Deviation: Conspirators

Chapter Twenty-One -TRIS

There is an odd sort of tension among the Dauntless gathered that makes the night sky feel heavy as it presses down upon us. The noise usually associated with a Dauntless horde is curiously somber and instead of boisterous laughter there are quiet murmurings and restrained chuckles that burst forth only to be quickly stifled. The reason for this meeting has even the most Dauntless among us subdued; this insurgence is serious business. I feel comforted by the number of Dauntless here; there are too many of us to meet in the little room down the hall so we have climbed onto the roof. Some are talking about zip-lining down after Four releases them and others will just jump a train. I would love to zip down myself, but that would leave Four to jump a train back alone and I have noticed he seems to worry about me more than he did.

It has been a little less than a week since we were last at the Hancock building and I could feel the tension in Tobias as we rode the elevator up to the ninety-fifth floor. I know it is a safety precaution we will be taking from here on, choosing a different floor each time we meet here and then walking up the last few flights. It is something I will have to put up with since Four's visit to his fear landscape, like his insistence that he check the hall before letting me through the door. The first time he pulled me away from the door, tonight, so that he could take point I reacted like any Dauntless female would; I called him on it loudly and with flare. Four had shut me up with a hard kiss and a heart wrenching admission, whispered roughly into my hair, that he knew I could take care of myself, but that did not me that he didn't need to protect me.

Zeke and Will pull the ladder up onto the roof with us before gesturing to a brooding Four. He steps up on the ledge that we use to launch ourselves down the zip-line, it is only a little more than three feet wide and there is no safety railing, but Four ignores this fear as he faces the rooftop and the now eerily quiet Dauntless. He just stares stony faced for a few moments and then he speaks.

"First," he says looking to the more senior Dauntless in attendance, "I want to thank you all for coming here tonight. I know that some of you remember more than the rest what being Dauntless truly means." I see a few of the seasoned Dauntless standing near Tori nodding with serious expressions that show just how disturbed they are by the changes being made in the last few years. "Real Dauntless believe in ordinary acts of bravery, not because we gain anything from our actions, but because it is right. Dauntless stand between those that cannot defend themselves and every foe, whether they are within this city's walls or without. Dauntless respect the power they wield. We do not glory in defeating a weaker opponent or derive pleasure from cruelty. We should strive to embody honor, be fearless in the face of fear and pride ourselves on our willingness to act when no one else will."

The roof erupts with a mighty Dauntless yell and it makes my heart swell with pride in my faction for the first time since I dropped into the net and discovered that this faction was in flux and changing, not for the better. Four holds his hands up and the group quiets down as he begins to speak again, "I know that my age is a hindrance to some of you," he says, as he spreads his hands out at his sides, "I respect that you didn't chose me, but I will not step down from this position. I have set quite a few things in motion and to step down now would put lives in jeopardy. However, I would like us to appoint two other leaders, fairly chosen by you all, to help share the tremendous burden of leadership."

Again, the air was rent with the names of this Dauntless or that and it takes a few minutes to realize which names are being called most frequently. Tori's name is the most oft spoke; so, Four asks her to join him on the ledge. The last took longer; it was between Harris and a slightly balding Dauntless, Gus. In the end, Four, Tori and Harris assume leadership of those loyal to the Dauntless ideology.

"Now that, that has been settled," Four calls out getting control of the now boisterous crowd, "You may not know this but we have brave Erudite members who are helping filter information to us at great personal risk to themselves. One of our informants sent information that we should be able to use to gain control of the Dauntless Compound, but before I share this information I need two volunteers to embed themselves with the Dauntless Traitors so that we have eyes inside.

There is shuffling and looking around and then Zeke calls out, "Me." Four looks a little shocked but he studies his friend and then nods. "And me," Uriah is the next to volunteer and both his mother and brother start to deny his joining but I see Four look at Tori and whisper something to Tori and gesture to Uriah. Her eyes widen and then she is nodding. She turns to Harris and they confer for a moment before they look back at Four. He takes a deep breath and then speaks.

"We," he says, gesturing to the other two leaders, "Think Uriah is a good choice," Four looks directly at Uriah when he speaks this last bit, "He has special skills, that I have been helping him with, that will probably prove useful." I feel my jaw drop as I realize that Uriah is Divergent. I swallow because I know that Four is skating the edge of revealing our difference to the group but he doesn't. Instead of expounding on which skills he is helping Uriah with Four says, "Besides you are a well-respected family and Max and his conspirators will think you are loyal to him after so many years."

