Author's Note: I haven't been writing all these stories fresh, (no time) I've just been raiding my archive of old stories I've half written but never posted and editing them up to fit here. I do this mainly because right now I want some PIKE fluff, and the show's not giving it to me. (Though I gotta say lakergirl in this fanfic forum is doing an amazing job, go read those stories) This story takes place at the end of Season One, after Mike has killed Jangles, but before he leaves for DC. In my head it's still in canon, just with one more secret than the audience is privy to.

Johnny is thrilled with his plan. He has had sheets made with a photo of a full life size scary ass clown printed on them as if it's asleep. He has waited forever for the perfect moment to prank his roommate, and finally Jakes is gone. He has sneaked into Jakes' room and is preparing to replace the sheets and remake the bed as normal, when he hears a noise in the hallway of someone about to enter. Scared of Jakes wrath, Johnny grabs the sheets and dives into the closet, closing the door behind him, leaving it barely cracked.

"Are you sure he's gone?"

Johnny hears Mike's voice. What the hell is he doing in here?

"I'm sure. He's got a mandatory ethics conference. Those take forever." The second voice definitely belongs to Paige.

"Jesus, I thought he was going to never leave. He's been moping in here for a week. What's that about?" Mike asks. Johnny wonders if there's anyone else with them, or if it's just Paige and Mike. It sounds like they're worried about Jakes, maybe they're searching for clues as to why he's so sullen recently.

"I'm not sure. He'll tell us when he's ready." Paige responds.

"I bet Briggs knows…" Mike ponders aloud.

"Look we should respect his privacy. Jakes just needs some space and time. He'll come out with it when he's ready."

"I guess you're right." Mike agrees with her.

So they're obviously not in here to search Jakes' stuff. Johnny wonders if they're planning on pranking Jakes too. Maybe they would be able to help Johnny in his plan for hiding a clown in Jakes car. The more people he has in on the prank the more crazy it can be. Johnny is just about to announce his presence when something stops him.

"Ok, well now that that's settled…" Paige says casually, "…take off your pants."

Wait… WHAT?! Johnny could not have heard that right.

"Wow, your powers of seduction are amazing." Mike says sarcastically. "I feel so desired and wooed… you could at least try to butter me up a bit first. Maybe talk about the fact that, I don't know, I just saved the house? Talk about how dashingly handsome I am with my perfect hair or my sexy ass. You know, charm me."

"I don't need to be charming, I have breasts. Take off your pants." Paige repeats. Oh my god she's serious.

"You're not even going to try to put a little effort into this?" Mike asks.

"We don't have that much time. Charlie's cooking dinner, Briggs's is at the station, Johnny's out cultivating a potential CI, do you want to do this or not?"

"Fine." Johnny sees the shadow of a shirt being tossed in his direction through the cracks of the closet. He cannot believe this is happening.

The room goes silent other than some unmistakable noises of lips pressing against lips, when suddenly he hears a loud, "Ow!"

"What's wrong?" Paige asks.

"I just can't do that position. Your leg hits my scar." Mike tells her.

"But that's my favorite." Johnny can almost imagine Paige pouting on the other side of the door. "You don't get to play the "I got stabbed card" again!"

"I can't do it anymore, Paige. At least not until my side heals a little better." Mike insists.

Anymore? How long has this been going on? Mike got stabbed weeks ago!

"Well, heal quicker. We've only got a week before you leave." Paige whines, and then there's those damn kissing noises again. The noises continue and Johnny can hear clothes hitting the floor before he hears Paige lustily mutter, "I was starting to worry we wouldn't get to christen every room before you left. Thank God Jakes had that conference."

"It's not like I'm never going to see you again." Johnny can hear Mike rolling his eyes.

"You want a secret long distance relationship?" Paige laughs doubtfully.

"We've kept it going this long. What's a few thousand extra miles?" Mike asks, and Johnny thinks he hears Mike's voice crack. Was that slurping noises he heard?

"It already feels too far and you're just sleeping in one door over." Oh God, there's that slurping noise again, and Johnny barely can hear the next words because it sounds like Paige's mouth is full. "No, we need to end this."

