roman told me about pills, please Seth tell me you haven't done anything?"

"No, no, I uh, shit, please can you just, will you come over?" Dean rushes out his yes', tells him that he'll be right there and that everything is going to be OK. Seth lets the phone fall onto the floor and lets a small piece of him relax. Things might not be OK right now, but Dean's going to be here, so they will be. He doesn't want Dean to find him sprawled across the floor like this, though he knows he can't get up without help, so Seth musters all of the energy that is left in his body, and crawls with his good arm over to the couch. He can't sit on it, he knows that much, so he settles for leaning against it. The house is a mess, but there's nothing he can do about it now.

Seth can feel the blood drying on his neck now and he wants to wipe it away, but he doesn't have the energy. He should have listened to his mother, and he should have listened to Roman. Seth should really stop thinking now, it's hurting his head. He probably has concussion, that vase that Antonio threw at him hit him harder than anything had before.

Dean barrels through the door five minutes later, shouting Seth's name until he reaches the living room and spots Seth sitting against the couch.

"Shit Seth, what, what happened?" Dean's voice wavers dangerously, like he's about to cry, as he kneels down beside Seth, eyes scanning over him.

Seth looks up at him sadly, but so happy to see Dean, "I was an idiot, that's what happened," Seth looks at his badly displaced shoulder and then back to Dean. "I sort of know how you felt with your shoulders now." Dean sucks in a breath, tears pooling in his eyes.

"I need to call an ambulance."

"No!" Seth says quickly, grabbing onto Dean to stop him from moving, the pain shoots through him at the sudden movement and he has to scrunch his face up to stop him from shouting out.

"Antonio works at the hospital, he'll know. They'll all tell him." Seth pleads, fingers digging into Dean's wrist. "You need to do it for me." Dean starts to shake his head, so Seth moves his fingers down to link with Dean's. It feels good, more than good, to hold Dean's hand like this. He hasn't held hands with anyone since Dean left and Seth's missed this far too much.

"Please Dean, I trust you." Dean is silent for a moment, and then nods slowly. He squeezes Seth's hand reassuringly before letting go and prompting Seth to lie down on the floor. He's done this a couple of times and Seth knows it, so he knows he's got nothing to worry about. Dean has to gently rip the shirt Seth's wearing to get it from his body, before proceeding to slip his hand under the jaunted angle of Seth's shoulder blade. The ripped remnants of Seth's shirt are in his mouth, for something to bite on when the pain comes. Dean looks him in the eye, a silent, are you ready, and Seth nods, shutting his eyes. Dean places his other hand over the front of Seth's shoulder and gently starts to roll his arm. He rolls harder and harder until he feels and hears that familiar popping sound and a muffled cry comes from Seth's mouth.

Dean lets out a sigh of relief, and Seth opens his tear filled eyes. The pain dissipates, lulling to a throbbing ache, and Dean leans down to press a gentle kiss to Seth's forehead. His whole body tingles at the feel of Dean's lips on his skin, its the most intimacy he's had in weeks.

"I'm gonna' get you cleaned up, alright?" Dean pushes himself from the floor and heads into the kitchen. He comes back with a damp cloth, medical tape and wrapping and antiseptic. Dean cleans him up mostly in silence, his fingers dancing lightly over Seth's skin, causing goose bumps to form. He feels for broken ribs, and informs him that none are broken, thankfully, they're just bruised.

Once Seth's all patched up, Dean helps him to lie down on the couch. Seth thinks that Dean's going to leave, and he really doesn't want him too, but he doesn't know how to make him stay.

But then, Dean doesn't leave. He goes into the kitchen, makes two cups of tea, and then sits himself down on the floor beside the couch. He helps Seth take a few sips of tea before lacing their fingers together. Seth's too busy enjoying the feel of Dean's warm hand in his own to question him, so he doesn't.

"Seth," Dean says after a long comfortable silence, "Can you do something for me?" Seth swallows, pretty sure he knows what's coming next, and nods.

"Anything, Dean."

