For Song Fic Boot Camp - Just Blue by The Weepies – #24 Family

For Ten Times Ten Challenge – List #5 Emotion - #3 Obsession

For Fanfiction Scavenger Hunt - #33 A Cousincest Pairing

Just Blue

Paint my face and fingertips all rose and new

Still Blue

I'm missing you and there's not a thing to do

I'm blue, just blue, just blue

Sirius was always my favourite cousin. While we all sat at the dining table with Mother, he would be outside chasing chickens, making the maids laugh and his parents scoff. I always wished I could be like him. But I could never defy mother, even when Sirius would wink at me before his scared his father or annoyed his brother, the temptation was there, but I could never quite reach it.

"Narcissa?" I heard his soothing voice call me, but he was only a dream now, Sirius would never come to see me anymore. All I had left of Sirius were memories.

Memories of laughter, that I wasn't even sure I was capable of, and a sound I have barely heard since.

Memories of notes fluttering into my bedroom, tempting me to mischief, that I regret not taking.

Memories of his hands brushing past me at family dinners, trying to hide his lust for me, that I lavished in.

Memories of lust, a raw feeling of need and want strangled together in a tango of passion. The best feeling in the world was lust, and I had not felt it since my betrothal was announced. Because the only memory that follows me every day, is Sirius' dark look across the room, staring at me, exposing me for the fraud I was, well the fraud I am.

"Narcissa," his soothing voice called me again. I wish he would leave me alone. "Just like you to not listen," he added. I turned to see Sirius in my doorway, a smug but solemn grin on his face.

"Sirius," I jumped up about to run over to him, but stopped mid-step.

"Are you really going through with this?" he asked. I felt naked even though I was in a huge white dress.

"I have to," I say softly retaking the half step I took before.

"Have I taught you nothing Narcissa?" he asked. He had taught me many things. To laugh, to smile even through tears, that jumping in mud was fun not gross, that trees are made for climbing. Most of all he had taught me to love.

"You know I have my limits," I sigh unable to look him in the eyes.

"That is the one thing I was trying to teach you," he said stepping toward me. "You should test all limits, break all boundaries, that is how you live," he scorned. How could he be so naive? I couldn't do these things. That is when I realised just how different we were. He was a boundary I could never quite push to the limits.

"I am sorry," I whisper looking up at Sirius. He didn't say another word before leaving me behind, and I was running too late to care. I sat down again and quickly applied my make-up.

I was not late, I belonged to the Black family, and like a proper Black member I arrived to my wedding just in time. The sea of faces that greeted me were warm and polite. I felt blue, completely destroyed inside, nothing about this day was making me as happy as them, and nothing about this day ever would.

I took my place beside Lucius, a stance I would have to get used to. I waited, patiently, because that is what a good black girl did. But all I could picture was the shattered face of Sirius starring back at me. I wanted to follow him, but I couldn't, and I knew I would hate myself for the rest of my life for that decision.

I had always wished I could be spontaneous and reckless just like Sirius.

A/N: I have not done an incest fic before, I hope I did it justice, it is probably horrible, but meh, it is what came to mind.