Author's Note: This is just a dumb little fluffy bit of fun. Don't take any of it too seriously, but hopefully you'll enjoy it. NaLu (because that is apparently all that I can write at the moment) with some Gruvia feels and a wink of Jerza.
I spent some time thinking about what sorts of things dragons would teach their little baby dragon slayers about nabbing a girlfriend/boyfriend. I figured they probably tried their best, but most likely didn't know that much about the particulars. Plus, Igneel is at least 400 years old (almost certainly much older) so what he knew of human courtships was possibly pretty darned out of date. I do figure that the dragons probably weren't that squeamish about the biological aspects of procreation, and the dragon slayers might not find it that big of a deal to talk about the "birds and the bees" kinda stuff. The mushy romantic things might actually be more embarrassing for them.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Fairy tail. I just like to borrow the pieces.

"What's his problem?" Gray narrowed his eyes at the limp figure Natsu presented. The dragon slayer was slumped over, face mashed into the wood surface of one of the guild's many tables. "He isn't even eating his food."

Immediately concerned, Erza turned around to look. Sure enough, a plate of untouched fire chicken sat smouldering next to the dejected pink haired boy. "He must not be feeling well. Maybe he's still suffering the effects of the train ride from yesterday…" She watched as Happy patted Natsu's head comfortingly.

Cana, with only the barest wobble in her step from the barrel of whiskey she'd been drinking, got up and went to stand next to the Salamander. She really wasn't the type for subtlety and contemplation, so direct confrontation it would be. "Jeez, Natsu, I haven't seen you this down in the dumps in ages."

He rolled his head so he could look at the brunette, cheek now against the rough tabletop. "I'm booooored."

"Seriously?" Gray said, exasperated. "That's all that's wrong? We thought you were sick or something."

Gajeel sniffed in the other dragon slayer's direction. "Nah, not sick. Just dumb."

"What was that?!" Natsu's snarl would've been more intimidating if he wasn't still flopped across the table. "I'm gonna… I'm… I'm gonna lie here. Don't feel like moving…"

"Wow," was all Gray could muster up in response. To say that a lack of action on Natsu's part was unusual was about as much an understatement as could ever be made.

"It's just boring," the salamander said by way of clarification. "I can't go on a job 'cause Lucy's off with that guy."

Smiling knowingly, Erza leaned her hip on the table the boy was occupying. "Ah. I see now. You're unhappy that she's on a date."

Next to her, Cana snickered. "That's almost adorable."

Natsu sniffed, not caring for their tones but lacking the energy to do anything about it. "I don't get why she'd rather go on some dumb ol' date with Chase than on a cool job with me and Happy."

"His name's Chad," Levy corrected helpfully and moved to stand beside Gajeel.

"Whatever. What does she see in those guys anyway?" he groused, rolling his sulking face so he was nose to surface with the wood again.

Coming over to join the congregating guild members, Mirajane had a mischievous sparkle in her blue eyes. "Well, maybe you should ask her out on a date sometime."

"Why would I do that?" Natsu sat up, frowning.

"You don't want to date Lucy?" The takeover mage looked more than a little disappointed. She reached out and picked up the uneaten food, placing it on the tray balanced on her hand.

Scoffing, the dragon slayer crossed his arms over his toned, tan chest. "No way."

"Oh," Mira said in a small voice, pouting prettily.

"Date's are boring," Natsu continued. "And one thing Lucy's not is boring. Someone like her should be going on adventures. Doing cool stuff." He scowled now, thinking of his partner being off with someone else. "I just don't see why she's always so excited to go eat somewhere fancy when she'll just come home and complain about the guy later."

Rubbing the back of his head, Gray wondered if he should really be trying to explain things to the clueless fire wizard. "Girl's like that kind of stuff, right? It's not that strange."

Levy chewed the inside of her cheek for a moment. She weighed the breach of trust she was about to commit with the opportunity to help her blond friend. "Natsu… Maybe Lucy's going out with those other guys because she's looking for the right one…"

Scrunching up his face in thought, the pink haired boy tilted his head to the side. "What, you mean like her mate? This seems like a really bad way to go about it."

