Missing Home

By. SadieAnnabethMellark

Summary: James is homesick during his first year of Hogwarts...

Disclaimer: I'm just another one of those average people who don't, unfortunately, own Harry Potter. Sorry to get your hopes up.

James smiled as he shut the bathroom door behind him. He had had a good second day at Hogwarts. Being a Saturday, he and his cousins, Fred and Louis, had decided to explore the castle and the grounds. They had only gotten lost twice and had only stumbled upon Peeves once; an achievement in the eyes of the three eleven year olds. They had gone and visited Hagrid, went to the kitchens for lunch, and had even visited the Room of Requirement for a few brief minutes before dashing off to discover more of the castle.

James started to empty his pockets before he changed into his pajamas. He pulled a few spare galleons, a chocolate frog he had nicked from the kitchens, and a letter that he had received this morning during breakfast. After seeing his name written in his father's familiar loopy scrawl , he had promised himself that he would open it later when he was alone and shoved it into his pocket, not giving it even a second thought. But now looking at it, James stomach clenched as he looked at the hand writting he had seen so many times. The handwriting that had taught his how to write.

"I'll open it once I get changed." He muttered to himself as he set the letter down, looked away from it, and then started to change into a pair of his homemade pajamas that his Grandmum had made for him for Christmas.

Once dressed, teeth brushed, and his hair combed (he wasn't sure why he did this; he thought it seemed like a good idea), he grabbed the letter and made his way back to his bed. Almost all of his dorm mates were already asleep. Fred was the only one besides himself that was awake. At the sound of the door opening, Fred looked up from something he was looking at in his hands to look at James.

"Night, James." Fred murmured, before tucking whatever he had in his hands back into his pajama pocket and closing his curtains.

"Night, Fred." James whispered back so he would wake anyone, before he himself turned down his bed covers, climbed in, and shut his curtains. He looked down at the envelope and felt his stomach clench again.

Deciding to be brave, he opened the letter and started to read over his fathers letter. It was nothing special. Mostly just a congragulations letter about getting into Gryffindor, but his Father also kept him up do date about the things he had missed at home so far. Apparently Al was still upset because he couldn't come with James to school this year, Lily had tried to steal his broom out of revenge for the last prank pulled on her, his mother was going on a baking spree because she missed him to much, and his father started on a new case today.

With each word, James felt his eyes fill with tears and eventually slip down his cheeks to his neck. He missed them. He missed them all so much. He missed his Dad who, even still, always came to wish him a good night. He missed his Mum who would always kiss his forehead as she set a plate of breakfast in front of him in the morning. He even missed his whiny brother Albus and his little sister, Lily, who use to crawl in bed with him when a thunderstorm rolled in.

James clutched his fathers letter close to him as he brought his knees to his chest and tried to muffle his sobs of longing. All he wanted to do right now was go home to his family and sit on his father's lap while his Dad's arms held him close like when he was a child and hurt or scared or upset. He didn't realize what he would be throwing away when he boarded the train. He hadn't realized that he still longed for those nights of being tucked in and those days full of teasing and laughter and arguments with his brother and sister. He was done playing the big boy, the eleven year old, who could take care of himself.

James gasped in air, trying to calm himself. He was starting not to feel good. His head was pounding and his stomach was churning. He felt like he was going to be sick. His mum was always there when he was sick. She would always march him upstairs, tuck him in, and then sit there and worry over him for the next few days. And his dad would come in every once in a while and stay with him while his mum went to get a shower or some sleep. Even Teddy would-

Teddy.

James suddenly had an epiphany. Teddy was here. He was just up the stairs in the seventh year dorm. Teddy could always make everything feel better. A memory of when James was six and had fallen off his broom when his Uncle Ron had tried to teach him to fly and was scared to get back on came to his mind. Though Uncle Ron, his Mum, and his Dad had tried, it was eventually the 13 year old metamorphmaugus who had calmed James down enough to even get him to go near another broom. Yes, Teddy had fixed that and he had also been able to fix his small little cuts and scrapes just as well as his mum when James was younger.

Yes, Teddy could fix almost anything in James mind.

