Tell me what's the point of doing this every night?
What you're giving me
Is nothing but a heartless lullaby
Gonna kill my dreams, oh
This is the last time
Baby make up your mind

'Cause I can't keep sleeping in your bed
If you keep messing with my head
Before I slip under your sheets
Can you give me something, please?
I can't keep touching you like this
If its just temporary bliss
Just temporary bliss

-Temporary Bliss, The Cab.

She adjusted her dress, inwardly grimacing at just how short it was. She wasn't in her twenties anymore, she was on the wrong side of thirty-five, and even though she knew she had legs that could kill, no amount of red wine could provide her with enough Dutch courage to feel at all comfortable right now. But this wasn't about her, this is what he wanted, what he specifically asked for when he cornered her in the filing room earlier that day, pushing her against the copier machine, to whisper lowly in her ear.

I want to see you in something short, something sexy

Her eyes closed at the memory of his voice, at the feeling of his warm breath hitting her skin, leaving a trail of goose bumps in its wake. She hated the affect he had on her, she had wondered several times why she didn't put her foot down, put and end to this 'situation', but the truth was, she just couldn't. She couldn't tell you how it started, but she could tell you when, she remembered that fateful night all too well. It wasn't their first time, they had visited the idea of being something more years prior, when they were both young and full of aspirations and big ideas, they thought they could handle it, they were wrong.

The awkward morning after the night before, the empty bed she woke up to, the marks across her skin, proof of his presence the night before, evidence of his domination. She remembers the warm tears that fell from her eyes as she sat on an unoccupied stool in the ladies bathroom of the DA's office later on that day, she felt embarrassed, she felt stupid. She knew Harvey Specter was a ladies man, hell; everyone knew that Harvey Specter was a ladies man; it was a frequent topic of conversation around the office, and an unwanted sight out of the office. She knew the score, he didn't do commitment, he was more of a 'one time thing' fan, she just thought that perhaps, she would be different.

She wasn't. She finally experienced first hand what it was like to be dropped by Harvey Specter, yet unlike every other girl who could go and mourn the loss of the best sex they ever had, she had to face him, day after day, plastering her best fake smile on her face, acting as if she wasn't falling apart inside.

Truth be told, that night opened a can of emotional worms that Donna had been unable to contain ever since. She had tried, but every man that came into her life since, was also measured up against him, the unrealistic expectations she had of Harvey, meant that no one ever stood a chance.

A small smile spread across her lips as the memory of that day filled her mind, the day that she thought that perhaps Harvey had finally caught up and realized what was in front of him all this time, the day that she would finally get what she had dreamed about for the last 7 years. At the time, she didn't understand where this side of him had come from, what happened to him, to the two of them, to make him reevaluate what they were to one another. But now she knows, well, she is almost certain, that he simply wanted someone to fill the lonely nights, someone to satisfy him without having to worry about the messy aftermath.

He had the best of both worlds; the most incredible executive assistant any professional could ever ask for, and a firecracker in the bedroom, who would turn up with a minutes notice, no strings or emotions attached.

She knew that day, that she lost a part of her, a part of her pride and dignity that she had had a tight hold onto since her teenage years, but she didn't care, not as much as she wished she had. She used to laugh, pity the girls who gave up a part of their identity to suit the needs of a man, especially when it was evident that they were being used. She never understood why anyone would expose themselves to that pain and emotional torture…she never understood until Harvey. She had become a hypocrite to everything she believed in, and she knew she had no intention of changing that, she thought he was worth it.

She raised her hand to the door, letting her knuckles tap lightly against the wood, the usual wave of déjà vu washing over her. She had been here so many times before, been in this same scenario more times than she could count, yet the butterflies that erupted in the pit of her stomach would make you think this was her first visit. She ran her tongue over her lips as she heard footsteps from the other side of the wall, the sound of the chains of his locks being undone as she came face to face with the man that had been the root of her emotional turmoil for a large chunk of her adult life. She must of seen his face a million times over the years, but it still managed to knock the wind right out of her, for a breath to get caught in her throat.

She bit her lip as he narrowed his eyes, his gaze raking up and down her body, almost scrutinizing every inch of her. Her anxiety grew with every passing second filled with silence, making her feel even more stupid for listening to his ridiculous request, she was convinced she looked more like a hooker than anything remotely sexy.

