I don't own Invader Zim. If I did it'd be ten times the gay and ten times not on Nickelodeon. It would have had a proper ending instead of fading into obscurity in the nether of cable television.

I exist in fan girl land. I will past all of the things that make the show so great but the fanfics so dumb. (What can I say I love em still…my fandom is strong)

This is some serious stuff right here don't you know?

I just like the idea of Zim being a grotesque spider. I think he proved that enough in the episode where he hid in the vents and stole organs. Pretty badass…

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Vincent wasn't a credulous person. Growing up his brain never subjected him to the potential nightmares that lurked in his closet or under his bed.

He never envisioned creatures waiting in hallway shadows or encountered spectral entities haunting the corners of his home.

He seldom cared for stories of fairy folk or any of those other mischievous magical creatures that lived in the woods, mountains and lakes.

Demons were a product of religious paranoia; likewise were the guardian angels sent to vanquish the lecherous beasts.

He didn't believe that humans had spiritual connections with the Earth.

He didn't believe in any ritualistic practice.

He didn't believe that a person's birth dictated their personality.

He didn't believe there was life beyond the atmosphere living amongst the stars.

He didn't believe in anything that he couldn't see with his own eyes.

He was a very cynical child growing up. Where many of his peers spent their days immersed in their imaginations dreaming up pretend beings and problems; he was wondering about the mysteries of the world around him.

Outlandish dreams never held sway for his interest as much as the curiosities of the planet on which he lived.

The other children would run through the neighborhood chasing each other playing cops and robbers. Vincent would sit on the sidewalk and marvel at a line of ants marching across the warm concrete.

Where were the ants going? Why were they moving in the first place? How did these miniscule insects know how to walk in such a perfect line?

Why could they carry such heavy things while they walked? These were the sorts of questions he asked about everything in life.

Sometimes it drove his parents crazy. He was a child who asked more questions than he ever should have. He never took a simple answer either.

You couldn't tell Vincent "Oh things are that way just because they are." He had to know why.

As he got older his parents encouraged him to use his natural curiosity to his advantage after they realized that he wasn't merely going through a phase.

Vincent never had a normal childhood. Typical adolescences went through the phases of boyhood-Potty training, the big boy bed, the fear of the dark, going to school for the first time, overcoming a bully, finding a good niche to fit into while they transformed from chubby little round shapes into their more gangly adolescent limbs.

All of the things that seemed to be a rite of passage were never experienced by Vincent.

He was a loner for most of his childhood.

He was different from everybody else. He never felt comfortable around his peers. His play activities were very solidary times.

He received toys like microscope sets and light boxes. He loved catching bugs growing up. He also loved mounting them in display cases.

He was gifted with numbers so he was often found scribbling down equations and solving them in his notebooks. He liked things like shapes.

He always thought it was interesting looking at a picture of a cube and figuring out that there was more than just the sides he could look at.

He admired people like Einstein instead of idolizing any baseball star or wrestler. He plastered pictures of natural weather disasters on his walls because he thought storms were cool.

He was labeled a nerd by his peers. He was picked on a lot while growing up. It didn't help that his body remained relatively small for most of his childhood.

He didn't have the strength to defend himself from those who hurt him. He spent most of his youth wondering why he was different. His puberty had been embarrassing to say the least.

He developed in Hi-Skool. His lot changed from being one of the shortest kids to one of the tallest in a surprising little amount of time.

He was still a nerd with his shaggy unkempt hair, thick glasses and pants that always kept falling off skinny ass. The main difference in his Hi-Skool career was that it became trendy to look way.

In a bizarre twist of fate the 'nerdy' kids gained a level of appreciation.

He started dating in Hi-Skool. Surprisingly enough he went through multiple girlfriends throughout his time spent there.

In Hi-Skool he discovered he wanted to do something with science as a full career. Science was the magic that always enticed him.

It was the surreal phenomenon he missed out on his childhood. With science he could very well be a wizard except through actual legitimate means.

In science he could, for example, change the chemical properties of one solution and get several different yet equally amazing results based on what he did.

That simple idea was incredible to Vincent. The world had given him tools which he could use to virtually change anything.

His future plans were so much better than his classmates. He was given an opportunity to make a real difference in the world.

It was sad reflecting on what brought him to this moment.

Vincent slowly loosened his tie. He studied his living room as he stood mere inches from his open front door. The light that poured into the otherwise dark room didn't provide much to go on.

He could only clearly see his unused coffee table. A fine layer of dust had settled on top of the wood. He stopped bothering to clean a long time ago.

