My Stick is Better than Yours

A/N: Okay, just a quick note to say that the last chapter has been re-written so that it actually makes sense. :3 You may need to read that in order to slightly understand some of this including the whole Prussia X Jack thing.

Hope you enjoy this chapter which MillieTheKitty37 wrote~

"So, how are we supposed to complete this prophecy of CAM's?" asked Harry. Ron shrugged, but Hermione frowned thoughtfully.

"We'll all have to work together, obviously," Hermione began. "So, let's break this down. The Doctor is a time traveller- no Harry, he can't go back and save people." She said, spotting his hopeful expression. "It's against the rules. Honestly, it's in 'Hogwarts, A History.' You can't change fixed points in time."

"Why is that in Hogwarts, A History?" demanded Ron in a heated whisper.

"When it talks about student-use time turners. It's fascinating. Don't you read?" Hermione rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "Anyway, we've got a time traveller, a collection of people who represent countries, a detective and his blogger, and a psychopath. Then there's the three of us, the Golden Trio. We've all been abducted, and we have to work together somehow. The question is what we can all do together that governments and Gods and God knows what else can't."

"Hm..." The group was sitting quietly when there was a knock at one of the doors leading into the corridor.

"Get that," ordered Magnussen, who had located the Golden Trio and was lounging in his chair. A Dalek wheeled over to the door and stood before it.

"I HAVE NO HAAAANDS," it said after a moment. Magnussen sighed dramatically.

"I'll get it," Hermione said. She went over to the door and opened it to reveal a man with bright green eyes, chestnut hair, and a huge smile.

"Hola! I'm Spain! Is Prussia around here somewhere?" The man cocked his head.

"Uh…" Harry started.

"That albino? He's making out with someone down that-a-way," Magnussen answered.

"Oh, graçias!" Spain grinned and flounced away. Hermione re-joined Harry and Ron, who were staring at the man going down a different hallway.

"It's rude to stare," she pointed out crossly.

"How can we not stare?" Ron said, drooling slightly.

"Ron!"

"Seriously, Hermione. Look at his ass, look at his thighs," Harry said, never taking his eyes off Spain.

"He's catnip to the guys," added Ron. Hermione stared at Spain's butt as he sauntered down the corridor. It was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen. It practically sparkled.

"He has got to be part Veela," she said after a moment

"His butt's probably the father of all Veela," Ron sighed. The man turned a corner and disappeared from sight.

"Damn, I should have taken a picture," Harry cursed.

Perhaps twenty minutes had passed. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were looking out the window and talking to each other while the Daleks and Magnussen bleeped at each other. A sudden racket came from the hallway Spain had gone down; making everyone in the room jump (who knew Daleks could jump?). Prussia, followed by Spain, came sprinting into the room.

"Scheiße scheiße scheiße!" Prussia went crashing into the wall before righting himself and diving behind a Dalek. Spain looked terrified as he dove behind Hermione and Ron.

"What's wrong?" Harry demanded, slightly bewildered.

"He's back!" Spain said in a highly terrified voice.

"Oh, why can't France be here..." moaned Prussia.

"What's on your neck?" asked Ron curiously.

"Nothing!" Prussia clapped a hand over the mark.

"Who's here?" Harry asked again, wand out. Hermione and Ron followed his lead.

"Captain England!" cackled a familiar voice. The former empire and the former country screamed and cowered behind their blockades. The trio saw England, but at the same time it wasn't him. This England had a wild look in his eyes, an insane grin, and a sword in one hand, a gun in the other. The coat he had somehow found was dark red, billowing out behind him, and he wore a black pirate hat on his head with lots of white feathers. He looked drool worthy. "Good morrow, demon. And to you, tomato. How have your navies been?" Prussia shuddered, and Spain looked a bit like he was a second away from crying.

"My armada..." he whimpered.

"Your armada is no match for the English Empire!" England's sword pointed dramatically at Spain, who practically burst into tears and shrank behind Hermione. There was dark laughter from the hallway, and Moriarty appeared with the scones in his hand.

"Your days are numbered, Magnussen! Sherlock's affections are MINE!" he smiled. "I choose you, pirate England!" England twirled his sword.

Magnussen raised an eyebrow before shouting, "Go, France!" A man with long-ish blond hair appeared.

"Ohnhonhonhonhon Cherie!" France laughed. "We meet again!"

"You're going downm" England snarled. The pair stared at each other.

"England use slash!" ordered Moriarty. England lunged forwards and slashed with his sword towards France's chest.

"Le EEEEK!" France jumped backwards.

"France use charm!" Magnussen instructed.

"You lovely black sheep~" France blew a kiss at England, who looked furious.

