The nightmares don't stop, not really, if anything they get worse as her subconscious tries desperately to destroy herself from the inside out, to hurt herself before anyone else can, and more often than not, she wakes up to Mako's hands gripping her own, tracing patterns into the marred skin because, it was just another dream, and I'm right here as the night swallows her grunts of agony and the darkness ebbs to nothing more than an inky comfort.
Habits form before they have time to contemplate the implications as she pulls him by the shirt collar under her covers and lays her head heavily against his chest and lets his heartbeat impale her, remind her that while the dreams may not be real, he is, and she is, and together, they are. He never asks her why; he just lets her listen and wipes away stray tears that find refuge in her expanse of chocolate eyelashes, and then she fakes sleep when the morning inevitably comes and he's forced to pull away, lest Tenzin discover him there. She squeezes her eyes shut and pretends that she didn't spend the night examining the burnt edges of his heart as he pulls her in and kisses her forehead lightly, kisses her with the intention that the world never see, that she forget the past and sleep.
Please sleep, Korra.
Eventually, the bruises fade, and her legs begin to work again, and almost miraculously she finds herself crossing the room in calculated, unsure steps, gripping the bed post like a lifeline as she remembers how to walk: funny how easy it was to forget in the first place. And the doctors say that her recovery is coming along wonderfully, that before she knows it she'll be saving the world again, like all good Avatars do, and it'll be just like before, right Korra?
Yeah, Ikki…
Just like before.
But if she's really healing like they say she is, then why won't the bags under her eyes go away; why does she still hear Zaheer's voice in the back of her mind; why is sleep still a chore?
How is it that her memories are slowly killing her?
And after three months of firm bed rest, though her muscles still ache from lack of use, all that really remains of the battle are the imperfect scars littered across her skin and her heart and her head, scars that nobody can figure out how to heal.
Sometimes she finds herself pacing instead of sleeping, feet mindlessly tracing patterns into the floor, until Mako cracks her door open, and grabs her shoulder and forces her to lie down, to rest her body and her mind, even if she doesn't plan on sleeping.
She wants to tell him to leave her alone.
But they both know he's not going anywhere.
So she lets him talk her down.
Other nights, she sits cross legged on the edge of the bed and relives every moment of her life, from learning the elements, to probending, to Amon and civil wars and watching her father fall, fall, fall. Sometimes all she can see is the ways she has failed; sometimes reality is harder to face than nightmares. These are the nights Mako leaves her alone.
And even though her body is healed, her mind is still breaking.
.
..
.
Eventually, they say she can leave the island if she pleases, because really, Korra, it'll be good to get out. But, honestly, she feels no inclination to expose herself to the world because the last thing she needs is paparazzi questioning her, and what if they see right through her façade, just like Zaheer had, because no matter how hard she tries, she's always been far too transparent for a world that operates on smoke and mirrors.
Despite her unwillingness, despite the fact that her world is still crumbling around her, she lets them- Bolin and Asami- convince her that going to a probending match is a good idea, that getting out of the house would clear her head, but she knows what's going on, they just want to fix her; they want to believe that healing her is as easy as leaving the island. She hears the way they whisper about it when they think she's not listening.
They just don't understand.
And she doesn't want to go, not in the slightest because she still hasn't had a night without terribly vivid dreams, and her mind is stuck in the past, but she's sick of seeing nothing but unnecessary pity in their eyes, and if this is what it takes to convince them that she's not a lost turtleduck then that's what she'll do.
It was a dumb idea from the start, she realizes too late.
Because there are so many people, and even with Mako standing less than a foot behind her, she still feels like she's drowning in a sea of voices and every time she turns her head there's someone else looking at her and isn't that Avatar Korra? Mako tries his best to guide her, to lay his hand gently on her shoulder and keep her mind there, stay with me, Kor, trying desperately to keep her in the moment, and they almost make it to their seats, the four of them, they are so very close…
Hey Avatar Korra!
And then a bulb is flashing two inches from her face, blinding her as the world halts, and all she can feel is death breathing cloyingly down her neck as her hands light up and her body coils, and suddenly the man with the camera is trapped like prey between the Avatar and the wall. Part of her knows, logically, that this man is no threat, that he is merely a victim of her madness, her body still screams at her to kill, to spill his blood before he gets the chance to spill hers, and, really, she would have done it if not for the hands yanking at her shoulders and pulling her back, away from the terrified man and the horrified glares and Asami's sad green eyes.