"Hi" he breathed, his voice low, his expression firm as usual, his lips twitching into what many would ignore, but she knew was a smile.

"Hi"

He opened the door further as she slipped past him, his eyes following her every movement appreciatively as she slipped her coat off her shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. She noticed the Chinese cartons on his coffee table, a frown forming on her lips, although he couldn't see it. It had been so long since she had been to his place without the intention of hooking up. She wondered what it would be like to receive a call from Harvey, a call just to hang out, to watch a movie, eat some Chinese, and talk about the weather. She body tensed momentarily as he wrapped his arms around her, letting his chin rest on her shoulder, his eyes shamefully looking down her cleavage.

She bit her lip as his head readjusted, his lips coming into contact with the exposed skin on her neck, planting a trail of open mouth kisses from her neck to her shoulder, his fingers slipping under the straps of her dress, pushing them off. Her head rolled back, her mouth falling open as her eyes closed, unable to hide the affect he was having on her. His fingers blindly located the zip on the back of her dress and she couldn't help but think that Harvey was a little desperate than usual. He turned her around, his eyes full of lust as the dress pooled at her feet, leaving her at a disadvantage in comparison to Harvey who was still fully clothed.

"Holy shit, Donna" he muttered, unable to drag his eyes away from her underwear clad body, a small smirk playing on her lips, happy that he wasn't the only one that could make someone get hot under the collar. Her fingers played with the hem of his shirt as his expression mirrored hers, only a little more arrogant. He ripped the shirt off his body, raising an eyebrow as her hands instantly found their way to his abs, her fingers tracing the contours of his muscles, loving how they felt under her touch. He was growing more and more impatient as he grabbed her waist, picking her up as she instinctively wrapped her legs around his hips, stumbling towards the bedroom.

A giggle escaped her lips as he threw her on the bed, her body bouncing against the mattress, his body hovering over hers. He leant down, capturing her lips with his as she stumbled with this belt, wondering why he had to wear one, why he felt the need to add yet another obstacle to the ultimate goal. She hooked her fingers under the waistband of his jeans as she smiled mischievously against his lips, pulling the material down with one tug. She grabbed his shoulders, flipping him over as she climb on top, straddling his waist. She didn't have much control left in her life, she thought, but she sure as hell was going to take control now.

The pair of them collapsed against the mattress, the sheets beneath them sticking to their sweat clad bodies as their chests heaved for air. She picked up the strands of hair stuck to her face as she looked at Harvey, who was staring at the ceiling, the same usual goofy smile on his face.

"That was…" he started, shaking his head.

"Amazing?" She finished his sentence "You say it like you're surprised." It was always good between them, hell, it was always mind-blowing between them, but every time he still made a comment, a comment that made her heart flutter just a little. He fidgeted until he grabbed a handful of covers, pulling it over the pair of them. He turned towards the center of the bed as she did the same, their eyes locking. He couldn't help but think about how beautiful she looked, he always thought she was attractive, but she was breathtaking wearing nothing but his cotton sheet and a smile.

"Can we cuddle?" he asked as she laughed, covering her face with her hand, she always found it amusing when he asked that question. This was Harvey Specter, hard ass lawyer, full time asshole; it seems almost unnatural for him to be a cuddler. He smiled as she nodded, his arm draping over her waist as he pulled her closer, her head resting on his chest. She rolled her eyes as she heard soft snores escape his lips, finding it hard to believe someone can fall asleep that quickly, even if they had an intense work out.

She stared at the ceiling for hours, her eyes open wide, every blink washing away another tear she was unable to control. She lay silently, still, all her remaining energy fighting the urge to let her emotions overcome her, knowing that the slightest sob would wake him instantly. Her body ached, in the best possible way, but the underlying dull pain she felt in her heart was impossible to ignore. How much longer could she go on like this?

She looked at the man sound asleep beside her with a sad smile, wondering where she went wrong in life. She had a plan, like most girls did as they were growing up, she was going to get married and have a family. She was going to have the white picket fences and be a soccer mom, and grow old next to a man who loved her every fiber. But the clock was ticking, each day that passed, picked away at her chances of fulfilling those childhood dreams. She wasn't getting any younger, but here she was, casually sleeping with her boss.

