Suddenly the room is gone, the chair is gone. Kenny is long gone, drowned in the oil, and Levi, Sammy, and Farlan along with him. I'm cold. Plummeting to the earth from heaven. So, so cold. My skin is unraveling like cotton fibers, long and thin, like hair. There is a plate of ice beneath me. I see it coming, getting closer and closer and closer

And when I smash straight through it, I keep my eyes open.

"Eren?"

It's a small voice from far away that I cannot recognize. It's cold as snow, fragile as ice, ready to shatter at any moment.

Where am I? Something didn't work properly.

"What's wrong with him?" comes the tone of a woman, but really more like a girl.

The voice that I can never lose from my mind comes next, to my left, cold but not unkind, floating in the void. "He over exerted himself training today."

Will he be alright? No one asks that in particular, but many people wonder. It seems like many people care.

A gust of wind comes to brush all of the forms and the voices away and I'm lost, spinning madly down toward the ground through the icy clouds and past the snowflakes that hit my face and make me feel things and know things that had been lost to me.

Like how I'm a Titan, not a soldier. And how it didn't work, somehow, and that's why I'm here—floating in the freeze—lost in time again.

Suddenly two men are nearby, the weight of the one on my left dips the world and makes me tip dangerously. "Don't you think you were too hard on him?" comes the form of a man on the right side, farther away.

"No, I don't." This one is so stubborn and so wise. This is the voice that never has to be remembered because it cannot be forgotten. He's talking again, and I think, Thank God. "A little adversity is good for young people," the form goes on. "It makes us who we are."

Levi. It's Levi beside me, talking about important things.

"Well," comes the other. His breathing is very steady, like a well maintained clock. "I guess you would know about that, if anyone would." Commander Erwin? He sounds close but I can't find him. And Levi Heichou is beside me, on the other side of a yard-thick glass wall so that I can barely hear his words spoken in earnest.

"We aren't who we are without our trials."

They start to blur but I don't want them to leave. Please don't go. Please come back. I'm freezing to death. I want you, Levi, I need you to come back and keep me from freezing. I'm so cold.

I'm lost. I don't know any more.

I need Levi to tell me what to do now that I'm useless.

Where are you? I need you to tell me.

Everything is cold and blowing, turning white until there's nothing left at all. Nothing but—

He meets me somewhere in the middle.

I'm not even fully done hacking the freezing oil out of my system before he's crouched over me, his knee in my gut, a knife to my throat. He's snarling things at me so furious and quiet that I can't understand what I've done wrong this time—only that my life is in danger.

"Levi! Levi, stop!" I gasp, scurrying backward on my bottom away from the blade until my back thumps into a wall. "Stop! It's me!"

His growl turns into a heavy gasp and then it's his turn to scuttle backwards. "Eren? Holy…Shit! I almost killed you."

There's an awkward moment of assessment on both sides.

He's older now, taller—but still short, much shorter than me—his face has lost some of its childlike charm and while he's still very thin I can make out wiry muscle under his plain white shirt and vest. This must be sometime...?

To me, he says bluntly, "How do you look exactly the same? It's been almost four years."

Four years after that night in cave. I force a smile even though I'd rather cry. The only thing keeping me together is the fact that here before me is Levi, alive and seemingly well after whatever inevitably transpired those four years ago. "I told you," I say, "I'm really not from around here."

We get up from the floor—which I'm glad to note is a real floor and not just dirt or trash. With a quick look around, I discover that we're in a small room with a table and a few chairs cluttered around it."Do you live here now?" I question, letting go of his hand. He had offered it to me when I was getting up.

"Yeah."

He has furniture now, I note, trying to be positive, and a roof over his head.

"And Farlan, too, remember him?"

This is a surprise to me. "Farlan? That asshole with the little boy's gang?!"

"Tch," he gives a wry chuckle and walks away from me, heading toward the table, "Yeah him. He's okay, actually." He sits at the table and I come to join him. The chair squeaks when I sit down. "And remember that little girl?" When he gets nothing but a blank stare, he elaborates, "The little redhead who came to us begging?" I eventually clear my mind enough to remember, and I nod. But he doesn't say anything else about her. He just smiles and taps his finger on the table absentmindedly. I have to raise an eyebrow at the uncharacteristic display, but before I can say anything he asks, "What are you doing here," as if I have control over where and when I appear to him.

