Author's note: I'd like to thank you all for your reviews and comments, I didn't think you guys would be this interested. Now, some clarification: Emily and Alison are not together. Actually, this fic follows canon up to episode 10 of season 5 "A dark Ali". For plot purposes, Emily didn't tell Hanna about her conversation with Ali, meaning that Hanna thinks Emily is still supporting Alison. Also, despite of the fact that I dislike Alison, I'm not the kind of fic writer that bashes characters they dislike. I think even in the series Alison is there for a reason, I don't see her as evil, nor as good. She's a complex character, whose intentions we don't know yet, so I'll just stick to what we've seen/know of her from canon and move from there. That's all, folks! I hope you enjoy this.

Maybe this is it…

Paige decides to go on a date and see if she can let go of Emily, it just doesn't work. But she feels forced to keep moving on, when Hanna lets it slip what happened between Emily and Alison…

Trigger Warning: Mentions of bullying and Paige's thoughts about ending her life.

Chapter two: Swim

You gotta swim and swim when it hurts
The whole world is watching
You haven't come this far to fall off the earth
The currents will pull you away from your love
Just keep your head above

Jack's Mannequin

One, two, three, breathe… One, two, three, breathe… One, two, three, breathe…

She had gotten in the natatorium at 6 o'clock. The janitor hadn't even bat an eyelid when he saw her sweating in her running clothes and with a begging expression, he had just smiled and let her in. He knew she would bring him coffee and a muffin just before classes in return. So he just walked away and pretended nothing happened.

One, two, three, breathe… One, two, three, breathe… One, two, three, breathe…

If only life would be as simple as swimming. If only life was like water, so she could just take a pause, breathe and go through it without major distress. Swimming was the only thing she had left, swimming and the idea of what can be, what comes next. Swimming will help, the thought echoed in her head. Swimming will help, it always does.

One, two, three, breathe… One, two, three, breathe… One, two, three, breathe…

There were many reasons why Paige was such a good swimmer. For one, she was naturally good at it, even when she was five and her mother decided that swimming lessons were in order because having a pool and a 4 year old kid was a call for trouble to come knocking on her door.

One, two, three, breathe… One, two, three, breathe… One, two, three, breathe…

Her father was competitive by excellence, because obviously - as a McCullers, you have to be the best you can be - except that sometimes doing your best wasn't enough for Nick McCullers.

Swimming was the thing she did best, too, so all her energy was focused on being even better, breaking her personal record, breaking other people's records. But swimming was also the thing that she'd have when everything else was just darkness. When she would doubt who she truly liked, when she thought about soft lips instead of rough hands, when she would daydream of being with someone with fruity and floral scent instead of someone that smelled woody or musky. Swimming was what kept her alive during those times. Swimming kept her alive when everything was confusing and crumbling around her, even who she thought she was, or the idea of who she wanted to be.

One, two, three, breathe… One, two, three, breathe… One, two, three, breathe…

Alison had everything Paige wanted, and she was everything Paige despised. Yes, she was pretty and popular, and the McCullers in her wanted to be those things, wanted to be known, recognized. But that wasn't enough. It turned out that Alison was not popular only for being pretty, she was a magician… She was an expert at playing with smoke and mirrors. Once she made you feel secure and you let your guard down, she would take whatever she wanted from you and then use it against you. Paige knew that, even back then when most her classmates and friends' only goal in life was being friends with Alison DiLaurentis. It had cost her too much… And Paige should have known better, she should have at least expected Alison to return who she was, to be a ruler, to make sure everything was in place, and that included Paige. Poor secluded Paige, with her swimming and her competitiveness, and her trophees. And Emily, sweet, nice Emily… Always by Alison's side.

One, two, three, breathe… One, two, three, breathe… One, two, three, breathe…

She could still remember it, word by word, feeling by feeling. She had poured her soul in that letter. Her fears, her hopes, and her truths. She had felt relieved, with a weird sense of accomplishment once she was done. She was hopeful, she couldn't help expecting Emily's reaction. She didn't tell her she liked her, no. It was too soon, it would mean that she was expecting too much. That letter, had been her salvation and her ruin. That letter had made her accept who she was, maybe just to herself, but it was the first step. Deep inside, she thanked that opportunity. What she wasn't grateful for was the uncertainty, the feeling of being a puppet… Alison's muppet.

One, two, three, breathe… One, two, three, breathe… One, two, three, breathe…

She could still remember that day. Alison had taken the letter the day before, and it was raining as it shouldn't be in the middle of April. She had just gone running, so she could clear her mind and had decided to go to The Brew for some juice when she saw them. They were talking and smiling when Alison noticed her watching them. She had whispered something in Emily's ear making her blush and laugh out loud and it made Paige want to run away, but she couldn't. She would wait for her juice, and would walk away with her head held high, as a McCullers would always do. She turned around to take her juice and steal a glance of the two girls when she saw Emily sitting alone. Just when she decided to escape from there she noticed her presence next to her.

"Don't even think of it, Pigskin. You are repulsive."

