"Ghosts That We Knew"

You saw my pain washed out in the rain

Broken glass, saw the blood run from my veins

But you saw no fault, no cracks in my heart

And you knelt beside my hope torn apart

But the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view

We'll live a long life

So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light

'Cause oh that gave me such a fright

But I will hold as long as you like

Just promise me we'll be alright

So lead me back, turn south from that place

And close my eyes to my recent disgrace

And hold me still, bury my heart next to yours

Hold me still, bury my heart next to yours.

And the ghosts that we knew made us black and all blue

But we'll live a long life

Jude's heart was pounding hard against his chest as the dust settled around them, stinging his eyes even as he squinted against it. Still, he couldn't stop the manic grin that spread slowly across his face, nor the loud whoop that that flew from his lips, echoing around their barren landscape. If anyone else had been standing out in the open and yelling at the top of their lungs like that, he would have called them an idiot. Yet, in that moment, he didn't care who heard or saw him. All he cared about was Posey's breathless laugh ringing in his ear as he leaned forward on the handlebars, taking a deep breath as the hot dry wind rushed over him, catching at his hair, and he closed his eyes in pure contentment. This moment, right here, these were the rare moments where Jude felt so painfully aware of his existence and yet he didn't want it to end. His whole body buzzed with electricity, and everything that had been on his mind, Posey's grief, the Enclave, his brother, all of it had been blown away. As far as he was concerned, they were the only two people in this wasteland.

"What do you say, Blondie?" He asked, turning back to face her with a smile lifting half of his mouth. "Should we take it for another," His voice died in his throat as he saw Posey, twisted around on the bike, her eyes scanning the horizon and her hand tense on his shoulder, "What?" He said quickly, his hand falling to his pistol strapped to his thigh and cursing the fact that he'd left his shotgun back in Megaton, "What is it? Raiders? What did you see?"

Posey turned back to him and Jude had to resist the urge to recoil, as she looked at him with enormously wide eyes, the bright blue of her iris completely ringed in white. She was looking at him as if he were a stranger. As if he were a threat. She drew her hand back sharply from his shoulder like he'd electrified her.

"Posey?" He said, feeling the breath stolen from his lungs in a very different sense than from before. "Posey, what is it? What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Her voice was distant and hollow, and yet, she blinked, and the moment of hysteria was suddenly gone. "It's nothing." She said, and her lips twitched in a spasm of a smile. "Just vertigo, I guess. The adrenaline catching up to me."

Jude frowned, his hand tightening on his pistol as he looked from her to their surroundings, his eyes sweeping over the crumbling houses and distant rocky ridges, looking for any sign of movement, but he saw nothing.

"Blondie," He said, looking back down at her, his brows knitted in confusion, "are you-"

"We should get this back to Moria," Said Posey, pulling her helmet down securely on her head. "Make sure we didn't break anything at these speeds."

"But,"

"Come on, let's get a move on before we attract every raider within a ten-mile radius with all this shouting."

"Posey-"

She reached up and covered his mouth with her hand, muffling his exclamation of annoyance behind her sweaty palm.

"My turn to pull the 'don't ask questions' card. So shut up and drive, Hiller." She said shortly, and Jude scowled, reaching up and pulling her hand away from his face, narrowing his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest and he opened his mouth again to protest when he saw the deep bluish smudges beneath Posey's eyes as she let her head sag forward, resting the lip of her helmet against his shoulder.

"Please, just drive, Jude. Just…drive."

He stilled beneath her touch, like he always did, looking down at the slope of her shoulders as they hunched forward, the way her choppily cut hair curled up against the base of her helmet, the back of her neck already starting to burn in their brief exertion beyond the walls of Megaton. He sighed, his breath ruffling the pale blond locks and he ran his hand over the top of her helmet, tilting it back so she was looking his eyes, and Jude felt a frown forming on his face as his eyes swept over the bruise-like circles under her eyes, the too sharp cheekbones, and her chapped lips, feeling like someone had his windpipe in a vice. She met his gaze, her eyes sharp and her pale eyebrows quirked down in a sort of challenge.

Jude released her and turned around, and without another word, started the bike and carefully maneuvered his way out of Springvale.

Whatever had caused Posey to go quiet in Springvale obviously wasn't going away anytime soon. The ride back to Megaton was silent, Posey's arms limp around his waist, her head resting against his back. When they arrived at the gates to Megaton and were greeted warmly by Lucas Simms, Posey's lips lifted in a mechanical smile that didn't reach her eyes, and Jude felt goosebumps pepper the back of his neck.

"Can you run the bike by Moira's?" Asked Posey, turning away from Lucas and looking back at Jude.

"Don't you want to come?" Jude looked up from the bike's ignition in surprise.

"Maybe later,"

"Come on, Blondie," He said in an undertone, stepping closer and looking pleadingly down at her. "Don't send me in there with Moira, alone. She'll have me testing out her newest anti-ghoulification potion and I'll end up more withered than Gob!"

She didn't even crack a smile, on the contrary, at the mention of the ghoul something in her face crumpled even more and Jude wanted to grind his fist into his forehead.

"Maybe later." She repeated, "I've got to run to…I've got to run."