If only, I wish. If I could, I would go back and be there with him every time she left him alone, wondering when or if she would come back to him, every time he had to steal to eat…every time that puffy bottom lip started trembling and no one was there to stop—I would make sure to be there.

I blink rapidly, making sure that I won't cry, now, in front of him. That's the last thing he deserves. "I'm glad to see that you're doing ok."

"Mm."

"What…..what's happened?" I ask. What happened after I couldn't save you like I promised? What did they… I'm not sure he'll answer me, though. I'm not sure I want him to.

In the silence that follows, I notice for the first time that it must be raining above ground, because the low rumble of thunder makes everything seem raw. I can't hear raindrops necessarily, but the sensation of a storm far away is eerily familiar.

Will rain always remind me of that night in the cave? Does it do the same to him? Can he look back fondly on those last pleasant moments of freedom together or is it all lost or despised because of what followed?

"Did…did you…?"

"They trained me," he says bluntly. "I worked for Sammy for like a year."

"Sammy?" What? Not Kenny? They let him join the gang instead? My heart starts fluttering with tentative relief. It's almost too good to be true. Is he lying to me because he won't admit what they really made him do?

"Then Kenny offed him and I took over. We started doing our own thing, Farlan and I. And that's that."

My mind is flying into overdrive. He worked with Sammy and the boys? Not Kenny? That's not possible…not with the way I left things. But that must mean…

My heart which had just begun to lift again now sinks deeper into despair. No…no, no, no! This means that this isn't real…not yet. And it can't be real unless I change the past again. Warm, sickly nausea starts pooling in my gut as the realization of what I must do dawns on me. I have to change what happened with Kenny on that night if I want this Heichou-my Levi Heichou-to ever exist.

His words echo back to me. "We aren't who we are without our trials."

By trying to protect him, had I only made things worse?

"You… you went off on your own?" I stammer, just to fill the silence.

"Mostly. He's a good guy, Eren. He never wanted to do it either." He has an imploring look in his gaze, like he wants me to believe that it's true.

They must have been really good friends for Heichou to talk about him this way, I think, and a deep sadness begins to seep through me—knowing that there is no Farlan in Levi's future.

"He's a much better person than we are," he goes on. "He wants to help people."

Help people? "I wish I could have helped you more," I admit, my gaze falling. "I couldn't…" I couldn't do anything. I couldn't Titan shift in that time. If only I could have, but I couldn't. And I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry for failing you. The feeling washes over me, cold and nauseating: helplessness. I had thought that he was the helpless one, but now I'm realizing that—really—it's me who is fated to have no power here.

"Ehh," he shrugs, like it's no big deal, like I'm not going to have to go back there and crush his heart and soul if I want this to stay the reality for him. "No one could have kept us from Kenny. Don't beat yourself up over shit like that. What happened happened."

I'm ready to cry, now. Trying desperately to hold it back. Under any other circumstances his hapless, forgiving nature would make me feel better, but not now. No matter what he says four years later, I know that he won't understand when I actually have to do it.

"It hasn't happened yet, though," I whisper.

I glance up at him from under the scraggly bangs that fall into my face to watch his grey eyes widen just a hair when things click into place. He simply says, "Oh." I know he understands though, I can see it in his face, in the way he holds his mouth—frozen, thinking.

I imagine that he's thinking things over, deciding what to say next now that he understands just how much power he actually has here. One word from him now—one order—and he can change his life forever. By the way that I'm watching him so closely, searching for any sign, any hint of a desire hidden within his thoughtful expression, he must know that I'm waiting to hear what he wants me to do. Because whatever it is, I'll do it. Anything he says. Anything he wants.

Even if it's hard—even if it's, "Don't do anything, then. You fucked up my life enough already. Just stay out of it this time." Even that, I would do for him.

But instead he says, "Oi, Eren. Look, don't get all worked up. Just do whatever you think is the best choice."

I can't help it, the tears start to fall.

"You have to believe in your choices, whatever you think you'll—"

I lose the rest of what he says when the big black drops start to fall. "Levi?" His mouth is still moving. What is he saying? I have to know, I have to know. "Levi?!" The blackness falls into the center of my eye, like a drip of ice. His face is covered, I can't see through the oil anymore.

No, no, don't make me leave yet. I want to stay here just for a little while.

