A/N: Hello lovies! We're back again! So, you will notice some differences
in our girl. Obviously she's changing and it's just the beginning. The first few chapters
will be her progression into her life. She's gonna grow and become someone we can all
be proud of. I am so excited! Hope you all are too! Hugs!

Disclaimer: I own nothing BDS.

"What I want from us is empty our minds
We fake the thoughts, and fracture the times
We go blind when we've needed to see
And this leans on me, like a rootless...

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
And all we've been through
I said leave it, leave it, leave it
There's nothing in you
And if you hate me, hate me, hate me, then hate me so good
That you can let me out, let me out, let me out
Of this hell when you're around
Let me out, let me out, let me out
Hell when you're around
Let me out, let me out, let me out

What I want from this
Is learn to let go
No not of you
Of all that's been told
Killers re-invent and believe
And this leans on me, like a rootless..."

Chapter 1 : Rootless Tree

5 Months Later

The morning air was cold, March always came with a chill. It seemed to almost linger on the skin and under my clothes. I shivered as I slipped into my boots. The sun wasn't even up yet, but my body was awake. I balanced the cup of coffee in my left hand while I fixed my jeans to hang over the leather of my old faithfuls. I pulled the hood of my jacket over my head and pulled my side braid out so it wouldn't itch my neck. Damn, it was going to be a busy day. It was almost 5:30, Tyler would be here soon to start the day. I yawned and leaned against the banister on our porch. The steam tickled my nose as I sipped the hot liquid.

I heard the early chirping of the birds accompanied by the restless sounds of the cattle moving in towards the fence. Impatient heffers. I grinned at my thoughts, I did love our cows. Loved to eat them even more. With that I chuckled and took another sip of my black coffee. Today I need to move some hay bales out, get the horse stalls mucked out and put a few of them out into pasture to stretch their legs. Was going to ride Shamrock around the property to check the fence, aswell. Mom has been talking about leasing out the 100+ acres we aren't using to hunters this fall. Shamrock could use the trip, I could too. Since I have been back home I've taken him out and about, but nothing to really brag about.

As I finished up my cup of coffee, the head lights of a familiar Jeep Wrangler started bouncing themselves up our winding driveway. I tipped the cup back once more, getting the last drop before running it inside and coming back out. He was zipping up his Carhart when I reached his Jeep. Tyler's eyes were mostly still puffy from lack of sleep I'd wager. I grinned and waved. Two months ago Mom had hired him. He was going to West Virginia State University for a business degree, Mom knew his grandmother. Agnes had asked if we could give him a job for when he wasn't doing school work. I liked him well enough, I reckon. Tyler was tall, right around six-foot. He had bright green eyes and cropped brown hair. I would call him stalky, but Mom liked to say he was built like a brick shit house. He was your average 22-year-old country boy.

"Mornin." My voice was too chipper, but I didn't care. Tyler flinched and I chuckled. He pocketed his car keys and groaned.

"How are you so...awake? It's balls early and the sun ain't even up yet." His moderately deep voice cracked and he coughed, grunting in emphasis. I nodded, motioning to the barn.

"Today won't be too bad, sposed to warm up 'round noon. Figured we get the hay bales out for the week, gonna get the stalls shoveled out...then that's about it." I watched him think about the tasks that lay ahead. His nose scrunched up. I rolled my eyes and looked at the sky. "C'mon killer, let's get ya some coffee." I started heading back in, hearing his steps crunch behind me on the gravel. He was pouting!

"Why ya gotta be so bossy?" He grumbled, but I heard the smile in his voice.

"'Cause I'm not a whiny ass college boy. We sign your check. Wake up Gomer." I swung the glass door into the kitchen open, motioning for him to enter. Tyler stopped at the door way and gave me a look.

"You're evil. You're an evil little woman." I met his fake glare with my own before he grinned and came in. I shook my head and came around to the coffee pot to get him a cup.

"You're a pussy." I shot back at him. He quietly slid out the wooden chair from the table and sat down. I heard him mumble something but I chose to ignore it. I opened to cupboard above the coffee pot and pulled out a black mug. When I set it down, I caught myself searching for the familiar sight of a chipped green mug. The momentary thought froze me. My chest squeezed and I bit my lip. A flash back of the old apartment hit me like a sledge-hammer. For a second I seen the old coffee pot, Dad's mug and my old rosary laying there. I blinked and cleared my throat, demanding my mind cut the shit. I got Tyler's coffee poured and made myself another cup, too.

