Disclaimer: I don't own Arrow, or the lyrics used from the song "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol.

I don't quite know how to say

How I feel

-:-:-

Oliver Queen hadn't felt like this before. And if he had, it hadn't been for a long, long time. He was often frustrated with himself for spending so much time dwelling on this burning sensation in the center of his chest and in the front of his brain rather than giving his full attention to his duties of being the Arrow. He would feel light-headed, upset; jealous over the smallest, least important things. And he couldn't seem get one specific name out of his head, no matter what time of day it was or what situation he was in. It was always there, always nagging at him, always making him feel so utterly frustrated but also giving him hope and a sort of powerful drive to keep pushing through no matter how exhausted or defeated he became:

Felicity Smoak.

He had been in love before. Laurel, Sara, Shado—it was an intense feeling, one that you can never shake so easily. You have to either face it or spend the rest of your life with this pounding ache in your heart that remains constantly whether you're near that specific person or not.

"Love is the most powerful emotion"—Sara had told him this once and it really, truly was.

He wanted to tell Felicity how he felt—he did. He wanted to be with her—Laurel might have given him a sense of acceptance and Sara might have kissed him, making him feel aroused and excited, but what Oliver felt towards Felicity was something entirely different. She could either be a comforting presence by his side or a rush of adrenaline through his body, but she was always there—always prickling through his skin and causing his heart to race even when she wasn't actually in the room with him.

And he wanted to be with her—but it could never happen.

"Because of the life that I lead... I just think it's better to not be with someone that I could really care about."

Oliver spoke the truth, at least at that point time. Sure, he had always cared for Felicity and felt some sort of connection to her—they were friends. Good friends. Partners. And when Oliver told Felicity he loved her simply to lure in Slade, did he mean it?

Maybe, maybe not. Because then, he wasn't so sure.

And he was sure now.

He could tell she had been surprised. But he could also tell she didn't love him—not at the time. Maybe she liked him, just a little; maybe she had some sort of crush on him. But the reason he knew she didn't love him, especially now, was because she was running around with the kind, selfless Ray Palmer that didn't use her the way Oliver did.

And it hurt him. It hurt him because Oliver didn't want to use Felicity and he realized his mistakes—but it had taken him too long to realize them and now he was too late.

And he wanted to tell her, but he also didn't want to ruin what she had with Ray. Because Felicity was happy, and her smile and good mood was what kept Oliver going, even in his worst moments.

It sucked, constantly seeing her get excited over going on dates with Ray or receiving a gooey text message from him. Oliver knew she would never abandon the team for her boyfriend—she still worked as hard as ever—but he also knew that as long as she was with Ray, he could never tell her how he truly felt.

That would just screw things up between them.

Because he loved her, and she loved Ray.

(Didn't she?)

-:-:-

There had been a new mission for Team Arrow. Oliver needed to track down someone, and he needed Felicity's help. He knew she had been on a date and hadn't seemed to think of the consequences of yanking her from it, because the second she stormed into the lair, face contorted with anger and a pair feet storming towards him, he knew right away that he was in trouble.

He had worked with Felicity long enough to know not to be fooled by her small figure and not-that-short skirts.

"Oliver," she demanded. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"We needed your help," Oliver replied simply. "This is where your skills come in, Felicity. I was pretty sure you knew that."

"That's the third time this week!" Felicity exclaimed. "And you did it three times last week! And four times the week before! Tell me, Oliver." She tossed her purse aside and folded her arms tightly across her chest, rising up on her toes to equal his height. "If you already know where the guy is headed, why the hell do you need me so badly?"

"Because if he gets away—"

"Cut that crap, would you? That's the same sentence you've used on me the past nine times you've torn me away from my date," Felicity snapped. "You know where he's headed, so you don't need me. I'd understand if it was another Vertigo dealer and you needed me to find their hideout where they're keeping the drugs, or if Malcolm Merlyn was sighted and you needed my help tracking down your sister, but if it's just a guy on a motorcycle and you already know where he's headed then you can clearly go after him yourself without needing me to sit at the computer and tell you what you already know."

"You would've helped me with this before," Oliver replied, returning the sharp, frustrated tone. They might have been upset for two entirely different reasons, but they were both equally as irritated with each other. "Before you started dating Ray, you would have sat down at that computer and kept an eye on that guy even if I hadn't asked you to!"

"Why are you bringing Ray into this?" Felicity demanded. "My relationship with him has nothing to do with your selfish attitude right now."

"It has everything to do with my selfish attitude right now," Oliver corrected, the frustration boiling in his blood. Their faces were just inches apart now—they hadn't even noticed the way they had slowly walked up to each other—and Oliver could almost clearly see the flames burning angrily in Felicity's clear blue gaze.

Felicity paused for a moment, staring at Oliver, eyes widening, before she shook her head and snorted disbelievingly. "Are you telling me you're jealous of my relationship?"

Again, Oliver chose the easy path and didn't respond to her question. "Look, I just need you to keep an eye on him while I hunt him down. He's already getting away because we're arguing, and I need you to work with me here, and then you can go back and finish up your date in no time."

"No, first I need you to answer my question," Felicity snapped. Oliver sighed, crossing his arms and avoiding her gaze. "Why have you been acting like this, Oliver? You've been a major asshole ever since Ray became the CEO of Queen Consolidated—I thought that's why you didn't like him, because he took over your family's company—but what's bothering you is obviously much more complicated than that." Her expression was softer now, and her voice had lowered. She stepped away somewhat from Oliver and carefully examined his face; his eyes had moved pointedly away from her, glancing around the lair at nothing in particular as he kept his lips pressed firmly together.

He wanted to tell her—and he knew she wasn't going to let him leave until he did.

But was that really the best idea?

