One Last Kiss
~a Rumbelle fic~
By Hannah

Their lips. Together. For a moment it is bliss. Then, it is gone. Gone because of his endless desire for self-preservation. Gone because he does not trust in her. Gone because he is a coward. Their first, and last, kiss. The one last kiss he will ever have, for he knows he will never love another woman. Belle is irreplaceable. Now he is alone with his chipped cup. She was wrong about the empty heart though. It is not empty. It is cracked in a thousand places but it is filled with guilt and sorrow and love for the only person who has ever truly accepted him.

Weeks pass and he is more gaunt than ever and is irritable and distracted, often talking to himself and mixing his potions long into the night. Yet he is coping. He rarely eats but chokes down a sustenance potion or two and tries to silence the cries in his belly as well as his head by spinning. It works rather well until Regina's visit. Then everything changes. Nothing can distract him from the pain. He begins spending every night in the cold cell with HER pillow perfumed with HER scent and cries like he has never done before. Screams and wails until he retches and nearly loses his mind. The guilt and longing are so strong that he feels physically ill every waking moment and has horrible dreams during his potion-induced sleep. He almost gives in. Almost turns his own dagger on himself. Then he will be in whatever hell someone like him deserves and it will surely be infinitely more pleasant than this torture. But no. That would be the cowardly way out and Belle deserves to be remembered, to torment him forever. He also has to go on for his son, to try to find him. Belle would have wanted him to. Sometimes, when he feels he cannot stand another day, he has a fleeting thought that they should never crossed paths but no, that would be unbearable. Might have been better for her, yes, but not for him. No. Better to have been loved, just once, just briefly, and lost everything than to have never seen her soft glances or heard her gentle laughter or felt her sweet lips. To never have been her one last kiss.

Years pass and he pushes the pain as far away as he can. On good days he recalls her in gentle memories floating to him as on a breeze. On bad days she barely leaves him, thoughts of her assaulting his brain like a fierce storm. Still, he moves forward. A moment. A day. A month. He focuses on his plans for Regina's curse, manipulating everything in its place the same way he manipulates his magic. He makes certain that he will have his memories in the new land; that he will not forget Bae or Belle.

The night before Regina is to cast the curse, he sits at the head of his long, lonely table and studies the chipped cup, twirling it carefully in his hands. What he would give to hear her sweet voice in his home one more time! To watch her fussing with the curtains. To watch her idly dusting or sweeping in her pale blue dress. To flirt gently with her as she sits on this very table, casting shy glances at him under her thick lashes. He had been such a fool! Of course she loved him! A woman did not look at a man that way if she did not. Milah never had, nor Cora or Zelena as they used him. He should have known! No trickery could fake what they had felt with one another. How could he have assumed her to be like THEM! She was more than any of them. A thousand times more. Suddenly his heart aches more than it has in months and he can almost feel her in the room. Can almost hear her charming accent and smell her light perfume. Can almost taste her sweet mouth. If only he could take her in his arms and tell her how sorry he was! How truly, truly sorry and how he never meant it! Any of it! He did want her! I want you, Belle! He screams out loud to nothing. I want you so very much and I need you and I never should have sent you away and now you are gone. They hurt you because of me! Blamed you and abused you and I should kill them all for touching you but it is my fault. Your perfect innocence is gone from this world and I am responsible! Please forgive me, my darling Belle! My beautiful girl, please come back to me! He is hysterical now and goes from screaming to sobbing and back again until he collapses in a pathetic heap of tear-stained leather on the dining room floor. Please, he begs one last time, please come back to me. I love you, my Belle. Half crazy with grief he wills her to appear. To accept his apology and his love and say she will stay with him, forever like she promised, and they will have tea in chipped cups and dance in front of the open window for everyone to see and make love in his soft bed where no one can see but them. But she does not appear, for their is no wishing or even magic that can bring back the dead. And she is dead. Dead and gone and it is his all his fault and he will never ever share tea, or a dance, or a bed with her because she is gone. Gone and he can no more bring her back than he can unchip their cup. No, he will never have another kiss.

The curse is cast. He adjusts to the new life quickly, taking a liking to his black suits and gilded cane. His magic does not work here but he finds ways to busy himself. He goes for drives in his sleek black Cadillac. He terrorizes Regina in his sneaky little way. He meticulously cares for the pawn shop of which he is the proud new owner. Mostly, however, he studiously prepares to bring magic to Storybrooke so he can finally be reunited with his son. For twenty-eight years he goes on. He has learned to control the memories quite well, pushing them away when unwanted and bringing them out if he wishes. Still, she is never not there, lurking in the shadows of his mind with Bae. So when he turns to answer a young woman who has inquired of him in his shop after business hours, he recognizes his darling Belle without a second thought. Recognizes her, but instantly fears that he has finally lost his battle with madness. His Belle could not be there! She is dead! Gone! Lost forever! Yet he finds himself closing the gap between himself and this young woman, tears in his eyes, and then she speaks and her voice! It is Belle's voice! "...Regina locked me up..." she says and it all makes sense! He puts his arms around her and the smell! It is Belle's smell! She has been recently scrubbed in some unflattering hospital soap but underneath it all is Belle's smell and he knows, he believes, this is HIS Belle! She does not know him anymore but she will. He takes her with him to finish his task and she calls to him and she uses his name! His real name! "Rumplestiltskin, wait!" and he is crumbling into tiny little pieces. "I love you," she says and he could die happily right here if it was not for Bae. So he holds her and KISSES her and he has never known love before this, he is sure of it, and he never thought he would kiss her again! It was their one last kiss! But no, she is here and his plea from three decades ago is finally answered.

Later he is kissing her before he leaves the town line and before she loses her memories again. Later he is kissing her when she remembers she is not a scantily clad barfly, but an innocent girl that adores burgers and iced tea. Later he is kissing her before boarding the Jolly Roger and thinks it will be their one last kiss for sure but her faith gets them through; and then he is kissing her, and holding onto his long lost son, when he returns safely. Soon he is kissing her after proposing and again after making their vows. He is kissing her a thousand times as they make love and he thinks he could die happy now even if it was their last kiss, but it is not. He kisses her when their daughter is born and several years later, twin sons. He is kissing her as their daughter gets married, finding her true love in the charming Prince Neal. He is kissing her when the boys leave for college and when the first grandchild is born. He is kissing her when they are old and wrinkles frame her sparkling blue eyes. Finally, he is kissing her in Storybrooke hospital. She is dying with cancer and they have passed the torch to their youngest son, who has his mother's gentle heart and his father's skill with magic. The chipped cup rests on the nightstand in her hospital room and she kisses him softly before drawing her last breath. He is sad, but content, for as he closes his eyes and releases his immortality, his final thoughts are of their one last kiss.