Even as my limbs start to freeze and my throat goes numb, even as my senses all fail me, I'm still reaching out to him. I want to be here with him now, after one hell and before another. Before everything will inevitably unravel for him again.

But it's pointless. I already know what I have to do. In an agonizing second, I'm gone.

Even before the oil releases me, I already know where I am. Where I have to be.

I don't open my eyes yet. There's no need. The sound of the wind and rain makes it abundantly clear. I'm back in the cave, lying on the floor, trying not to shiver too much so as not to wake him.

Levi is here, curled up against my body like a content little kitten, practically purring in his sleep. Not purring—he's not that happy—I have to remind myself. Don't romanticize this. He trusts you, Eren. Don't you dare do that to him.

When I finally open my eyes to squint through the dark, he's there exactly as I remember: his knees scrunched up tight, gently pressing into my tummy, his thin arms—like bird's wings—folded neatly in between us, knuckles soft against my chest. And his face is calm and sweet in sleep. I still can't believe he's fifteen here….he's only a child.

I wish that I could have arrived here earlier—say an hour or two ago—before I said those words that I can't keep no matter how much I want to. "I won't let him get you. You don't have to worry, anymore. You're safe. We'll keep practicing and then we'll go above ground, alright? I promise." Why is fate so unkind to us that I can't even have the chance never to say those words? At least that way it might be less of a betrayal.

I know that they'll be coming soon—fate isn't kind enough to give me long. I take a risk and shift inside of the cloaks just enough to wrap my arm over his side. Eyes closed, I feel him breathe—chest moving in quick, shivery motions—I feel his heartbeat.

"I'm so, so sorry," I breathe out over his head.

He doesn't answer me, of course. I don't want an answer anyway. Deep down I already have one, even though it hurts so much that I can barely stand the ache in my chest. He'll understand someday. He told you that himself.

But still, when I hear them start fiddling with the rocks in the crack, I nearly lose my resolve all together.

Somehow my shaking legs find the strength to get up, tucking Levi back into the cloaks as I go. "It's ok," I lie as he groans in waking and squints up at me. I can feel my voice start quaking out of control. Keep it together, Eren.

He believes me—oh god, he believes me—and he just stays there while I tip toe across the cave to meet them before they can break into what's left of our sanctuary. Even when I pick the last stone out of the crack in the cave wall and Sammy says something in alarm, all Levi does is sit up in the bundle of cloaks. Silent and trusting.

"Get back or I'll—" Sammy starts aggressively. I anticipate him going for the gun, so I quickly stop him.

"Relax," I say in a low voice. I don't want Levi to hear me. I can't. I can't do this. "I….was expecting you to come." They stare at me, Sammy angrily and Farlan's blonde mop sticking out behind Sammy's shoulder, looking utterly confused. I have to swallow three times before I can get enough moisture in my throat to keep talking. But still, I can only just manage to choke the words out, "He's inside."

They look at me like there are horns growing out of my head. I know that my face is burning red with shame over this, but if I don't hurry up then I'll lose it all together, so I just turn away and wave them inside.

That's a mistake. I shouldn't have turned around because Levi is there standing a few feet behind me. His eyes are huge.

"What's going on, Eren?" He knocks the wind out of me just with that question. My lungs fill up with led. I can't. "Eren?"

I think I'm crying but no tears come out. "Bring the cloaks," I say so flatly that I can't recognize my own voice. I keep talking even when his face twitches in uncertainty. "It's too wet here, we gotta move until things dry up."

He shifts his gaze. "Who're you?"

I glance behind me. Sure enough, Sammy and Farlan are inside the cave now, looking slightly less sure of their mission since I'm being so cooperative, but they must appear semi threatening in the dark none the less.

I want to comfort him now. I want to assure him.

But I can't.

"Get the cloaks," I tell him. "Come on, let's go."

Hurry up. Hurry up, hurry up, I keep telling myself over and over while he stares at me—searching—and when he goes back to pick the discarded cloaks. He glances back at me over his shoulder. He's too smart for this. He knows. Of course he knows.

I grab the 3DMG from near the wall and put a hand on Levi's shoulder as I walk past on my way over to Sammy. He's tense under my hand now. I don't stay next to him, I go to the others. "Ok?"

"Yeah…." Sammy says awkwardly. His dark eyes swipe over me. He looks almost as confused as Farlan now, but he says nothing. He just motions for Levi. "Get over here, let's go."

