Alright so here's my next project folks. This time it's Gintama and I assure you this will be completed. I've already written chapters in advance and plan to update this story every Sunday. For those who were reading "A Bond Beyond Worlds" ya'll may notice this is written a lot differently and for more reasons then just it being a different series. Well as a writer I only wish to improve so I'm hoping you will feel better about the slight change. Also, keep in mind that I started writing this before the current BEAST arc in the manga. There's not too much more to say except enjoy.

Innocence. It was exuded perfectly in the waves of dust kicked up by the tiny feet scurrying across the playground. Of course, not all the children were indulging in the pleasure of the warm breeze and song of the newborn cicadas. Some were like him and preferred the comfort of shadows. But where he was isolated to the trees of the nearby woodland, these children could make do with the shade provided by the school building. While the other's wrestled, chased each other and watched stag beetle fights, these sensitive souls managed to ignore the high pitched screams of their eager innocent peers and take time to draw pictures or write stories about what It assumed to be their happy lives with their families.

What truly captured Its focused however, were the ones in the bushes, hiding in plain sight with ridiculous grins on their faces, all eyeing the same prey. It didn't take long for the leaves to carry the murmur of schemes and the falsetto of giggling across the field, competing with the cicadas for dominance.

As the epicenter of all the commotion, one boy stood shielding a can on the ground, kept in place only by his foot. A look of ferocity was the perfect mask for his feelings of uncertainty. The boy knew he could be ambushed at any moment and chose to look excited rather than terrified in his naïve attempt to psyche out his assailants.

It bothered the one in the shadows, the whole thing. It couldn't stand how the child had the audacity to take a stance as if he was a lone surviving samurai protecting his aluminum lord against an army of insurgents. But it wasn't jealousy that overtook the boy in the shadows; it was his own feeling of familiarity with the façade of heroism that annoyed him. A trained eye could see those emotions slowly take shape and emanate from the shaded figure.

"You guys can hide all you like, but my dad use to be a great samurai and I have his blood running through my veins!" The boy atop the can claimed. "My senses are too sharp for you to get past me. Ha! I see one of you right there by the…"

It was spotted, and it had no mind to care. It just stood there, allowing its emotions to fully take shape, guided by the shadows of the trees like a stalking snake. The malice was palpable enough to make the young ronin feel he would soon be devoured.

"AAAAAAH! IT'S A DEMON!" The boy screamed as he ran back to the safe haven of his school building. Other kids soon followed suit, noticing the lone black figure viewing them from afar, with curiosity and hatred.

Chapter 1: In Every Harem, the Tsundere Girl Will Always Win, No Exceptions

Hello. My name is Sakata Gintoki. My age is…not important. For all of those as my witness, I would like you to hear my story. I've lived the life of a samurai who strictly follows his bushido. I've fought countless battles, and have had many awesome lines I'm sure you'll tell your children one day. I truly live the troubling life a hero for the sake of the world. I've burdened myself with the lives of many but my soul has never wavered on the field of battle. I've sacrificed more than enough for my country and my people. Knowing that…I ask you. HOW DOES SUCH AN AMAZING PROTAGONIST LIKE ME WIND UP ON TOILET PAPER DUTY?

Surrounded by shelves of school supplies, silverware, appliances, bathroom supplies, bedding, medicine, and all other assorted needs, he couldn't help but feel stifled. What was supposed to be a relaxing blue textured wallpaper only reminded him of his misery. Stuck holding two bags filled with all the toilet paper in the store, Gintoki waited for the line in front of him to move. It had to have at least been an hour since he had joined, and the line showed no signs of advancing or shrinking.

"I ask that freeloading brat to do one thing and she refuses to do it right every time." He thought as memories of his morning resurfaced.

"WHAT THE HELL? WHERE IS THE TOILET PAPER?" Gin shrieked upon seeing his throne room missing its crucial tapestry. He ransacked the small apartment turning over mats, pulling out drawers, and flipping over furniture desperately searching for his beloved cloth.

"Oh man I went crazy last night since we finally got some money, now the booze and Yakiniku are fighting a war in my stomach." He said clenching his sphincter in agony. "AH, and they're both using that triple layer strawberry cream cake as reinforcements!"

"Serves you right, you made us drag you and all that food in your gut back home." A curt Shinpachi said as he began cleaning up the mess Gintoki made. "I'm surprised you have anything left in the tank with how much you were puking."

"I heard that the bigger your shit is, the guiltier your conscience is about your wrongdoings." Kagura said as she scratched Sadaharu behind the ears in an attempt to wake him up. "You were really drunk last night Gin-chan, yes? Maybe you just need to do something good today and your shit will srink, yes?" She said as Sadaharu rose to his feet and greeted her with a bark.