"I will stay with my boys," their mother, Hana, calls out crossing her arms. She is not tattooed or pierced at least not where it can be seen but she looks like any Dauntless as she makes her stand.

"Mom," Zeke says shaking his head, "No!"

"Yes," she affirms, "If we," she gestures to the elder Dauntless, "Were doing what we believed in then you boys would not be in this position. I will stand with my boys no matter what!" I study the older Dauntless and I can see some of them look ashamed. It must have been very difficult to come here tonight knowing that if the group fails every one of us would be branded traitors, but they are here. It gives me a sense of hopefulness that they have integrity enough to right the wrong committed on their watch.

"Thank you," Four says nodding to Zeke and Uriah's mother before moving on to the news that Will's sister Cara was able to get to us just this morning. "Max is sick," he tells the group boldly, "He is dying. I am sure you have noticed his greyish tinge to his dark skin and his age is showing more heavily on his face than it has been. My Erudite contact says that it is some form of blood cancer which has no cure at this time." There are sharp gasps of surprise and murmuring becomes loud whispers. Four calls out over the din, "Evidently, Erudite has promised him to find a cure in exchange for his cooperation when Erudite makes their move on Abnegation." The crowd starts calling out that Max is a coward and I see real anger in their faces where earlier there was only dissatisfaction with the way the Faction had been changed. "My source has set the story to run on the news feeds tomorrow morning."

"We should oust him tonight," a voice yells from the back of the group and others chime in with agreement.

"No," Four denies, "There will be others that join us once they know of Max's cowardice. We will wait to oust him until the loyalties of the others become apparent." I watch as Four looks at every face with his patent Dauntless trainer intensity. "Now," he says in a low voice that still resonates through the crowd. "Eric will take this as his chance to gain control. Max is just a stepping stone to Eric and I know for a fact that Jeanine placed him here two years ago for that very purpose, though I have no real proof. I would not be surprised to discover that Jeanine is hoping Max dies and leaves Dauntless to be run by her Erudite/Dauntless transfer."

"We won't let that happen," cries a woman that looks a lot like Lynn and then I see Lynn and Marlene standing just behind the woman. This must be Lynn's mother. "The things he has been doing to the initiates is despicable! We should have ended this as soon as our children began getting hurt, but we were too afraid to go against Max."

Four nodded, "This is not going to be bloodless," He says solemnly, "Lives may be lost but we have to stand and fight for the ideals that Dauntless is founded upon or we might as well walk away from the faction."

Cries of, "Never," fill the night air and I feel an odd sort of uneasiness settle in the pit of my stomach. Faction before blood is more than just three words it is a way of life. These people are all loyal to Dauntless it is what Four counted on, but they don't understand that the times are changing and when this war is over nothing will be the same again. Our society is morphing, expanding beyond this one dimensional faction system. If the factions are going to survive they will have to adapt and allow for integration of other values. In that society the faction permutations would be far greater than just five they would be infinite.

I see the worry in Four's furrowed brow and I know he is thinking about what we learned at the Factionless gathering with his mother yesterday. Most, not all but a fair few, Factionless are Divergent. Even if we are able to stave off all-out war the factions are all going to be gutted by the harsh realities that are coming to light here and there will be no ignoring the existence of Divergent's when everything is said and done. Especially, after the others discover the vast numbers the Factionless have amassed.

The city can no longer afford to disenfranchise those that do not, or cannot, conform. Four has decided we should fight one battle at a time and I agree with him. We must pick and choose our course so that we can try and bring the city through this war and find, not only peace, but freedom on the other side. My eyes are drawn to the gaping hole in the center of the roof and I wonder if it was something like our reality that preceded that war. We have differing ideologies and we have weapons but nothing on the scale of what could have put that size hole in a building.

I listen half-heartedly; I already know what Four plans to say. Instead, I ask myself whether our little rebellion, with our small weapons, will be less destructive than the one that destroyed our foundational city. I think the answer has to be, No! We are no more or less special than those who lived here last. I look up as I hear the solid impact of feet hitting the roof and I catch my breath at the sight of him, tall and proud, a leader. My heart rate speeds up when I realize he is looking at me and I nervously lick my lips. His intense eyes immediately follow the action and then his gaze meets mine again before his attention is pulled away by Uriah, Zeke and their mother. Behind him Tori and Harris are setting up the harnesses for the zip-line and the line is already forming. I want to go to Four but it is important that he be seen as a leader.

