Title: Lost in Translation

Characters: Shuichi Shindou and Eiri Yuki

Summary: Shuichi wants to look up some English for a song he is writing. Eiri is unexpectedly helpful.

Genre: Comedy

Rating/Warnings: T/ some swears, and misuse of the English language.

Disclaimer:Eiri, Shuichi, etc, and the series itself belongs in the hands Murakami. I only borrow them to manipulate them into doing silly things.

It was nothing unusual for Shuichi to come barging into Eiri's office while he was busy writing.

It was, however, strange that he ignored Eiri and walked quietly past him over to Eiri's bookcase.

"What the hell are you up to, brat?"

"Huh? Oh!" Shuichi jumped as if he had just noticed Eiri in the room and then sheepishly stared down at his feet.

"Nothing…" Shuichi mumbled. He fidgeted for a second, acting suspiciously bashful, then finally confessed, "Well, actually, I was looking for a Japanese-to-English dictionary. You have one don't you?"

"Yeah…" Eiri replied slowly. What was Shuichi up to? "Why do you need it?"

"I'm writing a song," Shuichi answered, as if that were a perfectly valid explanation.

"And?" Eiri prompted.

"Aaaand…" Shuichi rolled his eyes and sighed in exasperation, "I need to look up some English."

"Obviously." This was getting nowhere. Eiri could feel a migraine coming on. "For what?"

"The lyrics!" Shuichi huffed defensively. "Gosh, Yuki! Lots of artists mix English words into their songs."

"And you want to join in the banality," Eiri stated blandly. One of his characters nagged at his attention, and Eiri typed out a quick line of dialogue before looking back up at a pouting Shuichi.

"Maybe you should learn to write well in your own language before trying to tackle another," he teased.

"Hmph!" Shuichi glared at Eiri and marched up to him. He grabbed the desk's edge and leaned in closer to Eiri, then flashing him a challenging grin, said, "Y'know, for someone with 'zero talent' I seem to do alright for myself in the music industry."

"Yeah? Apparently your fans have zero taste."

"Yuki!" Shuichi cried. "Do you always have to be such a bully?"

Eiri chuckled. He grabbed Shuichi's shirt collar and pulled him in for a kiss.

"Do you always have to be such a masochist?" Eiri asked. "No matter how much I tease you, you always come back for more punishment."

Shuichi flushed and wisely chose not to answer.

"Are you going to let me borrow it or not?" he asked, trying to get back on subject.

"Bottom shelf," Eiri said. He released Shuichi's shirt and gestured to the dictionary's general location. "Go ahead, contribute to the further decline of Japanese music."

Shuichi stuck his tongue out at Eiri and went to search the bookcase.

Eiri smiled to himself and set back to work. He paused for a moment to peek up from his screen to ogle Shuichi's ass as Shuichi bent over to search the bottom shelf when an idea struck him.

"Y'know, maybe…" Eiri trailed off.

"Hmn?" Shuichi turned his attention back to Eiri.

"Never mind," Eiri said. "It was probably a bad idea anyway."

"What?"

"I… I thought maybe I could help you out if you'd like," Eiri struggled to keep his voice nonchalant. "It should go much quicker since I'm fluent."

"Really!? You'd really help me write it!?" Shuichi's voice squeaked and he trembled with excitement. Shuichi scrambled over to Eiri and climbed into Eiri's lap, wrapping his arms around him. "Yuki! You're the greatest!"

"Of course I am," Eiri said, ever the epitome of humility. "Was there ever any doubt?"

A shadow of skepticism passed over Shuichi's face.

"Yes," Shuichi replied, "Since when do you ever offer to do anything nice? What's the catch?"

"No catch," Eiri purred. He ran his hand underneath Shuichi's shirt and delighted in the boy's squirming. "Is it really so out of character for me?"

"Yes," Shuichi said flatly.

Eiri grunted and pushed Shuichi of him, where he crumpled on the floor.

"Oww!" Shuichi scrambled to sit upright. "What was that for!?"

"For being an ungrateful little shit! This is the last time I ever try to keep you from embarrassing yourself."

"Wha? Embarrassing myself?!" Shuichi shouted indignantly.

"Like you always do. Besides—"

"I do not!" Shuichi pushed himself off the floor, dusted himself off, and glared at Eiri. "And besides, what?"

"I just thought you might like me to be involved in your music," Eiri muttered, carefully avoiding eye contact. "That's all."

"You…" Shuichi reached out toward Eiri. "Is that something you'd like?"

