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Tides Ignited
Seth will never forget the expression of sheer devastation on her face the first time he laid eyes on Bella Swan since becoming a wolf. He'd walked into Sam's expecting a pack meeting. He hadn't been expecting his mind to be shattered into a million pieces. Because she was.
It'd been only a week since he'd first phased but he'd accepted his wolf nature as if he'd been shape shifting from diapers.
He remembered the habitual grin slipping from his face, thoughts of raiding Sam's kitchen forgotten as he caught his first glimpse of her.
Her slender back had been turned to him as she faced Jake, he could almost feel the wetness of the tears in her voice…
"Why Jake?"
Jake had grasped her shoulders, his own face a mask of pain but his body was already angled away from her to the girl standing just behind him.
"Bella, I'm…I'm sorry. I should have told you. It's not like I had a choice. We'll talk but I can't…I can't not now…"
Seth had hesitated in the doorway, confused at the scene before him wondering if to join the rest of the guys who stood like silent sentinels. It seemed intrusive to him to stand there in such a private moment. There was little privacy in the pack as it was, did they have to bear live witness to what surely was obviously a humiliating…situation if he thought right?
"She's my best friend Jake…you promised…you promised me!"
Seth winced at the evident pain in her voice echoing around the too quiet room. Something in him broke at the sound of her even if he wasn't seeing her face just then. A shudder hrippled through his still form, his wolf jolting inside him. It felt like his wolf was swiping an agitated claw through his soft insides leaving a trail of pain that echoed the one resonant in her voice.
"You promised you wouldn't hurt me…you promised you wouldn't leave…" Her voice trailed off in a whimpering whisper.
"I'm sorry Bella…believe me, I'm so sorry…" Jake murmured.
Oh fuck, oh no, not again Seth thought, automatically looking around for his sister wondering how she was reacting to this situation that echoed her own past dilemma. Leah was nowhere to be seen. The rest of the wolves gathered in the room, Sam, Jared, Embry, Quil, even Paul was deathly quiet. It hadn't even been this quiet at his dad's wake. Their gazes darted around uncomfortably like random spotlights on Sam's rustic living room walls, looking anywhere but at the broken girl facing Jake.
"Bella you need to leave now." Jake said quietly.
"Bella I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…" The strange girl standing just behind Jake whispered. "I didn't want you to find out like this..."
"Don't Angela!" Bella screamed. "You don't get to fucking speak to me!" Bella's voice cracked throughout the still air of the room like a clap of thunder. Jake bristled slightly as the girl cowered behind him.
Seth had his gaze so closely fixated on Bella that he saw the slumping of her shoulders, he saw all the fight going out of her as she watched Jake, her boyfriend, her best friend who's pursued her for years, become angry at her because she dared to confront his betrayal.
She abruptly turned around, her empty gaze meeting Seth's for the briefest moment. That half a second was all it took. What should have been a profoundly beautiful moment, well beautiful from what he had seen from the other imprinted wolves' experiences, had been steeped in pain.
The devastated expression on her tear streaked face had drawn an involuntary whimper of his own, he could have sworn his wolf was crying for the pain he saw reflected in her eyes.
He'd remained rooted to that spot by the door, still scenting her long after she'd ran past him. He didn't know how long he stood there in shock at what just happened, his large, tense frame as still as a tree, engulfed in a disintegrating cloud of strawberry and vanilla as she ran further away from them. From him.
He snarled softly as for a fleeting few seconds his wolf rose to the surface.
No one gave an indication that they heard the soft but savagely feral sound.
His brothers had not even noticed him standing there as they gathered around Jake, they didn't see how his face had been stricken from the pain he witnessed on hers. He couldn't at that moment decipher what they were saying in furious monotones, all his senses were still fixated on the girl who'd fled as if the room had been on fire. And he felt like he was burning right along with her…
Without a word or glance at his brothers, he'd swiveled around with a swiftness that surprised even him chasing her scent, his bare feet thudding speedily and silently along the road, and through the forest.
He worriedly thought how dark it already was, where she could possibly be heading. It didn't take long for him to find her on First Beach. She was a crumpled heap on the sand, her shoulders heaving with the force of her sobbing. Each sound wrenched from her fragile body assaulted him making the wolf growl inside.
Even without the wolf's instinctive urging to soothe, Seth wanted to comfort her.
He'd reached down to touch her shoulders in a comforting gesture but she'd flinched away from him. She'd scurried across the sand as if the heated skin of his hand had burned her like a raw flick of fire.
"Get away from me!" She'd hissed at him, baring her teeth at him like a wild animal. He held up his hands pacifyingly almost expecting her to phase or something such was the depth of fury contorting her delicate features. Her small body even shuddered with the force of her anger. It shattered his mind and heart even more, hell even his wolf was shocked silent from his inner growling for a moment by her aggressive vehemence.
"I just…I want to make sure you're ok." He murmured as soothingly as he could, not moving an inch.
"I'm NOT! Just leave me the hell alone. I don't want any of you near me."
He'd stood there wanting to reach for her, wanting to make her pain go away. He wanted to gather up her torment into his arms and wash it away in the ebbing current of the ocean, leaving her clean and whole from this maelstrom of bullshit.
"Get away from me!" She screamed.
Swallowing harshly, he'd backed away. He'd known then she was just too hurt to even reason. She'd been like a drowning victim who didn't want a life raft. She didn't even appear to recognize him. Even without the imprint, he'd know her anywhere. And he'd also heard about her from the others but he didn't really know her as a friend.
All he knew was that she was Jake's girl, that they'd been a couple for almost a year after having been best friends for most of their lives. He'd heard about her involvement with the ones that made the wolf gene roar to life in his people. He'd thought it ridiculous that some of the pack actually blamed her for their transformation.
Of course the presence of one beautiful albeit frail human girl didn't cause his people to phase into giant, monster killing super wolves. It was in their blood, they would have still phased as the Cullens had already arrived in Forks before she ever did and would no doubt have stayed even if she'd never crossed paths with that sparkly leech.
