Authors Note: Hey guys! So this short story will take place after episode 5x09. It's a lot more angsty and let's just assume Jane wanted to foster Tasha. A big thank you to socks-lost for being my beta! This is my first story so please be kind and let me know what I can improve on. Thanks :)

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me and sadly I don't get paid for this.

After a couple of long and emotional nights in the hospital, Jane was finally being discharged. Despite the good news, the tension in the room was obvious and no one was willing to break it. The past couple of days had been really long for everyone, not just Jane. The miscarriage coupled with not being able to help Tasha had really taken a toll on Jane. Jane tried to hide her pain from her family, but Maura knew she was suffering. She could see it in Jane's eyes. Normally Jane did a good job of masking her emotions to the outside world, but not to Maura. Early on, Maura figured out that Jane's eyes revealed all of her emotions in any given situation. That's how Maura knew from the moment she told Jane the bad news, that she was bottling everything inside. Her eyes gave her away. They were filled with so much pain and guilt, that it was almost unbearable for Maura to even look in Jane's direction. But true to form, Jane continued to pretend everything was okay and refused to talk about her feelings.

Back in the hospital room, Jane had changed out of the gown and into some grey sweats and a black tank top and was very eager to leave the place. She quickly grew tired of how dull the room looked and it only served to heighten her already horrible mood. She sat back down on that terribly uncomfortable piece of pad they called a bed, Jane looked around for Angela. Looking back to Maura, who was seated in the chair closest to the hospital bed.

"Where's Ma?"

Angela had left the hospital for Maura's house in order to prepare for Jane's arrival. What Angela did not anticipate was Jane's refusal to go to Maura's house. Maura volunteered to take Jane back to her house, where she already spends most of her nights, but Jane insisted on going back to her apartment.

"She left a little early to set things up for your arrival. You are still a little delicate and it would be best if you just took it a little easy. I know this is very hard for you, so I figured you would be under the best care possible under my supervision." Maura proudly claimed as she gave Jane one of those adorably goofy smiles that were only reserved for her. Jane learned to love those smiles because Maura only ever had that smile when she was with Jane, and it had meant that Jane had done something right in order to provoke such a beautiful response from the most important person in her life. Jane's expression softened a bit but then quickly hardened when she remembered her situation.

"Maura, I'm fine. I'm rested and I can heal properly at my apartment."

That smile, which Jane holds so dearly fell off from Maura's face and she quickly countered, "Oh yes, because last time that happened it went so well." It wasn't until she saw the hurt in Jane's eyes that she remembered exactly what happened the last time she healed at home. She wanted to take back her words but there was some heavy truth to them.

Jane quickly dismissed Maura's comment, not letting her emotions get the best of her and said, "Yeah well, I'll be better this time so you don't even have to bother checking up on me. You should be happy, it gives you more time to go spend time with Jack. That is what you want, right?"

Maura grimaced, "Jane-"

"You know what Maura, I'm tired and I just want to lay in my bed. Please can you just take me to my apartment?"

Letting out a small sigh and a quick nod of the head, Maura and Jane headed out to the parking garage. The drive to Jane's was tense and quiet. It was late afternoon and it was a very nice seventy. Jane could not help but think if the circumstances were different, this would have been the perfect day to go out for a picnic with Maura.

Maura.

She was all Jane ever thought about and that frightened her beyond belief. She indulged herself in many fantasies thinking about what their life together would be like or least she did. Then Casey returned and things got messy. Of course Jane made it the situation complicated because she wanted nothing more than to be with Maura and throw caution to the wind. But nothing was ever simple with Jane. Unfortunately, Jane was brought back to reality when she felt that the car had stopped moving and Maura was now staring at her. She looked around and realized they were parked right in front of her apartment. Maura helped Jane go up the stairs and into her apartment. Opening the door, Jane let out a huge sigh of relief and went to go settle down on her couch, leaving Maura in the kitchen. Just a couple seconds passed when Maura returned with a glass of water and handed it to Jane, sitting down on the opposite side of the couch.

Looking down at the carpet, Jane says "Thanks Maura, I got it from here."

Neither of them dared to speak until finally Maura felt brave enough to utter, "Do you want to talk about it? You have yet to say anything about the news the doctor gave you."

Jane furrowed her eyebrows, not bothering to look up. Maura could sense the internal battle raging inside of Jane. She knew how much it pained Jane to open up and be vulnerable. Silence engulfed them once more until Jane glanced up to look at Maura. The intensity of the emotions swirling around in Jane's eyes made Maura's breathe hitch and throat dry up.

"Jane, please."

Jane's face was stoic but her voice was scratchy and heavy with sorrow, " What exactly do you want me to say, huh? That my fucking stupid mistake of going into the warehouse alone cost me the life of my baby. Or do you want me to say how I feel responsible for Tasha because I endangered her life and now I can't even provide for her? Is that what you want Maura?!"

"What happened with Tasha is not your fault. You did not know he was going to be there."

"Yeah well I'm a detective for God's sake. I shouldn't have visited Tasha alone, I should've had back up. I'm supposed to know better than that. I put everyone's life in danger by being reckless and now look at what happened. I lost this baby. This baby I wasn't even sure I wanted at first but then," her voice cracking with emotion, "but then I got really happy and excited. I finally embraced the idea of having this child and raising it with your help and now I've killed…" Jane didn't bother to finish the thought because she knew she wouldn't be able to hold it all in anymore.

"Jane, I'm sorry." Maura moved to sit right next to Jane and reached for Jane's hand. Holding up Jane's hands to her heart, "You went into the warehouse to save Tasha's life and you did. Your instinct as a detective kicked in and you fought to save that girl's life. I know it's really hard for you to see that right now, but you saved a life. You saved her and gave her an opportunity to live her life and accomplish her dreams."