She turned and headed, not up to the house, but off towards the bathrooms, running a hand through her hair. Jude watched her go with a frown, and with a mounting sense of dread turned and walked the bike up to Moira's, grumbling incoherently to himself the entire way.

Surprisingly, he managed to get out of Craterside Supply relatively quickly, leaving the bike behind with Moira and exiting the store with a few boxes of Blamco Mac and Cheese clutched in his hands. He hesitated just outside the door to the house, feeling his heart crowd into his throat as he placed his hand on the doorknob, turning it carefully, and stepping inside.

Posey was sitting, cross-legged, in front of the bookshelf pushed against the stairs, To Kill a Mockingbird, open and resting on her lap, but her eyes were trained on the still face down picture frame. She wasn't blinking.

He licked his lips, drawing his bottom lip through his teeth as he hovered by the door, the boxes of mac and cheese crumpling slightly under his nervous fingers. He could feel a dozen words crowding in his throat, tumbling across his tongue but stopping dead behind his teeth.

Posey had been the one who always questioned everything. Who had demanded to know how he felt and what was wrong. She was the one who forced him to articulate feelings he didn't know how to give a name to. She'd been the one who'd pushed him, without even meaning to. And now?

Now, what the hell was he supposed to say?

"You know what real courage is, Colorado?"

Her voice was so dull that Jude had to bite down on his tongue, focusing in on that sharp shooting pain rather than the one that zinged through his chest. How could the girl who'd given his life so much depth in a few short months, sound so hollowed out?

"'I wanted you to see what real courage is,'" She said, staring out at nothing. "'Instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what.'"

Jude didn't speak, but the cardboard beneath his fingers collapsed further in.

"Real courage." She continued. "Means seeing it through. No matter what."

She closed her eyes and Jude took a cautious step forward, placing the now crushed boxes of macaroni on the shelf beside the picture frame and crouching down next to her. Now that he was closer, he could also see, resting on the pages of the open book, a necklace, the chain curled carefully around a silver pendant engraved with a bunch of flowers.

"I can count on one hand how many times I saw him with a gun in his hand." She said, her eyes still closed. "The only time I can remember was with that deathclaw, when we were leaving Vault 112. That's the only time."

"Posey,"

"How long have I been out here, in the Wasteland?" She said, cutting him off. "Six months? Seven? How many times did he see me with a gun in my hand?"

"Posey, listen, you do what you have to out here, okay?"

"No, I don't." She opened her eyes and looked up at him, and Jude's stomach clenched. Her eyes were red-rimmed and harder than steel. "I don't do what I have to. That's the point."

Jude looked away, drawing a hand down his face, then scrubbing at the back of his neck.

"Come on, Blondie." He said at last, straightening up and grabbing the two boxes of macaroni. "Let's see if Wadsworth can't make this stuff edible."

She looked up at him in disbelief, then looked away with a scoff shaking her head.

"I'm not hungry," She said snidely, her knuckles going white on her book. "you go ahead." She pushed herself to her feet, placing the still open book down on the shelf with the necklace still curled up atop the printed pages. "I'm going to go shower." She said, turning towards the door.

"Blondie," He said wearily, "Blondie, come on."

"What!" She snapped, pausing at the door, her hand hard against the handle and glaring at him over her shoulder. "I'm tired and dusty and I smell, okay? So, can you just let me take a goddamned shower, please? It's bad enough that I have to dose up on rad-x before I can even attempt it!"

"You need to eat!" He said, his fits clenching on the already battered boxes. "You've been picking at your food for weeks! You hardly ate anything yesterday!"

"Excuse me for not being so gluttonous on this slop wastelanders pass off as food." She said with a sneer, turning back to the door "Now can I go wash off this grime with water that might give me cancer now?"

"Don't be such an ass!" His lips twisted into a scowl, "You're wasting away, Blondie! You need to eat something!"

"Are you serious?" She demanded, turning to face him with her hands balled into fists, "You're going to make me eat my dinner first? What are you, my dad?"

They both fell so quiet Jude thought he could hear the blood drain from Posey's face. He watched her neck contract as she swallowed hard, pressing her fist to her shaking mouth.

"Damnit." She said, her voice thick and shaking as she moved her fists up to her eyes, turning away from him, her shoulders up around her ears as she leaned against the door. "Damnit, damnit."

He could see the muscles in her shoulders shaking as she fought to repress sobs and Jude felt his stomach clench, and he let his hands drop to his sides, letting out a sigh.

"Blondie,"

"Just shut up!" She whirled around to face him, her eyes red-rimmed, her face splotched red and crumpled. "Just, stop! I know! I know I'm a complete and utter disaster, okay! I know! I don't need you to, to,"

Her chest was heaving as she flexed her fingers, her hands trembling as she took deep shuddering breaths, each one coming back out as a ragged sob. Jude didn't move a muscle. He didn't dare to.

"I don't need you to sigh." She said after a moment, her voice trembling dangerously, drawing the back of her hand across her mouth. "I don't need you to walk on eggshells around me all the time!" Now her voice was steadily rising, as was the color in her face. "I don't need you to look at me like that!" She shouted. "Like I'm pathetic! Like I'm a mess! I already know! I don't need your pity!"

"You think that's what this is?" He asked, his hands hanging limply by his sides, his voice flat. "Pity? You think I've been hanging around here because of pity?"

