Well hello everyone and welcome to the first chapter of Vale's police department of Red vs Blue or as the title stands VPD of RvB.

Some back story to why I'm making this is because I was looking through the reviews of my other story where I added a reference to RvB and it made think and the outcome was this so thank you whoever gave me that review (Won't say names) as this became a reality

Well anyways before we begin

Disclaimer: All property is owned by their rightful owners, I only own the story

Now that's out of the way, without further ado let's begin

It was early summer in the city of Vale as heat was beating down on the city as a small police station in a remote part of the city was very lax as no crimes has been committed in ages in that part of town it was stationed in. Inside the station there was currently only a few members of the police force as all the rest have either relocated to different stations to actually work or get different employments. The ones that stayed are still here as there were no positions available in different stations or the fact most police stations would rather hire a cigar smoking monkey than them even if it was unethical.

Inside the station sitting behind the the front desk of the police station was a large slightly obese man with unruly brown hair and an equally unruly beard with crumbs all over it. He was wearing the usual Vale police outfit which consisted of a white shirt, black pants with suspenders but instead of the black tie was an orange one. The man had his feet up on the front desk as he was sleeping peacefully with a snack cake in his hand

"Grif! I thought I told you to help me carry these boxes!" A man with combed back brown hair and glasses walked in carrying a large box that he struggling to carry. The man had the same cop uniform as Grif but with a maroon tie

"And I thought I told you Simmons that I'm working" Grif said lazily as he let out a loud yawn

"Working! You're just sleeping!" Simmons yelled at Grif as he nearly fell as he walked up to the front desk

"Incorrect I'm resting my eyes while manning my post" Grif said gesturing to front desk

"Grif we had no one come in, nor anyone call this section for help for a long ass time so stop being lazy and help dammit!" Simmons shouted as he stomped his foot down causing him to lose balance as the box he was carrying slipped out of his hands and fell down onto his foot "Goddammit!" Simmons shouted in pain as he hopped around clutching his foot before slipping on a snack cake wrapper causing him to fall down and hit his head "Ow! The back of my head" Simmons shouted in pain

"Well isn't that Karma" Grif said jokingly

"How is that Karma, this doesn't isn't even qualify as Karma!" Simmons shouted angrily from his position on the ground

"No you were a pain in the head and now you have a pain in your head. Karma works in the most mysterious ways don't you agree" Grif said mockingly while trying his best to hold in his laughter

"Dammit Grif! I thought I also told you to throw away all this trash" Simmons said as he clutched his head in pain as he stood back up

"No your exact words were 'Grif would you mind cleaning up after yourself' which by the way I did mind as I'm not this station's janitor" Grif said taking out another snack cake and threw the wrapper on the ground

"Well maybe if you don't waste our funding on snack cakes maybe we could, oh I don't know. Afford one!" Simmons shouted angrily at Grif who shrugged

"Meh"

Simmons let out a groan as he placed his hand against his face "Could you please just help me move these boxes already, Sarge wants us to take these to his workshop" Simmons said tiredly as Grif let out a annoyed groan

"What does Sarge even need this crap in first place" Grif said as he ate another snack cake

"Don't know, all he said it was a project of his" Simmons said as he hefted the box up again "All I know is that this crap is heavy" Simmons said with a groan

'Simmons, Grif, I thought I already told you two to bring that shipment up to my workshop. Double time maggots!' The intercom of Sarge crackled

"Right away sir!" Simmons exclaimed as the intercom turned off

"Ugh, great now I actually have to work" Grif said lazily as he pulled his feet off the desk and stood up.