Jumping on the comment, Levy pressed, "Maybe she's been waiting for the right person to show they're interested. Maybe.. uh… Maybe you should think about asking her out."

There was a pregnant pause as the other guild members stared at the solid script wizard while she fidgeted nervously. Gray was just opening his mouth to speak when Natsu held both hands up, palms facing out. "Hold up. Are you saying Lucy wants to be my mate?"

Gajeel rubbed a spot on the bridge of his nose that wasn't occupied by a piercing. "You know human's don't work like dragons, right?"

"Well," Levy said in answer to the fire dragon slayer's question. "I guess… Sort of."

"Sort of?!" Natsu sprang forward, coming nearly nose to nose with the petite girl. "What does 'sort of' mean?! There's 'no sort' of here!"

She took a step back in surprise at his sudden closeness and overwhelming intensity. "I… I only mean that she might say yes if you asked her on a date," Levy stammered. What had she gotten herself into now?

"Argh!" Spearing his fingers into rosy locks, the salamander looked stricken. "She never said anything about that! How was I supposed to know? That's not fair!" He spun in a frustrated circle. "She even kicked me in the head when I touched her stuff!"

Gray looked confused. "What does that have to do with-"

"Oh no!" Horror dawned across Natsu's face like a malefic sunrise. "I didn't get her any gifts. I haven't shown off my den. And now Chett's giving her food!" He wailed, "This is awful!"

The ice make mage shook his head. "I'm so lost… You like Lucy now?"

"Of course I like Lucy. She's my partner," the fire wizard snapped. "I wouldn't have asked her to be on my team if I didn't like her."

"I think he means like her like her, Natsu," Happy said helpfully. The feline had been watching the scene with keen interest considering it involved the relationship between two of his favorite humans.

"Oh, well… Yeah." The pink haired boy actually blushed. "Maybe not at first, but Lucy's cool… She's brave and smart and crazy tough. And she smells really nice. I just thought she wasn't interested in me."

Gray turned to look at Erza and mouthed 'she smells nice' in amazement. Shaking her head amusedly, the redhead offered, "I don't think you'll know unless you ask her."

"You're right!" Natsu thumped the heel of his fist into the palm of his other hand with a resounding 'smack.' "I gotta go beat up Cheese and show her I'm stronger than him."

Reacting quickly when the other dragon slayer started to sprint out of the guild hall, Gajeel seized the trailing ends of the scaled scarf in both hands and gave a mighty tug. "Slow the hell down, Salamander!" Natsu staggered backwards, making a choked sound, and ended up sprawled on the floor at the pierced man's feet. "What the heck did Igneel even teach you?"

Rolling over so he was sitting cross legged, Natsu looked up at him. "Well… He said he didn't know that much about how humans found mates, so he just taught me all the stuff about dragons. Though, he did say something about making sure I was properly introduced before talking to a girl and having a chaperone when I was courting someone..."

Mira covered her giggles with a hand. "Oh my! I think that might be part of your problem. That advice sounds a bit old fashioned. And for starters, Lucy's looking for a boyfriend, not a mate."

"Yeah," Gray said. "And beating the crap out of her date is just gonna piss Lucy off, so don't do that. But I guess girls like presents..." Belated, the ice make mage realized he probably wasn't the best person to be giving relationship advice.

Looking abashed, the fire wizard scratched at the back of his head. "I-I know all that. I just got carried away, and it was all I could think of. I just…" He heaved a sigh. "I never really cared about this stuff before, so maybe I didn't pay that much attention to it." Peering up at Levy, he asked, "Why didn't she just tell me?"

"Um," the blue haired girl stalled, "Well… that's… a difficult thing to answer… I guess she just was afraid you'd reject her or it would damage your friendship…"

Natsu looked positively incredulous, and maybe a little hurt. "Why would she think that? There's no way I would stop being her friend even if I didn't want her… uh… like that."

"Emotions are a tricky thing for most people," Erza counseled. "Sometimes your brain and your heart tell you two different things. It can be hard to know which one to listen to, so you end up not listening to either."