Dean takes a breath, thumb tracing circles on Seth's skin, "Will you tell me why you did it. Why you, you know, went with him?" Seth exhales; he knew this would come sooner or later. Dean told him at the wedding that he wasn't ready then to hear Seth's story, but he is now, apparently, and Seth can't deny him of that. Not now, when all he's done is hurt Dean, but Dean's still come running to help him when he needed him.

"I never had any intention of hurting you, Dean. I really mean that, when I met you, when we got together, the thought of," Seth clears his throat, the words going to hurt him, but there's not another word to fit. "Cheating on you, it wasn't an option to me. I love you. It's not past tense, I never loved you I still love you. Antonio, I didn't think he was ever coming back.

We go way back. Our mothers were childhood friends, so eventually when we came along, so were we. We grew up together, we did absolutely everything together, you know? He's like your Roman. I er, I finally realised that I was in love with him when I was sixteen. I didn't know how to tell him, I didn't know if I should tell him. But uh, then he kissed me. I thought that was how my life was going to turn out, you know, we were just going to be happy and stuff. We had this weird relationship for like, two years, we weren't really together, but we sort of were, until he said he wanted to go to med school. Med school happened to be in France, though. So my little plan of being together was sort of foiled. He told me to wait for him, that he'd be back and we'd be together.

I did wait for him, for a while anyway. I promised myself that no matter what, we'd be together somehow. Two years I waited, two years without an email, a phone call, even a letter. No word from him. So then I gave up." Seth scratches his stomach with his good arm, taking Dean's hand with him. "I went on dates and stuff, had a boyfriend here and there for the next five years, and then I met you. You were the only one who filled that gap, overflowed the gap that Antonio left. You were - you are - the only one who makes everything OK again." Seth turns his head to face Dean, who's looking at him intently, and tightens his grip on Dean's hand.

"Then, months into me and you, Antonio turns up out of the blue. He's done with med school, and after a few years working in France, he's got a job in the General up the road. I couldn't believe it, he'd been gone for seven years and he was just suddenly back, wanting to know whether I'd waited for him. I told him that I had, that I'd waited a long time but I'd moved on now, I had someone that I was really in love with I had you." Seth shifts on the couch, wincing a little.

"But then he kept pushing, kept going on about how he loved me and that he'd only come back for me, there wasn't anything else he wanted. And I guess the child in me, the sixteen year old that fell in love with him wanted to know what it would be like to indulge. To have something I've always wanted. And I did, and I never should have. I know that, I knew that back then, and as soon as I did it, I regretted it. Because he paled in comparison to you, in every single way, you fit me so much better than he did.

He didn't seem to think that, though. And somehow he kept pulling me back in and he kept telling me that all I had to do was leave you, and then we could be together. I told him I couldn't do that, because I was so in love with you. But he kept pushing, he wouldn't let it go, so a stupid part of me thought that if I agreed, told him I would, he'd stop and I could fix it. And then it would just be you and me again. That was so stupid, because I kept telling him I was going to leave, but I wasn't. I was never going to leave you." Seth watches something flash through Dean's face, confusion almost, and Seth sighs.

"I know I'd already cheated on you, but I was going to tell you. I was going to come clean so that we could work it out. I knew you'd be angry, because why wouldn't you be, but I wanted us to just work on it, I never wanted to lose you. But then, then you heard me on the balcony. And I know that you heard I was going to leave you, and that I loved him, but I didn't. I honestly didn't, I just wanted him to believe I did to buy me more time. I was never going to leave you that morning, so when I woke up to find you gone, that you thought I was going to leave you I was crushed. I was heartbroken because I fucking love you Dean.

I wanted to tell you everything that it was all just a big mistake, but you wouldn't answer your phone or anything. I knew you didn't want me to contact you, you told me so, but I needed to. And just like that, you were gone. You didn't want me, and I didn't know how to get through to you. Heartbroken me fell into the arms of Antonio. I never wanted us to be serious, but then he changed. I never knew he could be so violent. I didn't think he'd ever put his hands on me." Seth lets out a long shaky breath, there's tears on his cheeks that he didn't know he'd let fall, and Dean reaches to brush them away with his thumb.