"What if we just told everyone?" It's hard for Johnny to understand Mike's words because they're short and forced between breaths like he's holding himself back.., The slurping noises seem louder... "Then it's not a secret long distance relationship, just a long distance one."

"Easy for you to say. You get to leave. I still have to live with this." Paige gasps for air

"You could apply for a transfer…" Finally the noises stop, and Johnny hears a creaking noise that sounds like someone just sat on a desk.

"Me in DC? I'd fit in about as well-" Paige laughs, but Mike interrupts her with a sad serious voice.

"...As I fit in here." There's a pause of silence, and Johnny wonders if maybe they left.

"I know where you fit perfectly…" Paige's voice drops to a low seductive purr, and Johnny grimaces. That is too cheesy, he wonders if maybe he should alert the two to his presence.

"God you're so tight." Mike moans, and Johnny knows he's too late and there is no way he's coming out now.

No, no, no, no, no, no… Come on guys don't make me listen to this again. Johnny thinks to himself, it was bad enough that he had to listen over the phone to Charlie and Briggs in that hotel room, he did NOT want to hear this.

Johnny places his fingers in his ears, but even that can't drown out the noises coming from the other side of the door. The creaking of the desk. The slap of skin against skin. The moaning, Christ the moaning. He's surprised to find that apparently Mike is the dirty talker of the two. He would have thought it would have been Paige who was saying such filthy things. Or maybe she was just the one who liked hearing it. He knew that girl would be a freak in bed. Mike "white bread" Warren he did not expect to be such a pervert.

It seems to last forever, just as the pounding starts speeding up to the point Johnny thinks it's about to end, they switch positions and it starts all over.

"Oh fuck, Paige I won't last if you keep doing that." FINALLY Mike groans, and Johnny has never been so grateful to hear near orgasmic words uttered. Those two are like energizer rabbits.

"That's fine, I've got plans in five minutes anyways. I didn't expect you to last nearly this long." How Paige can joke in the middle of what sounds like mind blowing acrobatic sex is beyond Johnny's comprehension.

"You're a bitch." Mike's throaty laugh leaves Johnny no doubt that even though Mike's words are an insult, the way he's saying them he may as well be saying 'I love you'.

"You like it." Paige says with a gasp.

"I love it." Mike growls roughly.

"Mike…" Paige groans in disapproval, and Johnny senses this is part of a prior argument, but he doesn't know what about, but Mike seems to.

"I know." Mike buries his face in her shoulder. "I won't…"

"Just don't-" Paige gasps, her voice breaking, "God, don't stop."

"Hold on just give me a second to…"

"Mike what are you... AH!" Johnny doesn't want to know what Mike's doing, but whatever it is makes Paige squeal.

"Hold on to me." Mike says through gritted teeth.

"Ah fuck! What about your scar?" Paige gasps.

"Oh, it's worth it. Don't worry. Keep going." Mike's breath is labored, and he's clearly exerting himself in whatever the position is that's Paige's favorite.

"Mike! Oh, just like that… I'm going to…"

"Oh fuck." Mike groans, and suddenly there's a flurry of noise, and then silence.

For a few minutes the only sound in the room is heavy breathing, unspoken words, and Johnny's silent prayers to god, thanking him that it's done.

"Oh my god, Mike, you're bleeding." Paige is still somewhat breathless, but at least her voice has lost that lustful tone, that Johnny knows is going to feature in a future fantasy once he's not so scarred by this episode.

"Shit." Mike laughs as he presses his hand to his wound.

"Oh my god, how did you even finish? Wasn't that painful?" Paige says sounding concerned.

"With you wrapped around me, I hardly noticed..."

"You're such a suck up, and a masochist apparently." She laughs as Mike laughs and kisses her. "You really shouldn't have tried that last position. You're not superman you know."

"Well it is your favorite. I aim to please."

"Well, maybe we should do your favorite..." Paige says, her voice dropping back to that lascivious tone.

Oh god no… Not again. Johnny may hang himself in this closet.

"I don't think we have time for that…" Mike says warily.

Yes! Thank you Mike.

"We could make time. Those conferences can run long, and Jakes is probably stuck in traffic..." Paige murmers, and the way Mike gasps makes Johnny wonder what exactly she just did to him.

"I can't."