Levi comes over to me slowly. The cloaks are bunched up in his arms, hugging them tightly to his chest. His chin is tucked down low, making his hair fall into his eyes, and I can't see his expression. We all slip back through the crack one at a time, Farlan first, then Sammy and Levi and I'm last. When I stuff the last rock into place I have to tear my eyes away from the shut up cave. I could have stayed there forever with him. And now—

"Where the hell are we going?" Levi snaps all of a sudden. My heart picks up its pounding. It's like Heichou is challenging me.

It occurs to me that he might try to run away. I don't think about it—it's like my body is on autopilot now—I just put my arm around him and steer him along with the others. "I met them earlier," I say: not a lie. "Everything'll be fine, alright?"

When we get farther into the city his shoulders hunch up defensively. I know he's starting to doubt me now, and that hurts a little, but it's the fact that he still wants to believe me, that he wants to trust me so much that even now, even still he'll follow along even though he knows. He has to know.

"Eren," he hisses, leaning up to whisper in my ear. His cheek brushes against my shoulder. "Where the hell are we going? You need to tell me right now."

I try to answer but nothing comes out. I can feel him looking at me; first he's expectant but before long he realizes that I'm not going to answer him and it changes into anger. I know him well enough now to expect it when he tries to duck out from under my arm and I'm quick enough to stop him.

Sammy is there to help. There isn't even that much of a scuffle. We're too big for him and he has nothing on me now that I know what to expect from him.

But it's no relief when the struggle ends. Seeing Levi subdued like this—Sammy's fist knotted up in his pretty black hair, pain and anger and hurt written all over his face—all I feel is hatred. Not for Farlan, not for Sammy, not even for Kenny. Right now it's all for me.

I'm sorry. I can't say it, it just dies in my constricted chest every time I even attempt to get it out. He gives me one vicious glare and then he stops looking at me all together. All at once I feel like I've lost something precious.

Ah yes, there they are, the tears finally coming. And a wicked little voice mocks me in the back of my head. Better not start crying yet, dumbass. You're not done with him.

They don't have to drag him for very long. He trudges along when he knows he's beaten, keeping his head down except when Sammy yanks it up with a particularly rough jerk of the hair. And when that happens I make sure to look away. I don't think I could bare seeing the look on his face.

When the familiar sound of those big doors opening meets my ears, my stomach instantly drops to my feet. Farlan and Sammy pause in the doorway. They exchange a glance and then Farlan looks to me, saying, "You can go."

"No, I want to talk to Kenny."

I close my eyes when Levi chokes. On spit, on tears, on the sound of my words—he can't possibly deny what's happening anymore. It's a real sob when it comes out. "Eren!"

"Shut up," Sammy snaps, twisting Levi's head hard enough to make him cry out. Anger rips through me and for one second I want to murder him…before I remember whose fault this actually is.

"Take…take me to Kenny," I croak out.

"No! No, Eren, please!" he's crying, screaming at me accusingly. "Don't fucking do this, Eren, god please don't do this to me!"

Farlan takes a jerking step away from where Levi and Sammy are struggling again. He looks like he might be sick. "I—I'll take you to see Kenny," he says quickly, the syllables all tumbling out in a rush, his voice forced and loud in order to be heard over the commotion.

I nod without feeling it and Farlan leads me away. I can't bring myself to look back at Levi because I know it will destroy me. If I turn back and see his beautiful face smeared with tears and blotchy red from crying, imploring me, begging me with those desperate eyes, I know that I'll stop myself from doing all of this and run back to rescue him once and for all—thus completely distorting his future for good. So I stop myself from looking. But nothing can stop me from hearing him scream, "You promised!"

Sammy drags him off to another area of the house and must get him quiet somehow, because I don't hear the reverberating echoes of his angry sobbing for long. I'm almost thankful.

It's a long walk to Kenny, just like it was the first time and by the time I reach him I've had to gulp down vomit twice. No matter how many times I tell myself that this is for the best and that everything will work out in the end, nothing makes me feel less guilty. Even reminding myself that Levi himself told me that I should go with what seems best doesn't help me.

"He's inside," Farlan says quietly once we reach the door to Kenny's room. I turn to look at him and find that he's avoiding my gaze like I'm nothing but a monster. And I guess he's right. Right now, that's all I am.

