A/N: Hello. This is my first attempt at fanfiction and it's kicking my ass. Who would've thought that reading fanfiction for the longest time didn't qualify anyone to write it. Imagine that! Well, anyway, this is an idea baby that popped into my head and I decided to run with it because stuff just kept flowing. Not sure exactly what I'm doing or where I'm going with this (it's like I'm in a pitch black room AND I'm blindfolded) but I can guarantee you that Vauseman is endgame so there's that. Right, well I've rambled enough. Here it is!
Chapter 1
The bell over the door chimed at it was pushed open. The two women walked in the shop as they were talking.
"Trust me she'll love it, well, let me just say she'll like it. That way if she doesn't love it I don't have to listen to you complain for quite as long."
"What makes you so sure?"
"Well, as I said before I'm not sure, but Lorna loves this stuff. She's literally tried everything in here at least once. And besides this shit's pretty good. Doesn't smell half bad and my feet don't feel like hooves anymore."
"That's a shame. I was kind of getting used to telling people I had a pet goat named Nicky." She said as looked at the items on the shelves with a disinterested look.
"Here, Vause, have this." Nicky reached into her jacket pocket and pulls out her middle finger shoving it in Alex's face. "Hope it's to your liking. I had it custom made." Alex gives her friend a half smirk and continues browsing.
"I'm not even sure what kind of scents she prefers." She says as she opens a bottle of body wash and sniffs at the pink liquid.
"Alex, please. You two have been dating for six months at least and you're telling me you don't know if she prefers" Nicky reads the labels on the bottles she's holding as she extends her arms towards Alex. "Ginger Touch or Honeysuckle?" Nicky starts laughing.
"Ugh, I swear those just sound like bad stripper names." Alex turned around suddenly indignant with the whole situation. "I don't understand why she's requiring, not asking mind you, that I get her something 'with some thought behind it.'" She mimics and then rolls her eyes.
"Do you roll your eyes like that when she's talking to you? Because I don't know if you know this, but most girls don't like it when you do that."
"Nicky, I'm being serious. I don't do this," she gestures around her at the store "I don't pick out gifts. I don't do the whole shop-for-the-perfect-gift-deal. I offered to get her a new phone and she just stared at me. Then I offered to get her a new computer and she had the nerve to glare at me. As if a brand new computer is the most offensive gift one could receive."
Nicky keeps picking items off the shelf and stiffing at the bottles.
"'I got an itchy sweater for Christmas, what'd you get?'" she says in a different voice, "'Oh me? All I got was a three thousand dollar computer, can you believe that?'" Alex finishes with a voice meant to mimic her girlfriend.
"I'm sorry, but can you do that whole bit again, I wasn't ready and didn't a chance to record it, here," Nicky says and she pulls out her phone and prepares to record Alex, "ok go ahead."
"Oh fuck all the way off, Nicky. This is a huge inconvenience and you of all people should know how I feel about this."
"I know very well how much you're hating this whole experience, but she's your girlfriend, Alex, and you have been dating long enough now that she's allowed to be concerned at the fact that you haven't even touched on the topic of exclusivity."
"Well, it's not like I've been seeing anyone else, I just don't really care to talk about all that." She waves her hand dismissively.
"Maybe you should do this whole basket building thing. Pick out a bunch of shit, say it all reminded you of her and she'll leave you alone for another couple months." Nicky approaches the sign promoting the basket deal. "Although if you ask me, which I know you didn't, you either need to cut her loose or just suck it up and act like a fucking adult and at least give her a drawer in your apartment or something. I mean, she's not that bad is she?"
"That's exactly it, though! She's not bad, she's alright. Very alright. Too alright. And that's all she'll ever be to me: alright. I don't want fucking alright. But I've also kind of gotten used to having her around."
"You're an asshole, you know that, right?"
"It takes one to know one," she smirks at her friend, "And besides, I don't want to break up with her a couple of weeks before Christmas. I may be an asshole, but I'm not evil. I'm not completely heartless. I'm not Michael fucking Corleone."
"Oh no? Alex Vause, do you renounce Satan?"
"I do renounce him."
"And all his works?"
"I do renounce them."
