Saturday, March 24th, 1984
Shermer High School
Shermer, Illinois, 60062

Dear Mr. Vernon,

We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did was wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write this essay telling you who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us…in the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions; you see us as a brain, an athlete, a basket-case, a princess, a punk, and a criminal. Correct? That's the way we saw each other at seven o'clock this morning. We were brainwashed…

Claire Standish sat in her father's BMW, looking dejected with a trace of a pout on her pretty face. "I can't believe you can't get me out of this," she whined. "I mean, it's so absurd I have to be here on a Saturday! It's not like I'm a defective or anything."

Her father smiled and handed her a silver bag with her lunch, his hand on her shoulder. "I'll make it up to you. Honey, ditching class to go shopping does not make you a defective. Have a good day."

Claire rolled her eyes and stepped out of the car, walking up the steps into the familiar high school.

Brian Johnson sat inside his mother's car, an ashamed look upon his face, next to his little sister and his mother.

"Is this the first time or the last time we do this?" Brian's mother asked, clearly angry with her son.

"Last…" Brian mumbled, refusing to meet his mother's eyes.

"Well get in there and use the time to your advantage!" she lectured, always pushing her son to get better grades, more and more.

"Mom, we're not supposed to study; we just have to sit in there and do nothing," Brian protested, tiring of his mother's constant pushing.

"Well, mister, you figure out a way to study!" she exclaimed, not understanding her son.

"Yeah," his sister drawled in her annoying little voice.

"Well go!" His mother urged, not wanting to lay her eyes on her son anymore.

Andrew Clark sat in silence with his father, refusing to meet his eyes.

"Hey, I screwed around. Guys screw around, there's nothing wrong with that. Except you got caught, Sport," Andy's dad lectured.

"Yeah, Mom already reamed me, alright?" Andy retorted, trying to get his dad to just shut up already.

"You want to miss a match? You want to blow your ride? Now, no school's going to give a scholarship to a discipline case," Andy's father answered, getting angry.

Andrew got out of the car, slamming the door and walking towards the school, angrier than he already was.

John Bender walked toward Shermer High School, shades on his eyes, trying to keep from limping or grimacing as his torso burned, feeling like it was on fire. His dad had landed a few kicks last night. He saw another car coming as he was about to cross the street. John should've stopped, but he didn't care anymore. He could care less if that car hit him or not; if that car killed him or not. He wanted to die, he wanted to kill himself, but he was too cowardly.

The car stopped abruptly, barely missing him. Bender kept walking.

Allison Reynolds stepped out of the backseat, bending forward to look in the front, but the car pulled off quickly, leaving her in the dust as she walked towards her school for detention.

Selena Hernandez's buxom frame ran towards the school, hoping she wasn't already late. Her father got called into work at the last minute, leaving Selena to walk the few miles to school on the cold March morning. She slowed as she walked, catching her breath, her ribs piercing her side with pain. She didn't want Mr. Vernon to know that she'd actually cared about being punctual.

Selena was the last person to walk into the library, just as Mr. Vernon was coming in behind her. She sat down beside John Bender; the only person Selena knew other than Mr. Vernon. She played with her earring as she bit her lip, sneaking a side look at Bender.

"Well…well. Here we are! I want to congratulate you for being on time…" Mr. Vernon started, Selena glaring at him. He glared back as a red-head at the table in front of them raised her dainty, gloved hand.

"Excuse me, sir?" she started. "I think there's been a mistake. I know it's detention, but…um…I don't think I belong in here…" she prissily explained, trying to get out of the detention that they were all stuck in.

Selena sniggered, amused that she thought a little pout would get her out of detention. Did she not know Mr. Vernon at all?

"It is now 7:06," Mr. Vernon continued, ignoring the red-head's pleas. "You have exactly eight hours and 54 minutes to think about why you're here. To ponder the error of your ways," Mr. Vernon directed at Selena as Bender spat into the air before catching it with his mouth again. She bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing at Bender while Claire looked like she was about to gag.

"And you may not talk. You will not move from these seats. And you…" Mr. Vernon points at Bender. "Will not sleep. Alright, people, we're going to try something a little different today. We are going to write an essay – of no less than 1,000 words – describing to me who you think you are," Mr. Vernon explained as he walked among the tables, handing out papers and pencils.

