I.

"Come on Buck do I have to?"

Steve really didn't want to go on another double date. Bucky had taken him on 4 this week, and he was tired of rejection.

"You'll like this dame I promise. I told her all about you."

The girls never looked at Steve like they did Bucky, but Steve didn't mind: Steve was always looking at Bucky too.

"Only the good stuff right?"

"Only the good stuff."

Bucky looked down at his scrawny friend - all knees and elbows - and smiled. That smile always did Steve in.

"Alright I'll go, but only because you begged me to."

Bucky slapped Steve on the shoulder with a firm hand and started walking towards the door. Steve grabbed his tan summer coat and walked slowly after him; wishing he could just lay down and sleep.

"Come on Steve," Bucky yelled up "you never leave a fine lady waiting!"

II.

This night had gone like all of the others; with Steve standing around while both girls giggled at Bucky's jokes. They had taken the girls to a carnival in Central Park, and the air was warm and smelled of popcorn. He wasn't suprised; Bucky was the epitome of tall, dark, and handsome. Steve, on the other hand, was about a head shorter and 100 pounds lighter than his pal. Bucky always said that Steve would hit a growth spurt and be as tall as a tree someday. He'd been saying that since they were 13. Bucky also had that charm that could woo any lady from Yonkers to Staten Island.

"Buck... I'm not feeling so hot. I think I'm gonna turn in for the night."

"Whats wrong Steve? You alright?"

"Yeah I just... I'm... It was really nice to meet you Lucy."

She gave him a smile that radiated pity and kissed him on the cheek.

"It was nice meeting you too Steve. Feel better."

She quickly turned back to Bucky who was still staring at Steve.

"You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah Buck," Steve said "I'm just swell."

Steve turned on his heel and walked away ask briskly as he could without drawing attention to himself. As he turned a corner away from the carnival he could still feel Bucky's eyes on the back of his head.

III.

The walk was a good distance from where they were staying, but Steve could manage it if he took his time. He didn't want to induce an asthma attack without Bucky around; he was the only one who could calm Steve down. Once, when Steve had fallen to the ground wheezing, Bucky had gotten right down with and started rubbing his back and talking in his ear. The next day he knocked a kid out for calling them queers because of it. Everyone knew that Bucky would go to the ends of the Earth for Steve.

As he walked he heard the sounds of the Carnival rides fade away as they were replaced by silence. The closer he got to their little 2nd floor apartment the duller the lights became until it was only streetlamps. Steve liked silence because it let him think. At the moment he was thinking about Bucky.

Ever since Bucky started dragging Steve on these double dates, Steve had been dreaming of going on a date with just him. They were thoughts and feelings that were foreign to him, and that would result in trouble if they ever got out. They were Steve's secrets and his alone. But they were beautiful none the less. When he was near their apartment Steve felt a feeling in his gut that he got every so often, and his thoughts shifted from Bucky's smile to Bucky fresh out of the shower with a towel around his waist. Bucky always did look better soaking wet - his hair would stick out in all different directions and the water would roll down his chest in beads. As he reached the front door he could feel the friction inside his jeans.

These thoughts always made him feel terrible - like he was breaking the moral code - but he pushed that feeling to the back of his head as he walked into their shared room. It wasn't much; two beds, a laundry basket, a bathroom, and a radio sitting on a dresser that they shared. Bucky wasn't very organized, so Steve would always start picking up clothes that were strewn across the floor and throwing them in the hamper.

But today Steve hesitated after picking up one of Bucky's shirts. He felt his briefs sliding against the skin in his pants and his heart beat speeding up. He drove the heel of his palm against his jeans for some relief as he walked over to his bed and sat.

"What am I doing..."

Steve felt the guilt welling up inside of him, but that didn't stop him from lifting Bucky's shirt to his face and breathing in deeply. It smelled just like him; like musk and motor oil and those cinnamon cookies that Bucky loved. Steve laid back and unbutton his pants. He reached in slowly between his jeans and briefs, and started rubbing the fabric against his shaft and moaning lightly. He tried to keep quite in case Bucky came home early, but the moans escaped him as he reached in to stroke himself.

IV.

Bucky had driven the girls home and planted a kiss on his date's cheek. He had wanted more, but he couldn't help but worry about Steve. That was all he ever did since they were kids: worry. He reached the apartment about ten minutes after Steve. He entered quietly just in case Steve was asleep. When Bucky stepped through the front door he heard a noise and some shuffling from the bedroom.

"Steve must be sleeping," he whispered to himself. "He left that dame to sleep?"