Now his Quileute blood gifted him yet again. In the form of Bella Swan. Seth thought it sucked big time that tonight of all nights, he'd finally saw her again. But he couldn't find it in his heart to regret the choice of Taha Aki. Even though it felt like each of the cords anchoring him to her was attached to individual pieces of shattered glass…glass that sliced into him, making him bleed with sorrow for the girl who lay huddled in the sand.
He gave her the only thing he could at the moment. He gave her the privacy she needed, gave her that dignity to sob in solitude. As he backed away to the oblivious shadows of the wooded trees, he wondered what it would take to mend shattered glass.
He felt her absence the exact second he opened his eyes the next morning. The only thing he could comprehend in his wakening mind was that she had left.
"Get up, punk! It's your shift in five." Leah's voice shot stridently through his room, effectively jolting him from his ephemeral sleep.
"Did you have a cluster fuck in that bed or something?" Leah added glancing at the disarray that was Seth's bed.
He'd barely managed to get any sleep at all, tossing and turning on his too small bed. The mattress was hanging half way off the bed, he was lying on the hard wooden bed frame. The bed sheets were in a muddled heap with part of the material trailing on the floor. His two pillows were turned inside out…It felt like he'd been in a nightmarish tussle with his wolf all night. His wolf had been rearing to follow her, to go after her. Seth knew she needed her space, she needed to lick the wounds on her own.
But right now, the only thing he could comprehend in his wakening mind was that she had left. He could feel her fading aura as vividly as he could feel the sun beams filtering into his room from the open window.
"Get out…" he moaned covering his eyes wondering if the past night had been a bittersweet dream.
"I'm not taking your shift for you…."
"I'll be right out." He growled just to get her out of his hair.
He didn't even bother to towel himself dry from his rushed shower. All he could think about was the strange void he felt. Slipping on his shorts, he spontaneously slid into a tee as well though he normally didn't when going on patrol.
He had to be somewhere else first.
Seth nervously found himself standing in front of the Chief of police's door. It wasn't a typical reaction of his, to be this nervous…
When Charlie answered his brisk knock, his brows rose in surprise to see Seth Clearwater standing on his doorstep.
"Is that you, Seth? Thought you were Jake there, for a minute."
Seth's jaw involuntarily clenched at the mention of his errant alpha. Charlie was studying him closely, looking up at him.
"You've…grown a lot. Let me guess, you've joined Sam's pack…"Seth flinched before he continued, "…of misfits too? What is it…a secret steroid club or somethin'?"
"Uh…no. Just mom's cooking." Seth hedged. "Is Bella here?" He already knew she wasn't, he could sense it. He couldn't understand the anxiety thrumming through every fiber of his being. She could've gone to the store or something…
"No she's not." Charlie said. Seth could hear the undertones of stress and worry in his voice. He wouldn't be this stressed out if she'd just gone out on an errand, would he?
"What do you want with her? Did Jake send you?" Charlie straightened his shoulders, glaring at Seth directly. He was in full police chief mode with the added seriousness of a concerned father. The combination did not go well with Seth's inner wolf reaction.
Seth tamped down the surge of aggression rising within him. It was harder than he thought. He understood Charlie's concern for his daughter but his wolf didn't. The wolf was disgruntled at any other male's protectiveness towards…her. He needed to see her…to see that she was alright.
"No, I didn't come here because of Jake. I just…I want to know if she's alright…"
"She left." Charlie stated, concern fleetingly clouding his eyes before they hardened again.
With that brief statement, Seth felt as if Charlie had shot him. He instinctively knew that she'd hightailed out of here.
He found himself taking a deep breath, staggering a little as a full length tremor took ahold of him. No! He had to keep his shit together. He needed to find out where she went.
"Where?" Seth growled. Then he took a deep, calming breath, trying to take his reaction down a notch. It'd do no good to get all wolfy antagonistic with Charlie. He had to let him know he was just here as a…friend for Bella.
Though the first time he'd ever laid eyes on her, down at First Beach when she'd been at a bonfire with Jake, he'd had distinctly more than friendly thoughts which he'd tried to shove from his mind. It seemed like a world away then. Before he'd phased. Before he'd imprinted…
Charlie's eyes were already narrowed as he focused on Seth's large, slightly quivering frame and clenched fists.
"What's it to you? Do you even know Bella? Cause she never mentioned you…" Charlie said.
Ouch…way to knock a guy down before he'd even begun to stand.
"Look…can I come in?"
Charlie watched him like he was some sort of big, bad wolf which was partially true. He wasn't flashing canines or snarling. Yet.
"I'm not telling you where she went, Seth." Charlie frowned. "She told me in no uncertain terms not to let anyone know where she is…Don't think I don't know what that fucking douchebag did." Charlie added lowly. In any other circumstances, Seth might've grinned at the Chief of police swearing.
"Not one week after he and Bella fought, I've seen him around town with Bella's best friend. Even had the gumption to walk in to the diner while we were there and…um…put on a display where Bells could see. I swear of he calls this house one more time…She's devastated…this…it's even worse than that Edwin guy. Then she was unresponsive, almost comatose. Now…now my Bell's quite the opposite. I'm so worried…" Charlie trailed off, his distracted vision returning to Seth who was hanging on to his every word.
"Jake's immaturity and fickleness has pushed Bells over the edge…I'm not sure she can come out of this one…he's driven my girl away from me. Couldn't prevent her from leaving…she hasn't even gone to her mom. She's out there on her own and there isn't a damned thing I can do about it until she's ready to come back."
"Charlie, please. Tell me where she went…"
"Go home Seth. Don't come back…Bells wants nothing to do with Jake or any of his…gang. You can tell Jake to stop calling her phone 'cause she's left it here. Already told Billy but he might want to hear it from one of his friends. Never thought I'd say this, but I wouldn't tell any of you where she went if your lives depended on it."