"And all his pomps?"
"I do renounce them."
They look at each other for a moment and then burst out laughing.
"Polly, are you out there watching movies on Netflix while I do inventory all by MYSELF because if you are I swear I'll arrange the boxes in that way you hate just to fuck with you." Piper's voice faded on the last few words as she walked out from the back room and noticed there were two customers in the store.
"Oh, sorry. I thought I heard movie dialogue," she says gesturing nowhere in particular.
"Good ear! You're not hearing things my friend and I here were reciting lines from a movie."
"I knew it!" She smiled and looked around and the smile slowly faded from her face. "Wait, was there anyone in here when you guys walked in?"
"Yeah some guy in a balaclava and a bag full of merchandise came running out just as we walked in." Nicky looked at her with a shit-eating grin.
"Did he have a big bag with a dollar sign in the other hand?" she asked sarcastically.
Piper and Nicky looked at each a moment and then slowly a smile spread across each other their faces.
Piper is still smiling when she asks, "Do you guys want any help with anything?"
"Actually, my friend and I, we're Christmas shopping and we'd like some, um, guidance."
"Guidance…"
"Yeah, she needs to buy her girlfriend a gift, but she's running into a few problems."
Nicky's phone rings and she looks at the caller ID, "I've gotta take this, sorry." Nicky answers the phone as she steps out of the shop, "Yeah?"
"Right, so you're looking for a gift for your girlfriend," Alex just nods "Ok, well do you know type of scents she prefers?" Alex just stares at her.
"Does she tend to lean towards sweeter scents? Fruity? Flowery?" Piper asks and her voice rises an octave after each question.
"Um, well, her favorite perfume comes in a yellow bottle. No, wait, it's a silver bottle."
Piper just looks at her for a second and thinks of the best way of approaching the situation, "You know what? It's not a problem. Couples can't always remember everything about each other especially when they haven't been seeing each other for very long." Piper crossed her arms and nodded her head as if she were giving sage advice.
Alex tilts her head slightly and looks at Piper with a slightly amused look on her face, "yeah, sure, of course."
Piper turns and faces the display walls, "I recommend building a gift basket and picking out different items with different scents that way she'll have to like at least something in there, right?" She turns back to Alex with a smile that Alex is sure she's practiced in front of a mirror as her make-a-sale smile.
"Makes sense…"
"Of course it does!" Piper becomes excited. Usually Polly handled the customers because as she puts it "Piper's foot remains firmly lodged deep inside her mouth, so you're in charge of not talking to people that we want to come back and keep giving us their money." But Polly wasn't around and Piper was her business partner which meant she could "totally handle things" if she needed to.
"Hm, it's gotta be a scent you're both into, I mean, you guys are going to be bathing together after all." She places her hands on her hips and nods towards the shelves. "Do you prefer showers or baths?"
Alex stares at her with a very amused look on her face.
"I mean, what do both of you like to do in the bathroom." Piper felt as if she'd been pushed out of an airplane without a parachute, "ok, what I mean to ask is, would a shower gel or bath salts be a better fit?"
At this point all Alex could do was continue to look on at the train wreck that was happening right in front of her.
Piper stands there holding a bottle of turquoise shower gel and light blue bath salts in each hand while looking everywhere besides Alex's face.
"That's an awful lot of questions about me and my girlfriend in the shower."
Piper nearly dropped the jar of bath salts and began sputtering sounds, not quite words, in an attempt to do damage control, "I didn't- I didn't mean- the only reason I asked was- to ensure that she gets a gift she likes it's important to know the person's preferences."
Just then Nicky opened the door and poked her head inside the store, "Hey, we've gotta go. There's a thing at work that needs to be handled pronto."
"A thing? What kind of thing?"
"Someone stupid fucked something up. Again. I'll give you the details on the way." Nicky said while reading something on her phone as she walked out and waited for Alex outside in front of the store.
"But you haven't picked out a gift yet," Piper said waving the bottles that were in her hand.
"Tell you what, I'll come back another time and tell you all about my preferences in the shower, ok?" And with that Alex smiled and left as Piper just stared after her with her mouth hanging open and wide eyes.