Raising an eyebrow, Mira looked at her friend with a pleased expression. "That's a very wise thing to say." She grinned impishly. "Maybe you're thinking of your own -"

"Don't make assumptions," the redhead cut her off but there was a telling dusting of pink across her cheeks.

Natsu sighed. Why did this have to be so complicated? "So… If I'm not supposed to punch Chip in the face -"

"Chad," Levy reminded him.

"Whatever! If I'm not supposed to show Lucy that I'm stronger than that guy, that I can give her nicer treasures and better food, and that my house would be an awesome home… What am I supposed to do?"

Smiling kindly, Mira suggested, "Maybe you should start by telling her how you feel."

"No!" Juvia's loud declaration drew attention to the water mage that had been observing the scene quietly. She rose to her feet and moved to stand directly in front of the dragon slayer. Gray cringed a little, fearing what sort of advice the love obsessed woman might give out. "Natsu is not very good with words, but he is good with actions. You must show her how you feel."

"Show her?" Intrigued, the pink haired boy clambered up to his feet, using a nearby bench briefly as support. "How do I do that?"

Pondering for just a moment, Juvia responded, "A rose."

"Flowers?" Natsu pulled a face that clearly said what he thought of the idea.

She nodded, ignoring his skeptical expression. "One red rose. And you will take her out to dinner."

"That sounds like a boring date -"

He was silenced when she held her index finger up right under his nose. Juvia clarified, "You will take her out for a picnic under the rainbow cherry blossom tree. The same tree that you floated down the canal to lift her spirits." Natsu looked considerably more interested now. "This is where you will give her the rose."

Looking excited, Levy practically squealed in delight. "That's so romantic! Lucy will know what a red rose means, and that tree will remind her how much you care!"

"Wow, Juvia," Gray said. "I'm impressed. I didn't think you knew - Er…" He broke off on seeing the water mage with her palms pressed to her blushing cheeks and swaying back and forth.

"And then… And then Natsu will kiss her, and Lucy will swoon, and it will be -"

The ice make wizard gave her a strong shake with both hands on her slight shoulders. "Snap out of it! You're getting carried away here."

"Oh, yes! Juvia apologies." She cleared her throat and took on a more serious expression. "You should wait a few days so that you're not seeming to compete with Chad. Your gestures should stand on their own merit and not be compared with someone less sincere."

Natsu nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, Lucy would probably think I was doing something weird." He stared at his feet in concentration. "Three days from now is the anniversary of the day we finished our first mission together. I don't think she remembers, but -"

"I'm surprised you remember," Cana admitted.

Shrugging, the fire dragon slayer said, "Sure I remember. That was an important day. Oh wait!" He snapped his fingers, thinking of their victory over Duke Everlue and the hulking version of Virgo, and pointed to Levy. "I can get her a book! What was that guy's name? Kemu Zed… Zaney -"

"Kemu Zaleon," the solid script mage supplied.

"Right! That guy. One of his books." He smiled crookedly. "I don't know much about that, so you'll help me, right Levy?"

"Of course!" she chirped. "That's a really fantastic idea."

Juvia smiled warmly, seeing that Natsu was getting excited about the idea at last. "She won't be able to resist!"

Leaping up on to the fire mage's shoulder, Happy tugged on his hair. "Lucy said she'd be home by now. We should go see her."

"Yeah, she's always bummed out after her dates." Natsu turned and jogged for the door, waving over his shoulder as he went. "Thanks, guys! I owe you one!"

Silence settled in for a moment before Gajeel said what everyone else was thinking. "Did that really just happen?"

THREE DAYS LATER (And then…)

"Has anyone seen Natsu today?" Gray glanced around the guild's common room. "I thought he'd be in here kicking up a fuss."

Levy smiled and clasped her hands in front of her with a little, joyful squeeze. "Today's supposed to be his date with Lucy, remember?"

He shrugged, frowning and turning back to his icy drink. "Yeah, but that was this afternoon. I haven't seen him or Lucy since early this morning."

