Just a short one for now as I want to fit certain things all into one chapter!

-Katsa

Eight. Alone

"You have retrieved all that I required?" Duncan asked, looking expectantly at Alistair. They were gathered before a large fire pit, which Serena assumed was set alight each night to provide warmth. She stood with Jory and Daveth as Alistair moved forward, removing his pack. He retrieved the documents and three vials of thick, black liquid. Darkspawn blood. Serena looked at it with disgust.

"Good. You have done well." Duncan smiled warmly, looking at Alistair. Serena couldn't help but notice the slight look of pride on Alistair's face as he nodded in acknowledgement. Clearly, Alistair valued Duncan's opinion very highly.

Duncan turned, addressing Serena and her fellow recruits as well this time. "You have all done well."

Serena couldn't help but feel that if Duncan knew all that had happened on the way to retrieving these items, he wouldn't believe they'd done quite so well. Still, she smiled gratefully at him and kept her mouth shut. If Duncan found out about the...incident, well, it wouldn't be from her.

"It will take some time to prepare. We can commence the Joining at sundown." Duncan spoke clearly, looking at each of them in turn as if to convey the importance of these words. As his eyes met Serena's, there was no doubt in her mind. The Joining was something one could not come back from.

"Is it dangerous?" Jory asked. Both Serena and Daveth turned to look at him. Their fellow recruit was quite obviously pale. It was only then that Serena wondered if Jory was here by choice, or if the Right of Conscription had been invoked. He had never looked comfortable like Daveth had.

"All things hold in them an element of danger." Duncan replied noncommittally. "The Joining will be what it will be."

Serena sighed, knowing what that meant. If Duncan wouldn't give a straight answer, then yes, the Joining would indeed be dangerous. Most likely, vey dangerous. Jory frowned, clearly coming to the same conclusion.

As Duncan turned to leave, Serena suddenly remembered his promise. She had returned from the Wilds, fulfilling her end of the bargain and now Duncan had to fulfil his: the news of Fergus. His keeping it from her earlier made her nervous and she was anxious to find out what the Warden Commander knew.

"Duncan." She blurted, impulsively. At the sound of his name, he turned to her questioningly. Serena hurried to get out the rest of her words before she lost her nerve. "I have to know, please, what happened to my...friend?"

Duncan looked at her a moment, deliberating. Serena could see Alistair out of the corner of her eye. He looked curious. She ignored him, focusing all her attention on Duncan. Finally, he sighed, his expression grim. "He is missing, Serena." He said, simply.

"Missing?" She asked, her mouth dry.

"A little over a week ago, he left on a scouting mission. He has not returned." Duncan's words cut Serena's heart like knives. Going missing for a week at the best of times was not a good sign, but with the threat of a darkspawn horde, it was practically a death sentence.

"So, he is dead then?" She was surprised by how even her voice sounded, despite the lump in her throat.

"I cannot be sure that-" Duncan began, but Serena cut him off.

"He is most likely dead." She amended, feeling a new weight settle on her shoulders as another lifted. At least Fergus would not have to know about his family. He wouldn't have to feel this pain. That was a small mercy. "Thank you for being honest with me, Duncan."

Serena turned and walked away. She could hear Duncan continue talking to Daveth and Jory, but she didn't stop. If her father had been there, he would have scolded her for being so rude. Since he wasn't, however, Serena didn't care.

Alistair watched Serena disappear into the crowds milling around the camp. It didn't take him long to work out that Serena's 'friend' was in fact her brother. Having heard that Fergus Cousland had arrived in Ostagar only two weeks ago, it was not a huge step to make the connection. So, Serena's brother was gone. If Duncan's account of the attack of Highever was correct, then this meant that she was truly alone in the world. The last of the Cousland's. Alistair could understand well how it felt to be so alone.

"Alistair." Duncan's voice brought Alistair back to the present. He realised that Jory and Daveth were gone.

"Yes, Duncan?" Alistair asked, straightening up.

"Serena has lost much these past weeks. Perhaps you should go make sure that she doesn't get lost." Duncan sighed, smiling a grim, humourless smile. Alistair frowned and opened his mouth to explain that he didn't think that was the best idea, but Duncan continued before he could. "Sometimes, even the company of a stranger is better than being alone."