The silence hung so thick between them that it settled into Jude's lungs, pushing the air out and making his head spin. He stared across the four feet of space that separated him from her. Four feet of unreliable flooring and much more of something that neither of them could name. Her cheekbones were much more prominent than they'd ever been, and her scars from the deathclaw were burning into his vision, clearly visible under the strap of her threadbare tank top, her clavicle standing out in sharp relief.

"Pity." He repeated with a snort, shaking his head. "I thought you were smarter than that, Blondie."

Her face was splotched with red, her eyes watering, her nose streaming and Jude felt something inside him snap as she turned away and the door slammed shut behind her.

He turned around, snatching up the boxes of macaroni and hurling them across the room with such force that the already fragile boxes tore and the powdered cheese and stale pasta scattered across the uneven floor. He kicked aside the box, collapsed onto the couch situated in the middle of the room, and buried his face in his hands.

If you're hearing this, and you still care enough to help me, you should remember it. Posey, please, please come back. Please help.

Posey leaned back against the wall of Megaton, looking out over the Capital Wasteland, watching the sun-kissed clouds chase each other across the horizon as the sun slowly shrank from view. Her Pip-Boy whirred, its static the only thing disturbing the wind whistling through the shoddy walls of Megaton, sending little eddies of dust flurrying past her feet and tugging at her hair.

"This is an automated distress message," Repeated the robotic voice. "From Vault 101. Message Begins."

Posey closed her eyes as Amata's voice floated out of the speaker attached to her wrist, letting her head fall back against the corrugated tin.

"It feels like you left home a long time ago, but I know you're still out there. I just hope you're still alive to hear this." Posey snorted, kicking an errant pebble away viciously. "Things got worse after you left. My father's gone mad with power! If you can hear this, please, stop looking for your dad and help stop mine."

Posey cut the radio off sharply and slowly slid down the rusted wall, her legs splayed out in front of her, staring up at the dusky sky above.

"Stop looking." She murmured, her hands lying limply in the dust at her sides. "I have stopped."

But it didn't matter if she wasn't looking, she seemed to find him everywhere she turned. She saw him in the kind words of the Megaton settlers, in the threads of the blue jumpsuits she'd sold to Moira, and she saw him every time she caught a glimpse of her reflection. Even now, she saw him in the distant and lonely shape of the Washington monument, cutting a stark figure against the pastel colored sky. The Capital Wasteland had always been full of ghosts, but now, those ghosts had names.

Catherine. Jonas. Janice.

Dad.

People died. That's just what they did. Posey knew that. Hell, she'd even caused it a few times. She'd snuffed out lives. Dozens of them. Nameless but not faceless raiders. Black suited hitmen, and Enclave soldiers, who at least had the decency to hide behind those green glass eyes.

People died. It seemed to be what humanity was best at. Dying, and killing.

There used to be graveyards. Places where people could visit and pay their respects. Find "closure" according to her psychology textbook.

She'd never understood the appeal when she read about them in her Pre-War books. Why would anyone bother to go talk to a bit of cold dead rock, with what remained of the person you loved beneath? It's not like they were there anymore.

Now that she thought about it, that was the one question her father had never answered. She remembered suddenly as if she were watching the scene play before her eyes, sitting across from her father while he hunched over his desk, smiling softly and laughing at her antics, but when she'd asked him why anyone would bother visiting a cemetery or a graveyard, he'd fallen silent. Not even an 'I'll tell you when you're older' like when she'd asked where Wally's little sister Susie had come from. Just, silence.

Her eyes traveled down the long twisting road that lead to Vault 101, and she clenched her jaw. She could just go now, she could probably make it before dark. She had her pistol. If things got ugly down there with Vault Security, she was sure she could take care of that. She'd made it out of the vault on her own with nothing more than a nine-millimeter pistol and a whole lot of adrenaline. She could make it back in just as easily, by herself, with all the experience she'd gained. She didn't need to go back and explain to Jude, to have him tell her it was a waste of time.

He won't tell you it's a waste of time. She thought, chastising herself. You know that he won't.

Did she? For all she knew she could go back and he could be gone. He might have finally decided she wasn't worth the trouble.

Just the thought of it sent her heart pounding and she drew her knees up to her chest, pressing her folded arms tight across her stomach to suppress the sudden sick feeling rising there. If he'd left she would have seen him, she wasn't that far from the gate.

He could be up at Moriarty's, drinking himself into a stupor. She could have been up at Moriarty's, drinking herself into a stupor, apart from the fact that she'd never drunk anything stronger than a Nuka-Cola in her entire life. Or, she could see if she couldn't find that last syringe of Med-X Jude had carefully stashed away. To feel absolutely nothing for a few hours sounded heavenly.

She shook her head, feeling the tin bend slightly beneath her head.

What was she doing? Thinking of turning to booze or drugs? If her father could have seen her now…

Except he couldn't. Ever again.

Posey groaned, scrubbing at her eyes before more tears could fall and she struggled to her feet, bracing herself against the wall as she swayed slightly on the spot, her head spinning at the sudden rush upward. Once the world felt a little steadier around her, she began picking her way across the rock strewn ground, angling back to the gates of Megaton, still frowning and fiddling with the knobs on her pip-boy.