Today was going to be one of those days.

When noon rolled around, I found myself grateful to be in the kitchen and making lunch. Tyler was gulping down some water and toeing off his boots at the door. He went to get Mom from her office to join us. I had already shed my jacket and was left to my muscle shirt and dirty jeans. I smelled like barn yard but it was okay, I liked it this way. It had gotten warm around 11, wasn't blistering of course but it brought out some sweat. Mom followed Tyler into the kitchen a minuet later and I shoulder bumped her in 'good morning'.

"What's for chow?" She asked. Mom usually didn't wake up until 8 or 9 and I didn't see her until lunch time. Her office acted as her voluntary prison right now, she was on book three of her series. I was still surprised it was doing so well in sales, Mom would never have to have another job again. She looked glorious in her sweats and signature over sized sweat shirt.

"Mmm...samwhiches and chips!" I grinned, handing her a plate and picking mine and Tyler's up. I came around the kitchen counter and set the plates on the table, dramatically plopping down and grunting as I took a long pull from my water. Tyler snorted and I shot him a look, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

"Maybe next time we should put your lunch in the trough with the pigs..." His green eyes glistened with self-satisfaction as I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Síleann sé i ndáiríre tá sé gleoite, huh?(He really thinks he's cute, huh?)" Mom chuckled but I didn't reply to her. I felt my back stiffen and I ignored the sudden urge to cut my ears off. I never spoke Gaeilge anymore. I was still just as sharp with it as the day I left Boston...but I never spoke it. Mom knew this too, but she'd slip some in every now and again to shake things up. Especially with Tyler.

"Mmhmm." I replied, trying to shake the sudden irritation off. Tyler was too busy munching his way through the BLT I made him to notice, but Mom did. I felt bad, I know she never tried to dredge the not so distant past up. But I knew the past had its way of weaseling in to shake me up. I focused on my own BLT, not looking up until I was done. I had been through a lot these past months but I could feel myself healing. It was an insanely slow process, but it was going none the less. The worst time was at night. I was back in my old bedroom, but being in a bed messed with me. I would usually end up on the couch in the livingroom.

When everyone was done and Tyler was walking out to go check on the hogs and make his rounds through the chicken coop, I began cleaning up. Mom intercepted me and pushed me out of the way so she could load everything into the dish washer.

"I didn't mean to ruin your good mood, honey." She said apologetically as she carefully arranged the plates inside. I shrugged and scratched my neck.

"You didn't. Had a moment this mornin' too, I just need to get over it already." I replied, a little frustration in my voice. Mom finished up and closed the washer, hitting a button to get it started. She straightened up and looked at me with her big dark eyes, seeing me the only way a mother could.

"You can't just get over that kinda stuff. It takes time." She frowned, pulling me in for a tight hug. I sighed and leaned my head into her. Her arms squeezed and she kissed my forehead. "You're the strongest woman I know. I am proud of you." I nodded and pulled away, walking to the door to get my boots back on.

"I'm trying." It was the truth, I was trying very hard to be okay again. But the truth also involved a broken heart and two sets of blue eyes that seemed to be lurking around every corner. My breath wavered. That feeling of abandonment and rejection would never sooth itself or go away. I still felt betrayed, I felt angry and just lost. I've taught myself how to switch auto pilot on for the worst days. For the less painful ones, I just pushed through and kept myself busy with work. Once my feet were in my boots, I could sense Mom's eyes watching me. She wanted to say something, but never got the chance because the phone rang. I didn't pay no attention to it until she made an excited noise and called my name.

"Amelia!" She chirped, tossing me the wireless phone. I caught it and stepped out onto the porch.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hello, this is Sgt. Donahue from the admissions department of the West Virginia Police Academy in Institute." I felt my eyes bug out of my head for a moment.

"Yes sir, how are you today?"

"I am good, thank you. I was just calling to inform you we have reviewed your application and you have been accepted into the summer course. You will need to be here on May 4th for check in and to get your schedule for your course work." I blinked a few moments, not sure I'd heard him properly. I made some noise and cleared my throat.

