After that heart breaking scene between Hanna and Aria, I needed to write something. As much as I like Alison's character, I can't help but feel sorry for Hanna, she just needs someone to care, and even with Caleb back I feel like she just doesn't have anyone, he just has too many issue of his own to work though. Anyways, this is about her spiral out of control, and how an unexpected friend may be able to save her.

This is a two part story.

This is pure angst, it deals with some serious issues including self-harm, thoughts of suicide, and alcoholism. Do not read if you are triggered easily.

The Precipice
Part I

It hurts.

Everything hurts, her body, her mind and her soul.

She walks away from Aria's house, tears streaming down her cheeks, mixing with the still falling rain.

Shivering from the cold Hanna shoves her hands into her jacket pockets, hangs her head and walks down the sidewalk, leaving her car and the Montgomery house far behind her.

She doesn't know where she's going, or what she's doing, she just feels so broken, not that that's anything new.

The tears fall harder and her pace quickens the farther she goes.

The truth is she can SEE herself spiralling out of control, and she desperately wants to stop, but she just can't. She needs help, but there's no one left.

Spencer and Emily just blow her off and blame the alcohol, Caleb wants to drink away his problems and hers, she can't even stand looking at Alison, her mom would rather have Alison for a daughter and now that Aria's turned on her, she's completely alone.

And that hurts.

The thought only causes the ache in her chest to constrict into an almost unbearable pain.

But she keeps walking.

She's halfway across town, almost to the edge of the woods, but instead of turning back she wipes frantically at her tears and pushes on. Her only clear thought is that she needs out.

Hanna knows the woods should terrify her, 'A' is still lurking out there somewhere, not to mention Mona and her minions, but the pain dulls what little fear she has.

As she walks she thinks about her life and everything that's happened, particularly about Alison. It kills her seeing the blonde around, thinking about everything Ali made her feel before she left, and even though she's apologized, done everything she can to try and mend their friendship, Hanna just can't forgive her.

But thinking about it now she realizes that maybe it's not really Alison that she's angry with, but herself, perhaps it's herself she can't forgive.

New hair, new clothes, new body, but none of it ever changed how she felt about herself, she's always felt inadequate, she would never be smart, athletic, artistic or beautiful. She would always be the screw up, and Aria was pretty quick to point that out, not that Hanna didn't already know it.

She feels a familiar pinch in her throat, and she swallows hard, pushing down the urge to find the nearest bottle and drink herself into oblivion. Alcohol has become her crutch, one of them anyways, it's a way to escape the pain, but she can't bring herself to do it tonight. Perhaps it's her way of spiting Aria for what she said, because she may be out of control, maybe she's even ruining her life, but for tonight she'll self-destruct using something other than bottle. Lucky for Hanna, alcohol hasn't been her only form of release.

Her footsteps seem loud in the relatively quiet forest, the sound of snapping twigs and wet, mucky earth echo with every step. In a weird way the sounds are comforting like the steady rhythm of a beating heart.

Hanna's mind is clouded, a hazy mix of Aria's biting words, the memory of Zack's hand on her thigh, the (sincere) look in Ali's piercing blue eyes, the accusatory tones of Emily and Spencer's voices, the taste of whiskey on Caleb's lips.

By now she's stopped crying, she doesn't have any more tears to cry.

The cold of the wood chills her down to the bone, but she keeps walking.

As she gets deeper into the thick of trees she realizes where she's going and in the back of her mind she knows why, but she chooses to ignore it, for now.

Minutes later she's at the spot.

The path end, but just beyond is an open clearing, surrounded by only a few trees that sits just above a valley. Hanna steps out into the night, the light of the moon finally visible she breathes in deeply.

The fresh smell of rain overwhelms her, but in a way it's calming too. Taking a few more steps she comes to the edge of the clearing and looks down.

It's at least a 50 foot drop down to the nearest thicket of trees, it almost gives her vertigo, but she doesn't move away.