Her initial instinct is to struggle to scream and pull and fight because in her mind, those are Zaheer's hands on her shoulders, and he's back, back to kill her, to poison her, to drain what little life she has left within her, and why the hell did I let them convince me you couldn't find me?, because here he is now, and Spirit's know how long he's been waiting in the back of her mind to pounce.
"Let go of me, you Bastard!"
.
..
.
But the arms are stronger than her, at least stronger than she is now, as they drag her writhing body out the doors, into the cool fall air and grab her roughly by the shoulders before flipping her around, and she freezes when she sees his face because the eyes looking back at her aren't gray and cold, no, they're amber, deep and warm like honey, and the world stops and her breathing hitches as she realizes what just happened.
"I would have killed that man, Mako," she states.
The lack of emotion in her voice is terrifying
Because when did she become the monsters inside of her.
And then she's grabbing her head in muted confusion because this is wrong, this isn't who she's supposed to be, she was raised to protect people, not to destroy them, so why did the idea seem so right, why was she so numb to the reality of the situation, the reality that she was mere seconds away from slaughtering an innocent man.
But still she feels no regret.
Truthfully, she feels nothing at all.
And it's scary because she used to care too much.
"You didn't mean to-" he starts to say, but he's too slow and before he can finish, she's yanking demandingly on his collar and capturing his lips in a desperate plea.
Because who am I anymore?
Help me feel, please.
Help.
ME.
And he must sense it, sense the desperation burning against his skin as she backs him hard into the wall and loses herself in the planes of his muscles and begs him to burn her raw because she's just so cold, so he obliges as he grabs her hips and pushes his body roughly into hers and lets her take what she needs.
Because I'm yours ,Kor; I have always been only yours.
And it's not long before he feels them, the tear drops against his face that burn his skin, and before he can help himself, he's cupping her cheeks lightly and pulling away and staring into the depths of her eyes, and tell me what you need Korra, tell me what you need from me, and I'll do it.
I'd do anything.
"Take me away."
She doesn't have to ask twice as he grabs her hand and pulls her behind him, and they're running, running, running, away from the arena and the shouts and the lost souls looking to comfort themselves with the success or failure of others, running like the teenagers it's so easy to forget they are, running until they're both out of breath and they've left the city behind, until they are knee deep in Yue Bay and she's surrounded by her element, the moon only feeding her soul.
And she can't remember the last time she last felt so very alive.
And she's more beautiful than he remembers, as she summons the water to her fingers, and the tendons curl like vines around her as she laughs happily and damn, when was the last time he heard her do something like that. He's tempted to watch her all night, but, eventually, he finds himself wading into the water behind her his arms wrapping around her from behind, chin coming to rest on the top of her head as they just listen to the dark, listen to the way the moon pulls at her heart and cries her name in desperate perfection because even though she favors fire, she is watertribe to the bone.
.
Have you ever heard the story of the moon spirit?
.
The story of the beautiful Princess Yue who sacrificed herself to save the world
.
Who burrowed life from the moon and when it came time, gave it back.
.
..
.
They hold each other until the sun turns the sky a soft pink and all that's left of the night is the iridescent glow in her eyes as he grabs her hand and whispers that they should go before Tenzin sends the police to look for them, and she follows almost blindly, head still knee deep in the water because she can't remember the last time she felt in control of her own mind, and she's terrified to leave because what if this feeling never comes back, and why can't we just stay this way forever.
And when they get home, hearts still lost somewhere in Republic City, Tenzin holds her close and tells her not to scare them like that before reminding her, not so subtly that rest is still important. She sees the grateful glance he throws Mako before she walks contently to her room.
.
..
.
And for the first time in what seems like forever, the dreams don't come.
.
The Avatar rests peacefully.
.
And even though everything isn't all right,
.
..
.
A least it's not all wrong.
...
A/N: Thanks lovelies for all your support on this story, and I hope you enjoyed this second installment. I'm almost certain I'll be doing another part so stay tuned! In regards to this part, I hope everything seemed believable because I never want to seem like I'm forcing anything. Well anywho, reviews and criticism are highly appreciated and help me to make myself better, so if you love it or hate it, I'd love to know why! Stay wonderful!