She heard a slight scuffle behind her, something like a claw on stone, and she whirled around, her gun already free from its holster and up when she saw the mole rat, leaping from atop a nearby boulder, its jaws wide open and yellowed teeth, at least a foot long, bared.

There was a loud crack from behind her and she leapt back with a cry of disgust as the rat's head exploded, splattering her with blood, bits of skull and grey matter.

"Sick!" She shouted, gagging as she brushed herself roughly down, struggling not to vomit as she only smeared the gore into her clothes and skin. "Ah, great," She growled, looking over her shoulder to see Lucas Simms walking towards her, his still smoking gun propped against his shoulders.

"That was a close call, Miss Bennett." He said evenly as she scowled, still brushing herself off. "I thought you were more careful than that. How can you disarm a bomb but not see that a little old mole rat was sneaking up on you?"

"I've got a lot on my mind." She said shortly, jamming her gun back in its holster. "And I had my gun on him. You just beat me to it."

"If you don't mind me asking," He said, looking her up and down with a slight frown. "What are you doin' out here, girlie?"

"Trying to clear my head, is all." Said Posey, folding her arms over her chest. "That, and all the shower stalls were filled."

"Must have a hell of a line to have you waitin' out here." He said, "I think I ought to escort you back, Colorado would never forgive me if I let something happen to you out here. And I'm hoping that boy will stick around, give old Walter a chance to retire."

"I think I can manage a few hundred feet on my own." She said, her scowl deepening. "Did Colorado send you after me? Is he having me followed now?"

"No, he isn't." Said Simms patiently. "In fact, I haven't seen him since the two of you came back after that insane motorbike incident. You two have a bit of a spat? Is that why you're out here?"

"Not to be rude," Said Posey, though everything about her tone echoed rudeness, "but that really isn't any of your damn business, Sheriff."

The man sighed, running a hand across the brim of his hat and looking at her regretfully out of the corner of his eye.

"I was afraid of that." He said, checking the shaft of his rifle. "I was hoping you'd be different, Miss Bennett."

"How do you mean?" She asked, her fingers tensing on the holster of her gun.

"I mean," Said the sheriff slowly, "That a lot of people go through hard things out here. Hell, living day to day is hard. And nine times out of ten, that makes them hard. I guess I was just hoping you'd be different."

Posey dropped her gaze, biting the inside of her cheek.

"I still remember the day you came toddling through those gates." Said Lucas, a wry smile twisting his weather-beaten face. "Big blue eyes, bright blue suit, and afraid of your own shadow. You called me sir. You remember?"

"I remember." Said Posey softly, slowing to a halt in front of the gates. "But that was a long time ago."

"Yeah, I guess it was." Said Lucas, looking down at her with an unreadable expression. "But I'd like to think that the girl who smiled at strangers and played tag with my son is still hanging around."

Posey looked away, wrapping her blood-spattered arms tight around herself.

"The girl who gave up a whole lot of caps," continued Lucas gently, "and put herself in a whole lot of danger just to save this sorry little heap. It might have been a long time ago, but I hope you remember. You're still that same girl."

Posey looked away, but nodded, and the sheriff pushed the gates open for her, and Posey stepped past him.

"Thanks, Sheriff." She said softly, as he followed her, drawing the gate shut behind him. "For getting that mole rat. And, well, for everything else."

"Don't mention it, Miss Bennett." He tipped his hat towards her and ambled off towards his own home. Posey waited, biting her lip to keep back a smile before calling,

"And Sheriff?"

He paused, turning back to her with raised eyebrows.

"It really is none of your damn business what goes on between me and Colorado." She finished, raising her own eyebrows.

Lucas smiled and shook his head, propping his gun on his shoulder again."You might wanna pass by those showers again," He said, turning away, "If you're gonna be doing some makin' up you're gonna want that blood off 'ya."

Night had fallen and Jude had nearly dropped off to sleep when he heard the door open. He jerked upright with a slight snort, pushing himself off the wall where he'd been reclining in front of the Jukebox, listening to one sappy love song after another, watching the lights flicker halfheartedly along to the beat as the words he and Posey had exchanged spiraled around and around in his head, pushing out any other thought and weighing on his lungs. The door swung shut and he moved to push himself to his feet and discovered as he struggled to rise, that his feet had fallen asleep and he nearly fell as he straightened up, wincing as he felt his spine pop in several places. He caught himself against the wall just as Posey reached the head of the stairs.

Her hair was wet and tangled, dripping onto the shoulders of her unfamiliar, faded green button up, and her face wasn't splotchy anymore. Her eyes were still a little red and puffy but they were dry for the moment. He stared down at her for a moment, feeling his heart in his throat, feeling every impulse in him screaming at him to reach out to try and fix whatever this was. He was looking for a visible fault line, an easy solution, a quick patch up that wouldn't take much time or energy to mend.

But there was no easy fix this time.

"Posey," His voice was hoarse from the hours of silence he'd just passed and he cleared his throat, "I- "

"I think I'm going to try and do some laundry." She said quietly, letting her gaze drop from his. "I'll be just outside."

He didn't point out that it was nearly midnight and that Wadsworth was more than capable of washing their clothes and she didn't explain where she'd been. She just slipped into her room and emerged a few minutes later, her arms full of dirty clothes.

