Self Insert Naruto: It's a S.I.N.

Disclaimer: I don't own any comic or anime franchise.

I looked around and found myself someplace different than where I'd gone to bed.
A small apartment, sparsely decorated, desperately in need of a cleaning. Definitely Asian and I was... a midget?

Scrambling to a mirror I stare at my reflection dumbstruck. I'm a kid, couldn't be more than nine or ten and despite being Asian I have blond hair and blue eyes and ... whiskers?! God dammit, I'm Naruto Uzumaki. That thought hits me like a freight train, and then I'm reminded, of what being hit by a freight train really feels like, as a load of memories follow.

Climbing back to my feet I stumble towards the bathroom. Maybe things will look better after a nice, long, hot shower and some breakfast. A hot shower does make me feel a bit better, but a quick search of the cupboards show them to be more bare than old mother Hubbard's. Unless you like Ramen of course, and while I may like Ramen I need something more substantial for breakfast.

I get dressed and load up with the usual assortment of weapons before I realize that it's Naruto's reflexes guiding my hands and not my own. That's good and bad. Good because I don't have to ingrain a new batch of reflexes to survive all the battles Naruto is due for, but bad because some of his ingrained habits are stupid as all hell.

Taking one last look at myself in the mirror I sigh heavily. I'm wearing a set of clothing so orange that it can probably sear the retinas of the unwary. This kid's reflexes are going to get me killed, because I don't have his tenacity, luck, or good nature. Well I don't think I do anyway and that's a can of worms I don't feel like opening anyway.

"Thank god for henge," I mutter and darken the orange jumpsuit a few dozen shades, while adding black stripes to it. I nod to myself in the mirror, pleased with what I see. Rather than looking like Naruto Uzumaki, Jailer of the Kyuubi, I look like a slightly less recognizable Naruto Uzumaki... Jailer of a tiger. Oh well at least I won't stand out as much now.

Hopping down the stairs, apparently I'm physically unable to simply walk anywhere at the moment, I gain a tiger striped cat that purrs loudly in my ear. If I'm not mistaken it's Tora, the cat belonging to the wife of the Fire Daimyo. I guess he approves of the new look. At any rate the purring is very soothing and scratching him under the chin is kind of relaxing. A lot of the nervous energy I was feeling seems to leak out leaving me feeling rather mellow. I hadn't realized how close I was to panicking.

"I'm thinking fish for breakfast," I say and Tora purrs a little louder in response.

When Tora stops purring and his claws prick my skin I instinctively step back into the shadow of an alley and think quiet thoughts, trying to find that quiet center that tigers use to remain motionless and undetected for hours.

I haven't quite reached it, if you define haven't quite as no where close, when I hear a voice talking about youth and flames and making promises of outrages things if he can't find the cat. 'Oh joy, Gai's team has been sent after Tora.' This complicates things. Jonin are difficult but not impossible to shake unless they specialize in tracking, but Gai has Neji on his team and the Byakugan is damn hard to hide from.

'Well if you can't hid then make them seek an alternate target,' I thought to myself using shadow clone jutsu and barely stopping myself from yelling out the jutsu's name. Damn reflexes!

I only make a single clone and strangely enough it has a copy of Tora on its shoulder. I'm really going to have to work on my chakra control.

Tora actually looks interested in his own duplicate and the two flicker through feline body language too quick for me or my clone to read any but the last bit, which seems to be quite a bit of feline amusement.

My clone sets Tora-clone down and henges into a cat. He isn't an exact duplicate, since we haven't had time to study Tora, but he's close.

His first attempt at walking has him falling on his face and I'm pretty sure that even people who have never owned cats could tell Tora was laughing. Clone-Tora walks past my clone a few times so he can see how to move on all fours. The two quickly run off drawing a newly arrived team Gai with them.

Continuing on our way, after waiting to make sure Neji and his eyes were out of casual detection range, we head for the fish market. "I'll take five pounds of Tuna,"I say surprising the fishmonger who had somehow managed to overlook me.