"England, use tackle!" Moriarty barked.

"I AM NOT A BLACK SHEEP!" England lunged and tackled France to the floor.

"Non non non!" France wiggled in place.

"France, use wood hammer!" France withdrew a pointed stick from his jacket.

"En garde you son of a haggis!" France poked England in the stomach and wiggled out from underneath the Brit. England leapt backwards.

"How dare you poke my stomach!?" he seethed.

"A pox on the phony king of Eeeeeengland!" France sang as he danced out of reach. England was seething.

"Hey sticky, you so fine, you so fine you blow my mind hey STICKY!" A man with short blond hair in a black hoody pranced into the room, through the door Spain came through the first time. He started to drum on one of the Dalek's heads. "Ba ba ba bum! Ba ba ba bum!"

"IT IS THE MASTER!" the Daleks began to whirled around. "EXTERMINA-"

"No that's rude," the Master pulled a sharp looking stick out of thin air and stabbed it into the eye stalk.

"MY EEEYYYYYEEEE!" the Dalek whined. The Master ignored it in favour of examining France, who examined him back.

"I like your stick," the Master said after a few seconds. "Mine's better."

"Is not."

"Is so."

"Is not."

"Is so."

"Is not."

"Would you two SHUT UP?" boomed a sudden voice from Prussia's direction. Prussia pulled out an iPhone 9001.

"Oh no, it's Germanyyyyy!" whimpered France, looking afraid.

"They haven't made those yet," Hermione said, puzzled.

"My awesomeness made it OVER NINE THOUUUUUUSAAAND!" Prussia explained in a loud voice.

"Bruder where are you?" demanded the voice from a few moments ago.

"On a spaceship with England, America, Spain, and France. And some random people," Prussia shrugged. "And a totally hot American by the name of Captain Jack."

"Hm," Germany was quiet for a moment. "Who's arguing about sticks?" Prussia put the phone on Facetime and showed him the Master and France.

"My stick's clearly more amazing," the Master proclaimed.

"Non, that is mine. Your eyesight is bad," France argued immediately.

"You're both wrong," Germany snapped. They both stared at him. "Mien sticky friend has been with me since World War II." A brown stick appeared on the screen, and Germany rocked it back and forth. "Mien sticky friend is much better. Get back soon, bruder. You might start worrying Canada." The call finished.

"Still a better love story than Twilight," Ron deadpanned after a moment. Hermione and Harry snickered.

"Oh hell no." the Master and France said together, turning and parading out the door together. "Let's kick his ass with our sticks."

"That call better be registered in my plan," Prussia grumbled. Everyone was silent again, and then Moriarty cleared his throat.

"Well, as I was saying, Magnussen, your days are numbered, and Sherlock is mine!" He pointed a finger at his enemy. "England, I choose you!"

"That's Captain to you," England muttered, but charged at Magnussen anyway. Magnussen began pressing buttons, and then the door opened for what seemed like the 800th time, and a man shot through the door. This man had very pale skin, grey hair the colour of his skin plastered to the top of his head, and bright red eyes. He stared around at everyone, black cape and black pants floating around him.

"Voldemort?" asked Hermione hesitantly.

"Ehehehehehe!" Voldemort withdrew his wand. "Come on, Potter! Imperio!" The spell flew at Harry. "You take your foot-" Harry tapped his left foot. "Your little foot!" Harry tapped his foot three times. "Hey look! Your foot!" He spun his foot in a circle. "See how it starts to shaaaaake!" Voldemort began to tap dance. "Dance with me, mud-blood pirate!" England stared at him for a moment, insane green eyes calculating, then shrugged and jumped next to him, tap dancing with him.

"Ooh try his arms! How 'bout a twirl! He's like a girl! How overdue! I finally get to dance again with you!" They sang together, tap dancing like fools. The imperio left Harry, and he scrambled back to Ron and Hermione, staring in slight horror at the insane pirate and the dark wizard. "To dance again! I've been waiting all these years, to dance again. Now at once a chance appears, it's lovely swaying, and the music's playing! Come on! Let's dance again!" America and the Doctor, along with Sherlock, Captain Jack, came in through the hallway and stopped short. America opened his mouth.

"Don't ask," John sighed.

"Who's that?" asked Captain Jack.

"Voldemort. The darkest wizard since Grindelwald," Hermione answered.

"And he's tap dancing?" the Captain asked.

"Yup," Ron answered.

"This is so going on Tumblr!" Prussia cackled.

A/N:

I hope that sort of made sense! :3 Thanks for reading :)

~MillieTheKitty37

~BooksAreLikeChocolateButBetter