A/N: Let's get this show on the road, shall we? Honestly this chapter was a bit hard for me to write. Because I've always learned to write really frilly and good descriptive writing. But this is told in first person point of view by none other than Alfred. And he doesn't speak frilly and proper. Neither do I, so I used my ways of speech for him in this story. Problem is that instead of saying things like, "He bid us good night", I have to type, "He told us goodnight." Because the second one is more like Alfred. Ya know? Oh well, hope you enjoy!

Warnings: This includes YAOI (boyxboy) don't like then please dont read. Also this fanfic includes sexual intercourse so if you do not like that content then please don't read. I don't see why anyone could report this now, seeing as I have warned you. Also there is foul language and mentions of vandalism. MOST IMPORTANT: This fic does have sexual intercourse between a grown man and slightly a minor. I WARNED YOU. But I wouldn't really say this is shouta. This fic does have sexual intercourse between a student and teacher, so please if you are sensitive to that then don't read this.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hetalia or any of its characters. They belong to their rightful owner. If I owned Hetalia then there would be lots of Yaoi and mmmm don't get me started on all UKUS things I'd put in it. If it was up to me there would be no way in hell that America would have won the revolutionary war...even though I'm American. Heh…

Any who, thank you. And to my fellow UKUS yaoi fans, enjoy~!

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Chapter 1:

A/N: Sorry for any incorrect grammar, I did it to stay in character of how Alfred acts.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit," I chanted as my buddy Gilbert and I sped down the empty, dark hallways of the teacher's dorms. We were so screwed! I couldn't believe I let him talk me into this!

"It vill be awesome!" He said. Yeah fucking right! I mean sure, spray painting funny pictures of the teachers in their own lounge was hilarious. The outcome not so much.

I didn't even take part in the vandalism of the lounge. I just stood watch while Gil handled it.

This was all because Mr. Fritz just had to give Gil detention! Everyone knew not to mess with Gilbert Bielschmidt, you give him detention and suddenly your classroom is painted pink. Though Feliks usually helped with that one…

Well now there was a huge mural of Mr. Fritz that was nothing except downright insulting. Gilbert made him have a huge mustache, dopey eyes, and a goofy perverted looking grin.

Also right next to the mural in big graffiti letters was, 'Suck my awesome dick, arschlöcher! I asked Gil what arschlöcher even means, he said it means, 'asshole' in German. Well I'm the type of guy who only knows the great American language so I wouldn't know if what he wrote was correct or not. Then again it was his native language. Even though Gilbert insisted he was, 'Prussian'.

If ya asked me, I think Gil wanted to be caught. Writing in German was like signing his name. Sure it's normal for people to speak a second language, but why put it in graffiti art?

God, if you're listening, please don't let me die because I'm an idiot!

Ugh, this wasn't very hero like.

"This way!" Gilbert yelled in a whisper voice, grabbing my sweatshirt sleeve while dragging me towards the stairwell. Our hearts beated a mile a minute while we practically flung ourselves down the stairs, not caring how much noise we made. All the teachers already knew we were in their dorm house and all of them were looking for us already. So there was no need to be quiet, they were already awake.

"There's the door!" I shouted gleefully, making a beeline for the exit door, with Gil hot on my heels.

I flung the doors open swiftly. Our legs pumped as we ran faster than we ever had before across the grounds.

On the plus side, I felt like we were going to make it! The boy's dorm was right ahead! Fuck yeah! Getting off scot free! Unless Kiku turned us in…

"Gimme the bag!" Gilbert demanded, stretching out his hand for the backpack as we ran. Quickly I handed it over.

He dug into the bag while trying to watch his step. He pulled out the two cans of spray paint and a tissue. Hurriedly he wiped the cans with the tissue then dropped the cans to the ground, then slung the backpack over his shoulder.

"Hey that's littering!" I scolded.

"It's evidence. Ve just vandalized the teacher's lounge and that's vhat you're vorrying about?!" He deadpanned.

I glared, "Nooo, you vandalized the school! I just stood watch!"

"Hey no pussying out of this! You came so that makes you as guilty as I am!" He yelled back. Gilbert had a point. But I wouldn't tell him that.

Quickly we opened the door to the boy's dorms, ran up to the third floor and then to me and my Brother Matthew's dorm.

I pounded on my dorm's door like this was the jurrasic park movie, "MATTIE OPEN UP!" I screamed. After that the door opened to reveal my stunned looking older twin brother.

"You actually did it?!" he hissed at us unbelievably. But we ignored it. Seeing as we were preoccupied with tearing off our bulky black clothing (relax our pajamas were on underneath) and ski mask. After the articles of clothing were off of our bodies I stuffed them into the bottom of my dresser along with my book bag that took part in the crime.

We made it. I was so happy; the feel of adrenaline filled me as I was like 'fuck yeah'! Come on, I felt on top of the world. Now all I needed was a deluxe cheeseburger and a bunch of Dis*ney movies and then we're good to go! Mmm cheeseburgers...Gah! I'll get one tomorrow. Mind, stop thinking about food!