As his eyes settle on me he notices I have a furry companion on my shoulder, well more sprawled boneless around my neck really, and begins to tense up, until he realizes it's a cat and in his confusion treats me like a normal customer, even providing some free salmon for Tora.

We slip into class mostly unnoticed, I say mostly because Akamaru perks up and notices us, probably because of the fish. I almost head down for the front of the class, like Naruto usually does, but I know how that scene usually goes and have no real desire to argue with Sakura, much less kiss Sasuke.

Sure events have probably changed enough to avoid that, as I'm not likely to jump up on the desk in front of him, but why take chances?

I break out the fish and we take our time eating when I feel a tug on my pants leg. Looking down I see Akamaru using puppy-dog-eyes-no-jutsu on me. I glance over at Tora, but he simply puts a paw on his salmon and flicks an ear, meaning if I wanted to share my fish with him it was fine with him, but the salmon was taken.

I gave a lazy blink of acknowledgement and lift Akamaru up so he can eat with us.

A moment later I am interrupted again, this time by Kiba who has a hopeful grin and a growling stomach. I let out a silent chuckle which makes a chuffing noise that Tora mimics as I offer a large chunk of tuna to Kiba. Fortunately I had plenty of tuna to share. Either the fishmonger had given me too much or five pounds was a lot more than I thought it was at my current size.

"That was good, thanks," Kiba says quieter than usual, as all four of us relax and digest.

"So how'd you manage to pass?" he asks casually, clearly curious about my new look and Tora, but not wanting to come out and ask.

"The hokage classified it, so all i can tell you is that I know a different form of clone jutsu than the one they teach in class."

"Man-beast clone?" Kiba asked, mentioning his clan's signature cloning jutsu.

I tilted my head to one side considering the jutsu. I vaguely recall the hand signs from seeing Kiba use it in the anime, but I don't know if it has any other preparations or special training required. "Shadow clone jutsu. Man-beast clone is cool, but although I know the hand-signs I've never tried it. My chakra control sucks, but I got a lot of it so shadow clone is the one I'll stick with."

"Damn," Kiba sighed.

"What's wrong?"

"I need help with my man-beast clone jutsu. I know I need more control, but I also gotta expand my reserves if I'm ever going to master it."

"I can help you there," I said with a grin seeing my chance to get a decent training partner. "With my sucky control I had to find a couple of control exercises and I managed to get two that are pretty kick ass. Not only do they help with control they also build up your reserves and can be used in combat."

"You'll help me?" Kiba asked surprised.

"Sure. I need a training partner since I'm going to be stuck with Pinky and Mr. Avenger. Sakura sucks in hand-to-hand and Sasuke considers it a waste of time to train with anyone who isn't above him in rank."

"Damn that sucks, but I thought you liked Sakura."

"People change, but she was perfect for when I felt like being loud and obnoxious and drawing all eyes to me."

"Heh, kinda like performance art."

"All art is bang," I said solemnly making Kiba snicker.

"Kiba's eyes suddenly got wide. "You know who the teams are!" he whispered sharply.

I grinned, figuring it was better to look like the cat who ate the canary than the idiot who got caught. "You get Shino and Hinata with Kurenai as your Jonin team leader."

"Hinata?" he perked up a bit.

I shook my head. "Low self esteem but a nice girl, unfortunately she'll be forced to marry within the clan like all of the Hyuga to preserve the bloodline."

Kiba slouched. "That bites!"

I nodded. "Yeah, but you couldn't ask for a better teammate once you get her over her confidence problem."

"Yeah," he agreed, beginning to smile. "What about Shino?"

"Solid teammate, but generally quiet. Smarter than both of us, but not as good at modifying plans on the fly. Probably going to be your team's Genin leader since he's got the best overall skills of the three of you."

"Really?" Kiba asked, a bit let down.

