Summary: He hated those three words. They weren't "I love you" but three others that held just as much weight and always left him alone. "Are you clean?" Being clean had nothing to do with being positive.
Rating: M
Warnings: Strong language and some mild sexual content. Mentions of non-con
Pairings: SasuNaru (mild).

Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto, I'm just borrowing the characters for a bit.

This is all from Naruto's perspective, even though I have Sasuke and Sakura listed as well.

Three Words

Everyone knew when the three words, "I love you" were spoken it was a game changer of a relationship. It took the relationship to the next level and solidified it. Yet, these three words also shook Naruto's world and it had nothing to do with love and where more powerful.

It was because of those three words that he was always alone. Excuses always fell from his partners lips as they left him behind alone in his deteriorating apartment. He hated those three words. He no longer could have relationships because of them, every time they would begin to get intimate the law (justice, he reminds himself) brings him back to reality and he would utter three other words, or four depending, that would kill the relationship and his heart with it. So he gave up, and stuck to getting his physical needs from strangers. It would save his heart from breaking because there would be no heart in no-strings attached sex.

But that would always come crashing down when he would pull out a condom and they would ask, "are you clean?"

Three stupid words always destroyed his life.

He always wanted to joke back, "yes I am clean. You see, I shower everyday. Brush my teeth twice a day, nothing dirty about me." But he couldn't. It was illegal and lady justice scared him.

He would always sigh and disclose that he was positive. That shattered everything and suddenly his partner would stutter out how they forgot they had to get up early in the morning, or they needed to mow the lawn. Anything to get away from him. He would watch them go with a sigh and make himself a cup of coffee.

He wasn't dirty, contrary to the question. If he breathed on you, you weren't going to get infected. Hell if he kissed you, you were fine too. Sex was almost safe if his viral load was undetectable and it was or he wouldn't have gone out to the club scene and if he used a condom (which he always did) the chances of his partner contract the virus was very low. Sometimes he hated that he had to disclose his status when his VL was low.

He understood the ethical reasoning behind disclosing his status, his partners should have the choice whether or not they want to pursue a sexual relationship with a positive person. Some did, because they knew about the disease and how it worked. Most people didn't.

Why was this not taught in more depth? Why did people insist on using the word 'clean'? He wasn't dirty dammit! He was not contaminated or broken.

Everyone reacts with pity of fear when they find out he's positive. There is no understanding or knowledge about the disease. It frustrated him when people look at him like he's about to kill them or he's a walking corpse. He is neither. He is only 27 and it was unfair that he was sick (not that he felt sick).

"Are you clean?"

God he hated those words.

He felt the sobs shake through her body, and he couldn't do anything but hold her tighter. He felt an urgent need to protect her, but he couldn't. Memories he cannot protect Sakura from even if he wished he could.

Her line of work was never safe. Being in the prostitution business always left the girls vulnerable to the weather, to pimps and especially tot he johns. But Sakura would always remind him that without the johns she would be out of a job, a house and life-saving medication.

He couldn't argue with her on that, and he understood why she did what she did to survive. She was told the news at a very young age, and started treatment not too long ago. She held two jobs to pay for the drugs, and she was struggling everyday to make rent and eat what she could.

Naruto hated seeing his pillar of strength sobbing on his shoulder as she muttered her fears and heartbreak to him. He could only comfortingly pat her back, and rub circles into it as she let out pitiful whimpers.

Sakura was beautiful, she was his foundation. Her courage and strength always lead him on the right path. Whenever he felt depressed he would remember her strength and he would smirk and remind himself that just because he was positive didn't mean his life was over.

Today, he needed to remind her that she was a strong and beautiful woman. She was not going to get thrown in jail (he would bite anyone who touched her) just because of today. Today was not the end of her life.

She had come over in a heaping pile of tears and messed up hair when she tumbled into his apartment clutching to him for dear life. A particular john decided to get physical and took his fantasy to a level she was not expecting and was not willing to be apart of. To bad she had no choice.

The sad thing is, that is not what broke her down. Naruto had heard other similar stories from Sakura's friends in the business and had the unfortunate pleasure to find out this was not her first time being raped on the job (because despite it all they would still leave the money on the nightstand or pay her upfront before it all began). That is the true beautiful strength that Sakura had and he often wondered how she did not break.

But today was different. Today she was unable to disclose her status to the faceless man not listening to her pleas. That changed things in her life. It was her first incident involving non-consensual sex since she discovered she was positive. The repercussions for not disclosing your status was tremendous and nothing to take lightly.

Headlines drifted through his mind, different faces of strangers all with the same common problem. Non-disclosure. Lady justice did not care about the circumstances, being raped or drunk is no excuse not to disclose your status. It was considered 'attempted murder'. That was the ugly naked truth of the justice system.

Naruto patted her back as another sob tore through his soul. He wanted to reassure her, 'no the man won't report you to the police. You'll be fine. He probably didn't get infected, he won't know.' But he couldn't. Although the chances of Sakura being thrown into jail for circumstances (because they are not crimes) out of her control were slim. But there was a real threat there and it scared him to the core.

"I did not disclose my status your honour because I was being sexually assaulted."