"But at what cost Maura? I've made Tasha's life even worse. I lost the baby, the least I could of done is help her out by fostering her and I can't even do that!"

"You shouldn't want to foster Tasha because you feel like you have to make up for your loss. You can't-"

But before Maura finished her sentence, Jane violently withdrew her hands, stood and pointed accusingly at Maura, "Don't tell me what I can and can't do Maura. You don't know what I'm going through. All because you moved on from the excitement of the baby doesn't mean I did. Fostering Tasha has NOTHING to do with the loss of my baby." Jane practically yelled those last few words in hopes that she could make herself believe her own words.

Maura flinched as if she has been viciously slapped, the hurt from Jane's words evident on her face. She lifts herself off the couch and stands directly in front of Jane.

"What do you mean 'moved on'? I cared about your baby Jane! I practically spent all of my free time looking up cribs and clothes. I was just as excited about this as you were. I was even going to give up my guest bedroom and ask you to move in with me." Maura paused, her emotions started to get the best of her. "I had too deal with two traumas. You getting hurt, again, and the loss of the baby! How dare you insinuate this doesn't hurt me. "

Jane took a step back from Maura and started to pace around the living room, "Oh yeah? Because it seemed to me that you stopped caring about the baby the moment you met Jack. The baby and I took a backseat to Jack. It was supposed to be us, you were supposed to be my village not his. You were going to help me raise this kid and you left me the moment you had the chance to."

Maura felt lightheaded, she stepped back until her backside rested against the arm of the couch. Anger now flowed through Maura's veins as she thought of how Jane could be so ignorant and selfish. "You don't get to say I left you. You don't get to be jealous and accuse me of not caring. Now you know how I felt a couple months ago when Casey was around because last time I checked, you were the one that left me!"

Jane stopped her pacing and looked up at Maura, confused. Maura continued, her own kind of suffering and anger etched on her face. "Once Casey showed up after being absent for God knows how long, and it was all you suddenly cared about. I needed you and you were not there for me. I was going through so much with my biological family and men trying to murder me, and all you seemed to care about was Casey. It was only until he left you out to dry that you remembered I existed and that you needed me." Maura let out a loud gasp as her hands automatically went to cover her mouth. Maura knew it was too late to take anything back. There was no coming back from this.

Jane stayed frozen in her spot, all the color drained from her face. Her worst nightmare has now become a reality. She remained speechless, the only sound in the room came from Maura as she tried to compose herself and stop the tears from flowing. The silence was truly agonizing and the air was so thick that Jane felt like she was getting asphyxiated.

"Maura, that-I didn't-how can you-"

Maura stalked up to Jane with her arms wrapped around herself, "You didn't what, Jane? Don't stand there and attempt to deny it and make me out like some sort of irrational, emotional person."

"But I was there for you! All those times you needed me, I was there. All you needed to do was call and-"

"Don't you dare, Jane!" Maura's voice wavered, suddenly it became very quiet and very hard to talk. Jane took that opportunity to notice how small, how fragile Maura looked. She had only ever seen Maura look like that once before, after she saved Maura from Dennis Rockmond and Jane hated herself for being the person to cause this the second time around.

"You call those halfhearted attempts of distracting me by talking about Casey being there for me? Or those other times where you tried to help me and then the moment something that has to do with you pops up, you leave immediately. Please Jane, stop trying to fool yourself. Just answer me this, Jane. Why? Why were you so hell bent on making this relationship with Casey work? Why did you tolerate being in such an abusive relationship? He was ruining you and you refused to see that!"

Maura stood directly in front of her and gave her a piercing gaze, that along with the deafening silence made it extremely hard for Jane to come up with a coherent sentence. Jane began to back track and allowed herself to flop down onto the couch. Her vision suddenly became cloudy and the room started to spin. She was about to come face to face with all those feelings that she had suppressed for so long. The true reason behind all this and Jane was not sure she was ready to handle that.

"Maura, I…I… I'm sorry. I can't tell you. I mean , I don't know. I don't want to talk about it. I don't know how. I just need time."

Maura, now loomed over Jane, angrier than ever.

"Of course you don't want to talk about it. You never want to talk about ANYTHING when it comes to your feelings. Wait, I take that back. You do like to talk about certain things. You love to talk about Casey. So lets start with that."

"Maura-"

"You know what? I can't be here right now. I can't do this." Maura gathered her belongings and started for the door. She paused right before turning the door knob, and waited for some sort of interference from Jane.

But Jane remained seated with her eyes closed. The whole conversation beginning with the miscarriage, to the guilt she carried around regarding Tasha, to Jack, and now Casey had been too much for Jane. She hoped that by closing her eyes, everything would just go away. She hated how much of a coward she was being and she didn't know how to properly deal with her feelings.

Maura for her part, remained rooted at the front of the door. She waited with no avail. Just as she was about to turn the knob, she paused again. "Jane, your pain medication is on the kitchen counter. Don't forget to take it. I know you can be bull headed sometimes but don't be foolish and take care of yourself." With that, Maura walked out the apartment and closed the door. The moment she got inside of her Prius, she let out a chocked sob. It made her upset knowing despite how mad she was at Jane, she couldn't stop herself from caring about Jane. Maura stayed parked until she was just about all cried out. Before Maura started the car, she checked her phone and saw that she had numerous missed calls from Angela. She didn't have it in her to call Angela because she would easily pick up on her somber tone, so instead she sent a text to her and headed for Beacon Hill.