"If you want anything washed," She said, stepping carefully down the stairs, "Just bring it down. And Jude," She paused, biting her lip as she looked up at him, and he waited with baited breath. "I'm sorry." She said at last, before she hurried down the steps.

By the time Jude had made it outside (After spending several silent minutes warring with himself and trying to think of what he was going to say), Posey had already set up a laundry line and had one of his sheets up to dry. In the ghostly light of the moon, which hung full and fat over their heads, it was brilliant white. Jude watched it flapping in the slight breeze, feeling a shiver go up his spine. He didn't ask where she'd even found a washboard, and he was very surprised to hear the soft notes of one of Galaxy News' instrumental tracks floating on the night air.

"I figured raiders and the rest will smell us coming if I didn't do something," She said quietly, wringing out his blue tee shirt, which she'd practically claimed as her own, and draping it over the line. She took a moment to carefully smooth out any wrinkles, wiping her soapy hands on her pants before turning back to him. She'd tied her button up around her waist, and he could see that the sleeves of it had quickly become soaked, and now, in her dingy tank top, her deathclaw scars were plainly visible. "You want me to wash that?"

She gestured to the plaid shirt he was wearing over his usual white tee shirt, and he looked down at it with a slight frown, picking at a rusty brown stain that could have easily been blood. The only problem was he wasn't sure if it was his or somebody else's.

"Sure." He said, shrugging out of it and holding it out. She took it, submerging it in the soapy water and began methodically scrubbing it up and down the washboard.

"Posey, I wanted to apologize, I shouldn't have-"

"I picked up a signal today," She said, not meeting his gaze. "On my Pip-Boy. A distress signal. From the Vault."

He just watched, shivering slightly as another cool breeze washed over them, raising goosebumps on the back of his neck, passing right through his thin shirt.

"It was from Amata," She continued, wringing his shirt out, and walking towards him. The laundry line separated him, and she draped his shirt across it, keeping her hands still on the taut line, looking up at him, her gaze completely steady. "She said," Here, her voice wavered a bit, and Posey let her eyes drift shut.

Unconsciously, Jude covered her hands with his own, feeling the slippery soap beneath his fingers, his hands curling over hers and around the line. "She said," Continued Posey, "that her dad has gone crazy with power. That they need my help. So…so she asked me to stop looking for my dad and to come and stop hers."

"Posey,"

"I just want you to answer me one thing, Jude." She said, her voice barely above a whisper, her eyes still closed. "Just one thing."

He waited. Around them, the wind whistled through the gaps in Megaton's walls, and the sheets flapped against the line.

"It gets better, doesn't it?" She asked softly. "It gets, easier, right? The pain goes away?"

Jude dropped his gaze, gnawing on the inside of his cheek.

"Does it ever go away?" She asked again, and two tears slide down from her closed eyes. "I see him everywhere, in anything I do, I can't get away, no matter how hard I try I just," She cut off with a shuddering breath and slipped her hands free from his own, pressing the back of her hands against her eyes. "Just tell me the pain goes away." She said shakily, letting her hands drop to her sides.

"Not completely." He murmured, his hands still resting on the line. "The pain, it fades. Eventually. It dulls, and sometimes you think it disappears completely. But, it's like a scar." He reached out and touched with the tip of his forefinger the top of the gnarled scar she'd received from the deathclaw. "The pain of the wound goes away, but you'll always have some kind of a reminder of it."

"So, it never gets better." She said, her lip trembling.

"I didn't say that. But if it stopped hurting completely," He said quietly, "that would mean forgetting. So, scars, little reminders every now and then, they might hurt. Sometimes they hurt like hell. But it's better than forgetting."

She shook her head, looking down at the floor and before Jude could really grasp what he was saying he blurted out, "You want to know what happened to my mom?"

Posey stiffened, looking slowly from the floor up to him with an unreadable expression. "Jude," She said cautiously, "you don't have to tell me, it's okay. I told you, I'm not going to ask anymore."

"I know." He swallowed hard. "That's why I'm telling you this now. Because this is me, not forgetting. I don't want to get into a 'whose life sucks more contest.' That's not why I'm doing this. I just," He took a deep breath and said, quietly. "I want you to know everything there is to know about me."

Posey stepped back from the laundry line that he was clutching, keeping her eyes fixed on him while she wrapped her arms tight around herself. Jude waited for a moment, his knuckles going white on the line before he finally said.

"Do you remember how I told you my dad got me a BB gun for my tenth birthday?"

Posey nodded silently, and Jude clenched his hands so tight around the laundry line that his nails bit into his palm.

"Well, one day I was out playing with it. Adam was inside, reading, I think, and my mom, she," he looked down, shaking his head and saying, his voice thick. "She was doing laundry."

"Jude," Said Posey softly, "you don't have to talk about it, really-"

"Just, let me finish." He said shakily, "Please, Posey. Let me finish this."

She remained quiet and he took a deep breath and continued.

"So, I was a way out from the house. I could sort of see my mom, I could see the laundry lines, the sheets, flapping in the wind." The sheet Posey had strung up glowed ghostly white as both their eyes found it. "I'd set up a sort of shooting range with a line of rusty tin cans on a rock and I was practicing with my BB gun. And let me tell you," He shook his head, "I was a piss-poor shot. I couldn't hit a single one." Her lips twitched up in something like a smile.