"I'm so sorry," I groan. Somehow I can say it to him but not to Levi. I'm sorry about Levi. I'm sorry about you, too. I'm sorry about whatever happened to you before to put you here and I'm sorry about what's going to happen to you in the future that I'm protecting right now. I'm sorry, I know it might be selfish, but I need my Levi Heichou to exist later on. And I'm not the only one who needs him. All of Humanity is counting on him being himself: Humanity's Strongest.

He shakes his head and the motion is so small that I almost miss it. Clearly he doesn't want to hear it. He opens the door and ushers me inside. It's just as dim and yellow as it was a few hours ago when I was here. A few hours ago? No, that's not possible. It was a lifetime ago. Perhaps two lifetimes.

"Father?" Farlan calls, much more tentatively than Sammy did it the last time. He sounds like he's very nauseous, every word metered and tight.

It takes Kenny longer to come out of the side door this time. No banging against the wall, no grand entrance, just an old devil in a long black cloak. Someone who I can genuinely hate—not like these other boys.

"The Levi that you were looking for is here, sir," Farlan says, head down. "Sammy had to take him for a little while. He was being difficult. I'm sorry."

"Fine," he says with a wave of his hand. "When you two idiots work up the balls to get that kid in line, you feel free to bring him to me." Farlan goes pale as a ghost, apparently more frightened by Kenny's words than I would even presume to be. I see an opportunity.

"He's very difficult, sir. He's not just a little kid," I claim bravely.

Kenny throws me a sidelong glance and then looks back to Farlan. "Who the fuck is this, boy?"

"He's—"

"Since when are you allowed to bring people in here?"

"I'm sorry!" he gasps. "He—he—he's the one who, he handed Levi over to us, sir!"

He handed Levi over…I feel my face bathed red in shame once again. How am I supposed to live with that on me?

"Did he now?"

I want to disappear and erase my sorry, powerless self from existence. Not yet, you don't, come the mocking voice. You better finish what you started or this is all for nothing. They'll just do the same old thing to him as before and you know it. And then Levi Heichou will never exist.

"Yes, that…that was me," I say. The man turns back to glare at me with those wicked, vermin-like eyes and once I know I have his full attention I let the words come pouring out of me. "I heard that you were looking for him and I figured I should let you have him…out of respect and all." The word 'respect' nearly sticks on my tongue and refuses to come out. But I force it and go on, "He's a pain in my ass anyway. The little shit nearly killed me three or four times before he finally settled down." He raises a graying eyebrow in surprise. Levi? Kill someone? He doesn't believe me, but I'll convince him that Levi is more than just a tiny body and he's more than just a whore's son. He's so much more than what they want to make him. "I was trying to be good to him, you know, military charity while I was passing through—that sort of thing. But he kept stealing my stuff when my back was turned. Sneaky little bastard. He can get away with anything, that kid. He's small as fuck, I mean, so nobody suspects him. You'll have to watch out for that one. And he's smart. He figured out how to use this in an hour flat," I say, patting my 3DMG.

Just as I had hoped, that catches his ear. "Levi? You're telling me that that Levi knows how to fly?"

I say, "Like an angel," and I mean it. The tears are threatening to constrict my throat, now, and escape. I have to hurry up. "Anyway, I'm leaving the underground and heading back to Stohess in the morning. I didn't want to leave him on his own, he's a good soldier. He takes orders well. So like I said, out of respect I brought him back to you, Mr. Ackerman."

He seems pleased by what I'm saying. Do I dare to believe that he'll actually buy it? I pause and lift a hand to my chin to express thoughtfulness. It's trembling and I have to mentally tell it to stop before I can go on. "I'm sorry for keeping him from you for the past few days. I probably should have brought him sooner—knowing that you were looking for him and all," I shrug. My hands dip to my sides and the gear starts coming off. "But I'll make it up to you. I'll leave these for him." I let all of my gear fall to the ground and the clatter of metal seems to echo deafeningly throughout the room, making me wince. I want this to be over. "It's no problem, I can get another one. I'm sure with this, you'll be able to put him to good use."

There. That's all I can do. My stomach is threatening me with bitter nausea that never seems to lessen. That has to be enough. The words hurt when I said them and they still hurt now. I can't do anymore.