"I got in? Are you sure?" My voice cracked and I leaned against the banister. I heard my Mom come outside, hovering behind me. I could practically feel her curiosity. Sgt. Donahue was smiling, I could hear it in his voice.

"Yes ma'am. Congratulations Ms. Doyle." I exhaled loudly, not bothering to hide my smile.

"That's awesome! Well, thank you Sgt! Uh, guess I'll see you in May?" He chuckled and said his goodbye. I blinked a few more times before ending the call. I held the phone out to Mom and she was about to explode.

"Who was that?" Her voice was raised, her arms clenched at her sides. I regained my composure and tried to be 'cool' about it, just to drive her nuts.

"Oh nothin'...just Sgt. Donahue calling to let me know I have been accepted into the Police Academy for summer." The expression was priceless. Mom went still, searching my face for a lie. I just grinned and she burst.

"OH MY GOD!" She screeched, jumping up and down and throwing her arms around me. I let some of her happiness seep into my soul and reveled in the moment. We jumped up and down, yelling for Tyler to come quick. He too was happy, sayin' how much hell I was going to raise. I just snorted and accepted the awkward hug from him. After laughing and excitedly talking, I grabbed the phone from Mom again and shook it. She gave me another questioning look. "Who ya callin'?" I smiled sheepishly and sat down on our wooden porch swing. I was surprised she didn't know already.

"Callin' the old man. He's gonna be so happy." My heart swelled with pride. Not really for myself, but for the fact Doc was going to be proud. I missed him terribly, but I made sure to call him a few times a week to check in. He was like a father after all. I dialed the now memorized number and waited patiently.

"'Ello?" The familiar Irish accent made me grin and look at Mom, she too was smiling.

"Doc! It's me." I said.

"Aye! Lass! How're ye?" I bit my lip and bunched my shoulder's up in happiness. I made a happy noise and heard him chuckle. "What is it, love?" I inhaled.

"I just got accepted into the police academy! I start my course in May! AHH!" He let out a few curses and I heard something slam.

"T-t-t'ats wonderful 'Melia!" He paused to aim the phone away from his mouth for a 'Fuck Ass'. "S'prouda ye! Yer gon'te make a f-f-FUCK fine lady cop." His confidence touched me through the distance and I nodded.

"Thank you, Doc. Aside from Mom, You're the first to find out." He made a noise I could only chalk up to an 'aww'.

"Well, t'at is an honor. Shaun'll be happy fer ye, too. If'n Carrin was here wit us, he'd be passin' round cigars an' celebratin! S'what I'm gon' te do tonigh'." He paused and got quiet for a moment. "Yer doin' so well girl, don' stop. Keep fightin'. S'proud of ye. I love ye girl." I blinked back a few tears and looked out over the farm scenery.

"I love you too. Give Shaun a hug for me, yourself one too. I know it's probably time to start headin' in. I'll call you soon." My throat was quickly closing and I needed to hang up. He said his byes and I hung up. Mom was still smiling, taking the phone from me to announce she had to make some calls and spread the news. I gave her a smile and watched her go back inside. I was indeed happy, I'd need to call Shannon too. Let him know, asshole had put the thought in my head to begin with. Something told me he'd probably hear it from Doc before I got a chance to call him myself though.

But like everything else, the past was sneaking in on me today. First this morning with coffee, Mom at lunch and now Doc and his sweet words. We spoke of Dad in this house on occasion, but it was hard. Was getting easier, but not by much. Mom still didn't know the truth. I didn't have the heart to tell her. I mean hell, she hardly knew anything about...them and what had sent me home in such a mess. Luckily, she didn't pry a lot. She'd just requested that I tell her one day, and some day I would. I would tell her everything, all of it. But back to the point, it wasn't the mention of Dad that threw me off my center again...it was something else Doc said.

Don't stop, keep fighting. Rocco's bloody face flew through my mind and I felt cold. I had been trying to lock those weeks out of my mind. The smells, the noises, the pain and tears. I chewed my lip and stepped off the porch towards the stalls. I needed to ride, if only I could run from the memories that would be perfect. I would have discarded of them from the plane on the way home if I could have. I've already gotten rid of so many things, what would that hurt too? My boots hit dirt as I got closer to the stalls. I heard the welcoming whinnies of the few horses we had. I shook off the mid day chill and grabbed my saddle out of the tack room. Time to forget life for a while.

**Damien Rice - Rootless Tree**