And you, Mr. tummy shut up, I fed you before I left.

Ah. I am so fucked up.

"You do know you can get expelled because of this!" Matthew scolded, looking to both of us, his purple colored eyes filled with rage.

Ya see, you never want an angry, sleepy, Canadian on your hands. It ends badly.

"Yeah but ve veren't caught birdie. So you can stop vorrying about the awesome me," Gilbert smiled cheekily as he snaked an arm around my brother's shoulders. Good ol' Gil. I think they had a thing going on. But I'll never know.

Next thing we knew the speakers in the hallways came on.

"Students," it began, "The headmaster has been informed of a vandalizing in the teacher's lounge. Sorry to all of you who are not involved, but pairs of staff members will be moving from room to room for investigation, one pair assigned to each floor. We are not thrilled about being woken up either, but we must search for the culprits. We will hold an assembly in the cafeteria tomorrow if the culprit is not found. That is all," then it clicked off.

At the same time me and Gilbert looked to each other with wide eyes.

We were so fucked.

So much for scot free. Now I was gonna get kicked out of high school and probably a shitload more punishments. Jolly good.

Where the hell did that come from?

"Wait Gilbert, you can't be here!" Matthew panicked. But Gilbert was already out of our dorm in a flash, heading to his own dorm which was two doors down.

Eventually the 'staff members' made it to the third floor and there was soon a knock on our door.

Me and Matthew exchanged worried glances before I hesitantly reached for the door handle.

That was when I remembered. Oh fuck, all of the evidence was lying in my dresser. FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC.

Quickly I messed up my hair while Mattie messed up my bed to look like I had been sleeping.

It felt like an hour passed until I opened the door with a pretend yawn (it was actually only seven seconds). But who's counting?

Once the door was opened my eyes landed on the two, slightly taller than me, teachers. It was none other than Mr. Kirkland and Mr. Bonnefoy.

Why me?! Everyone knew Mr. Kirkland didn't like me. He would always call on me for an answer to a question when he damn right knew I wasn't paying attention. I think teachers do that so they have evidence of you not paying attention and then they can torment you…

And I know, I know, I should be paying attention in class. But I couldn't help that he was so unbelievably BORING.

Come to think of it, I think he used to be a freshmen year history teacher. Rumor has it that some kid asked him about the revolutionary war and he ended up breaking down crying. Weird right? So now he's my English teacher in sophomore year.

Besides that though, I just knew that he really didn't like me. He'd always call out on my mistakes and call me these weird British curse words that I didn't even know what they meant. Can someone please tell me what a, 'Bloody wanker', is?!

Anyone?!

Every time I asked Mattie about it, he'd laugh at me. Oh well. Then again it sounded kind of painful. I mean come on, a 'bloody wanker'? That did sound painful. Oh! Maybe it was like a purple nurple or something? Maybeeee...I will have to ask one of these days.

Now for all ya'll kids who don't know this, Mr. Kirkland usually scowled. A lot. But at the moment he was seething. If this was looney tunes he would have smoke coming out of his ears. If you looked hard enough I think you could see smoke...now that I think about it.

"Hey Mr. Kirkland!" I said cheerfully, sporting a wide cheesy smile on my face. Oh I was so fucked. I knew it, and Matthew knew it too. But I would try and hide that fact with everything I had.

Mr. Kirkland looked at me with this deadpanned look and a glint in his green eyes that I couldn't quite place. Whatever it was it made me slightly squirm where I stood. Then he grumbled, "Step aside twit, I want to go back to sleep while it is still night time and not early morning," then he pushed past me into me and Mattie's room.

RUDE! He acted like I was a criminal! Then again I suppose I sort of was...

"Mon Dieu. Stupide kids and zheir pranks. Unlike Mr. Caterpillar eyebrows over here, I need my beauty sleep," Mr. Bonnefoy whined as he strode past me and began digging through Matthew's jour.

Well this sucked. Your teachers seeing your underwear was like the last thing you could ever want to happen.

"Shut it, frog! I already told the headmaster it was that Prussian git but he insisted, 'everyone is innocent until proven guilty'. Utter bollocks," Mr. Kirkland growled while going through my tighty whitey drawer. This made pink dust across my cheeks. I had to see this guy in English class tomorrow, and now he knew what my boxers looked like. Plus...three drawers down in my dresser was the evidence that would get me expelled.

Sensing me tensing up, from behind Mattie placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze.

And then everything went downhill. Just like Jack and Jill.

"Hold on a tic, what is this?" Mr. Kirkland asked as he pulled out me and Gilbert's clothes, our ski mask, and of course my book bag….while smirking…

That limey bastard was glad it was me, wasn't he!

Mr. Kirkland and Mr. Bonnefoy turned around to look at me and Matthew. I could have wet myself like a puppy under their stares (although Kirkland's was more like a full blown glare). Matthew also looked frightened as he looked to me for help. Thanks dude.