Charlie slammed the door in his face.
Seth didn't give up. Shamelessly he'd even followed Charlie when he went to visit her. In Seattle. He'd used a large amount of his savings to rent a car for an entire week just for the purpose.
When he first knocked on her apartment door, she'd done much the same thing her father had. She'd slammed the door in his face.
He still came every weekend. She continued to ignore him.
"Another hot date tonight?" He asked now from where he stood in the shadows as she slipped out the door. She glanced at him, flipping the keys to the truck in her hand with a surprisingly graceful movement of her wrist.
"I wouldn't really call it a date." She muttered musingly, her voice low as if speaking to herself. "I would call it a distraction. Nothing distracts me more than fucking."
He is fully knew how much she's changed but to hear her utter that so casually makes him still flinch.
He can't believe the girl who'd always had a perpetual blush on her cheeks made him, a 6'8 shape shifter, blush. And from the irascible grin stretching her plump lips, she seemed to enjoy his sudden discomfort.
But looking into her eyes, those deep brown eyes that went from shy innocence to bitter resignation, he saw the pain in them. The pain of being chewed up and spat out by her leech and then his alpha.
Now she's not even aware that she's the one biting. And it hurt. No one, not even her, had any idea how much he hurt…how much he ached to tell her, how much he'd held back from his pack-mates. How much he held back from her…
He wished that he'd had a chance before the love in her died.
"Why are you here? Again?" She asked suddenly, staring at him angrily for a moment.
"I just...want to make sure you're safe." He said softly.
"Do you really want to watch me tonight? Would you show the rest of them how I fuck? That my distraction looks nothing like any of you?" She laughed softly, her voice sounding like a whisper of silk.
"I wouldn't breach your privacy like that." He said painstakingly.
"One thing's for sure, my distraction knows that it's not going to be forever. Because I wouldn't lie like that even to someone I have no intention of seeing again."
He almost told her then. He vividly remembered her devastation when Jake left her for an imprint he barely even knew.
But he can't bring himself at this moment to tell her. Not when she's staring back at him with the gaze of an injured prey, one who had been hunted and discarded with nothing left to give. And he knew he'll only confuse her, that now is not the right time to tell her.
He wondered if there will ever be a right time for them…
He could only be glad that no one knew the secret battle he fought every day. Not even she did. It was a far worse battle than any battle fought against the wiliest of leeches.
He held steely control over his thoughts of her, his pack-mates were not aware that he'd imprinted six months ago. No one knew.
"I'll be leaving again soon. And this time I don't want you to come find me. I won't even tell Charlie where I'm going this time…" She said slowly.
Her calmly spoken words almost brought him to his knees. He wanted to plead, to beg her to come back with him. To tell her that he needed her. But he instinctively knew it wouldn't make any difference, she would still go. Maybe run faster.
She sighed, a full, lush sound that made his wolf purr inside. The wolf in him wondered what it would take to get her to sound like that. He imagines how she would look in the throes of passion, how she would react to his touch. The man in him torturously wonders if her 'distraction' looked anything like him.
Clenching his fists together , he determinedly shoved his hands in his pockets…It's a continuous fight to stifle the possessive temper of his wolf. The wolf is always biting at the leash to reach out and touch her, to give her the distraction that she craved.
But the man knew better than the wolf. He knew if he touched her, if she allowed him to, he'd go insane when he had to let her go. And let her go he will. Because no matter how much this hurt, she is his imprint and he understood that if leaving is something she needed to do, he would do nothing to stop her…
She never knew how Seth found her in Seattle. She could only be thankful that he did. For the past few months, her life in Seattle had been somewhat of a self-imposed prison with bouts of hedonistic escapades…And despite her plans to move from Seattle to go further away from that place of legends, she hadn't.
Seth had been visiting a few times now and he'd become her closest friend. Shame thrummed through her when she remembered how she'd first treated him. Ignoring him then mocking his genuine concern for her. She could only be fiercely glad that he hadn't given up on her, that even when she told him to leave her the hell alone, he hadn't. Gradually, she'd begun looking forward to his weekend visits.
Sometimes she thought she leaned a bit too heavily on his broad shoulder but he never seemed to mind and even though she told herself she hated Forks, she'd been so grateful for a somewhat familiar face. A familiar face that she'd sorely missed these past weeks…
Their eyes uncannily met at the same instance amidst the bustling crowd of the busy evening activity in Pioneer Square where tthey were meeting for dinner. He was easily distinguishable to her, towering head and shoulders above the rest of pedestrians he made his way towards her.
Strangely, Bella felt her cheeks grow warm at the sheer expression of joy on his face. He lit up the entire street with that smile.
Bella felt a little nudge. She forced herself to drag her eyes away from Seth's face as she turned to a matronly lady with a sleek dark bob.
"He looks really glad to see you…" The woman smiled broadly, her eyes twinkling merrily.
"Uh, yeah…" Bella said a bit hesitantly. She didn't want to seem rude by asking the woman if she knew her.
The woman sighed dreamily, "He looks as if he's meeting his bride…I'd keep him close if I were you…" The woman winked cheekily before walking away. Bella was about to say it wasn't like that when she felt his warm arms engulf her to his heat. Then she forgot all about the strange woman. All she could comprehend at that moment was the sturdy feel of Seth's arms wrapping around her torso, practically lifting her feet off the ground in the exuberance of his embrace.
Gripping his shoulders with tenuous fingers, Bella inhaled him deeply where her face was pressed into the crook of his heated neck. God, she missed him .
He vocalized her unspoken words in a deep murmur. "I missed you so much, Bella"
She felt him nuzzle her hair as if he too was re-familiarizing himself with her scent in much the same way she was subconsciously doing to him. She was miles away from any home of her past but right then, wrapped in his heat in the middle of a busy street, it felt like she was truly home.