"If you want to lead, first you have to know how to follow. Work on shoring up some of your weak points and Kurenai will let you take a turn as leadman. Word of warning, she's very hot, but hates perverts. If you can think of her as an older sister and not a hot woman you'll catch a lot less flak."

"Man you don't ask anything easy, do you?"

I shrugged. "If it was easy we'd get Shikamaru to do it."

Kiba chuckled. "So what's your team going to be like?"

"Sakura is a Sasuke fan-girl who will see no need to improve her own skills since she figures Sasuke will save her. She'll annoy him by trying to flirt with him every second they're together, unless she's busy insulting me which she thinks will make him like her more."

Kiba winced.

"It gets worse. Sasuke will expect everyone to obey him since he's an Uchiha and has no real loyalty, since his only goal is to gain power so he can 'avenge' his clan."

"Damn."

"And last but not least Kakashi 'the copy nin' Hatake our Jonin. He is close to being a Sasuke fanboy, because one of his teammates was an Uchiha who died, in part thanks to Kakashi's 'mission before teammates' attitude, and gave him an eye as he lay dying making Kakashi the man he is today. Lazy, habitually late, and will favor the Uchiha since he feels he owes it to his dead teammate."

"With a team like that I'm not sure it's worth it," Kiba admitted.

"I know but it's about the only shot I got. Still, depending on how they are, I may just quit. There are other jobs I can do."

"Yeah, but to not be a nin..."

I nodded. "Would suck, but better a civvie than dead because of stupidity."

I waved to Iruka as he called my name having missed me during role since I wasn't dressed as normal.

There was a lot of whispering that probably only I and Kiba caught, since we had some damn good ears. Nothing important, just the usual putdowns and general confusion that I was there. Oh and one 'so cute' from Hinata before she started pushing her fingers together and blushing.

Kiba rolled his eyes and it occurred to me that he was being a lot friendlier than I thought he would be from the anime or manga. Probably because I wasn't nearly as loud or confrontational and had been pretty helpful as well.

OK, the food and the fact that it looked like I had an animal partner like he did probably helped a lot.

The Jonins quickly arrived and picked up their teams. Kiba sent a pleading look my way when Kurenai showed up. So I mouthed sister at him and he managed not to have a hormonal breakdown. Kurenai caught our byplay, being a Jonin even if a new one. She seemed amused and approving, so I guess Kiba's getting points for the effort.

Iruka and my new 'team' are the last people there, of course, when Iruka approaches me curious about the new look.

I decide not to beat around the bush, because Iruka sensei was always fair with me... err Naruto. "I meditated and found the spirit within," I say, causing his eyes to widen until I pointedly looked at Tora, which leaves him confused. "Remember that legend you told me about the guy who made a deal with the Shinigami?"

Iruka may be just a chunin, but he's no fool, he gets what I'm saying and why I'm being subtle about it. "Sure, I believe it's a parable for the dangers of drinking."

Sasuke and Sakura immediately lose interest. Speeches about the dangers of drugs and alcohol to developing nin have bored us to tears many times, though I'm probably the only person who dove head first out a third story window to avoid hearing one... err I mean Naruto did.

I blink and plaster a stupid look on my face. "Parable, right. Anyway there is a huge hole in the plot."

"Really, like what?" Iruka asks curiously.

"Well the deal with the Shinigami is to take both him and his enemy and seal them away to battle for all eternity, so the demon alcohol wouldn't be in the bottle, because it'd be in the Shinigami's stomach with the man who summoned the Shinigami," as I'm saying this I realize what I'm saying is true... kidna. The yondaime, the fox, and Naruto are not inside me and I don't know why I know this.

Iruka freezes and I can tell he doesn't know whether to be happy or sad. Happy because the demon is gone or sad because of the crap I've gone through for no reason.

I grin, letting him know I find the situation funny. "Of course since the man screwed with the design, the Shinigami would seal the power of the man and the demon into the bottle along with an animal."

Iruka is looking rather confused.