"So, I was up on top of this rock," He said, shifting his weight from foot to foot, the line trembling beneath his hands. "trying to figure out a better way to set these cans up, when I look up, and I see something off in the distance. Something big." He paused, and cleared his throat, keeping his eyes trained on the ground, but he heard Posey's quick intake of breath, for a moment his voice failed him. He swallowed hard and took a steadying breath before saying, "I've always had a hard time seeing stuff from far away, I guess my eyesight isn't very good, I dunno. But anyway, I saw this big, hulking thing off in the distance, and I thought maybe it was one of our brahmin that had wandered off, so I went to got get it"

Posey didn't speak, and Jude couldn't look up at her because he already knew the way she'd be looking at him, like she had back in the Muddy Rudder all those weeks ago. Horrified, guilty and so impossibly sad. If he saw her like that again, he wouldn't be able to finish so he continued, his eyes boring a hole into the floor.

"By the time I got close enough to see what it was, it was too late. I don't think I've ever been so scared in my whole life. It saw me, and it just…it just roared."

"A deathclaw." Said Posey softly and Jude nodded, his jaw clenched.

"I ran." He said. "I turned and I ran as fast as I could and I was almost to the house but, it still got a good swipe at me," He turned around, and pulled off his tee shirt. He heard Posey's stifled cry as she saw the four, thick gnarled scars starting at his left shoulder, crossing over to his right hip, and fading into the waistband of his jeans. They'd healed ugly, and crooked, and as he'd grown older, his skin remained buckled and white and shiny along their jagged path the Deathclaw had torn into him. "That's when my mom showed up." Said Jude, still with his back to her. "She'd heard the thing roar I guess and she came running. S-she…" He let out a sort of hysterical laugh. "She had a shovel. She went up against a Deathclaw with a shovel. She told me to run, and so," Jude swallowed hard around the burning lump in his throat. "And so I did." He said simply. "I ran. I ran back to the house and Adam was standing in the door looking terrified, and he slammed the door shut after me, but I, I think he saw."

His eyes were burning and his vision swimming and he looked up, trying to count the stars hidden behind the hazy cover of the clouds rolling in, obscuring for a moment both them and the bright moon.

"I think he saw when it got her." He stopped and took a deep breath as Posey ducked beneath the line and walked straight into him, wrapping her arms tight around his chest, her cold hands flat against his scarred back and Jude shivered in the breeze.

"I didn't see anything." He continued, talking into the top of her head. "But I heard it. I heard that snap. We were both shaking as we ran upstairs and hid in our room, Adam took my gun and was watching the door. I couldn't say a word. He kept asking me how it happened. But I couldn't. I couldn't talk. My back was burning and bleeding everywhere and we could hear it, slaughtering the brahmin outside. And then, just…Quiet."

He could feel Posey's tears against his bare chest and she held him even tighter. "You don't have to tell me anymore, Jude." She said, drawing back. "Really, I understand."

"Let me finish." He said softly, and Posey bit her lip, and slowly nodded. "So after a couple of hours, I managed to tell Adam what had happened. He'd patched up my back as best as he could. You know, I didn't even cry? I wanted to. But I couldn't. I just told him, like I was some kind of robot. I told him. And you know what he said to me?"

"What?"

"He said, 'It's not your fault.'"

"But it wasn't your fault, you were just a kid, you didn't mean-"

"It was my fault." Said Jude vehemently, cutting her off. "I didn't mean to. I know I was just a kid, in the wrong place at the wrong time, but that doesn't change anything." His hands were clenched into fists at his side, Posey's hands lay flat against his chest and he was shivering with cold as another gust of wind washed over them, goosebumps rising across his arms and shoulders. "It's my fault." He said softly. "What happened to my mom was my fault. But Adam, he didn't blame me. He helped me with my back and we stayed there, locked up in the house. And we just, waited, for my dad to come home."

"And did he?"

"Yeah," Jude's face darkened. "He came home, a couple of hours later. He saw the brahmin. He saw," He swallowed hard. "He saw what was left of my mom. Then he looked up, and he saw us, huddled in the window, and it was like we weren't even there. I'd never seen my dad cry before. But he lost it then. He was a mess, crying and holding her. We tried to go outside but he wouldn't let us. He screamed at us, told us to stay where we were." He closed his eyes, hanging his head forward, screwing his eyes up tight against the sudden vivid memories flashing behind his closed lids. His father, crouched in the dirt, bowed over, tears falling into his dark beard, his pack and his gun lying forgotten in the dirt. And his mother, his mother-

"So he took a sheet." He said hoarsely, shaking his head, trying to clear it, "One of the ones my mom had been washing. Wrapped her up in it, and buried her out back, right on this spot my mom use to love, where she'd take me to watch the dry thunderstorms."

Posey stepped back, and he shivered again as the places where her hands had been stung with cold. "We watched him do it from the back porch, but he wouldn't let us get any closer. When he was done with that he came and asked us what had happened, and Adam told him. So my dad,"

Jude drew his hand down his face, then raked it through his hair, his hands trembling. "He just looks at me. He looks at me and looks at me, and then, he turns around and leaves." He shook his head, frowning as he ran his nervous hands back through his hair, rubbing the back of his neck, his voice growing more and more agitated. "He just, leaves. Doesn't say a word. Adam tried to call him back, but he wouldn't listen. Adam took off after him and my dad shook him off, and just kept going. And he never turned around. So, it was just me and Adam. I was ten, Adam was fifteen."