Now as he stared at the uncared for piece of furniture he gaped at the abandoned drinking glass still sitting on top of the table. The contents of his drink had long since stopped being a liquid.

Whatever it was, probably tea or soda, was now a brown calcified stain tarnishing the inside of the glass. The dust had also made its way inside of the glass and now the brown smear was furry on top.

He pulled at his tie some more with his free hand. He didn't need to see the living room in its entirety to paint an otherworldly picture.

His television sat on its stand collecting its own dust layer; the couch, its two end tables and the armchair rested unused close by.

It was as if he stepped into a dimension where time remained still. The only proof that time kept moving forward in this place was the fuzzy glass sitting on his table.

The hardening contents of a sugary beverage was all that he needed to confirm that time was still in motion.

He almost lost himself in the moment. If he tried hard enough he could have sworn that things were not as bad as they were.

He felt peace in those few seconds. The last ten years didn't happen with an emphasis on the more recent fleeting eight months.

The moment was shattered by a strange noise. He recognized the out of place sound immediately.

A clicking filled the airwaves. If he never heard it before now he would have compared it to the dying chiggers of an insect. He studied enough damn bugs in his day to make such a comparison.

He sucked in a sharp breath. The sound was getting louder. The thing making the noise was becoming angrier. He knew why. He kicked the front door.

It swung dramatically back on its hinges. The sunlight disappeared when the door shut in its frame. He was left standing in a pitch black room.

He sealed every window in the house a long time ago by means of garbage bags and duct tape. He couldn't board up the windows on the account of the neighbors getting suspicious.

He opted to seal the inside layer behind the blinds with a large spread of the black plastic which was held in place by an even thicker layer of tape.

Once the windows were sealed he bought black out curtains to block out any remaining trickles of light that might want to enter.

The idea was to sequester the inside of his home as much as possible. It was another part of the reason he felt like he walked into an alternate dimension.

The angry clicking ebbed. Vincent released his breath that he didn't even realize he was holding. So much for the peace.

"I told you to keep the door shut." A voice replaced the previous sound.

The voice was raspy yet slightly robotic all at the same time. The metallic inflection of the words were disturbing. Every time Vincent heard the voice it made the hairs on his arms go rigid.

"I'm sorry." Vincent winced when he heard something big and serpent-like scuttle across the ground.

He would never get used to those noises as long as he lived, things crawling around in the darkness across his hardwood floors clicking and scratching.

They were things that he never believed to be real before this nightmare began.

"It's not good enough. I told you to keep the door closed at all times. The light hurts my eyes remember?"

Vincent didn't dare move. He couldn't see in the dark like the thing watching him. Even if he could discern his surroundings he wouldn't stand a chance against the creature.

The thing was strong and fast. It would have been on him in seconds if it wanted to. It would take even less time to tear his windpipe right out of his neck in a variety of unpleasant ways.

All he had in his defense were his words. He was not above begging at all. "I'm so sorry. It won't happen again. I had a long day. The kids were being exceptionally terrible. Two fights broke out in two different periods. Now I have to grade a bunch of papers for the weekend. It's that time of the year where everybody is anxious for the summer to start already."

"Vincent why do I care?" The thing interrupted.

The man anxiously moved about on his feet just to have something to do in the stillness.

"I was merely explaining why my head is kind of in the clouds. I was thinking about what I still have to do and I forgot to shut the door."

The living room floor lamp illuminated. Vincent's eyes took a second to adjust to the new light. The thing that spoke to him hated the sunlight but was ok with average watt lamps for short periods of time.

When his eyes adjusted to the sensation of being able to see again he focused on the hunched over figure beating at one of the couch cushions. Vincent studied the grotesque shape in front of him.

His analytical brain wouldn't let him stop. The creature had changed so much from when he first saw it. It grew faster than his brain could properly process.

When he first met this thing it was maybe five foot on a good day. It was originally the size of a malnourished child.

Now it stood well over seven feet. The thing still kept the qualities of a starving pubescent except its body had stretched into almost comical proportions now.

Perhaps things might have been funny if they were under different circumstances. Maybe if the creature was an absurdly tall person perhaps Vincent would have been able to crack a joke.

The thing vaguely resembled a human. It had two eyes, two arms and two legs. The rest of its features merely alluded to a tangible shape.

The body that grew over two feet in the sparse months obviously wasn't ready for such a change. When the creature walked around on its legs it often wobbled like a newborn causing it to stumble into the walls more often than walk in a straightforward path.