"Hey bedhead, you're up early…" Bella smiled warmly as Seth strolled into the tiny kitchen swiping long fingers through said bed head. His hair tumbled on his forehead as he grinned down at her, his eyes fully alert.
"The smell of your cinnamon rolls could make a leech salivate." He grinned back at her.
Bella shook her head, chuckling softly. Even if she'd buried that particular coffin from her past, Bella still would have felt a twinge of discomfort if any of the other wolves had said that. Of course, she didn't have to worry about what any of them said or did anymore since she'd moved here.
Seth had kept his word as promised, keeping his visits a secret. She hated that he had to hide from his pack mates but he insisted that he didn't mind. How he managed with the pack mind was a feat in itself.
He'd told her that he had the uncanny ability to control what his wolf brothers did or didn't see in his head. He'd described it as possessing the remote control to his own thoughts and memories enabling him to switch his thoughts on and off at will around them.
It made her think that both their minds were good at…blocking.
Bella remembered how Edward couldn't read her mind. She could think about the past now without feeling any debilitating pain. She only felt pity now for the girl she'd been. One who'd allowed herself to be manipulated by two contradicting, supernatural creatures, who allowed them to break her down so emotionally that she'd actually lost control of herself.
She'd lost her grip on the reality of who she really was. She'd been like a suppressed lily, petals shut tight, pressed between pushing Edward for more and being pushed by Jake for more. She'd thought that Jake had been the healing respite from Edward's desertion but Bella now knew that moving on quickly didn't necessarily mean that she had healed…
Now she was free to bloom into something she never thought she could be; a confident, independent woman… a healed one who knew the strength she was capable of after having clawed her way out of the lowest pit a woman could ever fall into; a hell hole of debilitating depression and self-hate.
She never thought she'd feel anything resembling happy again. And she irrefutably knew that Seth's persistent concern played a major role in transforming the sad production of her life. If he hadn't insisted on checking up on her, on holding her to some sort of accountability, she would still be holed up in this apartment a bottle of Jack Daniels firmly clutched in her fist. She would be just as frozen as if she'd become a vampire, never moving forward.
With each visit he pulled her out inch by excruciating inch from her self-imposed dark grave until she learned to love sunlight again. He'd pushed her to live again. At first, she'd thought that the pack had been sending him to monitor her. That belief alone had motivated her to stop her pathetic wallowing and show them that she was doing just splendid.
But why should they be ever concerned about her? She wasn't one of the 'precious imprints'. Besides, the fact that Seth came of his own free will had meant so much more to her than if he'd just been…commanded to check up on her. He was her true friend.
In those first weekends he visited, she'd subjected Seth to things he was no doubt still trying to erase from his mind. But he'd still continued to come no matter how volatile or aggressive she reacted. He'd done what not even the people who she'd known most of her life could; he'd stuck through the roughest trail of her life until she was walking on smooth road again. She was still hollow, a deep chasm still echoed inside her bereft of emotions she'd used up. But Seth's friendship had numbed her pain...
He was the best best friend she'd ever had….she'd grown even closer to him than she ever had with Jake.
He made her feel that she was worthy of being loved. His genuine concern had helped lift that load of blame from her shoulders.
"I really appreciate you coming to my grad ceremony, Seth. " Bella said softly, sliding a heaping plate of oven fresh cinnamon rolls and crisp bacon across the counter that separated her closet kitchen from the small living area. She sank down onto the bar stool opposite him. She fondly watched as he shoved a tumbling ebony lock off his forehead before voraciously digging in.
"Mmm…" His contented rumble as he practically inhaled one of the oversized sticky, gooey rolls in a couple huge bites made her smile irrepressibly. His enthusiasm for the simplest pleasures made her relish life even more.
"I wouldn't miss it, Bella." He murmured in his deep baritone. He'd matured so much in the last year since he'd first visited her. She hadn't been immune to the not so covert, lascivious glances cast his way when she'd met him at the airport.
"So, when are you heading back?" Bella asked. It's not that she wanted him to leave. Quite to the contrary; she found it so difficult whenever he had to leave. Swallowing past that lump of bitter terror that rose in her whenever he returned to La Push was not something she looked forward to. She really needed to go out more or something. Make some more friends. And so should he…
"Not until later tomorrow night…Tired of me already, are ya?" He quipped but Bella could detect the underlying seriousness in his deliberately flip tone. She wondered what he'd say if she told him the truth; that she felt as if she never wanted him to leave…
"No, actually I was wondering if you, I don't know, had someone back home wondering where you were."
"Mom and Leah's not expecting me until Sunday. As for the pack, you know they 'allowed' me to commute for the internship…"
"No Seth, I'm not talking about your mom and Leah. Or the pack…I mean, is there someone…special who's waiting on you?"
Bella frowned slightly when Seth stiffened. He slowly raised his eyes to look at her.
"What exactly are you asking, Bella?" He asked softly.
"Geez Seth, do you really want me to spell it out? Do you have a girlfriend, a lover…" She trailed off when she noticed the dark flush spreading across his face. It was like watching deep red wine saturate the warm caramel of his skin. He looked…incredible.
"No, I don't." He said beneath his breath but Bella still heard him.
His chiseled cheeks were still stained with that red wine blush. She smiled a little sadly remembering when she used to blush at practically everything…When she'd been naïve and…innocent…
"Why not?" Bella asked bluntly.
"Because I'd never want to…hurt anyone. Not like Leah. Not like….you."
Bella was a bit confused for a few seconds until she remembered.
"Oh, you mean because of…imprinting." She said the word with a distaste she'd never feel to say a 'bad' word. For Bella, the word 'imprint' made the dirtiest curse word seem clean. She flicked her fingers dismissively. "I'd totally forgotten about that."