Posey was staring at him, her eyes wide and her mouth quirked down, lips trembling and yet Jude pushed on. Now that he had started, he could stop, all the words he'd been bottling up for years were let loose and the tumbled down from his lips with all their jagged edges and raw feelings, leaving him feeling drained and like his throat and lips had been sliced open. "When our food at the house ran out, which took about three or four weeks, Adam went out to find more. He took my BB gun, and my hat, because Adam didn't like the color red anymore, and mine was blue. So he took off. He promised he'd be back by the end of the day."

"And," Posey hesitated, biting her lip. "was he?"

"Never saw him again until we ran into him at the Citadel."

Posey closed her eyes and a tremor ran through her as the damp clothes on the line wafted towards her on the breeze, brushing up against her bare arms, and this time, Jude stepped forward, but at the last moment, stopped himself, his arms falling limply back at his sides and they stood, mere inches apart.

"How did you survive?" She asked, her eyes still tightly shut. "You didn't have any food, any weapons, nothing."

"It wasn't easy." Said Jude, his voice low. "I took off myself after a few days of nearly starving, ran into a caravan They helped me out, dropped me off at Megaton, and Walter sort of took me in for a while. I'd stay in the common house but he taught me how to repair stuff, gave me my job at the plant. Then I started going out to scavenge when I was fifteen, and I started to look for my dad or Adam. Then when I was seventeen, I joined up with Patrick and the Wasteland Warriors, and you know the rest from there."

"Jude, I'm so sorry." She said, opening her eyes as a single tear slid down her cheek dripped from her chin. Jude reached up to brush it away but again, something stopped him, his hand hovering just above her skin. "I didn't mean for you to relive all of that. I'm so sorry, I-,"

"It's alright, Blondie." He murmured, letting his hand fall away. "I wanted to tell you. Like I said, pain, that's remembering." He reached up and grasped the key that hung from his neck, on a chain not unlike those that the brotherhood strung their holotags from. "This is the key to my house." He said, holding it out for her to see, "When I left, I locked the place up good and tight. And I haven't been back since."

Posey looked at the key shining dully in the moonlight, and her gaze flickered from it up to him as he said hesitantly,

"And maybe," He cleared his throat, "And maybe that's what you want to do. With the Vault, with your dad, everything. You just want to lock it up good and tight and never think about it again. And honestly, I don't blame you." He shook his head, "I'd be one hell of a hypocrite if I did." He said with a wry smile. "You wanna leave those bastards down in the vault to rot? Fine by me. But I know you, Blondie."

This time he did reach up, and chucked her gently on the chin with his loose fist. "I know you're not gonna let that happen." He said softly. "So, whatever choice you make, I'll follow your lead."

"Jude," she choked out, her eyes overbright, "I don't know if I can go back. That place," She cut off, bringing her hand up to her mouth, "It'll swallow me up and he'll be everywhere I look and I-"

"If you want to go back," He said, "I'm gonna be there. Every step of the way. I promise."

"Jude,"

"Listen to me, Blondie." He said and taking her shoulders, "I've lost a lot of people."

She refused to meet his gaze but Jude's didn't waver from hers and his voice was just as steady as he said, "A lot of people. But I don't intend on losing you anytime soon." Posey's lips puckered and she bit down hard on the lower one. "You go back to that hole?" He continued, "I'm going back to that hole." He said firmly. "And I'm gonna kick Butch Deloria's ass for being mean to you."

Posey let out a weak laugh and wiped her tears away with the heels of her hands "I don't think that will be completely necessary." Said Posey with a watery smile. "Although that's kind of you to offer."

"World's nicest badass, remember?" He grinned down at her, "Now come on, if we're gonna go storm the castle tomorrow we're gonna need sleep. And it's freezing out here."

Posey glanced back down at the tub of soapy water she'd placed on the rickety table and Jude reached down and took her hand. It was red with cold but her fingers weren't as frigid as he thought they'd be.

"Come on," He said, tugging on her hand gently, "it'll be fine until morning."

"I don't think I'll be able to sleep." She said, looking back at the clothes, drifting on the night air. "I don't want to just lay, in the still, in the quiet."

"Then let's go find out how it ends."

"What are you talking about?" Asked Posey, tearing her gaze from the clothesline and shooting him a confused look.

"To Kill a Mockingbird." He said, crouching down and scooping up the shirt he'd let fall to the floor. "I think it's about time we picked it back up."

Posey looked wary but followed him back into the house, and she didn't speak as he carefully picked up To Kill a Mockingbird, letting the necklace holding their place in the book slide off onto the bookshelf, in front of the picture frame. He handed her the book, which she accepted silently, and he shrugged back into his tee-shirt, straightening it as he took the steps two at a time to the top of the stairs, Posey following a little unenthusiastically behind. He took his usual spot at the foot of her bed and held out his hand for the book, which Posey handed him willingly enough.

"Part Two," He said, while Posey sat across from him, drawing her knees up to her chest.