"Is this a test?" Bender asked sarcastically.

"What's the point of this exactly?" Selena questioned.

"And when I say essay…I mean essay. I do not mean a single word repeated 1,000 times. Is that clear Mr. Bender?"

"Crystal," John answered, drawing out the last syllable.

"Good. Maybe you'll learn a little something about yourself. Maybe you'll even decide whether or not you care to return."

With the last statement, the blonde boy at the next table raised his hand before standing. "You know, I can answer that right now sir…That'd be "No," no for me. 'Cause…"

"Sit down Johnson," Mr. Vernon interrupted.

"Thank you, sir," Brian blurted out before sitting down again.

"My office is right across that hall. Any monkey business is ill-advised," Mr. Vernon pointed at his desk, visible through the open door. "Any questions?"

"Yeah…I got a question," Bender piped up from beside Selena. "Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?" he asked smoothly. Selena fought to hold back a laugh but failed, letting out a snort. She stopped abruptly, forcing herself to keep from grabbing her side.

"I'll give you two the answer to that question, Mr. Bender, Ms. Hernandez, next Saturday. Don't mess with the bull, you two, you'll get the horns," Mr. Vernon answered before leaving.

"That man is a brownie hound," Bender stated to no one in particular. He then turned to his childhood friend.

"Why are you here, Selena?" Bender asked quietly, playing with her small hand.

"Same usual shit. I got into a fight with Cassidy Parker because she called me illegal and said she called INS,'" Selena answered with a small smile, getting a laugh from Bender.

"Hope she looks worse than you do," Bender smiled.

"Psh! She couldn't even land a punch on me," Selena boasted.

Everyone tried to get comfortable. Selena played with the hem of her Ramones t-shirt before a snapping sound from the back of the room drew everyone's attention.

The girl with the dark clothes, who, until now, had gone unnoticed, was biting her fingernails.

"You keep eating your hand and you're not gonna be hungry for lunch," Bender taunted. She spat a nail at him and barely missed.

"I've seen you before, you know…" Selena said quietly, about to continue, until they saw Vernon spying on them from his office. She sat back in her seat, this time playing with her nose ring.

The six teenagers sat in silence. Brian played with his pen, muttering to himself. "Who do I think I am? Who are you? Who are you?" Johnson attached the pen to his bottom lip, playing with it. "I am a walrus…"

Bender and Selena stared, confused, and when he noticed, he laughed quietly and took the pen out. He began to take his jacket off – right when Bender does, too. Feeling intimidated, he fakes being cold and shrugs it back on. He looks back and Bender. "It's the shits, huh?" he asked awkwardly.

Bender glared at him, making Brian feel even more uncomfortable before turning away and balling up his paper, throwing it in an arc over the prissy girl's head. The pair in front of Bender ignores him.

Bender gave Selena a smirk before leaning back, loudly singing the instrumental opening to "Sunshine of Your Love" by Cream.

"I can't believe this is really happening to me…" Claire whined, earning an eye roll from Selena.

"Oh shit!" Bender exclaimed, suddenly stopping singing. "What are we supposed to do if we gotta take a piss?"

"Please…" Claire whined again.

"If you gotta go, you gotta go," Bender muttered, unzipping his pants right under the table. Everyone was looking at Bender.

"Oh my God!" Claire exclaimed.

"Hey, you're not urinating in here, man!" the jock beside prissy girl declared.

"Don't talk! Don't talk! It makes it crawl back up!" Bender exclaimed, leaning more towards the table.

"You whip it out and you're dead before the first drop hits the floor!" the Andy threatened.

"You're pretty sexy when you get angry," Bender gasped. "Grr."

Sitting back, Bender looked over at Brian. "Hey, homeboy!" Johnson looked up and pointed at himself with his pen, learning that Bender was talking to him. "Why don't you go close that door? We'll get the prom queen impregnated!" he taunted towards the two popular kids sitting in front of him as he laughed. Selena gave him a disapproving look but said nothing.

The pair turned and glared at him. "Hey!" the jock yells, getting ignored by Bender and Selena. "Hey!" he calls again.