"Shut and help me carry this" Simmons said as Grif let out a groan as he walked up to Simmons and helped him carry the box. Simmons was in front carrying while Grif was on the other side 'Supporting' it

"God damn this are heavy" Simmons said as he let out a grunt

"Yeah it's really heavy. Hnng, wowsa" Grif said making fake groaning noises as Simmons stared at Grif on the other side of the box before letting go causing Grif to nearly stumble down as the entire weight of the box fell down on him

"Okay, heavy, heavy, help a little help" Grif said quickly as Simmons smirked before helping Grif carry the box "You're an ass you know that" Grif said glaring at Simmons who smirked

"Shut it cockbite" Simmons said smugly as they entered Sarge's workshop

"About time you two got here" Sarge said walking up to the two of them. Sarge was an old yet very fit man with a his grayish hair in a standard military haircut. His uniform was the same as the other twos but had his sleeves rolled up, dog tags around his neck and the military symbol of the rank of Sargent sown onto his right sleeve as he wanted the military version instead of the badge "Put it over there and don't drop it, you might damage it. Who knows what might happen if one piece gets damaged" Sarge said as Simmons flinched as they had already dropped it

"Mind telling me what is with the this stupid heavy ass box" Grif said as he and Simmons placed the box on the table

"Your replacement numb nuts" Sarge said as Grif rolled his eyes "This here baby is Police command's gift to us*1 for our clean state here in our precinct" Sarge said proudly as Grif and Simmons looked at each other

"Maybe for the fact. Nothing happens here!" Grif shouted as the last part echoed throughout the police station a couple of times

"Ah who asked you" Sarge said as he started taking out parts from the boxes

"You did" Grif said as Sarge let out frustrated gruff

"Simmons! I want you to poison Grif's next meal!" Sarge shouted at Simmons

"Will do sir" Simmons said with a salute

"My god are you a kiss ass" Grif said with his arms crossed

"Shut it cockbite, because unlike you I'm working for a promotion" Simmons said dutifully

"Yes being promoted from ass kisser to boot licker, such a promotion" Grif said sarcastically as Simmons glared at him

"First off what you said was a demotion not a promotion" Simmons started

"Yea but you always kissing up to him you might as well start kissing the ground he walks on" Grif retorted

"That was a burn" Sarge stated taking out some weird mechanical parts from the box

"Thank you sir" Grif said surprised Sarge would take his side

"Shut up numb nuts and come over here, I need your hands" Sarge said dully

"Why me?"

"Because yours has more meat on them, and when I mean meat I mean fat. . . Because you're so fat" Sarge said as he stared at Grif who stared back dryly

"I get it sir" Grif said unenthusiastic

"Good because I just wanted to remind you of what you are. . . which is being fat"

"I get it" Grif said this a little annoyed

"I just wanted make things clear that you are much larger than the rest of us"

"I get it!" Grif said more sternly and annoyed

"Good, didn't want you to get a big head which you already have because you are so fat"

"I. Get. It!" Grif exclaimed sternly

"Oh good. Thought you didn't get what I was hinting at" Sarge said happily

"You're as subtle as a bull in a china shop" Grif said dryly as at that moment a bull faunus who browsing a china shop stopped and stared out the window

"Nonsense, bulls have the finesse of a majestic eagle" Sarge said pridefully

"Yeah an eagle that was force to swallow a gallon of alcohol" Grif said dryly

"Exactly" Sarge agreed as Grif just stared at him

". . . . I got nothing to respond to that"

"Good because if you kept talking I would've. Taken this out and PA-CHOW!" Sarge said quickly as Grif, as a man bigger than an average person could, quickly ducked when Sarge brought out his shotgun and fired "Ah, you weren't supposed to duck" Sarge said sadly as Grif glared at the man

"Yea if I did I would've died" Grif said hotly

"A man could only dream" Sarge said with a distant gaze as he sighed

"Didn't you say you needed my hands" Grif asked dryly

"Nah, just wanted you to grab this here doohickey and get electrocuted" Sarge said as he held up a clamp that held a piece of equipment that a spark of electricity crackled slightly around it

"Ugh, sir" Simmons said speaking as he interrupted Grif from saying something

"Hm?" Sarge grunted as he looked at Simmons as he placed the part down

"If I might ask, what exactly were in that box as you didn't tell us what they were" Simmons asked

"But Simmons, I did tell you already" Sarge said in a condescending tone

"You did?"

"He did?"