The look Kenny is giving me is odd, but all I can register is that it isn't one of disbelief. I planted the seed. Now the idea that tiny little Levi is good for something else in his organization other than prostitution is thoroughly planted in his mind. Whether it will grow today or a year from now, I don't know. But I've planted it. That's all I can do.

"Well…." He is saying, rubbing his hands together, "happy travels then. And thanks very much for the gift, Mr. Military Man."

I stare at him for a moment longer before turning on heel and stalking out of the room. As soon as I'm around the corner I'm bent over throwing up onto the already filthy floor. It doesn't seem to stop. I'm shivering and convulsing, totally racked to the core.

Where is the oil? Why hasn't it come to take me away yet?

I'm still bent in half, clutching my knees to keep from falling, trembling so hard that my teeth clatter. That's when Farlan walks past me.

"Hey!" I shout to him when he tries to keep on walking. His steps falter and then he halts at the sight of me. It's a chore just to stand up all the way but I fight through it, straightening until we're eye to eye. I must reek of vomit and sweat, and by now I've realized that I'm full out crying as well, but Farlan just stands there staring. He's probably seen a million things worse during his short life than a disheveled Eren Jaegar. "You…." I begin. My voice cracks and fails me. Wiping snot from my nose with the back of my hand, I have to pause and try again. I look deep into his eyes, deep enough to make him raise his brow and really listen to me. "He needs someone," I say desperately. "It can't be me, yet. So it has to be you."

His eyebrows droop in confusion.

"Levi," I say, "Do you understand what I'm saying to you?"

In a moment, I see his eyes come more fully to life and I pray that means he gets it. Thank god, I think, thank god. Now let this be all. Let me go back.

A deep exhaustion come over me like a southerly wind, blowing me back against the wall until my legs sink low and I find myself in a puddle of god knows what. So what? What does it matter? I pull my knees up to my chest and let my forehead droop down upon them. Is Farlan still here? Here? Where is here? I don't know….I don't even care. I can't even think anymore. I just close my eyes and wait for the oil to come.

Pale morning light makes the inside of my eyelids a warm coral color. It's pretty. That's the first thought I have.

I'm surrounded by warmth and softness, like I'm floating in a beach cloud over the sea—not quite stable yet—swaying slightly. My eyes must have been glued shut for a long, long time because they open in slow motion. Each millimeter is an effort. At first it's all blurry. It's so light here, so bright. What is that beautiful kind of light that makes everything in the room look so free?

"He's awake!" the voice at the other end of the room is saying. A room, yes, that's it, a room. Not a beach. In fact, I think I know this room. As things slowly come into focus, I realize that I'm in my own bedroom back in the Survey Corp HQ, lying in my bed. Right? Yes…that's it…

"He's awake, he's awake!" a lady is practically chanting. She comes toward my bed from the other side of the room where she'd been standing—a sparkly shadow of light before, but a person now. I recognize her all of a sudden.

"Ha—Hanji san…"

"Eren~!" she wails. "How do you feel? What happened? You've been unconscious for—" she keeps talking but I can't keep up with it all. My mind is still too scattered for that. Her voice carries on like a little child's might—so excited and bubbling.

But it's the calm voice that comes next which snaps me back to attention.

"Oi, four-eyes…stop running your mouth. Can't you see he's delirious?"

"B-but, I think we should—"

"Go tell Erwin he's awake so that he'll stop worrying. Once Eren's feeling better you can ask him all the questions you want, right brat?"

He's talking to you. I roll my head on the pillow to face the extra weight dipping the bed where Levi sits beside me.

"R—right."

Levi nods at Hanji and she reluctantly sighs and goes traipsing out of my room in search of Erwin. Levi Heichou doesn't move when the door clicks shut behind her, doesn't move when the sound of her footsteps disappear down the hallway, he doesn't he move after whole minutes have passed by.

I don't think I should say anything. It's just too hard to even consider doing something like that. I mean, after what I just did to him…however many years ago it was or not….however things may have turned out…I still can't forgive myself.

Even if it was the right choice…

We sit in silence for so long that my strength starts to come back to me, rejuvenated by my Titan powers. When I'm sure that I can, I prop myself up in bed, first on an elbow and then up all the way onto my bottom.

I still can't bring myself to talk to him, but I will my eyes to make their way in the direction of his own. Surprisingly when I get there, I find him already looking at me. And there's nothing even remotely close to anger in his eyes.

"How are you feeling?" he asks me.

