Tara Knowles always expected the day her Daughter would ask the forbidding 'who's my father.' question and she'd finally have to tell her about Jax... about their past. She just didn't think today would be that day.
Her daughter was set to get married in four hours and she wanted to know who her dad was before she said the big old 'I do'.
Tara didn't even know where to begin. How did she explain that as much as Jackson Teller was a good man.. he wasn't a good man? That his lifestyle and the danger it possessed had taken that blonde haired blue eyed boy she had fell in love with and turned him into a monster?
"Mom, seriously. It's an easy question to answer. Just his name. That's all I'm asking for. A name. Normally there's a first and last." Jenna Knowles muttered as her fingers yanked through her dark curly hair.
"It's not as easy as you think."
"Why?" Jenna asked, turning to face her mother. "Good God, mom.. do you not know his name?"
It would probably be easier to let her daughter believe she didn't know.. to let her believe her father was a drunken one night stand, but she couldn't lie to her.
"No. It's just... he's a dangerous man with a dangerous life and when his name is said out loud it'll change everything."
"No it won't. I won't look for him. He hasn't cared in the eighteen years I've been on this earth.. he wouldn't care if I showed up. So, I wouldn't even bother. I just want his name. I just want to know every bit of my history I can know before I make a new future for myself."
If only she knew how much Jax would care.. if he knew she existed.
Tara had been eighteen years old when she found out she was pregnant. She knew that meant putting her child before Jax.. before her own happiness and she left.
She refused to let Gemma corrupt her unborn son into believing the only way to survive was the club.. or teach her unborn daughter that self worth came from who you married.
So, she left that toxic town of Charming and only came back once when Jenna was four.
After missing Jax in her daughter's smile. After missing him at night.. or in the mornings.. or when her daughter asked if she had a daddy like her friend at day care.. she came back to her hometown. Back to the town that was sucking the life out of anyone who dared to step a foot in it. It was a moment of weakness. But she never made that mistake again. Not after reading in the paper that Jax and Gemma were being questioned in the death of Clay Morrow.
Nope, not ever again. Because she was bound and determined to give her daughter a normal life. And she did. She was able to grow up, to go to school, to see that life was bigger than a clubhouse or an old lady. Her daughter was able to find dreams of her own. One being to become not only a wife and mother someday.. but to be a teacher. She had given that to her daughter.. and even if she missed Jax. She never regretted leaving and she never would.
"Jax... Jackson Teller." The words came out in a tumble and made Tara sick. Not because the thought of Jax made her sick. God, no, the thought of him still gave her butterflies. But, because despite what her daughter said, Tara knew she'd look. She knew things would change and Jenna would be touched by the club Tara had so desperately tried to protect her from.
"I assume that's why my name is Jenna?" Jenna asked, smoothing out the skirt of her oversized dress.
"Yes," Tara said softly, her eyes scanning over her beautiful daughter. More proud than she ever had been at being her mother.
Jenna nodded at her mother and the subject completely changed.
Tara wasn't sure if her daughter dropped the subject for her own benefit or her mother's. But either way.. neither mentioned the subject the rest of the afternoon.
Jenna Knowles had never meant to fall in love, but the second she met David Lowman, she knew her path in the future was already laid out with him. She really had no choice. She was meant for him and he was meant for her. He had saved her in a bar the first night they met and she saved him from the black hole he was tumbling head first down.
But even so.. as she sat behind the closed doors of the church door.. she didn't want to go in. She didn't normally see herself as the girly type. She could out drink most men.. she knew the inside and outside of a car better than David. She could play pool better than most of David's brothers at the SAMCRO clubhouse. But she wanted her moment that all little girls dreamed of. The dress.. the flowers... the cake.. and God help her the dad to walk her down the aisle.
"You okay?" Jenna heard from behind her, causing her to tense. She quickly brushed away the tears she hated so fucking much.
"I'm fine. Allergies." She said, turning, her eyes connecting with the president patch on the older blonde haired man's chest.
She had heard so much about him from David but had never met SAMCRO's head man in charge. Even though she had spent a majority of the last year in that clubhouse she knew that the president had issues and only showed face when business needed to be done and Jenna never showed up on those days. She knew better.