"KAAAAGUUUUUURAAAA!" Gin slowly crept over with a menacing aura, arms outstretched like a preying spider.

"My first good deed will be erasing you from this planet! We keep running out of toilet paper because you only buy one roll every time you go to the store!"

"It's only because I thought Gin-chan was a noble hero who'd never be filled with shit to bursting,. but apparently he's the type of seedy old man who'd shake down little girls to wipe his ass, yes?"

"Hurry and get a whole pack right now! Who knows how many seconds are left on the clock?" he said, shaking the girl violently by the shoulders.

"The Queen of the Kabuki District will not be your toilet mistress today!" Kagura exclaimed as she escaped from Gin's grasp. "I'm spending the day with Soyo-chan."

"The shogun's sister? You can't just randomly show up and steal a member of the shogunate's family! I like my head on my shoulders, and my shit out of my intestines!"

"What am I supposed to do? Her family is supposed to have a meeting with some big shlongs from Kyoto and she's going to be bored out of her mind. I have to be her escape from the big shlongs!"

"Uhm…Kagura I think if Lady Soyo was in that kind of situation I think there'd need to be a different kind of reinforcement she'd need." Shinpachi quietly chimed in.

"I don't care about big schlong or little schlong, if this was a matter that could be handled with that I wouldn't need toilet paper!"

"What kind of argument did this turn into?" A confused Shinpachi stated.

"Hmph. Well it doesn't matter, if you have the freedom to gorge yourself on sweets and sake, then I have the freedom to gorge myself on Sukonbu and Soyo, yes? If you need to wipe your ass so bad go get it yourself, or get a bidet and save yourself some trouble. Goodbye."

"Wait Kagura are you seriously..." Shinpachi uttered as she walked out the room.

She left with Sadaharu behind her, being sure to slam the door shut as she exited. Gin was left speechless with a shattered look on his face. Shinpachi, fairing no better, could only soak in his own discomfort as the air grew thin in the awkward silence.

"So that's how it is, Kagura…you leave me no choice." Gintoki broke the silence. His eyes began to glow red.

"Gin got calm so suddenly." Shinpachi thought. "Wait a minute!"

"Gin what are you planning to do to Kagura?" Shinpachi yelled.

"I didn't want to have to do this…but now I have to use…MY TRUMP CARD!" Gin said suddenly charging energy. It couldn't be seen at first, but its might could easily be felt spreading across the room. A great silver aura surrounded him, whipping up a gust of whirlwind to engulf the room. JUMPs were soaring in the gale, pages forced off the spine like a demon ripped them out and scattered them. Windows were forced open as if to roar out with power in Gin's stead, as furniture fled across the shaking floors.

"Wait Gin, wait! Kagura may have a sharp tongue, and sometimes she's a little brash but you don't have to use your trump card on her! Wait a minute, WHEN DID YOU GET A TRUMP CARD?"

The walls quaked in awe of Gin's sudden power level rise with every agonizing groan and grunt. Reaching its peak, Gin's silver aura became charged with electricity, and wrapped itself around him. Shinpachi fell on his back, unable to even approach Gin.

"The whole place will be destroyed. GIIIIIIN YOU'VE GOT TO STOP IT!" Shinpachi cried to no avail.

Before he knew it, the room slowly stopped shaking as Gintoki inhaled.

"SIRUBAAAAAAA! SUFINKUTAAAAAAA! SHOTODOOOOOOOON!" Gin announced as his aura exploded into a burst of light.

Shinpachi shielded his eyes from the burst of energy. He could hear the objects crash into the far corners of the small apartment like a bomb just went off. Even though he could feel his body aching he didn't dare open his eyes scared of what he may see. Against his better judgment, after a moment he slowly began to move his lids just enough to see Gin standing calmly before him surrounded by debris.

"He…he…" was all he could mutter as he opened them wide, still unsure of what he witnessed.

Gins eyes were closed and his body was stiff as a statue. He had one leg raised and his hands were clasped in two fist against each other just under his navel. The thumbs were pressed against each other as well, giving his hands the appearance of a peach.

"In this form, all of my muscles are contracted around my intestines and anus, giving them the strength of a thousand samurai." Gin calmly stated as his eyes opened.

"SO YOU'RE JUST CLENCHING HARDER!"

"A BM comes from the gut, if the gut achieves the correct form, then the BM becomes contained, and inner peace can be manifested." Gin said as he slowly brought his hands to his chest and made a circle around his heart.

"IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE A BUTTHOLE? WHAT THE HELL WAS UP WITH THAT EXPLOSION?"