I honestly think Mr. Kirkland was delighted that he could expel me now, and I think Mr. Bonnefoy just wanted to wring my neck because I ruined his, 'beauty sleep'.

"Anything you two care to explain?" Mr. Bonnefoy quipped, combing a distressed hand through his long wavy blonde hair.

I remained calm with my usual five star smile, "I get cold?" I gave it a shot while I rocked back and forth on my heels. Even I wouldn't have believed my own sorry excuse. And usually I'm the one who 'can't read the atmosphere'.

Well I'm reading it now and it's saying I'm screwed and I'm never going to see sunlight again. Peachy.

My English teacher crossed his arms over his chest, "Oh? Because I recall that in the surveillance footage we watched, the culprits were dressed like this and had a book bag with this pattern," he hissed, stepping closer to me. Making shivers go down my spine as I nervously toyed with the hem of my pajama shirt. Mr. Kirkland was practically smiling through that smirk of his. Scratch that, he's not a bastard.

He's a creepy bastard!

I laughed trying to calm my nerves, "Really? That's interesting," I replied, practically shaking as I rubbed the back of my head. Didn't Gilbert cover the cameras? I thought he did...

Gilbert, if you are reading this. I hate you.

"Arthur I zink zese are the culprits so let's get on with zis so I can go back to sleep," Mr. Bonnefoy grumbled. But then he looked to Matthew who was his best student with sad eyes, "But I can say zat honestly I would not have zhought you would do something like zis, Matthieu."

Matthew looked down in shame. I couldn't believe this, was he really going to take the fall for Gil?

Kirkland rolled his eyes while keeping his eyes closely trained on me, looking highly amused, "Yes, yes, this is all very sorrowful. Now let's get these two to the headmaster so we can go to sleep."

"Wait a second! Mattie didn't do anything! It's I- uh…my fault!" I practically yelled, waving my arms in protest while I stepped in front of my slightly older twin. Look at me! I'm the baby bro and I got courage. I think I earned myself ten points in the brother category.

Mr. Kirkland looked at me with mischief and another one of those unrecognizable glints swam in his eyes. I think he was trying to burn a hole through my head.

Or eye raping me….

Naaaah.

Mr. Bonnefoy smiled warmly at me, "Although zat is noble of you Alfred, zhere are two outfits here. So who was ze other in this hilarious crime?"

Mr. Kirkland fumed, "Belt up frog. It's not funny!" Then he decked him.

I tried to stifle a giggle at the ridiculous display, but failed miserably. Kirkland's head snapped to the side to glare at me, "You think this is funny?" he groused. From behind me Mattie leaned over to silently whisper in my ear, "What did Gilbert paint?"

I ignored him though. "N-no! It's not funny at all, sir!" I stumbled through my words. Yet, I was still laughing. Smoooth.

"It doesn't matter I suppose at the moment. This sweatshirt sleeve has a streak of spray paint on it. I think that's evidence enough," Mr. Kirkland told Mr. Bonnefoy, "I will see to it that he gets to the headmaster. You retire back to bed. I do not feel like hearing anymore of your bothersome yapping."

Nodding, Mr. Bonnefoy bid us good night. Usually Mr. Bonnefoy would reply with a witty reply but the man looked too tired to.

As he wove through us to get to the door, for just a measly split second he placed his hand on my shoulder and gave me a troubled grin as he passed me. I could tell he felt sorry for me.

"Alright let's go," Mr. Kirkland barked at me as he placed his palm on my shoulder blade and pushed me forward out into the hall. Well this sucked.

Out in the hallway were most of the other students who were told to step out of their dorms.

They all looked to me with wondering eyes. I especially saw Gil through the crowded hallway. His red eyes were widened, looking helpless and worried.

I think he thought I would rat him out. But I would never do that. I wasn't much of a hero tonight but I still wasn't going to drag him down with me. Even if he was guilty.

Whispers spread through the hallway as I felt my stomach churn. Hmmmm. That was my thinking face.

Oh I know.

I met Gilbert's stare with my own blue eyes. I gave him a quick thumbs up and a winning smile to let him know it was all good. As soon as I did that his tense shoulders visibly slacked with relief. He got the message because; he was just 'awesome' like that.

Mr. Kirkland rolled his eyes as he grabbed my shirt collar and hauled me away from my dorm room and to the headmaster's.

Blegh. Ok Gil, all is forgiven. But buy me a cheeseburger if I survive will ya? You too Mattie.

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A/N: Whatcha think?! :D I liked it….Anyways, this is a story that will be about maybe three to six chapters to the most. I hoped you liked it.

England: *Rolls eye* review I guess…

Spades: Hey be nice! I want them to review, favorite, comment, review, follow, and all that jazz! :D

England: =.= What do I get in return?

Spades: Let's see, this is a fic between you and America soooOooo, I guess that means you get America?

America: *Chokes on hamburger* *Cough, cough* WHAT?!

Spades: Nothin….

England: *Nose bleeds because of dirty fantasies ;D* DEAL! REVIEW! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGs HOLY, REVIEW!

Thank you!