"What?" she asks.

"If I lose my temper, both of you are totaled!" Andy threatened.

"Totally?" Selena taunted.

"Totally!" Andrew retorted.

"Don't talk to her like that!" Bender snapped at Andy.

"Why don't you just shut up, both of you! Nobody here is interested!" Prom queen interjected.

"Really," Andy agreed. "Buttface."

"Well hey Sporto! What'd you do to get in here?" Bender started. "Forget to wash your jock?"

"Uh, excuse me, fellas?" Brian interrupted nervously. "I think we should just write our papers…"

Ignoring Brian, Andy continued his rant. "Look, just because you two live in here doesn't give you guys the right to be a pain in the ass…so knock it off!"

"It's a free country," Selena mocked, feigning hurt.

"They're just doing it to get a rise out of you! Just ignore them," Claire advised.

"This isn't even her country," Andrew muttered. Though that comment bothered her, she decided to save her anger for a different time.

"Sweets, you couldn't ignore me if you tried," Selena flirtatiously addressed to Claire. That got an eye roll from Claire.

"Don't make me pull that piercing out of your face, goth bitch!" she called, but Selena just gave her the finger.

"So…So!" Bender started. "Are you guys like, boyfriend/girlfriend?" Bender ridiculed. "Steady dates? Looovers? Come on, Sporto. Level with me. Do you slip her the hot…beef…injection?"

This got a rise out of them, and they both spun to face John and Selena.

"Go to hell!" Claire screamed.

"Enough!" Andy yelled.

"Hey! What's going on in there?" Vernon called from his office, obviously not getting an answer. "Spoiled little pricks…" he muttered to himself.

"Scumbag!" Andy mutters to himself, turning away from the criminals.

Getting up, Bender walked to the railing, sitting on the edge. Selena stretched out between her seat and the one Bender had vacated, watching Bender with her dark eyes.

"What do you say we close that door? We can't have any kind of party with Vernon checking us out every few seconds."

"Well, you know the door's s'posed to stay open…" Brian offered.

"So, what?" Selena asked.

"So why don't you just shut up! There are four other people in here, you know." Andy yelled at her.

"God, you can count!" she answered, pretending to be shocked.

"See? I knew you had to be smart to be a…a wrestler," Bender added.

"Who the hell are you to judge, anyway?" Andrew addressed both John and Selena.

"Really…" Claire scoffed.

"You know Bender, Selena…you don't even count. I mean if you disappeared forever it wouldn't make any difference. You may as well not even exist at this school," Andy sneered.

Both were upset by this comment, especially Selena. Her boyfriend had told her something similar just last night.

After a second, John looked up and said quietly, "Well…I'll just run right out and join the wrestling team."

Andy and Claire look at each other, laughing.

"Maybe the prep club too! Student council…"

"No, they wouldn't take you," Andy added.

"I'm hurt."

"You know why people like you knock everything?" Claire asked, turning halfway to look at both John and Selena.

"Oh, this should be stunning," she muttered softly, getting a snigger from John.

"It's 'cause you're afraid," Claire deducted, looking smug.

"Oh God!" Selena jeered. "You richies are so smart, that's exactly why I'm not heavy in activities!"

"You're both cowards!" Claire belted.

"I'm in the math club…" Brian offered to no one in particular.

"See, you're afraid that they won't take you. You don't belong, so you just have to dump all over it," she explained.

"Well, it wouldn't have anything to do with you activities people being assholes, now would it?" Bender snapped.

"Well you wouldn't know, you don't know any of us," Claire argued.

"Well, I don't know any lepers either, but I'm not going to run out and join one of their fucking clubs," Bender answered sarcastically.

"Hey, let's watch the mouth, huh?" Andy added.

"Why the fuck should I watch my mouth?" Selena hissed.

"I'm in the physics club too…" Brian reported, again to no one in particular.

"'Scuse me a sec," Bender muttered to Claire. "What are you babbling about?" He asked louder, addressing Brian.

"Well, what I said was…I'm in the math club, the Latin club, and the physics club…physics club," Brian listed.

"Hey…cherry!" Selena provoked. Claire turned and acknowledged her. "Do you belong to the physics club?"

