A/N: Beware; crack beyond this point. Luffy x Meat is the true OTP.

NOTE! If this seems familiar to you, you may have read it before on my tumblr. Please keep this in mind, and don't accuse me of plagiarising myself, as has happened in the past.

"Oh, meat," Luffy crooned under his breath, trying not to be heard by his fishing companions Usopp and Chopper. "Sanji can't keep us apart forever, don't worry… I'll be there for you soon…"

Sure enough, Sanji called for dinner not two seconds later. Luffy bounded in ahead of everyone else as usual, excited to be having one of his five chances a day to spend quality time with his true love.

"Meat! Meat! Meat!" he chanted, banging his knife and fork on the table. He knew Sanji would be bringing his sweetheart out to him, and sometimes he just couldn't wait.

"Yeah, yeah, hold your horses," Sanji muttered as he placed the huge plate he held in front of Luffy reluctantly. Luffy wondered why the hesitation, but then he saw the meal and knew.

It wasn't meat, but fish.

"But… meat?" Luffy whined piteously, prodding at the fish.

"Fish is… sort of meat," Nami offered to be helpful. "It's not too different, is it?"

Luffy gave her a look of betrayal.

"Look," Sanji interrupted. He snuffed out his cigarette perilously close to Luffy's hand. "If I serve meat constantly, we're going to run out. So it would be nice if you would settle for our most plentiful resource for once!"

"I thought our most plentiful resource was the pheromones of desperation that fly off you when you spot a lady," Zoro said casually as he took a long chug of his sake.

Sanji shot something back, but Luffy had stopped listening. He was too busy looking at the fish that had invaded his special meat time.

It… didn't look too bad, he supposed. Sure, it was nothing like meat, but…

The curved incline of the fish's body, which was left recognisable for presentation, gleamed under the lights of the galley. The aroma of the sauce wafted over to Luffy, making his mouth water unbidden, and he gulped. Steam rose from the meal. Luffy's stomach growled.

Luffy pulled the plate closer, and, preparing himself with a deep breath, plunged his fork into the fish.

He chewed the first bite carefully — his crew marvelled slightly — and swallowed. It… was delicious.

Tearfully, Luffy began devouring the rest of the fish with his usual breakneck pace. He stopped for a second when he was halfway through, and mouthed an 'I'm sorry' to the fridge, where he knew his beloved meat was, so close to being able to see him with the fish, so close to catching him with another food group. He finished the fish with a great deal of regret.

When he slunk away later, and refused to go fishing for another week, the crew didn't question it. They were becoming used to the sort of reaction Luffy had when Sanji tried to make something other than meat the main course.