She quietly rolled over, letting her legs swing off the bed as the soles of her feet came in contact with the cold wooden floor. Searching through the darkness she searched blindly for her clothes, feeling exposed and ashamed. Putting on the clothes that were ripped off her body only hours earlier flooded her brain with flashbacks of the two of them, sending an involuntary tingle from the top of her head to the tip of her toes.

She cursed out loud as she stubbed her toe against the door, a shot of pain soaring through her food as she screwed up her face in pain, her toe throbbing.

"Donna?" she closed her eyes and pursed her lips at the sound of her name escaping his lips, his voice confused, and heavy with sleep. She stood in the doorway of his bedroom, the dim lighting from the living room, illuminating her silhouette as he stared at her through half opened eyes. She didn't move as he threw the covers off his body, quickly slipping on the pair of boxers that lay on the wooden floor next to him. She jumped as his fingers touched her hand, gently wrapping themselves around her wrist, pulling her towards him. She spun around, mentally cursing herself for not being quieter; she didn't want him to see her like this. She didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry, knowing he was the reason. Even in the poor lighting, he could see her tear stained cheeks, he could see her bottom lip quivering, her eyes fixed on the floor, refusing to look him.

He didn't understand. Perhaps he was still too asleep to comprehend whatever the hell was happening, he knew Donna better than she knew herself, and he'd never seen her cry, they both believed crying was a sign of weakness. "Donna…" he repeated, his voice soft, concerned as his spare hand worked its way to her face, wiping away the salty tears cascading down her cheeks. She looked at him, her eyes begging him to just let her go, to let her leave, but she knew Harvey never liked taking order's even if they were silent ones.

She snatched her hand away from his grasp, her shaky legs hurriedly making their way to the front door "Donna, what's going on?" Still, silence. He was getting irritated, frustrated that something was happening here and he was being kept out of the loop, he was at a disadvantage. "Donna!" he raised his voice, his voice firm, causing Donna to still, her body shaking as she stood with her back to the man. Her chin fell to her chest as she gave in, a sob escaping her lips as she held onto the table for balance, scared that her legs were about to give way under her.

He rushed towards her, wrapping his muscular arms around her shaky frame, as he silently held on to her as she sobbed. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know what to say, but he knew in the pit of his stomach that he was no doubt the cause.

Had he hurt her? Had he accidentally overstepped the mark at some point, he didn't know, he didn't know if he wanted to know.

"Shhh" he cooed, nestling his face in to her hair, inhaling the scent of her signature vanilla shampoo, a smell that he secretly loved. The gesture made her cry harder, her mind spitefully letting her imagine what it would be like to be in this embrace under different circumstances, to be held on to for dear life because the other person was too afraid to let you go.

Who was she? Who had Donna Paulsen become? This wasn't her, this wasn't the feisty redhead that everybody loved but was simultaneously intimidated by, this wasn't the unstoppable force that many aspired to be. Here stood a woman, broken by a man who didn't love her. Her greatest achievement in life was being her, she knew that people admired her, worshipped her crazy 'Donna skills', she had worked all her life to perfect art of being Donna. She knew that if those same people saw her now, they would shake their heads, try to disguise their judgmental, pitiful glares, she knew, because she would have done the same.

Her tears came to a sudden halt, a wave of determination washing over her as her hands found their way to Harvey's chest, pushing him away with more strength than she thought capable. He stumbled on his feet, his eyes widening, eyebrows furrowing. "What the fuck, Donna."

She sniffled, wiping the tears harshly away from her eyes with the back of her hands as she huffed out a breath. She stood tall, proud of what she was about to do.

Terrified of what she was about to do.

"What is going on? Its late Donna, come back to bed." He yawned, blinking several times.

She scoffed out a laugh, shaking her head "No."

"No?" he repeated her response, a word that he was not used to hearing.

"I'm not coming back to bed. In fact, I wont be coming back to bed with you ever again."

He took a step forward, his mouth open slightly as he struggled to formulate a response "Where…where is this coming from?"

"This" she signaled between the two of them "I cant do this any more." She shrugged, giving him a sad smile.

"Do what?" He was pretty sure he knew the answer, but he wanted clarification, for all he knew, she could be walking out of his life completely.

"Whatever the fuck this is Harvey!" she exclaimed, raising her voice in frustration as she pulled at her hair. She fell silent for a few seconds, running her hands over her face as she thought of her next move, biding her time, it wasn't too late to stop this, to just pretend that this outburst never happened, to crawl back into bed and into his arms.