"Maybe that's a good sign?" Mirajane wiped down the bar top with a damp rag. "If something went wrong there's a good chance one of them would come here."

"Look!" The solid script wizard pointed. "There's Happy. Maybe he knows something."

The blue exceed seemed to sag in the air as he flew over to them. Slumping onto a stool, he looked more than a little disappointed. "Hi, guys…"

"Man, you don't look so hot. Did the date not go well?" Gray asked, peering at the cat with a mixture of sympathy and curiosity.

Happy looked up at him in confusion. "But Carla said she wouldn't go on a date with me for a thousand fish…" His little face scrunched up. "Who doesn't want a thousand fish?"

Pushing a plate with a beautifully appointed salmon towards the moping feline, Mirajane smiled. "So, you're just sad Carla rejected you again?"

The exceed perked up at the pescetarian offering, wasting no time digging in. "Aye. She's a tough lady to love."

"I hear ya, pal." Gray patted the cat consolingly on the back, hand taking up the entire width of the blue furred shoulders.

Levy canted her head, chin between her thumb and forefinger. "I thought Natsu was going to take you with him on his date with Lucy."

"He did," Happy responded, pausing in his fish snacking. "But he sent me away after he did all the stuff you guys told him to do. So, I went to see if Carla would go on a date with me… I guess I need to find a way to get more fish if a thousand isn't enough."

"That means you can tell us what happened with Natsu and Lucy!" The eldest Strauss leaned over the bar gleefully.

Shrugging unconcernedly, the blue exceed said. "Sure. It was kinda weird, though."

"Weird?" Levy asked. "Weird how?"

"Weeeellll," Happy started. "Lucy was kinda mad when Natsu dragged her outside today since she was writing in her book, so it was pretty screechy there for a bit. Then she found out he was taking her for a picnic, and her face got all red."

"What happened next?" Mira pressed, obviously enthralled.

"Lucy kept looking at the rainbow blossom tree instead of eating, and Natsu started stuffing his face with food, but I think it was because he was just nervous. They were kinda awkward."

Sighing at the mental image of the two partners looking anywhere but at each other, Levy asked, "Did it get any better from there?"

"Sure! Natsu saw she was acting weird, so he gave her the book and told her it was their anniversary. Lucy's face got super red again, and she tried to hide behind the book. But Natsu said he couldn't tell what she was thinking if he couldn't see her expression, so he tried to take it away though Lucy woudn't let go…"

"And then?" Gray prompted.

"Then she hit him in the face." The three humans stared at Happy in horror. "I'm pretty sure she didn't mean to because she apologized right away. He just tugged too hard on the book when she was pulling back."

Pressing his thumb and index finger against his eyes briefly, Gray groaned. "That sounds like them."

Not ready to give up, Mirajane inquired, "And after that?"

"Lucy was touching Natsu's face because she thought she broke his nose, but he just got this goofy smile. She went all red again, and Natsu said she looked like the flower he got her. Then he gave her the rose."

"Awww," Levy cooed, resting her face between her palms. "That's so cute! What then?"

Taking another bite of his salmon, Happy matter of factly said, "She kissed him."

"Wait, really?!" Gray looked flabbergasted. "He actually pulled it off? Lucy really kissed him. You're not just mixing up what happened?"

"Aye, he seemed pretty surprised by it too. But then he kissed her, and it got really mushy and kinda sloppy from there. Pretty boring too. Lucy didn't even try to grab my tail when I said she liiiiked him." The exceed grew a thoughtful look while he polished off his fish. "At least it was boring until Natsu picked her up and carried her back to her place. That was when he told me I should go somewhere else for awhile."

When the silence dragged on for a minutes, Happy finally glanced up to be greeted by three gobsmacked stares. "What? Do I have fish on my face?"

Without speaking a word, Mirajane pulled another plate, piled high with sardines, from under the counter and set it in front of the cat. As far as she was concerned, he had earned it. Come to think of it, she'd have to find an appropriate reward for Juvia too…

"Gray," the she-devil drawled, "I found a job that would be perfect for you and Juvia…"