Recovery

Five years they have been married. Their arms still encircle one another, their laughter still mingles, their hearts forever intertwined. Five years, and I could look upon her face with renewed hope and strength, for I do not love her as once I did. For that, my heart is lighter, freer.

I am with another. Her presence brings me joy, contentment. I hold her just as she holds him. I laugh with her just as she laughs with him.

My heart has twined with hers. I am free. I am in love. I am at peace.

Then there comes a call, a summons, if you will, and I am at arms soon enough. Her place is on my arm, where best I can present her, where best I can hold her and treasure her and laugh with her.

Though we are soon torn asunder in this storm of frightening inevitability and absolute tragedy. Though I love her, I love her not.

There stands she. My once love, my former cherished one, and she is not alone. A man stands by her side. He holds her at his arm where best he can present her, where best he can hold her and treasure her and laugh with her.

At this sight I am felled. I cannot lie. I am in love with the object on my arm no more. It shames me, so I continue on. It will break me, I know. I stand no chance against this crushing weight, this frightening and tragic inevitability.

Though what haunts me now, what holds me in its too tight grip, is simple truth: I was correct.

I love not her as I once did.

For that, my heart is not light, not freer; bound equally as it was before.

I love her still, and with him my heart is a heart no more.

So I stand here, in the wreckage of my life's end, my heart shattered into pieces small enough to slip into oblivion. My heart's blood staining all that surrounds me, as well as all that I can touch.

In this bleakest shadow of darkest death I linger, relishing this torment, this damned, eternal torment that no man can escape; least of all me.

Author's Note: I highly doubt that I can continue with 'My Heart Loves You'. It is too intimate for me, and that is possibly why I could not watch far beyond the episodes that I had seen before the typing and publication of that story. A part of me would like to say that this will be my last fan-fiction for 'Boys Before Flowers', but I know that there is still a lot of heart ache to come.

So here is the truth. The truth is multi-faceted crystal. Each facet is truth, though whether it applies to you or not depends upon which facet(s) you are looking upon. The facet of this story is just a simple truth – you shall never cease to love one whom you have truly loved.