How she hated that fucked up word and all its mystical meaning. Imprinting. It was not right. Wasn't it enough that they, he, had his life ripped from him, ensuring he remained rooted in one place all his life? Now he would be subjected to having yet another choice stolen away because of this mystical mandate. A choice that by all rights should be his. And Bella understood that the wolves mated for life…
Then she was surprised that the first thought she'd had wasn't even about Jacob or Angela. All she could think was that Seth was too good for this.
She found it so damn unfair. He was holding back on living, on enjoying his life because he was too afraid to hurt someone. But that was Seth. Totally selfless, always considering others before addressing his own concerns.
"I just won't intentionally lead someone into a relationship, y'know? Not when I've im-…ah, when I could imprint."
"But Seth, you can't stop…enjoying your life because you think you might imprint one day."
A deep sensation of regret clawed in her belly at the thought of him imprinting. She knew she'd lose him, lose their friendship whenever that happened. Bella brushed away the selfish thought.
"It's not like you have to be in a relationship, Seth. I've seen the way women look at you."
He looked straight at her, "With me it's everything or nothing, Bella."
The quiet strength in his voice literally robbed her of breath for a few dizzying moments. She gazed back at him, the only sound the muted street noises of traffic and faint voices. Then something else occurred to her. She bounced on the bar stool with nervous energy.
"Wait, so you've never...I mean since becoming a wolf, you've never been with anyone?" She asked.
He bit his full lower lip. "When you say never been with anyone…" Bella could tell he was deliberately hedging.
"Oh for goodness sake, Seth, are you a fucking virgin?" She burst out exasperatedly. That deep wine flush spread across his face again. If he blushed one more time, Bella thought she might get intoxicated.
"Yes." He bit out. She gaped at him. He averted his eyes. Then Bella felt bad for her fit of impatience. She had to remember that Seth was a bit younger than her, that he'd lived all his life on the reservation, only venturing out to Seattle to commute to college. And to see her.
Yet he had so many responsibilities for someone so young what with the rigid military type of dedication that was required of being a Quileute wolf.
"Sorry, I'm just being a prying bitch. But I just can't understand…I mean…look at you!"
All six feet, eight inches of Seth was sprawled on her little bar stool, making his sculpted musculature seem all the more beautifully incongruous. He even looked older than she did. Like twenty five to her twenty. In reality he was two years younger than she was. Bella sighed at the magical maturity that was bestowed upon him by his Quileute heritage. She couldn't reconcile the man sitting in front of her with that of a blushing virgin.
"Do you?" He asked.
"Hmm?" Bella hummed absently, her thoughts drifting to magical mates and overly matured wolves.
"Do you look at me?"
"All the time." She said without really thinking. He smirked a bit smugly.
"I don't mean that in the way you think!" Bella said quickly feeling a flash of heat flame across her own cheeks, making the tips of her ears briefly feel like they were ablaze.
He chuckled lowly, a warm, gravelly sound.
"Well, it seems we have some plans tonight…" Bella briskly rubbed her palms together shoving the sound of his voice to the back of her mind.
Tonight was the night before her graduation, after three grueling years of studying, working…and existing. She felt as if she only started living again when Seth broke through her shell of exaggerated and extroverted…habits. She felt that familiar surge of guilt at the things he'd had to witness all because he wanted her to be 'whole' again. She couldn't tell him that she'd never be 'whole' again. She believed some part of her would always remain broken, that a shard of her would remain embedded in the past. And that was just fine with her because she certainly didn't need that shard of naivete and gullibility that led to her being cut so deeply.
Instinctively she reached out brushing her fingers over a dot of cinnamon frosting clinging to his lower lip. He closed his eyes briefly, inhaling deeply, leaning into her touch. She smiled softly, loving to touch him, loving his heated skin…she'd missed that.
If he were any one but one of them, she thought she could even fall in love with him. But by unspoken agreement, they kept their friendship…unsullied. She didn't want to risk their friendship for something more that could ultimately make their bond something less.
He was her best friend, she wasn't going to screw that up. She'd went down that road before and she sometimes still felt as if she was recovering from the wreck that had been her relationship with Jake.
And Seth was too much of a good guy to get involved with the woman she now was.
A jaded woman who pursued pleasure for her own sake. A woman who was so dissimilar to the girl she'd once been that she could be two entirely different people. One who was loyal to no one but herself as a result of having given her loyalty so deeply that she'd betrayed herself. She had nothing left to give. To anyone.
"I was going to lick that…" He murmured, his eyes meeting hers. He stared at her with eyes that didn't seem hungry for the sticky treat on his plate. He stared at her as if she was the treat. Bella snatched her hand away, shooting up from the bar stool. She glanced at his plate.
"You finished with that?"
"No, I'm not finished." He said. Bella had the innate feeling that he wasn't talking about the food. It was moments like these when he got that searing look in his deep brown eyes, that Bella thought it best that he'd never showed up in Seattle. But she knew it was just an passing thought to stifle the response that welled up in her…
She quickly picked up her own plate, putting it in the sink, putting as much distance in the small kitchen between them. She could still feel the heat of his gaze washing over her back, knowing that he followed her every movement with hawk-like precision.
Bella wasn't blind. She knew Seth was attracted to her. And she did her utmost to never acknowledge it. After his admission of not getting involved with anyone because he might…imprint…Bella thought he wouldn't acknowledge it either.
But for the past few weeks, she'd glimpsed flashes of a different Seth. Sometimes she'd catch him staring intently at her, a distinctly feral glow in his eyes. Like if his inner wolf came to the surface of the man, hunting her down with just one look… Bella shuddered instinctively, shaking off the very idea.
"Bella, are you cold?"
She jumped out of her skin. He was just behind her, she could feel the heat of him from his close proximity. Her breath hitched slightly. She felt as if his gaze had fingers. She could feel those hot fingers trailing down her back…Bella shook her head roughly. This was ridiculous. This was Seth, she harshly reminded herself.