"'Jem was twelve," He began, propping the book on his lap, "He was difficult to live with, inconsistent, moody. His appetite was appalling,"

"That sounds familiar." Said Posey and Jude narrowed his eyes at her, and her lips twitched up into a grin, "How do you know I wasn't talking about myself?" She asked, resting her chin on her knees.

"That is a pretty accurate description of you these days." He said, turning back to the book and clearing his throat. "Now stop interrupting me."

So he read. He read about how life for Scout Finch was routine when Dill was around, and unbearable when he wasn't. He read about a happy cemetery decorated with brightly colored glass and candle stubs, and under what circumstances it was necessary to lie. And even though he stumbled over many of the words, he read until the words started to swim across the page, until he looked up and saw Posey, her head resting against the wall behind her, eyes closed. He let out a slight sigh of relief, folded down the corner of the page they were on, and reached over to place the book on the desk next to the bed. He eased Posey gently down onto the mattress, drawing her quilt up to her chin. His fingers ghosted over her cheek, brushing her feathery hair off her face.

"Goodnight, Blondie." He murmured, and he slipped quietly from the room.

Posey waited until she heard Jude stop shifting on the bed next door before she sat carefully up. She waited a moment longer, listening to his steady breathing before she got to her feet and slipped out of her room, her blanket draped over her shoulders, To Kill a Mockingbird tucked under her arm, and tried to find the easiest path across the floor that squeaked and groaned with every step she took. But Jude didn't wake up and she settled herself in front of the bookshelf downstairs, watching the moonlight, cut into sharp squares, fall onto the floor. She held the book between her hands, thumbing absently through the pages. She noticed with a frown a downturned corner and immediately smoothed it out.

"Real courage." She murmured, pushing her thumbnail along the crease that had formed where the page had been folded down. Her mother's locket glowed in the light reflecting from the floor and the green tint of her Pip-Boy as she picked it up, pulling the chain through her fingers, feeling the engraved flowers under the pad of her thumb. She wedged her thumbnail between the two tiny ridges and the locket's latch give easily, but she hesitated in forcing the frames open.

"Access holotape files." She said softly, and her Pip-Boy instantly started whirring. "Play Project Purity Personal journal."

She didn't care that the metal grew cold beneath her, nor that her legs were starting to tingle as she sat, cross legged with the only thing that remained of her mother cradled in her hands, and her father's voice filling some empty spot in her chest. She listened to him worry over the status of the project, rejoice over her mother's pregnancy, fret about their strained relationship with the Brotherhood, and finally, she listened to his voice, tired and broken, as he mourned the loss of his wife. She listened to him as he made the decision to leave. To abandon his life's work. And for what?

"It breaks my heart to go," Said her father, "but I must put the needs of my child before my own."

A tear splashed onto her wrist, her hands resting limply in her lap as she listened to her Pip-Boy's speakers hum and the faint buzzing of white noise filling the space around, before another file loaded, and James' voice murmured softly,

"Well, here we are again. Project Purity and me."

That same kind of exhaustion she'd been feeling since July washed over her anew, and she couldn't lift her hand up to turn her Pip-Boy off.

"It's been nearly twenty years since my last entry. Since I left all of this behind to make a life for my daughter, Posey. We spent all that time in Vault 101, tucked away from the rest of the world. It wasn't perfect, but it was safe, and that's all I could have hoped for."

Perfectly safe, thought Posey, her chin trembling.

"Now, my daughter is a grown woman. Beautiful, intelligent, confident. Just like her mother. And as hard as it was to admit, she doesn't need her daddy anymore."

Posey's fingers tightened on the locket resting in her hand. She could feel its catch beneath her finger as she wriggled her thumbnail between the two frames of the locket, forcing them apart. Slowly, her fingers parted, as if by their own volition and she stared down at the small silver frames shining up at her.

Empty.

Posey's heart sank until she noticed, wedged into the frame that was engraved with flowers, a small scrap of paper. With trembling fingers, she smoothed it out, and recognized her father's even print.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear, 1 John 4:18

Posey ran her fingers over the ink, feeling the imprint of where her father's pen had pressed deep into the fibers of the paper, at least twenty years ago, expressing the perfect love he felt for his wife. A man who barely believed in the existence of a higher power quoting scripture for the love of his life, an avid Bible reader.

She doesn't need her daddy anymore.

Her dad may have been the smartest man she'd ever known, but he'd gotten at least one thing wrong.

She still needed him. And even though she'd never felt more love for anyone as she did for someone who was so far from her, she was still terrified.

AN:/ I'M SO SORRY. I always say that the action is coming then I take forever to update and when I do update...it's mostly fluff and angst.

I'm sorry guys...

Okay so, this chapter's song is from MY FAVORITE BAND EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. Mumford & Sons. I love them. I love them I love them I love them. Also, the scripture in Posey's locket is and it's actually one of my favorite passages in the bible. What a beautiful sentiment.

Okay. I'm sorry. I'll try to be better about posting but I'm in school again and also I'm working and also I'm trying to be a sort of social individual. Why? I don't know. Anyway, a huge shout out to for their amazing comments! You guys are the BEST and I love you!

Gotto to run, but thanks for reading!

XOXOXO

Living Pretty