Instead, I go stand near the ledge where I can hear his deep velvety voice and watch the zip-liners descend. He is telling the Pedrad family about the serum and explaining that they will most likely not be able to avoid having it used on them. This is Four's biggest worry because that means that only Uriah will be cognizant after the sim starts if we fail to prevent the serum's use. I know he is hoping to gain control of the compound and the supplies that have been larded in but that will not mean that Erudite doesn't have access to more serum. So, Four is explaining what they should do to prevent it from being administered to them without letting Max and Eric know they are not loyal to their cause.

My attention is drawn away from Four as a colossal man readies himself to be hurled down the line. I think his name is Dugger. He is taller than Four by more than a few inches and his frame is wrapped in thick muscle he must weigh close to three hundred pounds. I am amazed that the zip-line doesn't give under his weight but he disappears and the next rider is getting in the sling waiting for their chance to fly.

"Ah, man, don't be a pansy-cake," Uriah's voice rings loud over the crowd and I turn as he slaps Four on the back and adds, "You never join us up here."

My eyes widen as I see Four tense and straighten beside the loud mouthed initiate before slowly turning and eyeing him. Zeke reaches out and smacks his brother on the back of his head and Four doesn't have a chance to verbally eviscerate Uriah before Zeke is doing it for him. I think by the suddenly embarrassed look on Uriah's face he forgot whom it was he was addressing.

"Initiate," Zeke snaps moving into his brother's personal space, "is that how you address a Dauntless leader?"

"Zeke, I-," Uriah tries to step away from his brother but Zeke follows after him.

"There is a certain amount of respect that comes with a position of leadership," he informs his brother sternly, "You," Zeke pokes Uriah in the chest, "Don't get to call a Dauntless Leader a pansy-cake until you can go down the line without caterwauling like a dying cat!"

"Maybe not even then," Four says in his deep, serious voice but I can see the slight smile in his dark eyes. Zeke looks up at Four and I see the way his eyes light up with amusement when he sees Four crack a small smile.

"I don't sound like a dying cat," Uriah defends.

"Actually, I rode the line down in front of you last time," I say as I move to stand next to Four until our fingers brush, but neither of us are really into public displays so we don't twine our fingers. I am just offering him a little comfort. "You kinda sounded like a strangling cat."

"Very funny," Uriah muttered turning toward me, "You were probably too scared to scream," he accuses and this time it is his mother that reaches up and smacks him on the back of the head. Four laughs quietly, but aloud for the first time, and I find that the sound makes my heart flutter.

"You ready," he asks as he motions toward the hole. I find my eyes slipping over to the zip-line for a moment and then I smile and nod stepping toward the ladder. I take three steps before I realize that Four is not beside me and I turn back to see him eyeing a Dauntless man as he climbs into the harness.

"Four," I call quietly and reach my hand toward him. He sighs and then shakes his head before looking at me. I move to his side and he uncharacteristically pulls me to him in full view of the crowd.

"You want to ride," he says, pressing his forehead to mine as he studies my face, "I can see it in your eyes."

"It isn't important," I tell him with a smile, because it really isn't. Four has faced so much for me and my Divergence this can be one thing he doesn't have to give me. He runs a hand over my hair and closes his eyes. Nodding, Four takes my hand and leads me to the ladder and I feel sad when I see the self-deprecating look on his face. He is too quiet as we step into the elevator and I hate that I cause him to criticize himself, even silently. We have only descended three floors when Four slams his fist against the button to stop us on the next floor making me jump, "Four," I exclaim pressing a hand to my pounding heart. He doesn't respond. His face is fierce when the doors open and he stalks out with a stiff spine and fists clenched. He is moving fast toward the stairwell.

"Four," I call a second time as I hurry after him and slip between him and the heavy metal door, "Please stop."

"Move," he demands without looking at me.

"No," I refuse, "Please look at me." His dark blue eyes are colder than I have ever seen them but they thaw as he finally lets them rest on me. "Why are you acting like this? Why are you angry with me?"