It preferred to crawl. It was much more stable lurking around on its hands and feet. The elongation of its extremities and torso stretched its thin skin to the limits.

The creature's flesh was atrociously soft looking. It was pliable in the sense that it had been forced to cover an awkward set of protruding bones.

The creature was so thin that its stomach was convex and he could see the bumps of what looked like ribs underneath the frail chest.

The same thing was happening with its concave neck were the collar bones were visible. It also had large wrist knobs and a slight bow in the knees.

There wasn't a hair over its flesh or on its head and if it wasn't for the angry welt marks and bruises from where the thing ran into the walls it would have been a perfect shade of pale green.

The bruises weren't typical splotches of blue-black either. They were an angry red color that only faded to burgundy after a long time.

The creature had nothing on its bald head save for two long antennae that grew out of the upper part of its forehead. The antennae were long enough to completely stretch the span of the creature's scalp.

They ended in fine points at the base of its neck. The thing's eyes were two enormous solid red ovals. The eyes didn't have eyelids to protect the orbs.

It did have the ability to coat them in a fluid like substance when it needed the extra protection however. The coating made the large ruby colored eyes shine in the right lighting.

It didn't seem to be able to control their secretions well. The creature was constantly wiping the membrane away with its claws. It had no nose so its face was somewhat mushed in.

It had a large cartoonlike mouth full of dingy brown teeth. Vincent wasn't sure what the teeth were made of since he wasn't confident the bones he associated the creature to have were actually comprised of any mineral on earth.

The sharp protrusions were stained that color from the creature's foul mouth secretions. When the thing spit it was like it kept a mouth full of chewing tobacco.

The brown fluid was even a bit greasy in its consistency. Its needlelike grin was the creature's own handiwork. Originally its teeth were flat and close together.

It took a bit of ingenuity involving Vincent's toolkit to file the creature's teeth into the sharp points they were today.

Throughout the months Vincent wondered on whether or not the thing was a male or female or anything recognizable when it came to a sex.

The frailty of its body and the lack of seeing male genitalia initially made him think it was a girl.

Now as time went on the thing's mannerisms mixed with its masculine voice convinced him that it was more male than female; although he was pretty sure the creature was actually a mixture of both.

When he first saw it crawling around not wearing any clothing, all he could see beyond the absurdity of its existence was that there was a slit between the two skinny legs that extended from its pelvis to the supposed anus.

It turned out to be surprisingly modest. It demanded that Vincent buy clothing to cover its nudity. The rapidly growing body ensured that it outgrew everything too quickly to keep up buying appropriate covering.

The creature now made its own clothing. Vincent was impressed that the thing could sew. He ended up purchasing a bunch of workout spandex that it happily tore apart and reshaped for its purposes.

It was currently in one of those skintight creations now. He was disturbed by his level of familiarity with the creature. He knew it had a fondness for the color red.

That was the one color it chose to decorate itself with more than anything else. The creature moved on to the other couch cushion while he stared.

It began to beat this one with its claws in another attempt to get the dust out. Vincent now quietly observed the red oval hanging in the middle of the frail back that faced him.

It was a backpack sized piece of technology he wished he could get the opportunity to study more up close.

The way that the creature normally protected its backside convinced him that the small machine was more important than he realized.

Sometimes Vincent would catch the metal sack sending out visible currents of electricity that traveled up through the body into the creature's head.

He theorized that this was the hub where the creature's important neural activity took place. Vincent believed the pod itself was somehow the actual being.

He already concluded some time ago that this thing was organic and part machine at the same time.

It intrigued him to think that the awkward body might only be a host for the machine portion to be able to move around and interact with its environment.

There were too many nights Vincent laid awake thinking about the origins of such a being. He tossed out many ideas. The creature for a long time would only talk to him minimally to get what it needed.

As it got stronger it alluded to its origins here and there. It claimed to have been made in a tube.

Through his own thought process Vincent figured there were only two explanations for its creation, either it was a human at some point turned into this thing by experimentation or it was…

An alien

A visitor from beyond the stars.

Vincent was more confident in the latter idea. It shattered all of his carefully placed ideals.

He didn't believe in the supernatural.

He didn't believe in monsters.

He didn't believe in things from fucking outer space!

The irony was not lost on him about his situation. If he was wrong about aliens then what else was he wrong about growing up?

It opened him to a world that he wasn't ready for; an unseen world he carefully stored away as fantasy in childhood.