The one friend out of an entire pack of so called friends who'd cared enough to remain her friend. He'd seen her throw up, drunken and sick, he'd wiped the snot from her nose when she sniffled with pitying sobs late into the night, he almost desecrated her little kitchen in his attempt to get her to eat a proper meal again. Bella spontaneously smiled at the memory of Seth's face smeared as if he'd had a facial in what was supposed to be pancake batter as a result of blending it without covering the lid…
She took a deep breath and turned to face him, leaning back against the sink.
"Nope, not cold." She said attempting to sound casual. Trying harder to hide the effect he had on her when he looked at her like that…with fire in his eyes. Bella had burned too many times…
She gulped when he shifted closer to her, pressing his hands down on the edge of the sink on either side of her so that he was leaning down over her. Yet he held his body away from hers as if aware of her need for space. An errant lock of his soft ebony hair fell onto his face and she clenched her fingers biting them into the cold steel of the sink so she wouldn't reach out and sweep it back. She wouldn't touch him now not when he was so…distractingly close…
"So what was the plan?" He asked, his voice washing over her like the enticing first gush of warm water after a cold winter's day.
"What plan?" She murmured, her eyes fixed on his chest. His shirt did nothing disguise the sculpted muscles there…
"For tonight. You said we had plans…"
"Oh yeah." Bella smiled triumphantly as she recalled her earlier idea. She looked up at him, taking a deep breath. He always smelled so good…Almost desperately, Bella grasped onto her plan in an attempt to ignore his scent. His heat...
"I'm setting you up on a date…" She declared.
Seth blinked and that heated wolfen gaze melted away from the depths of his eyes as confusion took its place. She heaved out a silent sigh of relief. Fuck, she did not need any complications arising with him…she cherished his friendship too much. He'd been her life raft in turbulent waters; she didn't want to topple over that life raft with her fucked-upness.
"Bella, you're not getting me to go on a date with someone I don't know..." He said. Bella looked at the firm set of his jaw realizing he was completely serious. She snagged her bottom lip between her teeth as she contemplated that he was just too serious. It wasn't normal. Aside from his phasing, he was for all intents and purposes a young man who should be enjoying life. Not be shackled to some imprinting phenomenon that imprisoned all his youth and vitality…
"It's not like you've imprinted, Seth. Live it up a little. I promise she's a total hottie…"
"Bella, I don't think…"
She placed a slim index finger on his lips effectively stopping his protest.
"Don't think about it. Just be ready at eight."
Seth had never been able to say no to a bossy Bella. In fact, he enjoyed when she went all commanding...
He groaned as he thought about his conundrum. His imprint, who still didn't know she was his imprint, was adamant about making him go on a date with the intention for him 'to get laid'…She'd actually said it to him in those words.
What was even more torturing was that it was a double date. The woman was unwittingly driving him crazy.
It would've been uproariously funny to him if it were anyone else in his over-sized shoes. As it was, he was in the middle of getting dressed for said date and he didn't think it was funny at all.
Seth inherently knew that once Bella found out he'd imprinted on her, she'd push him away. But tonight he had every intention of telling her, he couldn't keep it from her much longer.
It was too much to hold back and he'd been holding back too long…
"Hey Beauty, you ready?" Bella shouted from the next room. It was their nicknames for each other, Beauty and the Beast; she called him Beauty, he called her Beast. Seth snorted at the irony. He sobered as he thought Bella didn't consider it ironic. She loved it when he called her Beast. He thought it was because she liked the implication of strength in the nickname.
Taking a fortifying breath, Seth strode out of the spare bedroom.
And time seemed to stop as still as he did.
This night couldn't get any more cruel…
Bella wore what had to be the littlest black dress known to womankind. The soft, stretchy material of the dress molded the silk of her skin the way he longed to with his hands. And not just his hands…
Seth found himself getting jealous of a damned dress.
Her back was turned to him as she busied herself with affixing an earring on one dainty earlobe. He took her moment of obliviousness to greedily caress her with his eyes. The satiny tendrils of her mahogany locks were piled atop her head, a few wisps escaping. The slender column of her neck was exposed, the smooth skin drawing the ravenous gaze of his wolf. He bit down on his lip hard to stop the deep rumbling from his throat. He couldn't stop the deliciously painful throb in his pants however…
His usual compulsion to be the perpetual gentleman was lost along the sinuous curves of her slender body, it was lost somewhere in the never ending length of her smooth, naked legs.
"They should be here any second…" She said, turning to face him. Like a bucket of cold water unexpectedly splashed on his face, he remembered that she wasn't dressed like this for him.
"Um…" Bella stuttered, the slight quiver in her voice jolting his gaze back to hers. But her gaze wasn't meeting his eyes…
Her gaze was all over him, the way it would be if he was her lover.
The way it should be.
The feel of her eyes drifting over him was undoing him, quickly unraveling his tightly knit control. He stepped towards her, slow and deliberate.
When she lifted her eyes back to his, in the dimness of the room, her glistening pupils appeared large and doe-like, enticing the predatory instincts of his wolf. Her gaze remained glued onto his like warm toffee.
"Bella." Saying her name was all the warning he intended to give her.
Her eyes flew back to his face and Seth hated the guilty look in them. He didn't want her to feel guilty for something that was already hers. His heart was hers, his body if she wanted him. He'd loved her for a long time, first from afar and now as his friend. He wanted to love her as his mate too… He couldn't hold back any longer not when she looked at him like that. He could see the evidence of her want reflected in her eyes as vividly as she could see his desire for her.
"Seth, don't." She breathed out even as the scent of her arousal hovered like the most enticing perfume in the air making him breathe in deeply.
In half the time it took to blink, he reached for her, pulling her flush against him. He could feel, fuck he could hear, the hammering of her heart echoing the thundering of his. He dipped his head to her, running his nose along the length of her neck. Inhaling her fresh strawberry and vanilla scent in such proximity was mind blowing.