"So the bottle would hold the man's chakra, in addition to it's own, and the power of the demon rum locked in a cage inside the bottle along with an animal chosen randomly or more likely one the Shinigami favored." I pointedly stroke Tora.

Iruka nodded, dazed but hanging in there. "A house-pet perhaps?"

I nod. "Or a tiger, there is really little difference except house cats are smarter. Size not being important in this case."

Sakura interrupts. "Sensei, when is our new sensei going to get here?"

"Probably sometime after lunch," Iruka admitted knowing about Kakashi's habits.

"Way after lunch," I can't help but add. "It'd probably be quicker to track him down."

"Unfortunately orders say you have to wait for him here," Iruka pointed out.

I began to gather chakra and Tora jumps on my shoulder. Apparently he likes the idea of having multiple clones of himself.

Five of me appear in a puff of smoke with Toras on their shoulder. The cloned cats hop down and stream out the door. I just know they plan on teasing team Gai.

Iruka is shocked by the clones, but really since I clone everything I'm carrying it's not all that surprising that I can clone small animals by accident. Have I mentioned, I really need to work on my chakra control?

Two of my clones henge into cats and stumble a bit before heading out. They decide they might as well bug Kakashi while waiting. Another two head for my apartment so they can do some cleaning. I'll have to look into getting a place with a lot more room so I can rebuild my armor, but the apartment will do for now, with a bit of cleaning of course.

My final clone glances over at Iruka and grins. "Let's go bug the old man."

Iruka smiles and nods, seeing what I had in mind.

Being left with Sasuke and his fangirl doesn't sound pleasant, so I henge into a cat and join Tora on the desk. I figure he'll help me with the stillness exercise... or we'll nap. Either way it's better than dealing with my teammates.

Naturally, Tora finds the entire idea of teaching me stillness to be amusing and if I get the gist of his signs right (cat is hard to learn) the stillness is simply an advanced form of lazy. Clear the mind of all worries and melt into a boneless furry puddle, while remaining perfectly alert. I fall asleep attempting it.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Team Gai stared at the cloud of smoke that erupted from Lee's arms.

"It was a shadow clone?!" Tenten asks incredulously.

Gai glances at Neji, who gives him a shocked nod as the Byakugan can see through any genjutsu and would have recognized a lesser clone.

I snickered drawing their attention to me. Ooops! I'm clumsier than Tora and they're quick to take advantage of it as they chase me.

"He may be tired from making the clone, my youthful students, but don't hold back, he's no doubt got more tricks up his sleeve!"

Neji dives for me and actually tries using gentle fist techniques on me. Fortunately he forgot how flexible cats are and I easily twist around his attack and retaliate. Being a clone of Naruto means I have at least Jonin level chakra and with such low amounts of chakra in my system I can use it far better than the original.

Did you know that cats have the ability to see heat? The gentle fist technique is simply pushing chakra into the body at the tenketsu points. Anybody can push chakra like that, but seeing the points is the tricky part. I make a guess and slam a paw down on his exposed wrist, shoving a small amount of chakra into a hot spot.

Neji recoils in shock and horror scrambling backwards and holding his right wrist. "It knows gentle fist!"

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"Man this place is a mess," I mutter as I sweep under the sofa the other me is holding up.

"Yeah, tell me about it," the other clone mutters, looking at the muddy footprints on the ceiling and trying to remember how I...err Naruto managed to get them up there when he doesn't know tree walking yet.

"What do you think about the tech level?" I ask. It may seem kind of redundant to talk to your clones like they're other people, but then I am a clone and talking things out helps develop ideas.

"Mix and match for the most part. We'll have to make our own alloys, but transistors are used in small electronics, so we caught a break there."

I nod and put away the dust pan and broom while he gets a nap and a determined look in his eye.

"You're just going to get water all over yourself," I point out.

"It's either this or we try and handle the laundry."

"You can stand on my shoulders and use a sponge," I offer. I want another twenty clones before I even try and handle the laundry.

"What about the land of snow and their chakra armor?" he says balancing carefully and letting me decide where to move to.