"Allergies, huh?"
She shrugged awkwardly.
"I'm Jax.. I'm assuming you're the soon to be Mrs. Lowman?"
"Jenna," She said as she nodded.
The name Jax left a bad taste in Jenna's mouth. God had a cruel sense of humor sometimes.
"So, why aren't you at the end of the aisle? I really expected to be late."
She shrugged again.
"You plan on running out on the kid? Because, speaking from experience.. that can ruin a man."
Jenna turned and stared at the door. She was upset at the lack of family she had sitting in that church but she knew she'd never leave David. Not ever. No matter how many tears she cried or how many nights she spent screaming. She'd never leave. When you love someone you never leave.
"Absolutely not."
"Well, then shouldn't you go in? I'm thinking that music I hear is for you."
"I will." She said, looking back at the president. "Only if you'll do me a favor…"
"What's that?" Jax asked, sliding his hands in his jean pockets.
"Walk me down the aisle?"
Jax starred for a long moment, his eyes staying on the young woman's face before he finally nodded.
Jax wasn't sure what possessed him to say yes.. maybe it was the fact that all he had in life was his son Abel.. and he wasn't gonna be able to walk him down the aisle someday. Or maybe it was because of how much the young woman resembled someone he pictured walking down the aisle someday to him. Either way he agreed and he was starting to regret it. Big time.
"Sweaty palms?" The young brunette asked, cracking a smile. "Why are you so nervous? It's not like we're getting married or I'm your daughter you're handing off."
"I never liked wedding's much. The first wedding I ever went to was my mom marrying a new man after my dad died.. I guess it ruined them for me."
Jenna simply nodded, letting the subject go. Which Jax was thankful for. He hated discussing his feelings, even more so with practically a stranger.
When the door opened, revealing a decorated church with a room full of scattered individuals.. some dressed nicely and others dressed like they planned on going to a club meeting, Jax smiled.
He had always loved Happy's only son as his own. Especially after Happy died. He felt as if he was left to help raise the young man.. to make him the man he was today and seeing him start his future with a girl that made him smile like he was right now made Jax smile.
But, even in all that happiness when his eyes landed on the pair of eyes at the front of the church, everything in Jackson Teller froze and he was unable to move as his world crashed around him. He could hear David's bride in his ear, saying his name, even feel the pull of her tiny fingers, but he couldn't move. He was froze. The years he had lost with her whipping between them like an evil snake, biting out chunks he had never knew he lost, reminding him of the pain that came from those chunks he had buried away. Reminding him of how much he had missed her.. how much he loved her and always would.
Tara's eyes wildly darted from David in a kutte, Jesus Christ, a kutte, to the other guests. More kuttes.. all screaming the same things. Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club.
Tara had to be dreaming.. in all the times she had met David Lowman, he had never once had a kutte on. Not one single time. And yet now here he was.. in a small town of Utah wearing a kutte. A kutte. The black leather screaming at her. Telling her no matter how far she ran.. no matter how good she hid.. the damn club had followed her and her daughter. And always would.
The fear sent her to her feet, moving toward the aisle to grab her daughter and run, but she stopped, her heart nearly pounding out of her chest when she saw Gemma sitting with Wayne Unser, whispering quietly.
God, even worse than the motorcycle club.. Gemma Teller-Morrow. The one who'd suck the life from anyone she claimed to love and not blink an eye. She had promised herself she'd never let her daughter around that woman. Not for a single second. She'd never let Gemma's idea of love taint her daughter. But she was right there.. so close she could practically smell Gemma's overbearing perfume.
Tara had been so wrapped up in watching Gemma speak to Unser that she hadn't even noticed the start of the wedding march, or her daughter step out behind closed doors at the end of the aisle.. not till she caught those baby blues staring at her. Her heart skipped a beat and all she could do was stare. She could feel the room closing in on her.. could feel the weight of the club.. of that life weighing down on her and her innocent daughter. The weight of a love she had lost so long ago and never expected to see again.
Tara swayed, trying to grip the wooden chair to her left. But her fingers were too weak and she fell back against David who caught her before she hit the ground, the world around her closing out to blackness.