Middle Earth Virtual Tours

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or anything, only my own ideas. I did not write for benefit, nor did I aim to insult anyone through this story.

Author's note: This is going to be quite AU. And there's a mixture of movie and canon things in this...story. It may also attempt to explain the things seen in the movie that is inconsistent with the book. It is a parody, written when I felt rather evil. You have been warned.

With that, let me introduce you to our first destination,

Rivendell

Welcome to Rivendell, Mr An- I mean, ladies and gentlemen. It is a great pleasure to see all of you here alive, even though a few days ago Ringwraiths have been seen in this area chasing a poor hobbit. You are now in the vicinity of the Last Homely House, the beautiful, ornate building that was built in the Second Age, where railings and safety were not the norm. This would also mean that getting to and around Rivendell may prove to be dangerous unless you are an elf or a gymnast. Although you can see the house from here, it will probably take you another hour before you reach the entrance, owing to the steep, inconveniently narrow slope you will encounter on your way there, and the various misleading paths that have successfully protected Rivendell from being discovered by the enemies because the orcs always give up after one try (though it is questionable why the Nazgul or any other flying fell beasts have never discovered it as they have the privilege of a bird's eye view of everything from the skies). However, seeing as all of you here are on a virtual tour, we may imagine that we have wings and fast forward buttons to transport us to the House directly.

Attraction 1: The Council Room

This is the place where the Council of Elrond was held, and it is lucky that it was neither a hot summer day nor raining on the day of the council, for the room itself resembles more like an open platform with no roofs, and would have been uncomfortably hot or wet if either of them happened. You will undoubtedly also wonder the appropriateness of having a council bell and holding a secret council in an open area, to which I cannot answer because the elves have not given me a good explanation, apart from "because it seemed like a good idea at that time". Please do take your pictures now, but please refrain from touching or sitting on any chairs, especially those sat by Legolas, Aragorn or Frodo. We have only 10 minutes in this area, and fangirling will slow down the whole process.

Attraction 2: The Hall of Fire

Unlike its name, the Hall of Fire is not on fire, and neither should you attempt to set it on fire. There is, however, a fireplace should you need any warmth. The music you hear now is composed by Rivendell's resident minstrel Lindir, who also famously composed the Tra La La Lally song in happier times. We shall stop here for a few moments to attempt to appreciate Elvish art and history, although most of us will not understand what the songs mean.

Attraction 3: The Sword that was Broken

Despite many rumors and misleading myths, this sword here is merely a copy of the sword of Narsil, the sword that was broken, as it has been reforged and is now under the possession of Isildur's heir. That is the reason why the sword here is broken into six pieces rather than two. To see Anduril, I suggest that you take another trip to Gondor a few years later to see its reforged form after it becomes truly a living legend. Please do not touch the blades- it is definitely still sharp although the copy was made at the same time as Narsil, for the work of the elves do not degrade so easily as ours do. Having said that, please do not use flash when taking a photograph of it, for it was, after all, made a few hundred years ago and may be photosensitive, which would explain why it is darker here as compared to the other parts of the House.

Attraction 4: The Rivendell Library

Yes, feast your eyes on the collection of books here! There is almost every kind of book in here written in every Middle Earth language, which unfortunately does not include English or any of our current languages, a common misconception. However, if you are a Tolkien fanatic, this is likely to be your paradise- the Silmarillion and the whole collection of the History of Middle Earth is available in almost all the languages such as Quenya, Sindarin and of course Westron, translated and painstakingly handwritten by our resident scholar, Erestor.

Attraction 5: Healing Rooms

Likely every elf has come here before, especially the twins, Aragorn and Legolas, according to the rumors on certain fanfiction websites. The usual attire of the patients is a white, loose garb so that it couples with the whitish bedsheets, pillows and floor tiles. The room is also exceedingly bright, and it is a wonder how anyone can see with such strong light and reflection from all the whiteness in the rooms. This also makes taking a good picture without lens flare really difficult, though you are welcomed to try. There are many resident healers here, the most powerful being Lord Elrond, the Lord of Imladris, who had famously healed Frodo just a few days ago.

As we walk towards the dining halls for lunch, it is unfortunate that we have come to the end of the short tour of Rivendell. We regret that you would not be able to see the military grounds as that is Settlement Secret. We regret that that also means that it is unlikely that you will meet Glorfindel, the famous Balrog slayer reborn, though that might be best for your health because many have fainted upon seeing his gloriousness, according to him. However, this shall be readily recompensated by the mouthwatering delicacies of Rivendell. Do take a seat, and food that has been specially requested to be non vegetarian, unless you have requested otherwise, shall be served soon. Should you still wish to see more of Middle Earth, please click the review button to contact me and make a reservation.

Middle Earth Virtual Tours: the only tour that is free, fast and 100% safe.