"I say I like their airship as well. What say we steal both while we're there?"

"Good idea. The number of nin who can actually fly is so low we can relax while we travel that way," I grin.

"His chakra inhibitor would be useful on anything less than a six tailed whatever it is," he said.

"Point. Snow is a place we have to hit. Think a clone could reach that far?" I ask.

"Not sure. Depends on too many factors. How about we work on something close to home first?"

"OK, but those glide wings are the first thing we need to build." I sigh. I really miss flying.

"Workshop first, then we can do other things," he reminds me.

"Oh well, a couple of Damascus steel swords and we should be good for cash. If we knew anything about chakra weapons we'd get a real leg up on combining the two."

"We planned on claiming the yondaime left us the Rasengan knowledge as a gift right?" he asks with a grin.

"Yeah," I reply maneuvering him under the last set of foot prints.

"We can claim the Shinigami made them leave us knowledge and techniques as payment for the damage done to us. Just claim it's balance and we don't understand why."

I grinned and set him down. "So the fox left us metalworking secrets in payment, so we need to know local methods to use them. Yeah, that's brilliant!" I grin widely.

"One of us will have to pop himself to inform the others before they get to that point," he points out. "And the one who remains can clean the fridge."

I freeze, remembering the sight of the inside of the fridge and the horrors it contained, while the clone (sneaky bastard that he is) henges into Angel and launches himself out the window only to pop as he smacks the ground. The knowledge of what we'd planned and that he forgot to make the bones hollow fills me. I suddenly realize that I can henge into Angel and fly.

The first time I saw Warren I was stuck with envy. He could fly in a way few could. Not with some technology separating him from the elements or with some power doing much the same, but with wings like a bird. He could ride the winds and feel the thermals. Plus getting smacked with those wings hurt like a bitch.

I envied those wings and went over so many anatomical scans of the man I'm sure my assistant had some concerns about my sexuality. Well my green eyed phase would come in handy now. I know enough about his specialized anatomy to henge into it!

I rubbed my hands together and cackled evilly, before I remembered 'I' had to clean the fridge so flying would have to wait.

Fuck. Fuckity, fuck. Fuck! Fuck!

To bad I didn't study Beast or any of the others in that much detail, although I did study Nightcrawler's tail. Something to think about later, for now the fridge awaits and I swear it's leering at me.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Naruto nodded at the Hokage. "You could get someone like Ino's dad to look into the cage and see that it's empty."

The old man nodded. "It's simpler just to check the seal. If the fox is still there, I'll be able to feel him."

"Really?" I ask, surprised that it's that simple.

"Really," he promises, as I pull up my shirt and channel chakra to the seal to make it visible. The old man didn't even have to touch it. He took one look at the seal and the years just lifted away. "It's gone," he said simply. "The symbol for the prisoner has changed to a cat."

I blinked as memories from a clone flooded in. "So how do I have the seal if I'm a clone and the real Naruto is in class still?"

"It's a symbol of an energy state more than a physical marker," The third hokage aka the professor explained, before realizing his explanation was probably too complicated for Naruto to understand. Truthfully there were few in the village who would have understood his explanation.

"Oh, so its more an indicator of an alteration of an energy construct than an actual tattoo," I reply.

If he hadn't just checked the seal and saw I was me, well a clone of me, I'm sure the two would be calling me an imposter.

"The Shinigami made both the fox and the blond leave me a gift to make up for their intrusion into my life. The blond left knowledge of a technique for a ball of chakra attack while the fox left me a large chunk of things man has forgotten, mostly metal working. By the way, can I get a forge to use and some chakra blades to examine?"

"Are you sure the information the Kyuubi left you is safe to use?" Sarutobi asked.

"I'd think the power they left you would be enough," Iruka muttered.

"The fox said that power was always as much a curse as a blessing, so it didn't count as a gift." I reply, figuring that was pretty close to Peter's motto to appear like something a wise old fox would say.