With that, he patted Alistair's shoulder once and walked away. It was an unusual gesture for Duncan. Perhaps he cared more about Serena's welfare than Alistair had previously believed. Duncan didn't know, however, that Alistair wasn't a stranger. He didn't know that Serena Cousland hated him. Still, Ostagar was immense and, as much as Alistair would rather avoid another beating, Serena really could get lost in a place like this.

Making up his mind, Alistair set off after Serena. He had last seen her head west. If she was at all the girl she used to be, then the stables would be Alistair's best bet. People could get on Serena's nerves, but she had always felt an attachment to horses. At least, as long as Alistair knew her.

The sky was beginning to grow dark as Alistair picked up his pace. The sun would set in a few hours. Then, the Joining would begin. As he arrived at the stables, he noticed that the place was deserted. With barely a day before the planned battle, Alistair supposed that tending to the horses was the last thing on people's mind. Nobody would dare ride them into battle, not with horses being so susceptible to the taint.

Alistair entered the stables cautiously, looking around. He could see nobody. He checked each stall, but found nothing except a few sleeping horses. Perhaps he had been wrong about Serena. Perhaps she had changed more than he thought. Alistair turned and walked out of the small shelter, feeling slightly lost. Just as he was about to leave to search elsewhere, the smallest of movements caught his eye.

Turning, Alistair saw a small figure standing about twenty feet away. She was leaning against a large, white horse, staring at the setting sun. Alistair sighed in relief, before mentally bracing himself. If the day's earlier encounter was anything to go by, Serena may well be volatile. Taking a deep breath to steel himself, he approached slowly.

"Serena?" He asked quietly, when he was close. She made no move, so Alistair reached out a hand tentatively to place it on her shoulder. "Serena, it's Alistair."

"I know it's you." Serena sighed, turning at last to face him. Alistair was surprised to see that there was no anger in her expression. No coldness. She just looked...lost.

"Do you want me to go?" He asked, trying to be polite. He didn't want to go.

Serena stared at him for a moment and Alistair saw tears building in her deep blue eyes. "No, I don't think I do." She whispered, her voice breaking on the last word. Her head fell forwards, landing against Alistair's chest as tears began to roll down her cheeks. Alistair was taken aback, unsure what he was supposed to do. He settled for rubbing her back awkwardly, still not sure she wouldn't hit him away.

"The Maker doesn't give us more than we can handle." He said gently, reciting one of the Revered Mother's favourite sayings.

Serena laughed dryly, raising her head and wiping some of her tears away. "Then I think he overestimated my strength."

"You're wrong." The words were out before Alistair even had a chance to stop them. The conviction in his voice was unexpected, even to him. Serena blinked several times, looking slightly shocked.

"You're different, you know that?" She smiled slightly at Alistair, surprising him. She must have been in a lot of pain to forget her anger so completely. "You're much bolder than I remember you." Alistair didn't know what to say. He was still rather confused by her civility.

"Of course, I'm different too, aren't I?" She sighed, turning to stroke her hand gently down the horse's neck. "It seems I'm always either sad or angry these days. And I'm so alone. I don't think I want to be anymore."

Serena was clearly in a strange mood. Or perhaps Alistair was just seeing her with her guard down for the first time since he'd seen her. He couldn't tell. "Is that why you want to be a Grey Warden?" He asked, watching her as she reached up to fiddle with the white hair of the horse's mane. "So you won't be alone."

Serena looked up, meeting his eyes in surprise, as though she hadn't even realised it herself. "Maybe it is." She whispered, her brows furrowing slightly. "I like think it's more than that, though. I think maybe I don't want to let this, all of this, defeat me. The world is pushing me down and this is my way of getting back up."

Alistair said nothing. What could he say? Serena's words made him so deeply sad and yet proud at the same time. She was wrong. She hadn't changed as much as she believed. If Serena was willing to piece together her broken life and make something of herself, then she was just as strong as she had ever been.