Now the horrors were let loose! They were mucking around freely in his head. When he went to sleep he was always mindful of the shadows now.

His eyes were open to what was prowling in them.

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The creature gave up on trying to clean the couch cushions. It forced Vincent to try instead. After five minutes of furiously beating away the dust they became tolerable to sit on.

Vincent moved aside to let the much taller frame ebb down into a seated position. Its awkward body took more time than necessary to get comfortable.

Vincent seated himself in the recliner close by. He ignored the dust. He just wanted this conversation to be over. It was rare when the creature wanted to talk.

He didn't have a choice on when to end the conversation either. Everything was out of his control. He no longer had any free will. He was a slave to this thing.

They both knew he didn't have an easy way out of its clutches either. The creature opened up the leather satchel Vincent kept his school papers in after demanding that he give it the bag.

It sifted through each test carefully looking for who knew what. He didn't dare speak while it flipped through the stack in its claws.

Vincent never spoke directly unless he was spoken to first by the thing. It was one of the many rules he obeyed.

They never carried a direct conversation about rules but Vincent followed a strict set he made for himself to help ensure his survival. The creature seemed pleased by his subjugation.

After a few minutes it tossed the stack in its grip on to the coffee table. Most of the tests didn't land on the table. They fell to the floor and scattered across the hairballs.

The creature reopened the bag so it could grab another handful of tests. "You work over at the Hi-Skool right? I'm not wrong in thinking this?"

Vincent nodded. "Yeah I do. I teach chemistry."

"So it's safe to assume that you might know a young teenage boy with the dumbest name of all time. They call him Dib."

Vincent's heart almost stopped for a moment. How did the thing know about Dib? Dib was one of his favorite students. The boy was quiet and respectful.

He always stayed out of trouble. He did his Skool work without complaint. Vincent knew just from his perfect test scores alone that he was far to gifted to be in a public Hi-Skool setting.

He even offered to put in a good word on several occasions for the boy if he decided to transfer to something that was in his level. He never understood why Dib seemed to purposefully hold himself back.

It was as if he was embarrassed for his knowledge which broke Vincent's heart. He saw a lot of himself in the teen when he was the kid's age.

It was why he went out of his way to try to push Dib to better himself. Vincent fell into the trappings of teenage hood which led him ultimately down the wrong path.

He didn't want to see the same thing happen to such a promising future. For the first time since he met the creature he almost lied to it.

The problem was that Dib was one of his students. His test waited in the skoolbag like all the others to be graded.

Vincent was almost certain now that Dib's test was what the thing kept looking for. He didn't have to be a mind reader to connect the question with what the creature was doing.

"I know him." He replied.

The thing clicked approvingly. There were many different kinds of noises it made to express its spectrum of emotion.

When it was angry its cries tended to be loud, consistent and annoying. When it was happy it almost purred; the utterances were much softer, much more pleasant.

Well they were as pleasant as something that reminded Vincent of a chattering bug could be.

"He's a student of mine. He's a really great kid." He continued.

"I know he's wonderful. You'll never be able to understand how special he really is. I wager that he's better than any human on this dirtball. In fact, you could say he might be the only one worth saving in your entire race."

"I…"

"I know it's so confusing for you. The brat and I have a history together."

What? How was that even possible? There was no way that a young teenage boy no older than sixteen had any connection with the monster living in his house.

There was just no plausible way. This had to be a trick. It had to be a game. The creature liked playing games with Vincent every once in a while. It enjoyed seeing him squirm.

He stared into the creature's bright eyes. There was no way to tell if it was joking or not. The creature found what it was looking for.

The other unwanted tests along with the bag were tossed off to the side where they were promptly forgotten. It inspected the stapled packet carefully.

The satisfied clicking rose in decibels. Its long antennae perked up on its head. Those damn extensions made Vincent think about all sorts of nasty skulking things.

It hummed "This is his handwriting. Ah I knew I could smell his scent in this bag. My sense of smell only recently returned to me over the last couple of days. Everything before reeked like burnt plastic."

Vincent pondered briefly over how the creature could smell without a nose.

"Did you know that each human has their own unique smell?"

"Of course, pheromones are the reason for it. They give people signals about all sorts of things especially when it comes to our mating."

"Irkens don't have their own scent. We smell like metal since we're mostly machine. There was a time when, perhaps we might have been like humans in this way, but that's been long passed. There aren't many opportunities we get to express ourselves individually seeing as differences aren't celebrated in my race."

"So that's what you are? You're an…what did you call it…an Ir…ken?"