With that thought in mind, James I curled himself and got out of bed, his fathers letter still clutched in his hands, before he headed for the 1st year dormitory door that led to the stair case in which Teddy could climb up in order to reach the Prefect dorms. Silently he made his way around the room, passing both Fred and a boy by the name of Nathan's beds before he got the the door and slipped out onto the stone stair case.

With the stealth of a predator hunting his prey and the quickness of a cheetah, James made his way up the stone stair case all the way to the top to a door that was marked: Prefects. James took shallow breaths as he tried to keep quiet though his sobs kept wanting to flow out of his chest. James raised his fist to knock, but the door to the dorm opened to reveal Teddy Lupin. James just barely registered Teddy's knowing look before he rushed at him and hugged the older boy around the waist and buried his head in Ted's stomach.

James felt Teddy's arms wrap around him in a comforting embrace.

"I was wondering when you'd be up." Teddy whispered, "Homesick?"

James nodded into Teddy's stomach in response, "W-w-wanna g-g-go-o h-home-e."

James felt Teddy's hand run through his messy locks, just like his father would when he was upset. This only made James sob harder, "I know, Jamie. I know it's hard at first, but I promise it'll get better. Everybody's always a little homesick at first."

"I wanna go home Teddy." James cried, "I've had my fun and now I wanna go back home."

"It's alright Jamie. It's just a phase everybody goes through." Teddy soothed as he pulled James into the dorm and shut the door quietly. Teddy led James over to the only bed in the dorm, which James assumed was his god brother's.

Teddy carefully pushed him down onto the bed before climbing up next to him so they laid right next to each other. James remembered doing this when he was little as well. Every time his mum and dad would go out for the evening and Teddy babysat for the night, James would always wake up in the middle of the next and call for Teddy, who would come running in and come cuddle with him until he went back to sleep. James snuggled up to Teddy just like he was five years old again as he continued to cry.

He vaguely felt Teddy's warm hand carding through his hair or rubbing his back trying to calm him as Teddy whispered words of comfort that James couldn't register. James kept sobbing as he tried to stress to Teddy how much he wanted to go home. But Ted's replies were all similar, "You're gonna be okay, Jamie. I promise it'll get better in a couple of days." Teddy's soothing voice and comforting gestures didn't seem to help James though. Strangely enough, he started becoming more hysterical. His chest started tightening in panic as he tried to get Teddy to find a way to send him home.

When James started gasping more frequently, Teddy pulled away from James to look at him better. James was truly a mess. His eyes puffy and red from crying, tear streaks on his cheeks, snot ran from his nose, and he was wheezing for breath every couple of seconds.

"Jamie. I need you to calm down." James shook his head in response.

"James, if you don't calm down some, you're going to make yourself even sicker." Ted told the eleven year old, but James couldn't seem to calm himself. All James could feel was the longing gnawing at his existence.

"Jamie, please." Teddy pleaded, "Please just try to calm down. Take some deep breaths."

"C-C-C-can't-t-t. W-w-w-w-wan-n-n-a g-g-g-go-o-o." James tried to get out, but he soon collapsed back into his sobbing fit.

"I know. I know. It's alright. I understand. Just take some deep breaths."

Teddy was having a hard time keeping calm. He understood how James felt. Every year the first few nights were brutal. He had wanted to be back home with his Gran or at Harry and Ginny's. He wanted to be surrounded by the Weasleys and he wanted to sleep in his own room. During the day time it wasn't so bad. He was focused with to many other things to focus, but during the night, when it was quite and he was laying in his bed, all of the motion hit him like a tsunami. All of the longing, pain, sadness practically beat his soul to death. And now as he sat here cradling his god brother, no...his baby brother, he couldn't help but feel a slightly different sadness.

James continued his hysterical sobbing as Teddy continued to try and calm him down. He continued to run a hand through James' messy ginger hair, something he had seen Harry and Ginny do when James was upset by something. However it seemed to not be doing anything for James. Maybe, Teddy thought to himself, it wasn't the action that calmed him, but the touch of his parents that had kept him from going over the deep end before. After all, he could understand that. When he was particularly upset or lonely sometimes he would curl up with one of his Dad's old cloaks or one of his Mum's favorite childhood toys that he had found in his Gran's attic. It was simply the idea of his parents touching those things and having a history with those things that made it worth while.