"Oliver," Felicity said. Oliver squeezed his eyes shut for a brief moment before uncomfortably meeting her gaze. "Tell me what's going on with you."

Oliver frowned. "I thought..." He took a deep breath, and as hard as it was to keep eye contact with Felicity, he forced himself to do so. "I thought it was obvious, Felicity."

Felicity narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "What's obvious?"

Oliver laughed curtly, emotionlessly. "Wow. It's funny how the moment I say that you immediately become suspicious, as if I've been planning on killing your boyfriend or something."

Felicity rolled her eyes. "Well, if you're jealous—and I don't know why, but I can tell that you are—that wouldn't refrain you from putting an arrow in him, and to be honest, I wouldn't expect anything different from you."

Oliver pursed his lips. "You know me better than that."

"Do I? I don't think I know you at all anymore." Felicity was careful with her words and didn't speak too loudly, but her anger had clearly resurfaced. "Ever since we defeated Slade you've been an entirely different person. You're always a thousand miles away, distant and frustrating and you haven't given me an honest answer about anything in about eight fucking months. I miss the old Oliver, the one that was my friend—always there to comfort me and listen to me rant about pointless things and make me feel like this—this whole 'working with the Arrow' thing is the life that I want—but I'm not so sure anymore. Ray has been the one there for me ever since you distanced yourself from everything I thought was important to you. Why, Oliver? Why have you been acting like this?"

"Because I love you." The words came out so unexpectedly fast that it even put Oliver into a position of shock. Now he couldn't tear his eyes away from Felicity—not when she was standing as frozen as ice, her once tightly crossed arms now fallen limply by her sides. She watched him for what seemed like minutes, and her mouth fell open several times as if she wanted to say something in response but nothing came out.

Oliver sighed—he could feel his heart racing but he managed to put on a calm face—or, as calm as he could get and continued, "Don't you understand, Felicity? I love you. You're the only person that makes sense in my life right now and I can never fucking get you out of my head." His voice was rising gradually now, and he was angry. Damn right he was—for months now he had been watching Felicity walk around hand-in-hand with Ray Palmer and press kisses to his lips, never once realizing that Oliver was acting exceedingly different until now.

He was acting different even before Ray Palmer—why did it take her so fucking long? And why did it hurt Oliver so much that it did? Because he knew it wasn't her fault. None of it was. It was all Oliver's actions that got them into this position—his jealously and his foolish desires to be with someone that he could never be with.

And now he had fucked everything up; their friendship, and quite possibly even their partnership. But it didn't matter. Because Oliver was fuming and he needed to tell her. He needed to tell Felicity how the hell she made him feel, every second of every fucking day.

"I don't know when it started," Oliver went on, ignoring the way Felicity continued to stand there, shocked and wincing slightly at his unexpected tone. Tears of frustration started to build up in his eyes because damn he was frustrated as hell right now. "But I knew there was something I felt for you before you started going out with Ray Palmer, and the more you gave him what I could never have from you, it made me start to realize that the way you kiss him and run around in a relationship with him is exactly that—what I want from you but can't have. I want to be with you, Felicity, but you've seen what has happened every time I'm in a relationship with someone nowadays. I ended up losing Laurel, Mckenna, Sara—because you know what happens when I'm the Arrow and try to be in a serious relationship. I don't want you to just be another girl that I break up with two weeks into the relationship. You're more important than that to me, Felicity, and I care about you too much. I love you too much—and that's why I've been so angry and distant these past few months, because I love you, and I want to be with you, but—I just can't."

The lair was dead silent for a few moments. Oliver searched Felicity's eyes for any signs of a reaction. They were still blank with the initial shock—not unexpected—and she stared at him, unsure of what to say in response to all that and not really even trusting herself to speak.

But she did—her voice was quiet and small, which it should be, because she was a woman that just got a very unanticipated "I love you" confession from one of her closest friends that wasn't the boyfriend that she also had.

And she had almost forgotten about that—her boyfriend—because she felt something for Oliver, as well.

And so that's what she told him.

"I've felt something for you, too," she admitted. Oliver's eyebrows went up, but he remained silent as she searched desperately for the right words, not wanting to hurt Oliver or herself. "I still feel something for you, Oliver. It's there, trust me. I'll look at you and my heart will melt because you've made this huge impact on my life, and you're so complicated and frustrating but I do have feelings for you." She sighed and quickly added on before Oliver could get a little bit excited, "But I do also have feelings for Ray."

Oliver dropped his head, nodding slightly. He jumped a bit when he felt a comforting hand rest on his arm, and he looked up, his blue gaze meeting Felicity's and once again his heart picked up that usual quickening pace as it did every time he looked into Felicity's gorgeous eyes and breathed in her sweet, familiar aroma—a soft but noticeable combination of lilac and vanilla.

"I like him," she said slowly, carefully. "I don't know if he's the one yet, but for now, I'm going to see how our relationship plays out. I can't just break up with him after what you just told me, because even afterwards we wouldn't get into a relationship of our own, Oliver." She tilted her head a little to the side, a small smile forming on her rosy pink lips. "Right?"

Oliver sighed. He tried to smile back. "Right."

"Just promise me..." Felicity took a deep breath, still slightly unbalanced after what just happened. "Promise me you'll try to act like yourself again, and not be a total douchebag just because I'm in a casual relationship."

Felicity seemed so warm, so caring and sincere that it finally helped the smile to break out across Oliver's face. He loved her and that wasn't going to change, but he realized that as long as she was happy, so was he. "Alright. I promise. As long as you promise me that things aren't going to... you know... be awkward between us, after this."

Felicity took a step closer to Oliver and stood taller on the tips of her toes, placing sweet, gentle kiss to his cheek. "Never," she promised.

-:-:-

Those three words are said too much

They're not enough