Instead she sits down, letting her feet dangle over the edge.

She stays there, looking out into the darkness for a long time pondering her life. Alone in the woods she can't help but wonder if it's all worth it. Is her life worth the pain she's feeling or the hurt she's inflicted on others? Somehow she doesn't think so.

As far as Hanna's concerned, her life isn't going to get any better, which means it can only get worse. And the truth is, she doesn't know if she can take much more she's at her breaking point.

Taking a deep breath, a single tear falls into her lap.

She takes this moment to close her eyes, and as cliché as it sounds, sitting up here on the precipice she sees her life flash before her eyes… her childhood, her parents' divorce, her father, Ali, hefty Hanna, Emily, Aria, Spencer, Ali's disappearance, Mona, her queen bee transformation, Sean, Lucas, A, being hit by a car, Caleb, Mona turning out to be A, Caleb getting shot, seeing Ali alive, Caleb leaving, Ezra getting shot, Shana, Travis, Zack… and the last thing she sees is the disgusted look on Aria's usually sweet face.

The memories bring on the nauseating feeling from earlier, but she's resigned not to resort to alcohol (she always has her flask after all), at least not this time.

But she has another escape.

Instead of the tingle in her throat she feels the stinging on her arms.

Despite the freezing night air she takes her jacket off and rummages in the pocket. She pulls out an all too familiar little black box. It's almost pathetic that she can't go anywhere without it anymore, but sometimes she just needs to let go.

Tossing the jacket aside she moves to open the small box the movement exposes the pale flesh of her arms to the harsh light of the moon.

Angry red lines litter her arms and wrists, some darker others almost faded. The cold air stings the cuts, but it's a reminder that she deserves this.

From the box she pulls a small silver blade, the exact ones that caused the damage to her porcelain skin. She holds it almost lovingly, like it's her most cherished possession, which in truth, it probably is.

The glint of the blade seems to whisper in the dark, and without another thought she moves the blade against her flesh, feeling the familiar release.

Three times she moves it across her skin, deep enough that crimson liquid drips down her arm.

Her eyes close and she inhales the coppery scent. It hurts. But it's her escape.

She's a screw up, she's broken and alone, she's lost herself but worst of all she's lost the people she loves, all because she can't do anything right.

Hanna's fat, Hanna's stupid, Hanna's a blabber mouth, Hanna's a bitch, Hanna's a fuck up, Hanna is worthless.

The mantra repeats in her head over and over and each time she drags the blade down her skin. And just like all the times before it's her escape.

Soon she starts to feel like she's floating, and she can't help but let out a humourless laugh. How is it that no one noticed, she hasn't exactly been subtle.

The long sleeves, the frequent bathroom visits during school, the red stains on her clothes and towels… but still no one notices, not her mother, not the girls, not even Caleb. But even she can figure it out, they didn't notice because she's not worth it.

Just when she thought she didn't have any more tears to cry, they begin to fall, harder than before and she can barely see.

The throbbing in her arms numbs her senses but it's not enough to dull the pain, not this time.

So she just sits there, alone, broken and bleeding. She can't even tell how much time has passed, not that it matters, even if someone notices she's gone, it's not like they'll care anyways.

It's in that moment she finally acknowledges the real reason she chose to come to this spot.

Her eyes focus on the edge she's sitting on. All she'd have to do is stand up and jump. Then it would be over. She wouldn't have to hurt anymore, wouldn't have to be a burden for anyone any more. And if she was really lucky, maybe her death would be enough to satisfy A. Maybe her death could give the other girls a chance at happiness, if that could happen; her life was a small price to pay.

Getting to her feet she stands with her toes at the edge of the clearing and tosses the blade into the abyss.

Spreading her arms out she takes in a deep breath, letting the forest air fill her lungs.

She's on the precipice, she must decide. One step forward, one step back.

For Hanna, the choice is easy.

Don't murder me for the cliffhanger! There will be another part to this story. I will try to get it up in the next few days.