And then a thought came to him.

Teddy shook James shoulder slightly, "Jamie do you have anything of your Mum's or Dad's with you?" Teddy was desperately hoping that James would say yes.

James continued to sob as he thought for a second, before nodding a swift yes, "D-D-Dad-ds S-S-Sw-weat-t-t-er."

"Where's it at Jamie?" Teddy looked at James tear filled brown eyes.

"T-t-t-run-n-nk-k."

"Alright, James." Teddy kept his voice calm and soothing as he started to unwrap James arms from around his torso, "I'm gonna go get your Dad's sweater and then I'll be right back, okay?" James nodded shakily as he let me untangle him from me. As soon as I was free from his arms, he wrapped his arms around himself as if that was how he was keeping himself together.

After seeing James sitting there looking so helpless and so sad, Teddy swiftly made his way out of the prefect dorm and down the spiraling staircase to the first year dorm at the very bottom. That was one thing Teddy never quite understood. After 7 years of attending school, he had to walk up more flights of stairs just to get to bed. He had always thought that with seniority came benefits, but apparently being able to get to bed without having to walk up eight stories stairs just to go to bed or to get something you forgot for class was not one of those benefits. Brushing the thought away, he quietly entered the first year dorm to find five beds filled with sleeping boys and one bed empty. Walking over to the empty bed, Teddy looked down at the trunk at the foot of the bed with the initials J.S.P., before unlocking it and opening the lid.

Teddy rifled through James things, recognizing shirts and trousers and sweaters that belonged to him and he simply pushed aside different books and James cauldron that he would need starting Monday. And then something green caught his eye behind the cauldron. Pushing the pewter pot out of the way, Teddy pulled the green knitted material out of the trunk, instantly recognizing his godfather's sweater that he was given for Christmas sat year. Teddy silently thanked Merlin he had been able to find the possible source of comfort.

With the green sweater in hand, Teddy shut James trunk and made his way out of the dorm, up the stairs, and back to the prefect dorm where James was still sobbing and hugging himself. Teddy shut the door behind him and came back over to the bed where his little brother sat.

"Here Jamie." Teddy spoke only loud enough to be heard over James sobs. James looked up briefly at his god brother to find his Dad's sweater that had accidentally been placed in his laundry by his Mum when she was in a hurry. James reached for the sweater that Teddy was holding and brought it close to him. As James could feel the inside of him calm slightly at the smell of musk and soap; the smell of his father. The feel of Teddy's arms come around him once more only calmed him more. With his head buried in his Dad's sweater and his eyes closed, James could pretend Teddy's arms were his father's strong arms. He could pretend Teddy's soft voice was his Mum's as she spoke calmly to him. And though this didn't make him feel completely better...it was a start, and everybody had to start somewhere.

THE END

A/N: (Okay, I know it's kind of out there, but this idea just struck me and I have been having a hard time writing lately for two reasons. One, I have just been writing a lot of crappy things lately. Two, for those of you who follow me, do you remember when I told you all about the time my parents forced me into a car and made me go on a family trip to a middle of nowhere town with no computer for a week? Well, guess what? I will now be living there permanently in four days. Yay (catch the sarcasm). You heard me right, my Mom is making our family who lives in the big city to a small town in a whole nother state to a small town. So, right now I am super stressed because I am right in the middle of finishing packing and I am also trying to get my use of the internet in as much as I can, because in two days I will not have internet for at least three days. God, thats gonna be agony! But, the good news is that I turned 16 almost a week ago now (I know...I was gonna post something on my birthday, but I never got the chance to use the computer) and I can now drive myself places by myself (though I haven't actually done that yet). Anyways, I know this piece is really crappy and rushed and all, but I just wanted to post it because even though it is a horrible fic, I enjoyed writing it. And I hope you all enjoy writing it. R&R. Thanks. S.A.M.)