"That's an academic club," Claire answered quickly.

"So?" Selena countered.

"So…academic clubs aren't the same as other kinds of clubs."

"Oh, but to dorks like him, they are," Selena explained, pointing at Brian. "What do you guys do in your club?" she asked.

"In physics, um, we, ah, we talk about physics…about properties of physics."

"So, it's sort of social…demented and sad, but social, right?" Bender asked, proving a point to Claire.

"Yeah, well, I guess you could call it a social situation. I mean there are other children in my club and uh, at the end of the year we have, um, you know, a big banquet, at the, uh, at the Hilton," Brian continued.

"You load up, you party…" John offered, gesturing wildly.

"Well, no, we get dressed up…I mean, but, we don't, we don't get high," Brian answered.

"Only burners like you two get high," Claire sneered.

"And, uh, I didn't have any shoes, so I had to borrow my dad's. It was kind of weird 'cause my mom doesn't like me to wear other people's shoes. And, uh, my cousin Kent…my cousin Kendall from, uh, Indiana…he got high once, and you know, he started eating like really weird foods. And, uh, and then he just felt like he didn't belong anywhere. You know, kind of like, you know "Twilight Zone" kind of," Brian rambled, earning the other five teenager's boredom and weird girl pointing a finger gun at the back of his head, earning a bark from Selena, who then gripped her side in pain. Bender, immediately concerned, put his hand on her side, looking at her questioningly. She shook her head, letting him know not to worry.

"Sounds like you guys," Claire laughed, turning to the pair sitting behind her, though the two were oblivious.

Andrew, who, until then, had been silent, piped up. "Look, you guys keep up your talking and Vernon's gonna come right in here…I got a meet this Saturday and I'm not gonna miss it on account of you boneheads."

"Oh, and wouldn't that be a bite," Bender let out a fake moan of agony. "Missing a whole wrestling meet!"

"Well, you wouldn't know anything about it, faggot! Neither of you have ever competed in your whole lives!" Andrew spat.

"Oh, I know…I feel all empty inside because of it. I have such a deep admiration for guys that roll around on the floor with other guys!" Bender mocked.

"Ah…you'd never miss it. You don't have any goals," Andrew answered.

"Oh, but I do!"

"Yeah?"

"I wanna be just – like – you! I figure all I need's a lobotomy and some tights!" Bender jeered, earning another laugh from Selena, who quickly stopped. Looking at her, one hand sat on her right side, near her chest. Bender became worried; was she hurt? "It was probably that bullshit boyfriend of hers," Bender thought, getting angry. He'd known Selena his entire life, and he knew that her boyfriend was trouble. Well, more trouble than he was, anyway.

"You wear tights?" Brian asked, becoming interested.

"No, I don't wear tights, I wear the required uniform," Andy answered.

"Tights," Brian confirmed.

"Shut up!" Andy exclaimed defensively.

Hearing a noise from the hall, Bender got down from the rail and sat down in between Andy and Claire. When Vernon left, Bender laughed, motioning for Selena to follow him.

"You know there's not s'posed to be any monkey business!" Brian called from his seat.

Bender turned and pointed a finger at Brian. "Young man…have you finished your paper?" Bender continued to the door where Selena was keeping watch. He started messing with the door, unscrewing the lock that kept the door open.

"What are you gonna do?" Claire asked.

"Drop dead, I hope," Andy answered.

They let it close as the two scurried back to their seats, handing the screws to Selena as she stuffed them into her pocket.

"Bender, that's, that's school property there…you know, it doesn't belong to us. It's not something to be toyed with," Brian reasoned.

"That's very funny, come on, fix it!" Andy yelled.

"You should really fix that!" Brian agreed.

"Am I a genius?" Bender asked.

"No, you're an asshole!" Andy answered.

"What a funny guy," Bender emulated.

"Fix the door, Bender!" Andy yelled again.

"Everyone just shh!" Bender tried to command, to no avail. "I've been here before; I know what I'm doing!"

"No, fix the door, get up there and fix it!" Andy continued loudly.

"Shut up!" Selena screamed.

"God damn it!" Vernon screamed from the hall.

"Oh, shit," Selena whispered. They were caught.