He was in wolf heaven…
He murmured against her skin, "Bella, we're not going anywhere tonight…"
Bella knew she was in trouble. She watched his eyes lighten from ebony to a golden glow in the dim light. He stared at her as if he wanted to devour her…
Bella knew it was the wolf staring back at her.
But it wasn't the wolf in his eyes that scared her.
What had her frightened beyond thinking was her furiously intense response to him.
She didn't want to feel this much. Not for any one. Especially not for him. Not for the man who'd proven to be her one true friend…
Bella shook her head slightly taking a small step back. No matter what she felt, she wasn't ready for this…
Yet still she couldn't stop the drift of her eyes over him. This wasn't the same Seth she'd barely known in Forks. He'd grown as much as their friendship had. His maturity wasn't just indicated in the obvious display of his towering height or sturdily sculpted body but in the way he'd soothed her hurt and pain away.
But now, the visceral blaze in his wolfen eyes left no doubt as to his intent when he moved towards her.
A competing combination of trepidation and clawing desire raced through her when he pulled her against him.
"Seth, don't." It was all she could manage to gasp out before his heat engulfed her making her shiver against him. They'd hugged many times before but this was vastly different.
This was no gentle, friendly hug.
He had his hands at the small of her back, gripping her against him so that she could feel his rigid length pressing into her taut belly.
He ran the tip of his nose along her neck as if he was….scenting her...
"Bella, we're not going anywhere tonight…" He murmured.
Gruff fingers tilted her chin up to meet his gaze. Shock made her inhale a sharp breath. The proximity of his dilated gold tinged pupils seemed to sear right into her own eyes, penetrating to the core of her as if he could see into her very soul.
Without thinking she said, "So beautiful, Seth…your wolf…"
"He needs you Bella…I need you…I'm tired of fighting him…"
"Why? I'm…I'm not yours, Seth." Bella said bluntly, a sinking feeling beginning to gnaw at her.
A growl reverberated through his chest echoing through her own body, so closely he held her against him. The sound startled her as if an unexpected roll of thunder had shaken the room.
"Don't say that Bella."
A surge of anger made her cheeks flush.
"You of all people should know this is a sick game to play with me. I don't belong to anyone least of all to one of you. Don't you think I've been a chew toy for the pack long enough? The 'paleface' who's been ridiculed for getting caught up with a vamp and then discarded like a rag doll by Jake?"
"This isn't about them, Bella. It's about you and me. No one else."
"So what, you become my friend with benefits until your imprint shows up? Fuck you, Seth!" Bella screamed out the last words, attempting to pull away from his arms. But he held her to him unrelentingly.
"Damn it, Bella! It's always been you!" He said suddenly. Bella stilled as his words resounded through her.
"You…how…what…" she whispered incoherently before trailing off. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes from the sight of those eyes that stripped her to her very soul. Opening her eyes, she concentrated on the crisp white shirt that did nothing to disguise his chiselled chest underneath...
"Do you know what he wants to do to you right now, Bella?" Seth said, his voice a silky purr. "He wants to shove you down on the floor on your hands and knees, he wants to slap that sweet little ass of yours for saying you're not his. And I have a good mind to let him…"
Despite herself, desire pooled hot and wet between her thighs, almost submerging the shock and anger washing through her.
Seth inhaled deeply as if he could scent her response.
Her heart stopped for a couple beats when she realized he probably could.
"Seth let me go…" Bella whispered. He didn't move an inch.
Bella swallowed nervously, "You're not going to let me go, are you?"
"Only if you really want me to. Do you want me to let you go, Bella?"
No...
She reined in the response at the tip of her tongue. Instead she asked quietly, "How could you keep this from me?"
Seth took a deep breath, closing his eyes briefly. When he opened them, she was staring into his familiar ebony hue, all traces of the wolf had disappeared.
"I've wanted you even before I was a wolf, Bella. You didn't really know me then but I've always wanted you. Then I…imprinted on you that night you confronted Jake." He whispered. "Fucking Jake. I could've killed him with my bare hands for hurting you…"
Bella squeezed her eyes shut again at the pain she heard in his voice. Like the most tragic broken record, she remembered the countless times she'd told him how much she hated that such a thing as imprinting existed. She couldn't even comprehend the level of control he'd had over his wolf for all these months…
That bastard Jake had claimed Angela within a few days of imprinting on her.
"I had to be near you. And if I'd told you before, you wouldn't have wanted anything to do with me…"
She flinched at the doubt and pain she saw on his sober face. Despair clouded her vision as she finally understood how much she'd hurt the one that had helped heal her. Something in her had always known, had always reached for him.
For the past few months, she'd tried to deny the way he'd made her feel, she'd dismissed the longing she saw in his eyes. She'd built her walls, putting up obstructions like this ludicrous double date tonight just for the purpose of stifling her desire for him...
She was tired of fighting, too.
"I want you to know that I'm your friend first, Bella, before anything else..." The tenderness in his voice was made even more pronounced by the ferocity in his eyes.
"Even if it's not enough, I love you, Bella. Always have. Don't ever think it's just because of the imprint...I'll fight it ... I'll hold him back…I'll fucking put him under, never release him again if that's what you want... "
His utter selflessness hit those walls she'd built like a sledgehammer, crumbling them as if they'd never existed in the first place…
"Fuck the imprint, Seth. You are enough. You are so enough…It is unbelievable how enough you are. I want you." She reached up to caress his jaw. He leaned his face into her touch, raising his own large copper hued hand to completely dwarf her small pale one as he held her hand against his skin.
He dipped his head to hers, capturing her lips with his own as surely as he had captured her heart. Cradling her face in his callused hands, he kissed her as if she was the last drink of water in an endless desert.
It was a kiss that screamed of deep need and suppressed longing.
The stroke of his tongue against hers made her tingle in places he hadn't even touched yet...She moaned into his mouth, relishing the addictive taste of him. When they parted reluctantly moments later, they breathed harshly as if they'd been under water.