"I'm not," Four tells me confused, then shocked and finally ashamed; I hate that look as much as the emotion behind it. He moves away from me very quickly turning to face the far wall. "I didn't mean to upset you."

His head is down cast and there is a defeated slump in his shoulders as he lifts one fist and presses it into the rough cinder block wall. He does it several times and I think if I were not there that he might have put force behind the movement, punching the wall until his fist bled but I am here and he is restraining the anger. I have seen this side to him more often since he showed me his fears. It is something that he seems ashamed of like it is a weakness. I am not sure what I think about this other than to know deep in my heart he would never hurt me when he is like this; no, I fear for him more than myself right now. Tobias Eaton is not his father.

I wrap my arms around his waist and press my forehead into his back between his shoulder blades. He smells like Dauntless soap and spice so I breath him in while stroking my hand in small circles over his taut belly muscles. After a few minutes he laces the fingers of his left hand with my right and drops his fist to his side before clasping his fingers on my hip and pulling me in tight behind him.

"Tobias," I whisper because this is too personal a conversation for his nickname. "Tell me what is wrong."

"I—," he starts but he stops and drops his head back so his eyes can study the ceiling for a long moment before he can continue. "I—feel like an imposter," he finally admits and I frown, "I just rallied those people up there to fight in a war that is bound to get some, if not all, of them killed and I can't even ride a zip-line." He laughs aloud for the second time tonight but this one does not make my heart flutter giddily it makes it squeeze painfully. He drops his head to the cold concrete wall and his body shifts beneath mine the tension slowly draining from his limbs.

This is not what I expected to hear but the words ring true; he actually believes that he is not Dauntless enough. I want to laugh because to me he is everything Dauntless, but I know if I laugh now he will not open up like this again. I, also, know that if I make an off-hand comment like I did in his fear landscape about my mother keeping coats in our closet he will shut down like he did then. I want every part of Four even these insecure and frightened parts.

It takes a moment but I finally figure out which tactic to use, "How many fears does Uriah have," I ask quietly. My question surprises him because I feel his body jerk beneath mine.

"What," he asks, confused.

"You heard me," I say as I start to stroke his left side rhythmically, "I know you are still doing the fear simulation training instead of Zeke; so, how many fears?"

"I shouldn't—," he starts to deny me but I pinch his side lightly and he jumps trying to evade my fingers. I file away the instant knowledge that Four is ticklish until a later more playful time because right now I am trying to point out my boyfriend's faulty logic.

"Just tell me," I persist.

"Eleven," he huffs out.

"Is he afraid of heights," I ask and Four nods his reply. I understand now why Four feels like this is such a big deal. Uriah is facing his fear every time he flies down the wire, but Four is forgetting the fact that he has faced his fears multiple times when it was needed. Zip-lining is recreation and not really a lifesaving event.

I shift tracts and ask, "Do you think I am less Dauntless because I am afraid of us being together?" I feel Four stiffening beneath my hands but he shakes his head and he murmurs a rough, "No, you're tough as nails Tris." His response makes tears come to my eyes. He loves me and he is proud of me it makes my soul sing I am so happy.

"One day I will face that fear," I say quietly as I hug him tighter and a tear slips down my cheek, "We will be together and nothing will separate us except our skin." He inhales deeply and I know my words have affected him viscerally. "I will tremble and my heart will race and I will face my fear with you by my side because I trust you." I let that sink in before I add, "One day, after the city is secure and we are living mundane lives where jumping the train is the only excitement we have to look forward to we can ride the zip-line together. If you want, but right now you face down one of your fears every time we attend these meetings. You defeated another, your worst fear, just a few floors away from here. Tobias, you are so brave!"

He lifts my hand to his lips and he presses a kiss to my palm before pressing it to his rough cheek. I sigh and settle more comfortably against his back and pressing my ear over his heartbeat as he whispers, "I love you, Tris."

"I love you, too." I whisper just as reverently as he.

We stand like this for a while and I try to imagine the life I described. I can picture Four leading our city, but he takes time out of a busy, boring schedule to take me down the zip-line. It will be just he and I flying through the city and I will whisper in his ear as he clutches at the harness that he is so brave and I love him so much. Closing my eyes I try and drown out the fear that we might never have that life. As I open them I silently promise myself and Tobias that we will have that moment, no matter what!