"Of course I did, I said I was making Grif's replacement" Sarge said proudly as Grif gaped at him

"You were serious!" Grif nearly shouted in disbelief

"Of course I was, this here is the new state of the art Atlesian Knight-201" Sarge said proudly

"Two hundred and one? But the new models are 200's, why is ours called 201?" Simmons asked confused

"Because I swiped the manifest from the shipping company so that the bot command was sending us would be this new prototype" Sarge said with a chuckle as Grif slowly turned to Simmons

"We can plead innocent when the government comes knocking down our doors right?" Grif whispered dryly

"Innocent? I'm pleading that he's insane so I don't get my record tarnished from what he's doing" Simmons whispered back

"What you two whispering about?" Sarge asked

""Nothing"" The two nearly shouted

At the same time two people were on the roof on the other side of the street. One was pacing back and forth while the other was crouched with a sniper rifle in hand

"So we're just going to let them build the thing Church" The one pacing asked. The man had dark skin and black hair that was in a dreadlocks ponytail. He wore a dark suit with a white shirt and a teal tie

"Yea, apparently our boss knew about them taking the thing and decided they could use the data from them using it as it could be basically tried as a test run" The other man named Church said. He had combed back hair, a trimmed goatee and had half-rim square glasses. The man wore the exact same clothing as the other man but with a cobalt tie instead

"So this is basically them protecting the scientists if this thing goes ballistic and kills everyone" the man deadpanned

"That's basically the gist of it Tucker" Church said putting down the rifle

"Wow. . Our government are a bunch of assholes" Tucker said as Church let out chuckle

"Yea, I'm just glad we're getting paid just to watch these guys probably get rip to shreds by this thing while we call it in" Church said cynically

"Man that's cold"

"Yea but they did steal a robot that basically costs millions of lein to make as it still in the prototype stage" Church said as Tucker thought about it for a moment

"Okay, you got a point" Tucker said

"Yea so let's just sit back and relax" Church said as he pulled out two foldable chairs and setting them down

"Mind letting me use the sniper rifle" Tucker asked

"Maybe later"

"So we're just going to build a robot that has never been put on the market yet" Grif summarized

"Yep" Sarge said as he finished putting a leg together and put it down on his worktable

"Alright, do you want us to do anything?" Simmons asked

"Nah, got everything here. You just get in the way" Sarge said waving him off

"Oh. . Okay sir" Simmons said sounding disappointed

"My god are you pathetic" Grif said dully as he began walking out the room with Simmons in tow

"Shut it Grif you don't understand how I feel" Simmons said hotly sounding as if he was crying like a teenage girl being rejected by a boy she likes

"My god, do you know how much a girl you just sounded like. Hell my sister doesn't sound that girly" Grif said as he shook his head

"Isn't your sister a who-" Simmons didn't finish that as Grif elbowed his face "OW! The front of my face" Simmons said clutching his face in pain

"That's what you get for talking trash about my sister" Grif said seriously as they neared the front desk as they started hearing something

"Goddammit Grif you hit me so hard my ears are ringing" Simmons said as he picked his ears while Grif looked confused

"Actually" Grif started as the two of them stopped "I hear it as well" He said as they heard the ringing and again and walked into the front desk lounge as the ringing became louder. They looked around until they laid their eyes on the phone on the front desk as it was ringing loudly

". . . . Holy crap we got a call" Simmons said softly as Grif stared at the phone "Holy crap! We got a call!" Simmons shouted in amazement and complete shock "What do we do!" Simmons shouted as they have never once in their times as police officers had a report come in to their area of Vale

"Didn't even think we had a phone" Grif said calmly as he crossed his arms as he stared at the phone

"This is serious Grif!" Simmons exclaimed hysterically as he began reciting what to do in this situation from the official police handbook

Grif rolled his eyes as he calmly walked up to the ringing phone and picked it up "Yello is there something you need" Grif said unprofessionally as Simmons gaped at him before rushing over to him and pushing him out they way as he grabbed the phone

"Sorry about that. What is your emergency" Simon said politely but his voice cracked near the end which made Grif snicker

-There, There has been a murder here- A voice stated as Simmons flinched as he recognized it as female

"D-Don't worry mam, we'll go to your location as soon as possible. Just tell me where you are and w-we'll be there shortly" Simmons said with voice cracking up ever so slightly

-Um~ are you breaking up- The woman said slightly confused

"No no just" Simmons said coughing into his fist "Just fine, tell me the location" Simmons said trying to deepen his voice