Gin dropped his stance feeling powerful, but certainly not confident. He slowly made his way to the door knowing this may be the last time he would step out of that room intact. Shinpachi furiously chased him into the hallway, refusing to accept the events that just took place. Gin paused before opening the door and lowered his head to the side, unable to quite face his dear friend.

"…This should give me at least 2 hours, if I don't make it back before then…" He then lifted his head and locked his tear filled eyes with Shinpachi's pulsing red.

"I have faith you can take care of Odd Jobs, Patsun."

"WHERE THE HELL DO YOU GET OFF TRYING TO SOUND COOL AFTER DOING THAT? THIS ISN'T A SACRIFICE! THIS IS ISN'T THE FINAL BATTLE! THIS WHOLE FLASHBACK HAS BEEN A WASTE OF TIME FOR THE READERS, DON'T END IT OFF LIKE THAT! HEY!"

"That was almost an hour ago. I can already see the River Styx. Gin thought still shaking with anger. The line behind him continued to grow. "Curse you Kagura, you may have the ignorance of youth driving you, but that doesn't mean you can treat us in our winter years however you want! What's this? Now I'm starting to sound like the old hag. Damn it! Now I'm becoming my own straight man! Whoever's up front, get moving already!"

His rage was stunted for a moment to the sound of laughter.

"Who…is…that?" His now red eyes began to scouter the line ahead of him.

"Who could possibly be laughing in this purgatory?" He said picking up a reading of 5 on one person. And what was with that laughter. "It was like that of a second year high schoolgirl who was just noticed but her third year senpai." He said passing over those ahead of him in line, none above -8000 on his charts.

He finally locked on to a happiness level of 9001, belonging to the young cashier girl herself.

"YOU! Does this entertain you? We're suffering because you're stuck in romantic fantasies! Tell that young prick to get off the line! He's only going to leave you for the tsundere girl. Everyone knows tsundere always wins in the end. Men never pick the best girl they actually need, it's always the girl who's given him the most trouble, who's played hard to get. Don't be easy for him, damn it! This guy must be some bishounen NEET who needs to turn off his awkward charms and get out of his parent's basement."

He peered over to the right of the cashier to barely make out the balding head of a man at least in his 60's.

"...what."

"Oh my, this is all so confusing. Usually my son handles the shopping. Luckily I have such a wonderful young woman helping me." The old man's cultured voice seemed to warm the store.

He stroked his long sharp gray beard which matched his thin mustache. He wore a yellow ko-dohfuku that seemed a little too big for his small frame as it covered his sashinuki pants completely. His arms were just as invisible, but from his demeanor and stance it was clear he had his hands clasped behind his back as his weary but soothing voice droned on.

"So many of the young people today are all about instant gratification and moving as fast as they can. So obsessed with pop idols, comics, and anime. It does my weary heart good to see that there are still those with such class to understand the virtue of patience and hard work."

"Oh my. I'm nothing that special." The clerk girl blushed as she carelessly passed items, missing the scanner completely.

"Lady…you know that's a toad you're talking to right? You know a prince won't appear if you kiss him right? You know you're giving him free stuff right? RIGHT?" Gintoki said, trying his best to piece together his sanity.

"Perhaps once upon a time, but it's been quite a while since I've seen such a model of a fine Japanese woman. I'm sure whatever young man you share your company with is the happiest man in the world."

"Kyaa! Me date? Father wouldn't allow such a thing. Besides, a young lady like myself shouldn't be having naughty thoughts about boys." She said holding her blushing cheeks.

"Aren't you giving away a bit of your true self to easily? Your father has every right to be scared of what you'll do."

"Ah your father still carries the heart of a samurai. It's a terrible folly of all parent's in this era, as they want to be able to protect their most precious treasure. When a man who can appreciate the beauty of your diligence and dedication appears he'll certainly come around."

The young cashier woman could only gasp in appreciative shock at the old man's words. Her eyes gently throbbed with both relief and passion.

"Stop manipulating her daddy issues! Just where do you think you are a hostess bar?"

"I really hope I got the right brands. Normally my son nags me about frivolous spending, but I believe I managed to do good today." The old man said, satisfied with the mountain of miscellaneous items he piled atop the counter.

"That's 'doing good' for you? The only thing you're 'doing good' is robbing this store of its items and me of my time!"

He began to calm down. "Ok. All things considered, it's better that stupid girl is just dropping items on the other side. At least that will pick up the pace a bit. I could care less about the store's profits, anything that'll get this geezer out of the way quicker I welcome."

"Oh my…" The old man suddenly froze.

The store was frozen in silence, everyone wondering what could have possibly happened.

"Well…it appears I've forgotten toilet paper."

A faint powerful heartbeat could be heard.

"It's the darndest thing, all I came out to get was toilet paper. Since I'm already rung up I'm sure it won't be a hassle if I go procure some quickly." He said with the widest of smiles.