"I don't give a rat's ass," Eiri batted Shuichi's hand away, "but I thought it might make you happy."

"Yuki," Shuichi redoubled his efforts and wrapped his arms around Eiri. "That's so sweet!"

"Shut up."

"Sorry I got all suspicious. It's just that you don't usually seem to care that much."

"Of course I care."

"You do?"

"Yes. Your shit lyrics are a poor reflection on me."

"Yuki! You ass!"

Eiri chuckled. "That's what you get for destroying my reputations as someone with good taste."

"Like you ever had any!" Shuichi snorted. "But you were almost romantic there for a sec, so I'm going to overlook it."

"Hmph!"

"Anyway, let me go get my notebook. I'll show you what I have so far."

"You still expect me to help you?"

"You said you would!"

"And then I changed my mind."

"Come on!" Shuichi pleaded. "You promised!"

"I did no such thing."

"Did too!"

"Forget it."

"Please?" Shuichi begged.

Hmn… Eiri could work this angle.

"Fine. I'll help you, but…" Eiri grinned devilishly. "Now you're going to have to earn my help."

...

"Ah! Not so rough!"

"Is that really how you ask for something, brat?"

"Ngg… I mean, please be gentle… Master."

...

Eiri's fingers flew over his keyboard, filling the room with rhythmic clattering. It seemed his little play session with Shuichi had not only renewed his vigor, but inspired the muse.

To think, he'd been worried about how he was going to spice up this "love" scene. Why if it hadn't been for Shuichi interrupting his work yesterday—

"YOU BASTARD!"

Speak of the devil.

Shuichi glowered at Eiri from the doorway. He slammed his fist into the wall, his other hand grasping a worn spiral notebook, and stood there trembling in rage.

Eiri closed the lid on his laptop and tucked it into his desk drawer, safely out of harm's way.

"Bad day at the office, sweetheart?"

"Damn it, Yuki!" Shuichi charged over to Eiri grabbed the armrests of his chair, using his not-quite-five-and-a-half-foot frame to tower over Eiri as intimidatingly as he could manage. "Don't you play innocent with me!"

"Innocent?"

"Yes! I knew it was too good to be true! You're too much of an ass to do anything outside of your own self-interests."

"Aren't you going to at least tell me what you're yelling at me for?"

"This!" Shuichi yelled, slamming down his lyric notebook, opened to the page Eiri had helped him pen. "There's no way I can use this! You should have seen the looks K was giving me when I read it out to the band. I'll never be able to face him again! I'll have to find a new manager. Not to mention guitarist and keyboard player, I don't think I'll be able to look Hiro or Suguru in the eyes again."

Eiri chuckled. "I don't know what you're so upset about. It's as good as anything you've ever written."

"Yuki!" Shuichi flushed and trembled with anger and embarrassment. "I've never written anything that filthy!"

"I don't know, Welcome to my Romance was pretty damn suggestive."

"Still not half as bad as this. Plus the English and Japanese don't mesh together at all. I'm going to have to scrap the whole thing!"

"Well, maybe next time you'll take my advice."

"What advice?"

"Learn to write in your own language, you damn brat."

"Grr! Jerk!" Shuichi growled at Eiri and snatched his notebook off the desk. He stormed out of the room, the pounding of his feet drowned out by Eiri's laughter.

...

Shuichi, however, had the last laugh when next month's chart-topping single was Bad Luck's "Get Over Here and Shake That Ass*."

*with lyrics co-written by Eiri Yuki

The End

I doubt Eiri will ever offer to write lyrics with Shuichi again. Though I'm sure he'll make good use of the music video when Shuichi isn't around. (if ya know what I mean ^_~)

I always find ill-fitting English lyrics in jpop music hilarious, thus the inspiration for this piece.

Not quite as sappy as you thought it was going be for a minute there, eh? Eiri was kind of a manipulative jerk in this one, but hey, he got his comeuppance. It was kind of fun to write mischievous!Eiri. I liked how teasing and somewhat manipulative he was at times in the manga, so I hope this didn't come off as being too unbelievable. If you don't like it, there are plenty of fanfic out there that portray him as completely humorless. Go read one of those.

Anyway…

Apologies for unleashing another crappy idea that was probably better locked away in the confines of my own head. *sigh* most people get better at things after time and practice, but my stories seem to steadily get worse.

Nevertheless, I Hope you enjoyed. Reviews are welcome. Thanks for stopping by ^_^