"You don't have to do anything. I can do all the work this time…"

"No, Paige I mean I physically can't. I'm falling apart here." Mike says, and it's the first time Johnny's thankful that Mike got stabbed. "Dammit, I got blood on your shirt."

"That's alright, I'll just wear this one here." Paige picks up Mike's shirt from the floor.

"That's not even fair." Mike groans, "God you look…"

Johnny can hear more kissing from the other side of the door and he rolls his eyes. How long can these two go? They already went one round. He said he had to go. Let the man go Paige!

"I thought you couldn't go another round." Paige murmers.

"You wearing my shirt… It's just. Wow."

Johnny shakes his head. Mike is such a sap.

"Tonight, come to my room." Paige's voice is breathless. "We'll do your favorite... What is your favorite by the way?"

"You."

"Well you can definitely do that then." Paige is standing in the doorway, and Johnny just wants her to leave, but she turns around winks and slaps her own ass playfully. "Hard."

"Not even fair… you're really taking my shirt?" Mike laughs breathlessly. Johnny doesn't think he's ever heard Mike sound so happy and relaxed the whole times he's known him. Maybe this whole time he just needed to get laid.

"It's my shirt now." Paige says cheekily.

"It looks better on you anyways," Mike admits, "but you know if people see you in it… Paige, they're going to talk."

"Well then I better go quickly before anyone sees." Paige says, and Johnny wants to rejoice that FINALLY she's leaving. "See you tonight."

"Hey, come here." Mike calls Paige back in, and Johnny wants to scream in frustration. "Be safe today, ok?"

"Mike, it's not gonna be a big deal. I'd be shocked if the whole bust takes over an hour. We're in we're out." Paige is back in Mike's arms, and Johnny wants to roll his eyes.

"No I know, it's just… If there's a dark hallway or something… Let Johnny go first or whatever. Just come back to me, ok?"

"I always do." Johnny rolls his eyes as Paige leans in for another deep kiss before running out the doorway. Those two are so mushy together he wants to puke.

Thinking he's alone in Jakes' room Mike sighs. He ruffles a lazy hand through his hair, stretching, and then looks down to his side to check if the bleeding has stopped. Johnny assumed Mike would leave immediately after Paige, but apparently he's giving her a head start, while he stays behind overthinking things.

Finally Johnny can take no more.

"LET ME GO FIRST?" Johnny bursts out of the closet indignant, and Mike jumps about three feet in the air. "What I don't suck your dick, so I get regulated to a human shield for your girlfriend?"

"Jesus Johnny! What are you- Have you been in there the whole time?!" Mike screams.

"No, we've got secret passageways connecting all the closets and I just arrived. Of course I was in there the whole time!"

"Why are you in the closet?!" Mike demands in a panicked whisper.

"Well at first I thought you were Jakes, and I hid. Then the two of you started… bleah… doing stuff." Johnny feels scarred just saying it. He's going to need so much therapy after this.

"So you just sat in there and watched?! Dammit Johnny! Why are you always sneaking-"

"Oh no. You don't get to yell at me about sneaking around. Not when you and Paige have been doing god knows what for god knows how long. How did this even happen Levi?"

"This was the first time."

"This was not the first time! I was listening remember?" Johnny yelled "How long?!"

Mike looks uncomfortably at his feet. "You remember the lead hand incident?"

"Yeah…"

"Somewhere around there?" Mike admits, looking embarrassed but somehow proud at the same time. Johnny starts to suspect Mike wanted to get caught…

"Hold up dude, weren't you with Abby then?"

"No. Well… kind of. But it was over before Paige and I started."

"How over?" Johnny raises an eyebrow.

"Maybe twenty minutes?" Mike finally admits sheepishly.

"Explain." Johnny barks.

Mike tries to remember how this whole thing started.

Mike was standing alone in his room. He didn't feel sad though, he felt relieved… Something had never felt right with Abby. He had never felt quite himself. He liked to think that was just because he could never be completely honest with her, but it wasn't just that. It was more. He didn't know how to describe it he just knew that when he was standing in that kitchen with Paige, even when they were fighting, he felt more of a connection than he had ever felt even at his most intimate moments with Abby.