They stood in silence, but it was not an uncomfortable one. Together, they watched the sun move slowly down towards to horizon, bringing Serena's Joining ever closer. The sky turned from yellow to orange to red, until barely a sliver of sun remained to light them. All the while, Serena leaned against the white horse which stood dutifully still.

"I don't hate you, you know." Serena said at last, nearly making Alistair jump.

"You don't?" He asked, raising on eyebrow a sceptically.

Serena shook her head, smiling another rare smile. "I won't pretend that I'm not angry, Alistair, because trust me I am, but my life seems so uncertain right now and I wanted you to know. Just in case. I have never hated you."

Alistair wasn't sure what to feel. Serena was once his best, and perhaps only, friend. She was also the girl he'd loved since he was nineteen. Yet, she didn't trust him. Maybe she never would. Still, Alistair took what he could get. She didn't hate him. That was a good place to start.

As the last rays of suns disappeared behind the horizon, Serena closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Time to face my future." She smirked, opening her eyes. For the first time since he'd seen her, Alistair thought he saw a glimmer of hope deep within her eyes. She turned and began leading the horse back towards the stables. Alistair sensed that this was his queue to leave.

As he began to walk away, Serena's voice stopped him. "Alistair." She called.

He turned on the spot. "Yes?"

"Thank you." Serena nodded gratefully, before turning and walking away once more. Alistair wasn't sure what he was being thanked for, but he smiled all the same.

"Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant. Join us as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn. And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten. And that one day we shall join you."

Serena stared at the silver chalice in Duncan's hands as Alistair spoke. It was inlaid with a few stones and gentle, curving script was carved into its sides. Serena wondered if these were the words Alistair spoke. It was such a beautiful chalice, yet it contained the very thing the world feared: the darkspawn taint itself. And Serena was going to drink it. Maker help me.

"Step forth, Daveth." Duncan began in his deep, powerful voice. This was it. Serena was past the point of no return. Her fellow recruit stepped forward, his expression set firm. His shoulders were back and he stood tall, but Serena could see his hands shake as he reached for the cup. Taking it in both his hands, he hesitated for only a moment before he brought it to his lips and drank.

Nothing happened. Duncan took the chalice from Daveth's hands and the moment stretched on as all of them waited in anticipation. Just as Daveth's face began to break into a smile, Serena saw it. A small trail of blood began to run down his cheek from his eye, like a scarlet tear. Daveth touched it gently, pulling back to look at his fingers in horror. His eyes met Duncan's for only a heartbeat before he keeled forward, screaming in pain.

Blood began to rush from his eyes and nose and mouth like some grotesque water feature. Dark, bruised patches bloomed across his skin, as though some invisible force was beating him from the inside. Daveth fell to the ground, writhing and screaming incoherently in a pool of his own blood. Serena tried to take a step forward to help him, but Duncan held up a hand, stopping her. It couldn't have been more than a few seconds, but it felt like an age. Finally, Daveth's screams stopped. His writhing turned to twitches and his twitches to nothing.

"I am sorry, Daveth." Duncan sighed as though this were a heavy burden on him. Serena believed that he truly was sorry. All three of them stood staring at the bloody body before them for a moment. Finally, Duncan broke the silence. "Step forward, Jory." Duncan said, holding out the chalice once more.

Jory made no move. He stood frozen still, staring at Daveth. Duncan repeated his words, "Step forward, Jory."

"I can't." Jory whispered, his gaze unmoving. "Please, you must understand."

"You cannot go back, Jory." Duncan explained, waiting patiently with the cup.

"Please...please!" Jory was beginning to beg now, over and over. Finally, he looked up, removing his sword in desperation. "I have a wife. Please, I have a wife!" Serena took a step back. She wasn't sure what happened when one refused the Joining.

Duncan placed the cup down on a stone dais beside him, retrieving a small dagger from his belt. "You cannot go back." He repeated, before whipping his hand, sending the dagger flying straight into Jory's heart. Serena could barely contain a yelp of shock as the dagger hit its target with a deep thud. She couldn't believe how quickly it had happened. One moment, Jory was there, the next, he collapsed to the floor in a heap. Serena couldn't think straight. Duncan's aim is far better than mine, was all she could manage in her dazed state.