Bucky took off his hat and jacket - hanging them on a coat rack - and walked quietly towards their room. As he reached the door he heard the noise - more clearly this time - and stopped dead in his tracks. It was definitely Steve. He had heard these noises once before and had quickly left before Steve knew. But this time the noises were a bit different. Bucky stopped for just a moment to make sure Steve wasn't having an attack. He pressed his ear against the door.

"Bu...ck"

Bucky froze completely. Had Steve just... no... definitely not.

"Buck... oh Buck"

He did. Steve definitely said Buck. Bucky didn't move for what felt like an eternity listening to his best friend moan his name.

"Bucky... Buck... oh Buuu..."

When his climax came, Bucky heard Steve say his name a little louder than before as his arm thumped onto the pillow. Within a few minutes Steve was breathing as he did when he slept, and Bucky opened the door.

V.

Bucky knew that Steve did this, he did it pretty often himself, but normally he cleaned up and made it seem like nothing had happened. This time was different. Steve was laying on his side in nothing but his briefs. His body looked smaller than ever and his golden hair was a sweaty mess as he clutched Bucky's shirt in his arms. He stared at Steve, taking everything in. Bucky didn't know what to say, how to react, or where to go from here. As he continued to survey his sleeping friend he outlined Steve's body with his eyes. Steve was lying on his side like a cresent moon which only made him look smaller. He was even more fragile with no clothes on, pale from the light of the moon coming in through their window, and his knees and elbows were bony but relaxed.

Bucky's eyes wandered further down and could make "it" out against his leg. It was big for his size, bigger than average in fact, and Bucky felt a flash of heat hit his chest. What the hell was he doing looking at Steve like this? And yet Steve had just been moaning his name to get off. Steve stirred and Bucky saw his eyes flutter open.

VI.

"Hey Buck." Steve said in a hushed-sleepy voice.

"Steve..."

"How'd the rest of the date go? Did you kiss her?"

"No... Well sorta... Steve you..." He stopped mid-sentence and stared at the shirt in Steve's hands. Bucky saw it happen. The wave of realization that hit Steve like a brick.

"Bucky. I... uh..."

They just stared at each other. Steve was still clutching Bucky's shirt, while Bucky tried to will his mind away from the thing in Steve's pants. The thing Steve was stroking while thinking of Bucky. The way Steve looked right now - sweaty, disheveled, and small - and how terrified he looked. The fact that his best friend had been thinking of him when pleasure hit.

"Bucky... it's not what it looks like I swear... I didn't even realize this was your shir-"

"Steve your shirts are 3 sizes smaller than mine."

"I was tired and I-"

"I heard you."

Steve just stared. His eyes widened allowing more blue to show. What was he supposed to say to his best friend? That he thought about him when he touched himself? That he watched him sleep some nights? That he'd get in the shower right after Bucky because he needed to get the image of Bucky's half naked body out of his head in private?

"Bucky I..."

"Steve what the hell? I thought you liked girls? And I come back here and all I hear is you moaning my-" Bucky's voice faltered before he could finish the sentence.

Steve stood up from the bed - with Bucky's shirt still in hand - and straigtend up. As Bucky looked over his frail body he wondered why Steve would feel this way. Bucky liked girls. He'd been with girls and even thought he loved one once. He didn't think about Steve the way he thought about girls. And anyhow he'd probably break Steve if they ever did anything. Not that they would. James Buchanan Barnes did not like men.

Neither did Steve. He just liked Bucky.

"I'm... gonna take a shower"

Bucky didn't move as Steve walked past him - with all of the height he could muster - and dropped his shirt in the hamper before going into the bathroom.

VII.

Bucky sat down on his bed and listened to the sound the shower running; his head in his hands. Normally he could hear Steve singing in the shower, and he had a beautiful voice. It was high but strong and warm. Bucky loved it when Steve sang, but right now it was silent.

"What the hell Steve..." Bucky said to himself.

Steve stood in the shower and let the water run over him; his hands bracing against the tile. Bucky knew now. He didn't know the extent of Steve's feelings, but he knew enough to break their relationship. Steve didn't want to lose his best friend because he couldn't control his thoughts.

He stepped out of the shower and walked out into their room. Bucky jolted up from his bed but Steve just walked by him without a word.

"Steve." He said with a nervous - and slightly angry - tone.

"I'm going to bed Buck. You should do the same."

"No Steve I think we need to tal-"

"Buck." Steve had stopped without turning to look at Bucky - his hands in fists at his sides. "Go. To. Sleep."

They didn't say another word to each other that night, but neither slept much.