"Then I was trapped. I can't get out; I don't know what to do anymore."

"So you were going to kill yourself." Dean whispers, voice utterly heartbroken. Seth looks away, ashamed, and lets the tears flow freely down his cheeks.

"It was my way out, I didn't have you, you'd got Roman and I had no one, I just, I needed a way out." Seth sobs, it racks his body with pain, but he can't help it.

"Hey, hey Seth, c'mon," Dean sits up on his knees, leaning over Seth, taking his face between his hands, "I'm here, aren't I? You got me. It's gonna' take me a while, you know, to get everything, but I'm here. You've always got me, Seth. I promise you." Dean kisses his forehead, wiping away the tears on his cheeks, before sitting back down on the floor. Closer to the couch this time, so he can run his hands through Seth's wild hair.

X

Dean watches Seth dose off, his hands still smoothing down his hair. He'd be lying if he didn't say his heart wasn't hurting more than it ever had. Just seeing Seth like this, so weak, so broken, it kills him. And hearing everything, hearing the sincerity in Seth's voice, he knows it's true.

He's still very much in love with him, and even though he told Roman he'd never go back, he can't leave Seth right now. Not when he needs him most.

It's half past one in the morning when Dean's just nodding off, and he hears Seth's front door bang loudly. It jolts them both awake, and Seth's face contours quickly from pain to fear.

"It's him, he came back." Dean's whole body burns with anger, seeing Seth like this made him angry, but seeing the man who made him like it? Dean's pretty sure he's mad enough to kill someone just by looking at them.

"I got this." Antonio starts to call out Seth's name as he makes his way through the house, his voice gets louder, he finally comes into view, and his voice stops mid shout.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He spits, eyes locking on Dean. He tries to stare him down, but Dean doesn't faulter. He stares straight back, aware of Seth shaking on the couch.

"I could ask you the same thing." Dean walks over to him, so they're nose to nose.

"I'm home. You're not, so I think you should leave." Antonio says, motioning to the door. Dean laughs, a little manically, not moving an inch.

"No, no you're not home, my friend. This is Seth's home, and by the looks of things, you're not welcome here. So why don't you do us all a favour, hand me your key, and leave." Dean holds out his hand, and this time, Antonio laughs.

"You must be really, really stupid."

"Maybe I am. But at least I don't lay hands on people I'm supposed to love. So you either hand me those keys, or I'll be stupid enough to stand here all night and wait for you to give them to me. And if you don't, well I'll follow you around until you do. Don't think I won't, because I will. I've done much worse for a lot less. I'm not leaving and you're not leaving until I get those keys. And once I do get them, you're going to get whatever shit you got in this house, you're going to completely ignore Seth, and then you're going to leave, and never, ever come near him again. You lay one finger on his head, ever, ever again, and I will personally deliver your body to the police. So what's it going to be?" Antonio does his best to stare Dean down, but Dean doesn't budge. They stand like that for a good few minutes, the only sounds in the room being Seth's heavy breathing. Antonio finally cracks, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out a key. He slaps it in Dean's hand, intending to hurt him, before looking over his shoulder at Seth.

"You're going to pay, Seth. You're never going to get rid of me!" He shouts, before storming back out into the porch and out of the house. The door slams behind him, and Dean hears Seth release a long, heavy breath. Dean turns on his heels and slowly makes his way back over to Seth. He places the key down on the table, before wrapping his arms around Seth gently, careful not to hurt him.

"Don't worry about him, Seth. I'm here, I'm not gonna' leave you again. I'm gonna' be right here, looking after you. I promise you he won't ever lay another finger on you again. I got you, I always got you Seth." Seth sobs into his shoulder, and Dean tries to shush him. It might take him a while, because he's still raw, still hurt from the fact that Seth cheated on him, no matter what the circumstances, but he still loves Seth. He really does, and he's going to do whatever he can to look after Seth. You don't hurt the ones you love, and Seth's done enough hurting for now, and so has he. They'll fix this, they'll fix it together.

Dean kisses the top of Seth's head, cradling him in his arms.

"I got you baby, I always got you."