"I want both of you. You and your wolf." Bella whispered breathlessly, clasping his rigid biceps, loving the feel of their bodies pressed close. The responding golden fire that leapt in his eyes was so vivid, she could feel the burn of his wolfen gaze searing her with delicious desire. And she wondered why the hell they'd wasted so much time…
"Tell me I can come deep inside you, Bella…" His sultry, husky whisper caressed her ear like warm velvet.
She could only nod, licking her lips lingeringly.
They'd just returned from her graduation and after a night of teasing each other, they'd wasted no time stripping each other bare. She still couldn't believe that he'd been a virgin only the night before. The man definitely knew how to make up for lost time.
"Say. It." A gentle request that did not betray the command she knew was growling beneath the surface of his deliberately quiet tone…
"Yes. Please, Seth…I want you to come deep inside me…" Bella said breathlessly, eagerly…
In less than a second he was kneeling behind her, pushing her gently so that she fell forward onto her elbows, bracing her palms flat on the rug.
"Pretty but we're not doing pretty, are we?" He said, tugging off her sparkly stillettos. "This is gonna get rough, Bella..."
He took ahold of her hips steadying her, reaching to lingeringly caress her ready sex…
"You're so soaked…" He rasped. She gave a soundless gasp as the thick head of his cock, saliva slicked from her earlier ministrations, nestled snugly right against her welcoming wetness.
"I want to mark you so hard. Do you want that, Bella?"
She threw a glance at him over her shoulder, rounding her ass in the air. It was like he'd marked her already. The sight of him in all his naked glory poised to take her was a sight that was now branded into her brain...one she'd never forget.
"Give him to me…" She actually growled.
Feral eyes locking on hers, breathing in deeply as if scenting her wetness, he snapped his hips forward delving into her with a deep, satiny stroke. Bella almost choked on a harsh breath.
Holding her shoulders firmly to meet his powerful thrusts, he immediately gave her what she craved... Taut skin slapping soundly against hers, there was no reserve, no hint of hesitancy as he relentlessly pounded into her.
"Fuck, yes!" She wailed, unconscious of everything but the feel of him in her.
She loved it…loved the sure, rough glide of his bludgeoning cock stroking with delicious friction in her damp depths. Loved how he fit her as if he had been specifically tailored to fuck her just like this. She could already feel the clenching of her slick walls squeezing his thick girth in her, pressing against his length in a chokehold just as intense as the sparks of pure pleasure bursting like fireworks in all directions within her trembling body.
"C'mon Bella…" His voice spurred her on.
Like the irrepressible tide of the ocean's current, she dissolved around him with frantic whimpers, in a fast wet burst of heat.
As the gushing torrent of her come swept her away, he slapped her hard on her rounded derriere with his palm. The flame of his hand on her skin stoked the intensity of her orgasm even hotter, prolonging the sensation.
Bella longed to see his face but all she could do was lower her cheek on the rug, grasping its fluffy fibers with clenching fingers as the spasms of her body spiraled beyond any control she'd ever known. He didn't ease the fury of his storming thrusts.
As the hot wave of her response ebbed to a serene calm, she instinctively tilted her head, exposing the tender nape of her neck to his gaze. The deep timbre of his growl was so loud, she feared even people as far as the bustling street could hear him.
In one swift movement that made the breath leave her lungs in a sudden whoosh, she found her back pressed against his chest as he pulled her to a seated position atop his strong thighs without stopping his momentum.
Fingers tangling in her hair, he tugged her so that she leaned her head back on his shoulder revealing her neck to his warm lips.
Running his nose along the length of her neck, he murmured in her ear, "I just wanna live here…"
With an upward jerk of his hips, he angled himself even more deeply inside her. She hitched a sound, something between a moan and a sob as she felt herself quicken yet again where he impaled her repeatedly without pause. Reaching back to grip the flexing muscles of his thighs, she circled her hips on his ascending thrust, grinding down his length with a sinuous movement that made him groan into her neck. "God, Bella, yeah…
"You feel so fucking good…" He hollered, clasping the mounds of her breasts with gruff hands.
She could only respond with incoherent gasps, every pore in her body weeping as she furiously bucked her hips in tandem to his mind numbing thrusts.
The oncoming rushing wave of pleasure was so intense that it bordered on pain, literally robbing her of breath. The feeling was akin to watching a huge tidal wave just about to crash, scared witless by the intensity but unable to do anything to stop it.
He slid his hand under the thick fall of her hair to grip her shoulder, clamping hot lips onto the soft skin of her neck with a vicious snarl. It was a distinctively inhuman sound. Coupled with her keening cry, any one that may have heard them would believe that two animals, not humans, were killing each other…
"Been dreaming about you for years. Come with me, Bella." He whispered into her drenched skin.
And she did.
Bella's entire body stiffened when he bit down into her tender skin, hard white teeth sinking through pale soft flesh. The brief sharp pain shot through her like a missile, exploding in ecstatic heat in her contracting womb.
Releasing her skin from the grip of his teeth, he cried out her name with a muffled broken sound as he buried his face in the curve of her neck.
She could feel spurts of his seed coating her slick walls that he massaged so deeply with his cock. It seemed like a never ending fountain welling deep within her, prolonging that unstoppable tidal gush of her own ecstasy.
She felt as if she were drowning in sheer pleasure, the sensation was frightening in its intensity, drawing another shrill, uncensored scream from her.
Even after he slowly stilled his hips, she continued to spasm tightly around him, involuntary shudders shaking her dainty body as his hands drifted soothingly over her bare curves.
After a long quiet moment, her heart resumed its normal beat.
She craned her neck to look at him. To her surprise, he grinned down at her, a mischievous, boyish smirk that made her feel like they were two children who'd done something incredibly naughty.
His smile still held a glimpse of the boy she'd fleetingly known but it was the man who had her completely wrapped around him now...