"Donna…"

"What am I to you?" She interrupted "what is this arrangement to you?"

He knew exactly what it was, he had from day one. Perhaps it wasn't the most conventional method, but it was the only way he knew how. Harvey Specter was good at closing, he's the best closer that New York City has ever seen, so it's only natural that that also applies to women. He didn't know how to tell her, hell, he'd never even tried. Ten years he'd known her, and he'd always known, but he was too scared to vocalize it, at the risk of ruining what they had, of hurting her feelings. She never objected to the arrangement, they both got what they wanted, even if they had to pretend most of the time. It was clear that one wrong word could destroy their dynamic, a dynamic that has been a ticking time bomb ever since he made that bold move to reestablish the boundaries of what they were. He stayed silent, for longer than he knew he should have, her face told him that, her lip was quivering again, her head slowly nodding.

"Shall I tell you what it all means to me?" she asked emotionlessly, he nodded not knowing what else to do.

"I feel empty, all the time. I look at myself in the mirror, and I don't recognize the person staring back at me. I live on autopilot a lot of the time, because If I let myself actually feel anything, I'd probably spend the entire day eating ice cream and watching Bridget Jones' diary." She threw her hands up into the air, laughing again. "You see, my biggest regret in life was getting into bed with you."

His face fell as he adverted his gaze to the wall, unable to determine how he felt about the words being said, a dull pain rising in his chest.

"We were good Harvey, we were great before we complicated everything with sex. You know, I once told Mike that having feelings for someone in the office is common, but feelings can be compartmentalized, and can eventually go away. He believed me. The kid came to me for help, and I lied to him, right to his face. Because the truth is sometimes feelings don't just go away, they get worse until you find it hard to breathe without the other person." She stared at him, she had no idea where this confidence was coming from, but she wasn't going to question it at the risk of crumbling again. "You get desperate, and you find yourself doing things you judged others on, like agreeing to a friends with benefits situation, because you think that if you dream hard enough, you will eventually get what you want. And after all, having someone in that capacity, is better than not having them at all, right?"

"What are you trying to say?" He asked, still keeping his distance, his heart thudding in his chest.

"I am in love with you Harvey." She stated, throwing her arms open "I am so head over heels, slit my wrists, in love with you that I'm pretty sure I'm borderline insane. For eight years I've been in love with you, and every day I've put myself through unnecessary pain because I hang on to a slither of hope. I thought that perhaps when we started sleeping together againthat it would turn into something more, but if anything you've just been using me for sex, and I've been using you as the main character in my deluded fairytale"

"Donna…I"

"I need to move on Harvey, I need to get over you. I can't keep sleeping in your bed, whilst you're messing with my head. I can't keep feeling a love like this, it's just not worth the temporary bliss."

He darted towards the door as her hand gripped the handle, pulling the door open. He blocked her exit, staring down at her with eyes full of an emotion she had never seen in him before. He leant down, desperate to capture her lips with his, desperate to stop her from leaving him. She turned her head away, as he grabbed her cheek, moving her head towards him, crashing his lips against hers, backing her into the doorframe. Her body tensed up at the contact, the tears threatening to spill from her eyes once more as she felt herself falling under his spell again. He pulled away slightly, their faces only far enough apart for him to look at her, desperate to see if she had changed her mind, but all he saw where tears streaming from the most beautiful bloodshot eyes.

"Please, Donna" he whispered, his body still pushed against hers "please, doesn't leave me."

She stared at him, trying to read him, but she couldn't trust herself, what if she thought she saw something that wasn't real? She ducked her head away from him, wiggling out of his grip as she gently pushed him away "Goodnight Harvey"

I can't keep sleeping in your bed
If you keep messing with my head
I can't keep feeling love like this
Its not worth temporary bliss

He let the palm of his hand slap against the wood as the door slammed closed behind her, shaking on its hinges, her words still echoing against the four walls. He sighed, "I love you."

Okay I'm not entirely sure what's wrong with me today, I gave you an update of CTBOP 24 hours ago, I gave you the prologue of my new fic a few hours ago and now I'm giving you a one shot. Ooops. Show your love and appreciation; you know how much I like it. This in particular means quite a lot to me, let's just say writing it came quite easily to me.

If you haven't heard this song, please check it out, I love the Cab.