That's when it had started, her thoughts of giving up, the darkness around her, her unwillingness to see beyond her darkest thoughts, the realization that she couldn't come out, that her life would be ruined, that her parents would reject her, that if Emily Fields - one of the nicest people she'd met - couldn't care for her, no one else would; that no one could love her anyway, after all… She was repulsive.

One, two, three, breathe… One, two, three, breathe… One, two, three, breathe…

Paige was competitive and she would fight to be the best, to win. But probably the main fuel behind the desire to end up spent after training, to win everything, to fight was simply anger.

So Paige would swim whenever she lost, whenever she felt lost, when Alison would be especially cruel, when Emily Fields wouldn't even look her way, when her dad would push her harder, when in a family dinner without even noticing her parents would make some homophobic comment - not because they intended to, but because it came naturally to them, which hurt her even more - She would swim when she was happy after winning and when she was sad or simply tired of hiding. Paige would swim after sweet dreams of soft skin and full feminine lips, and she would swim after lying once again and saying she liked some male classmate.

There was just one escape to it all… Swimming. The water felt like home, as if nothing else existed. Because it was the only instance when loneliness was justified, when her achievements were exclusively hers, despite of being in a team. Because the physical exhaustion that came after training made her feel something different than the darkness that surrounded her.

One, two, three, breathe… One, two, three, breathe… One, two, three, breathe…

She knew the team had arrived, she could hear them whenever she had to take a breathing pause, that meant that Emily was nearby with coach, which just made her going faster, angrier, not at Emily, but at herself, at the situation.

Paige swims for a lot of reasons, and in that moment Paige was swimming to forget, to let go, to move on. Emily… Emily and her voice, and her lips, and her naïveté, always trying to see the best in everyone, always putting her heart on the line… For everyone, but Paige McCullers...

One, two…

She gasped trying to breathe again, she felt her hand touch the pool wall and everything hurt, not only physically.

"Incredible turn, McCullers!"

Paige recognized the voice immediately and took off her goggles and saw her sitting looking at her lane. She didn't even thought about what she was doing when she practically jumped out of the pool and crushed the girl in a hug. The other girl's laugh was contagious and they just hugged for a couple of seconds before looking at each other.

"When did you come back? Why didn't you call me, little traitor!" Paige asked, her wide smile reflecting how happy she was.
"You were the one that changed her phone number, McCullers! I've tried to call you, and then things got messy in Cali and my father decided that coming back to Rosewood was in order." The girl replied looking happy to be back.

"You look…" Paige started to say, noticing the girls sparkling eyes, her welcoming smile, and her new look.

"Awesome?" the girl finished with a laugh.

"I was going to go with 'different', but yes, awesome too." Paige said smiling, remembering their good ol' times, riding bicycles, competing to see who was the fastest, playing with mud…

"I've missed you so much," the smaller girl said with a pout, making Paige laugh.

"I've missed you, too." The swimming captain said pulling her close and hugging her again, "we have a lot to talk about, many things have happened that you need to know, and…"

"We have a lot of time, Paigey," the girl replied laughing know how much Paige hated the nickname, but Paige was too ecstatic to complain.

"Oh my god, I'm getting you all wet!" Paige realized and stopped hugging the girl.

"I could make a pun about that, right now. But I won't," the girl said making Paige stop in her tracks.

"So you know…" Paige wondered how she would react.

"I always have known, P." she replied, which made Paige smile, not only at the answer, but to her old nickname. She was about to say something else, when she was interrupted.

Coach Fulton started to clap to get everyone's attention while Emily was standing next to her. Paige couldn't help looking at her feet, Emily was staring directly at her, and it was uncomfortable and unsettling. Her thoughts were interrupted by her coach's voice.

"Okay girls, good morning! I'm here to let you know that the Sharks have a new-old member. Please welcome back miss Pru Chang, she's back for good, so let's be nice and let's also hope that 'McChang' works as good as it used to" The coach said smiling. All the older members of the team smiled and laughed, while the new ones asked them why the portmanteau. Paige felt Pru's arm moving and giving her a side hug.

"I'm pretty sure we will," Pru said with a smile, making Paige smile back and nod.

"Perfect! Now, go back to training! Training is the key to success!" The coach added while palming Emily's back and walking towards her office.

"Okay, let's go!" Pru said with excitement and Paige nodded.

Paige was happy that Pru was back, even back when she was in a dark place, Pru had been there for her. Pru was the one that saw the scars, and Pru was the one that not only told her to seek help, but also helped her and was with her constantly, making sure she didn't feel lonely, making sure Alison DiLaurentis wouldn't come near her.

Paige started walking and looked up. Emily was looking at her, and Paige couldn't read her expression. For the first time, Paige didn't want to either. So she decided to walk behind Pru and stay for a while. There were a lot of things to talk about, coming out, her love life, the breakup, and Alison coming back. Paige couldn't help it, it didn't matter that she wasn't swimming, it was almost like a reflex, so she mentally prepared herself for the conversation with Pru and counted...

One, two three... Breathe

That's it for now, guys. Let me know what you think and what you'd like to happen! If you see any grammatical/spelling mistake, let me know, too! English is not my native language, so any comment will help :)