I shrug lightly and it doesn't really hurt all that bad. But still, my heart is so heavy with all that I've seen that I just can't bring myself to say anything more positive than, "Not too well, Heichou."

"Mmm. I was wondering when you would go back," he says softly. "I didn't expect it to be during shifting practice."

Ahh yes, that's what had happened. The memory returns to me like a snowflake melting inside of my head—gently and all at once.

I raise my eyes to fully meet Levi's. He has his usual calm expression, but his eyes are deeper than usual. Much deeper. "When I joined the Corp…and I lost Farlan and Isabel…that's when I remembered about you, Eren. I knew that you'd come but honestly I was expecting a stupid, over enthusiastic recruit shitting his pants after one of Erwin's speeches, not a Titan. Even though your name was Eren, the fact that you were a shifter kept me from suspecting that you were my Eren."

My Eren.

"It was in the court room, when I finally got a good look at you in the light," he shakes his head slightly, "there was just no denying it. And then later on, the first time that you said it."

"Said what?"

"Levi Heichou." He says his own title as if in reverence, in awe that those words are real and have meaning now after years of being whispered into his memories like the shadow of birds wings beating out of reach. "When you said it a few weeks ago—that's when I knew, Eren. So many people call me that but it's never the same as you."

"So you remembered for once and I didn't…" I mutter. How odd, I think. I don't like the idea that I had been clueless about our relationship for the past few weeks while Levi had had to wonder about it all alone. I know that feeling. It's too lonely. My head is so heavy, this is all too much for me to take in—I've just come around after all—so I allow my neck to droop down until Levi has no choice but to cradle it in his lap. I can feel the thin, muscular curves of his thighs under my head, my crown pressing against his stomach. His breathing is deep and slow and I sigh in time with him. "Is that why you were always staring at me, Heichou? Trying to see if I remembered you?"

"Tch." That familiar annoyed sound that I've grown to love makes me close my eyes and almost smile, despite it all. I feel the whisper of his hand reaching up to brush my hair out of my face. "That's right, brat. On top of making sure you didn't fuck anything up, I was waiting, wondering when that dumbfuck look of worship for me would finally go away."

My eyes pop open again, slightly disturbed. "What? Why would it go away?"

Levi's face is above mine, the wrong way around, looking down at me with a calm, resigned sadness in his eyes—older eyes, but still the same. Still a little boy who fits under my arm, whispering in the night that he's worthless.

How can he feel this way? Still? Did he really think that I would feel differently about him after I remembered that I know everything about him? Every horrid, gut wrenching detail that he never tells a living soul? If anyone should be nervous here, it's me.

When he doesn't say anything—only rests his hand on my forehead—I realize that it must be true. It makes me sad to think that he actually thought I would ever think less of him. Don't you know by now, Heichou? If I told you, would you even be able to believe how much I love you?

It's still silent and I know by the tense slump of his body that he's thinking things through. I want to kill all of his worries and embarrassments. He doesn't deserve any of them. He's the strongest person—not just Humanities Strongest Soldier—he's the strongest person I have ever met, going through all he has and still being so selfless and wise. People judge him harshly for being difficult, but none of them know him like I do. None of them understand.

I pick myself up out of his lap and kneel in the bed before him, the blankets bunching up around my knees in the sort of disorganized way that probably bothers him. He turns his steely eyes on my face slowly, studying me all the way up and lingering, and inside the stream where out gazes converge I swear I can see his soul right there, laid bare before me. And there is a question inside.

"Well…I hope it doesn't annoy you too much, Heichou, because that look is never going to go away," I whisper, leaning close until my nose is only a breath away from his. Something like innocent, honest surprise sparks in his eyes. "I'm glad I could go back and be with you when you needed someone," I say against the skin of his neck, leaning down onto him and holding him until his arms come up to meet me. "I don't care about anything else, Levi. Just that I'm your soldier and you're my hero."

Notes: THE END~ Phew~ wowwww thank you so much to everyone who stuck with this story. It was a cool experience writing it and I hope that you liked it, found it interesting, inspiring, moving, or all of the above^^ I love Levi and I love Ereri and I really hope I did them some justice. Let me know whatcha think!
xoxoxoxo addison (p.s. don't be bummed that this one is over. if you want other stuff like this, i do take fic requests either on here or on my tumblr: heichou-my-boo)