"Can you prove it?" Being a prostitute, especially for Sakura left her with very little options. Go to the police, but get arrested for her profession. Go to a doctors and add another bill to her already depleting bank account.

If you can't prove it, it didn't happen. But what can be proved is being positive. HIV testing would be done and soon discovered that she was in fact positive and was knowledgable about it, yet didn't disclose it.

Those where facts and lady justice loved her facts.

He took a deep breath. He knew this day was coming, everyone who was positive knew this was going to happen, and it terrified him.

Did he have enough money for rent and the medication? He knew he would need to pick up another job, but what? He ran a hand through his spiky blonde hair and took a controlled breath.

"It's not the end." A smooth voice calmly told him, standing straight in the centre of the back room in the clinic.

Naruto had told himself that numerous times, it was like a silent plea that he spoke to some deity that would make sure this was not his end. But this...it was the starting point to the end. It signalled that he was now just prolonging his life before AIDs settled in.

He felt like he couldn't breathe and then Dr. Uchiha was beside him gently rubbing circles in his back as he tried to remind himself that breathing was not too difficult to do. Living seemed to be the difficult part, not breathing.

"Can't I just wait a few more-"

"No." Ebony looks swayed from side to side as he shook his head. "Your CD4 levels hit 344, its time to start treatment. They've been slowly declining for the past few years, you knew this." And Naruto did, he just didn't want to accept it. How could he accept it?

"Naruto," blue eyes turned to meet the doctors. "This is not your death certificate."

It sure felt like it. 344, and he was always declining. He never seemed to be stable lately and that frustrated him, he tried everything to keep his CD4s high so that he could avoid treatment. Yet, no matter how healthy he ate or how much he worked out, there was no stopping it.

If he kept declining at he hit 200 that was the starting point of AIDs.

He shuddered and he wanted to cry out at the gods, demand what he did to ever deserve this disease. He didn't sleep around (not when he was younger and not for lack of trying now), and he never did drugs. He was in school and looking forward to his future.

What future did he have now? One of pain and suffering, and it was just starting now.

"I don't feel sick though, I feel fine. How can they be so low if I'm fine?"

The doctor sighed, retracting his hand and placing it on his lap.

"Nobody ever feels sick when they have HIV," he factually told, "Even when you begin treatment you won't feel sick. There are some side affects to the medication I think will best work with you, but they are minimal. Keep up with the healthy lifestyle and you'll continue to be healthy."

"But it won't cure me."

The doctor grimaced, and he didn't want to add salt to the wound by saying 'nothing will cure you.'

"You're not dead Naruto."

"But I am dying Sasuke," he retorted and glanced at the white-labbed coat man beside him. "These drugs will only prolong my life, maybe a decade at best."

"Possibly twenty years," he replied.

"Why did I rapidly decline?" Naruto muttered tiredly, "I was only diagnosed 5 years ago...some people don't need treatment for ten, twenty years!"

"Each person is different."

"That's bullshit!" he shouted and stood, he began pacing the floor. "I mean...I've meet people older than me who've been positive longer than me and aren't on treatment. Their CD4 counts are still high!" Even Sakura had her positive status longer than him before she had to begin her treatment.

"The virus works differently in each person."

He growled and knew that was true and that it wasn't Sasuke's fault he was this way. But dammit, who's fault was it?

"Was it something I did? Something I didm'-"

"No Naruto, you are not at fault."

"Someone has to be."

Sasuke sighed and wrote a quick note on his clipboard. "We need to discuss your treatment at length. Come back this Friday." He ripped the paper off the clipboard and handed it Naruto who was still fuming.

"Sasuke can I ask you something personal."

"Hn."

"Why are you a doctor at this clinic? Isn't it hard?"

Sasuke took a deep breath, trying to let the question not bother him. It was extremely difficult but he had a reason for wanting to be apart of the HIV clinic. He ignored the sting of the question and tried to think of a way to answer professionally. He smirked, maybe he didn't have to be so professional.

"How about dinner tonight on me, and you can ask me all about my life then?" He smiled and began scribbling again on the clipboard.

"Wha-"

He tore the sheet of paper off, which held directions to a local restaurant. "Meet me there for let's say 7?"

Naruto stared dazedly at the paper and blinked several times before he opened his mouth and let out a light laugh.

"You know I'm not clean though."

Sasuke scuffed and took a small step forward, "that's why showers exist moron." He refrained himself from leaning closer to the man and whispering in his ear. Instead he turned his back and cocked his head to the side, "beside who said I was clean?"

I have yet to see a story about HIV/AIDs on FFnet. I see a lot about viruses and cancer and a lot of different things, but I haven't seen any STIs.

I got most of this information from research and my undergraduate work. The story, with Sakura, is slightly true. There is a case similar in nature that leaves me feeling sick to my stomach. This lady didn't disclose her status because she was drunk, it wasn't at the front of her mind and so she ended up sleeping with this guy. Guy didn't get the virus, but when they decided to pursue a relationship she told him that she was positive. He got her arrested and she's actually in jail on attempted murder charges. Her lawyer is appealing it. When I heard this story I was disgusted. This is one case out of a few I've had the displeasure of hearing.

This is complete, and I might make a side-fic/companion fic to this one, but right now it is complete.