He finds himself almost being drawn down the hall. He knows the two of them are alone in the house, he can't help himself. He just needs to see her. See if he's imagining all this.

He hears water running in the hallway bathroom and peaks in through the open door. There is Paige standing on her tiptoes at the sink. She's wearing a pair of grey sweats that hang loosely around her hips and a white tank top, her eyes on the mirror in front of her as she brushes her teeth.

She sees Mike in the reflection as he enters the room silently. She spits out her toothpaste in the sink so she can turn to talk to him, but he crosses the bathroom to her and as she looks up, his lips meet hers. The room is completely silent except for the running of the water as Mike molds his lips against hers, kissing her softly, his hands holding her hips pressed to his.

He feels her hands come cautiously up to his shoulders, her toothbrush falling to the floor forgotten. She responds to his tender hesitant lips softly. Time slows around them, and Mike relaxes into the kiss as he realizes she isn't pushing him away. He kisses her languidly, almost lazily. This feels comfortable and right, and for once his brain stops turning and he just feels the moment.

His tongue slips between her teeth and he can taste the mint. His fingertips tighten on her hips bunching the loose fabric of her sweatpants in his fists.

After a minute or so Mike, pulls away slowly, eyes closed, breathing in the air between them. He slowly opens his eyes and stares at her, wanting to see her reaction to this new development. She is catching her breath, obviously still surprised, and he can actually see her collecting her thoughts, reorganizing the information in her mind.

"Mike we can't." She whispers.

"Why not? Because it breaks the rules?" Mike asks just as softly, even though he's sure no one else is in the house.

"Look, I know you're upset about Abby and lonely but this isn't..."

"No. I want this. This feels real." Mike whispers staring at her. "You feel real, Paige."

"Mike…" She looks up at him, as he throws her own word back at her.

"No one's home. Just you and me." Mike lays another kiss on her lips. "We can make our own rules…"

"You lied to me."

"I want to be honest with you."

"I think it's best maybe we both forgot this whole day."

"You know what the best way to do that is don't you?" Mike says playfully. "Get very very drunk."

"That's a bad idea…" The smile on Paige's face makes it apparent she knows exactly what would happen between the two of them if they were to get drunk. "Look it's been a long night, maybe we should just go to bed and see how it looks in the morning."

"I haven't eaten yet. My dinner plans got cancelled…" Mike takes another step towards her, staring at her lips. "Can I take you to dinner?"

"Alright, because of what happened to you today, and I mean the hand amputation, not the lying to me and almost burning Graceland, I will make you a sandwich." Paige rolls her eyes and can't help but smile. "But you've got to stop staring at me like that."

"If that's what you want…" Mike says, leaning down so his lips are close enough to her, all she'd have to do is lean up. She looks up at him with a mischievous smile, and he knows she's thinking about it.

"You couldn't handle it." She says cockily.

"Try me." Mike challenges. "Come on. Just one night, Paige… Are you telling me you never thought about it?"

"I'm not saying that…" She admits, looking coy.

"Then kiss me. Just test the waters. It can be our little secret." Mike can feel the heat between them from the earlier fight has turned into a very different type of heat.

"One night. That's it."

"No one finds out?"

"Not a soul."

She thinks it over, and Mike is dying from anticipation.

"Ok. Let's see what you've got Levi."

"Johnny you can't tell anyone you know. Not even Paige. Especially Paige. She's really weird about people knowing." Mike says sounding nervous.

"Why?! This is awesome. Gross, but awesome." Johnny asks.

"I don't know why she is, and it's a question I've been trying not to ask myself." Mike says, clearly pissed off by the thought. "Look, just don't tell anyone ok? Things are really fragile right now, and I just don't want to make any mistakes with her."

"FINE!" Johnny says, wishing he could tell everyone. This is the biggest piece of gossip to hit the house since Charlie and Briggs hooked up.

"Thanks." Mike says, finally starting to calm down from the surprise of being caught.

"Just one question… when Paige said you 'christened' each room… Mike," Johnny braces himself, "Did you two do it in my room?"

"Uh…."

Before Mike can answer, the door to the room swings open and there in the doorway is a very pissed off looking Jakes. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO IDIOTS DOING IN MY ROOM?!"

"Ummm. Funny story..."