The creature chuckled. "Yes I'm an Irken. I'm what you humans call an alien though the term is very misinformed. I'm actually just another race from the incalculable numbers that inhabit the universe. You humans are far too cocky for your own good. You dirt crawlers can't even get passed your own moon yet you think you're the only intelligent things that exist. You want to know how I learned about this worthless planet. My leaders at the time told me about it after they purposefully chose a planet so far off that it wasn't even on our maps. That's how insignificant you are. Hardly anyone knows about this place and those that do don't even care. It's an afterthought of an afterthought."

"I see."

"Well aren't you observant! I know why they certified you to teach children now! You're so smart!"

Vincent ran his tongue along the inside of his mouth to keep it from getting him in trouble. He needed to get through this ordeal with all of his extremities kept in their proper place.

The Irken raised Dib's test close to its face. It opened its mouth a little wider inhaling through the open cavity deeply.

A low series of tiny mewls escaped from its lips. "If there's one thing that I do like about humans I will admit to enjoying these odors. Humans play in the dirt all day and yet you all manage to smell so different. I really like the females in particular, they do smell good."

There were a few seconds where the Irken paused to take in more of Dib's left behind aroma. "But you know what Dib still smells better. Now that all of my senses are returning to me proper I can pick up even more fascinating new scents about him that I couldn't before. Granted he's always been off since the moment I first met him."

"Why are you telling me this? You never talk to me about anything."

"Ah straight to the point. Fine I'll cut the crap. Vincent I have to tell you that I think our time spent together has been very special. Don't you think so?"

"I…"

"But as great as this all has been, I think our relationship is coming to an end."

"W…what?" Shameless tears instantly sprang into the teacher's eyes. He instinctively tucked his body further into the chair to put more distance between himself and the Irken sitting on his couch.

"It's nothing personal Vincent. I hate almost everyone and everything. I promise you that it's not that I have a special vendetta against your life. I really would like to keep you around, really I mean that. You've been a wonderful obedient pet. It's just that I can't rationalize a use for you in the future is all."

"You're living with me!" Vincent snapped. "I'm providing a roof over your head! I gave you protection from the cold winter when you were half the size you are now. You don't remember any of that? You don't remember me finding you crawling around in the basement trying to survive the elements? You can't kill me! Where would you go? If I don't go to work people will come here and find my body. They will come and sell the house. You'll be back out there on your own! Do you think that a being as large and terrifying as you won't eventually be spotted somewhere out there? They'll see you. People will hunt you down and kill you and if they don't you'll succumb to whatever weather or pestilence nature has waiting out there for you!"

"Aw Vincent you're breaking my heart, don't leak." The alien discarded Dib's test.

The Irken began to rise out of its seated position. Vincent tried to get off of the chair. His attacker was too quick. It descended on him. He tried to scream.

It wrapped both claws around his throat. Vincent struggled against the Irken. Why was it so absurdly strong?

He only managed to pull both of them onto the ground where the much larger body coiled around him.

It's vice grip around his airways began to take their toll on the Hi-Skool teacher. His struggling started to ebb away. It wriggled until it was back on top of Vincent.

It wrapped both of its long legs around the man's own to keep them as still as possible. Vincent's arms fell away from the pale green ones that assaulted him.

The Irken hovering above him smiled. There were fine dribbles of brown sludge leaking out of the corners of its predatory smirk.

It took a couple more minutes for Vincent to die. The man's body seized one last time then he collapsed permanently. The Irken finally let go.

Vincent's eyes were reddish blue from when his capillaries burst from the insane pressure. Those broken orbs were staring at the Irken blankly. The man's mouth had contorted into a scream that would never be heard.

His head was already swelling due to his crushed lymph nodes not being able to circulate his bodily fluids properly.

There were two large black hook marks on his throat where the Irken's claws strangled him.

It stuck its tongue out at the dead man. "What a loser. Well I suppose I should get to work then. Busy weekend ahead of me. Need a knife…oh wait no a razor will make it easier…hmm maybe I was a bit hasty. Well it's too late now Zim he's kinda dead. No it'll work out. He would just be annoying going forward all leaking and feeling bad I don't need that."

The Irken mumbled to itself for a very long time after murdering the teacher. It was prone to do that.

Its addled brain often went somewhere far away for extended periods of time. Sometimes when it came out of its stupor it was never sure how much time really passed during such events.

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And the plot…

It thickens…

Sorta…kinda…eh…

Waffles…

(Oh the joys of editing)