"I'm sorry, Jory." Duncan sighed as he removed the small blade from the former recruits chest. Serena turned to look at Alistair. He gave her one small nod of encouragement.

"Step forward, Serena." Duncan said, replacing the dagger in his waistband and retrieving the chalice. I'm certainly not planning on going to other way, she thought wryly as she stared at Jory. Taking the cup in both her hands, she gasped at the coldness. It was like holding onto ice. Unable to resist, Serena peaked over the lip, glancing at the liquid inside. She quickly wished that she hadn't. It was a disgusting thing to behold.

Clearing her mind, Serena brought the cup to her lips, choosing to look up towards the night sky. If it was to be the last thing she saw, Serena could not have chosen a better view than the stars watching overhead. Now or never, she told herself, tipping the cup back and taking one large gulp.

Considering the iciness of the chalice, Serena was shocked at the heat she felt. It was like the warm milk she used to drink when she was young, provided that milk was rancid and tasted of death. Duncan took the chalice back and Serena was glad he did because as the liquid hit her stomach, it didn't feel so much warm anymore as hot. Yes, it was hot and getting hotter, spreading from her stomach along her limbs and to her fingers and toes.

Serena wrapped her arms around herself, looking between Alistair and Duncan nervously. The feeling grew from something uncomfortable to something practically unbearable. Oh, Maker, the pain! It was like a fire now inside her. Hotter and hotter and hotter. It would surely burn her from the inside out, setting her alight until there was nothing left. Serena opened her mouth to scream, falling to her knees as darkness began to eat at the edges of her vision. She thought she felt somebody catch her, breaking the fall, but she couldn't be sure. She couldn't even see anymore, just feel the incredible, unrelenting pain.

Then she saw it, for only a second. The very thing whose fire she felt inside her. It was huge, towering over everything around it. Long, curved teeth as tall as Serena herself jutted from it's mouth, dripping with thick, red liquid. And the eyes. Serena was sure that as long as she lived, she would never forget the piercing black eyes that bore into her very soul. She wanted to turn away and run towards it all at once.

Then, it was gone and the fire with it. The sense of relief was so profound that every muscle in Serena's body went limp. Something soft stopped her head from smacking into the hard stone below, preventing yet another head injury. Serena wasn't sure if that was the end of the Joining, but she prayed to the Maker that there was no more. She didn't think she could take it.

"Is that it?" She mumbled, opening her eyes. Duncan chuckled lightly, as Alistair helped her to sit up. For some reason, the aid annoyed her, although she wasn't sure why. Perhaps her earlier good feelings towards him were ebbing. Perhaps she didn't like the fact that she enjoyed being this close to him.

"Yes, Serena, that is it." Duncan smiled as Alistair released her slowly, making sure she didn't fall back again. Serena felt slightly dizzy, but otherwise fine. More than fine, in fact. She felt perfect. How surprising.

"Are you alright?" Alistair asked, his expression a mixture of humour and concern. "No maddeningly unbearable pain or cannibalistic urges?"

Serena laughed, shaking her head and getting to her feet. "No, I feel...I feel good." Both Duncan and Alistair looked slightly relieved. Serena's smile dropped slightly. "Wait, cannibalism was a possibility?"

Duncan and Alistair shared a look and Serena raised her eyebrows in surprise. Perhaps her fellow recruits' fates were not the worst possible outcome of the Joining. Her smile fell instantly as she looked upon the bodies of Jory and Daveth. She had not known Daveth well and there was little love between she and Jory, but neither had deserved their fates. It sometimes made Serena feel like the Angel of Death. Everyone around her died as she stumbled on through life.

"They'll be remembered." Alistair said solemnly. Serena looked up, meeting his gaze. It was as though he'd known what she was thinking. She scowled and looked away. She didn't like the idea of somebody in her head, especially not Alistair.

"Their sacrifice will not be forgotten." Duncan agreed, nodding. He reached out to, Serena assumed, shake her hand, but he grasped her forearm instead, surprising her. Following his lead, she did the same. "And neither will yours, Serena. I welcome you to the Grey Wardens."