Before he could even take a step, the ground began to rumble. People on the line began to flee before they were run over by the white demon charging to the front.

"HAVE AS MUCH AS YOU CAN FIT UP YOUR ASS!" The beast roared, with a heavy swing of its bag.

The old man barely had time to notice before that man intervened. Before the attack could connect Gintoki's neck was met with the familiar chill of a blade.

"How did I know you were going to cause me trouble today?" The Vice Chief of the Shinsengumi said with his recognizable scowl. He was accompanied by a small group of Shinsengumi officers that surrounded the old man, standing at attention and ready for any command of his.

"Somehow I knew I'd end up running into one of you bastards today. So what happened? The gorilla grew a backbone and took his most faithful dog off the streets to stick him with security guard duty?"

"Are you ready for those to be your final words? The job I'm on now is of too much importance for me to waste time with you today. I'm protecting this old man, so unless you want to lose an arm, or something more, I'd suggest stepping back." The cold blade pressed more on Gintoki's exposed neck, as if it was marking all the most vital points to slice it open. Gintoki was unfazed by Toshiro's scare tactics however and he quickly stepped back while smacking the blade away from his neck.

"If you want to protect that old man you should be telling him to get a move on! Some of us don't have much time to spare." Gintoki said squeezing his torso remembering his pain.

"That old man can take all the time he needs." Feeling the situation had finally calmed, Toshiro sheathed his sword and lit a cigarette. "He's the head of the Mishiro clan." He said exhaling a plume of noxious gas.

"Mishiro clan?"

"I would have thought the White Demon of the Amanto wars would know about the Mishiro clan. They're a wealthy family of merchants from Kyoto known for their silver tongue. That man, Kigen Mishiro, became a daimyo through his investments and connections, but lost it all during the Amanto wars." As he talked Kigen was finishing his conversation with the now terrified cashier woman completely ignoring the assault.

"But they've recently made a comeback and claim to have developed a nigh unbeatable militia. They're in Edo now to meet with the Bakufu to discuss making Kigen a daimyo once again."

"And that doesn't sound suspicious to you at all Officer?"

"You think I'm an idiot? Of course it sounds bizarre, but given the mass wealth of the family and their history gaining power through negotiation and deals I can't imagine their rise to power is any less dirty then everything the Bakufu have done in this era."

"Mass…wealth…"

"I hear even the Amanto are involved. They were the most interested in their militia and probably pushed this meeting to happen. It'd be stupid to mess with any member of their clan, but there's bound to be assassins and joui terrorist trying to take their head. But as long as the Shinsengumi have been given the job of protecting the Mishiro clan members, no one's gonna lay a…"

"Like I said, take as many as your delicate rear needs. You shouldn't have to go get them yourself." Gintoki said handing his toilet paper bags to the old man.

"WHAT KIND OF CHANGE OF HEART IS THAT? DID YOU REALLY STOP LISTENING AFTER I SAID MASS WEALTH?"

"Oh thank you young man, I know you're eager but I'm an old man. Next time you come to me like that I may die of shock." Kigen laughed.

"You were going to die of something much worse if I didn't step in!" Hijikata said losing his patience with both of them.

"Oh I understand, having such a pathetic guard dog, your heart must be weak with fear knowing at any moment you could be attacked with no protection." Gintoki reached into his Yukata.

"You're the one attacking him! And how did you somehow make it my fault?"

"I'll be more than happy to offer my services. The most dependable man of the Kabuki District they call me, ask the shogun when you meet him, we're BFF's." Gintoki said handing him his card.

"You've nearly killed him on several occasions!"

"Odd Jobs Gin huh?" Kigen said bringing the card right against his eyes. "Well you've been very helpful today, I'll remember your name. But if all goes well with this meeting and my militia is allowed to carry their swords again, we may be hiring you full-time hohoho." He approached the counter placed the toilet paper on it. After a few minutes, 4 of the shinsengumi members had huge bags along their backs struggling to stand.

"Mr. Toshi, I'm all done here thanks to this man. We may take our leave."

"Alright then, let's go." Hijikata said grabbing Gintoki's arm.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm hauling your ass in. Spouting that much bullshit to the elderly is against the law." He said exhaling a fog of smoke.

"Go to hell you damn…wait a minute" Gintoki paused as he began to feel a pain in his gut.

"Haul…ass…" the disturbance in his gut gurgled.

Without a second to spare Gintoki swiped one of the toilet paper rolls he gave the old man and charged out the store.

"HEY GET BACK HERE YOU DAMN THIEF!" Hijikata yelled as he chased after him. He only made it outside the store before Gintoki was out of sight.

Kigen looked puzzled. "The White Demon…how long has it been since those days."