-. . . . . The street I'm on is 14940 Dustland Ave.- The woman said quietly

"We'll be sending our homicide unit shortly" Simmons said as he hung up and looked over his shoulder to see Grif on the ground heaving silent laughs as wheezing could only be heard from him "Shut the hell up" Simmons said sternly

Grif took a deep breath before laughing loudly "O-Oh my g-god hahaha that was hilarious" Grif said as he could barely breath much less speak

"Shut it Grif you know how I am with women" Simmons shouted in embarrassment as Grif's laughter slowed down to a few giggles "Come on lardass we need to go" Simmons said as he opened the drawer and pulled out two dark aviator sunglasses in maroon and sunburnt orange tinted lenses

"Wait I thought you said the homicide unit is going to deal with it?" Grif asked as he stood back up as Simmons tossed him his orange aviators

"We ARE the homicide unit" Simmons said with seriousness

"WE ARE!" Grif shouted in surprise

"Do you see anyone else in this building other than us and Sarge!" Simmons shouted as the word 'Sarge' echoed throughout the empty station as the man in question looked up from his spot at his workstation and stopped welding some pieces together to look around

"Yea but do we have to go" Grif said lazily as he put the sunglasses on

"Yes!" Simmons said in deep annoyance as he shook his hands in front of him

"Fine, but when we come back you are paying for lunch" Grif said lazily as they headed towards the garage

"I ALWAYS PAY FOR LUNCH"

"Good you understand then" Grif said as he whistled a happy tune while Simmons let out a suppressed growl. The two soon entered the garage to see their custom built police car/swat vehicle or that's what they would say if someone comes in as this is actually a M12 F.A.V*2 that Sarge got from an old military buddy that they always forget his name. They do remember his name starts with a J

"Shotgun"

"Shotgun, Fuck!" Simmons shouted angrily as Grif chuckled as he got in the passenger seat while Simmons went around and got in the drivers seat. Simmons drove out of the garage and down the street before feeling like he forgot something "Hey Grif"

"Yea" Grif said lazily as he had his arm leaning against the outside of the vehicle

"Do you feel like we're forgetting something?"

"Hello, Hello~. Simmons, Grif" Sarge called out as walked backwards warily with a pipe in hand "I need some help here, apparently the arm I was working on got a mind of its own and is trying to ki- uh I mean give me presents, yea that's it" Sarge said as he whirled around when he heard scurrying "So why don't you boys come over here and get some presents" Sarge said as he heard something scuttling behind him. Sarge quickly turned and saw the hand in mid-air about to grab his throat but Sarge hit away with the pipe

Sarge watched as it scuttled away on its fingers "Ha, thought you could get behind me. Well I'm sorry but I was not a Sargent for noth-" Sarge stopped when another arm came out of nowhere and started to strangle him "Crap! The other one got a mind of its own as well" Sarge gurgled out as the other hand came out of the hiding place and grabbed his leg.

"Ah crap" Sarge muttered when the arm pulled him to the ground as the two arms got on him and started punching him "Bring it- Ack -You punch like a girl- Right in the eye - I seen grandmas hit better than you!" Sarge shouted/taunt as he inwardly swore that he'll get his two subordinates for this insubordination of not taking the beating "Ah! My kidneys!" Sarge swore when he saw the feet join in before he kicked them off and pulled the arms of his body

Sarge scrambled back to his feet and stared at the limbs with a dry glare "If I survive this I'm gonna kill them both. Slowly" Sarge swore as he let out a war cry as he charged at the limbs with his fists held up high as the limbs charged at him as well ready to fight their creator

"Nah, if we didn't remember than it wasn't anything important" Grif said waving it off as Simmons thought about it for a moment

"Yeah you're probably right. Right now it's this case we have to focus on" Simmons said as they continued to drive off towards the directions of the murder to begin their first case, god help the people they are trying to help

*1: No idea who technically runs all the precincts or whatever they are so I'm just making it up

*2: Just imagine the vehicle in black and white and the two lights on top red and blue

Well I hope you all enjoyed this first chapter and I hope I lived up to your RvB expectations. Now then if you please leave a comment, review or PM I'll see you all later, have a great day.