"That was surprisingly wise coming from something so destructive," the old man said and took a puff off his pipe.

I shrugged. "Kami-sama assigned him the job of being a thorn in mankind's paw so we'd have something to struggle against. A man may be required to plan an evil role without being himself evil, but the messengers of the Kami become what they play until the role is over."

The two seemed pretty stunned by the many revelations I was tossing at them. Sure I was making it up... I think. Some of this stuff sounds too accurate for me to come up with on the fly.

Whatever the two were going to say was interrupted as team Gai stormed into the room. Before they could say anything my original cat-clone popped itself flooding me with the memories of my and Tora's assault on team Gai.

"Sir, I must protest," Gai said loudly. "My students may be full of youthful fire, but they were not ready for a Class A mission mislabeled as a Class D."

"Weren't you chasing Tora the cat?" the hokage asked, appreciating the distraction as it allowed time for some disquieting ideas to settle.

"Indeed and the cat proved not only to know shadow clone, but gentle fist as well," Gai swore.

Neji held up a limp right hand for inspection. The hokage had thought he was beyond shock until he examined Neji's wrist and found that it showed all the signs of having been damaged by the gentle fist.

"We retreated when the original called up five shadow clones," Gai said seriously. "Outnumbered and against a nin trained opponent of unknown skill, I deemed retreat our best option."

A soft meow had team Gai taking defensive stances with their back to the wall as a group of Tora clones entered the room, with four of them popping after gaining everyone's attention and the last one resuming it's place on my shoulder.

Iruka looked over at me and everyone eyed my new feline look suspiciously. "Didn't you have Tora with you in the classroom?"

I nodded while looking at Tora, who communicated a variety of emotions, but mostly smugness.

"Naruto, did you teach an S-class jutsu to a cat?" the Hokage asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"Kinda," I admitted, causing eyes to widen all around the room. "It'd be more correct to say we used it in tandem at his request, since he felt Neji's use of Byakugan gave them an unfair advantage."

"And the gentle fist?" Neji asked pale.

"Well to be fair you used it first and it was one of the least damaging options available to Tora at the time," I smudged the truth a little, considering it was my clone henged into Tora that did it.

"Least damaging?" Tenten asked dreading the answer.

"Well the Neko-ken is still a work in progress and reattaching tendons is kinda messy for a game of tag," I suggest.

I tilted my head to the side as a clone popped who was watching Kakashi. "Looks like Kakashi is on his way to fail another team because he doesn't want to teach. Well at least I won't be stuck with two teammates who hate me and a teacher that is only interested in teaching one student."

"Surely my rival isn't that bad, he just needs someone to stroke his youthful fires," Gai said seriously.

I shook my head. "Kakashi has failed every team so far by requiring them to be a team willing to sacrifice a member to complete a mission, before he gets them." At their looks I explained the test, "So they have to be willing to sacrifice one of them for the other two to succeed and then he'll give a speech about your teammates being more important than the mission after failing them for not acting the opposite the minute before and requiring them to demonstrate the teamwork they are supposed to learn from him."

"And your teammates?" Sarutobi asked wanting more information before he decided what to do.

"Sakura despises me because I showed interest in her and she thinks insulting me will make Sasuke like her. Sasuke has no interest in anything but gaining power to get his revenge, and thinks teammates will hold him back."

"And you don't think you'll be able to change their minds?" the old man asked.

"Given years, sure, but in the mean time I'll have to suffer because of their problems and that's not even factoring in Kakashi, who has the whole guilt complex about his dead teammate so he'll favor Sasuke." I'd have liked to have mentioned how being Sasuke's best friend was a quick way to get a chidori in the chest, but I don't' know how I'd be able to cover knowing that.

"Can you try it for me?" Sarutobi asked and I found myself unable to say no. He treated me...Naruto like a grandson, Dammit!

"Only cause you're asking me," I said.

Well fuck, so much for escaping the cluster fuck that is Team Seven.

Typing by: Stephenopolos