"Clint, I'm having relationship problems," he moaned, having enticed the man into his lab with the promise of new arrowheads, and trapping him there until the problem could be solved.

Clint wasn't entirely pleased with the situation, and was perched on top of a work bench while Tony sat sprawled on the couch.

Clint glanced at him pointedly. "Really? You're coming to me?"

Tony waved a hand. "You and Agent," he said, like that explained everything.

Clint snorted. "Seriously? We were a mess. We're still a mess. It took years and years for us to get our heads out of our asses and do anything about it, and it also involved Natasha locking us in a small room together."

Tony blinked at him. That was new and very valuable information. He tucked it away for future reference.

"Well, help a friend avoid that experience," he whined. "Do you really want my heart to be broken?" he asked, clutching desperately at the arc reactor.

"Dude, you can't feel pain. Nothing is going to get broken."

"Ah, but you're wrong there. I can feel pain, just not physical pain. Emotional pain, yeah, like when Agent died. That fucking hurt. And it didn't just stop hurting because he turned out to be not quite dead yet. Emotional pain is a real thing Legolas."

Clint rolled his eyes. "You're telling me you can get a broken heart? Great. That'll convince me to help you. But seriously, if this is about Tasha again, I swear she will use her pinky nail and skin your-"

"No," Tony said quickly, not wanting to hear the end of that. "It's not Natasha. It's just... I don't want to fuck it up, you know? Cause we're sort of friends, I think, and I don't want to lose that."

Clint levelled a glance at him, and Tony tried his best to look sincere, but he was pretty sure it came across as pathetic and hopeless.

He sighed. "Fine. Who is it?"

Tony picked at the hem of his shirt. "Um..." he said, and wow, he was just getting more eloquent as the minutes went on. At this rate he wouldn't even be able to speak by the end of the increasingly awkward conversation.

"Pepper?" Clint guessed. "Hill? That one woman in R&D who keeps making up excuses to drop by while you and Bruce are in the lab?"

Tony shook his head, looking slightly appalled at the second one. "Hill? God no. She could do awful things to me, almost as awful as Tasha."

Clint considered it. "I'm running out of ideas here. Is it even a her?"

Tony looked away, and that was all that Clint needed.

"Oh my god," he said, gaping at Tony. "It is a guy. Yes! Coulson owes me a blow job."

Tony winced. "Oh god, that is so high up the list of things I did not need to know that I can't even say."

Clint shrugged at him. "I bet him you were bi. He didn't agree."

Tony glared at him. "Just because I have a well known reputation as a womanizer does not mean-"

Clint cut him off with a wave of his hand. "Yeah, whatever. Moving on. So it's a guy."

The realization must have hit him at that moment, because Clint gaped at Tony, made a choking sound, and fell off the workbench all in one fell swoop.

Tony groaned. "C'mon Legolas, don't be falling off benches now. Buildings are bad enough."

On the floor, Clint was bent double, caught in the middle of laughter so violent it was silent.

Tony gave him a minute to collect himself, then kicked him gently.

"Stop laughing and get up. I need help."

"It's Steve," Clint said, still gasping. "Oh my god we were so right, it's Steve."

Tony didn't dignify that with a response, simply crossed his arms and glared at the archer.

"I swear to god Clint, if you tell anyone, or if you don't get your ass off the floor and help me, I will never make you any arrowheads ever again and you'll be stuck with SHIELD ones, and I know what crap they are."

That sobered Clint quickly, and he regained some semblance of control. He didn't climb back up on the table, but instead shoved Tony's legs aside and sat next to him on the couch.

"Wow," he said finally. "Steve. Because no one saw that coming."

Tony scowled at him, just daring him to say another word.

"Right. Okay. So... Steve. Steve. I'm guessing your main concern is if Steve is even interested in you like that?"

Tony nodded, maybe a bit miserably.

"Oh yeah," Clint confirmed, nodding confidently. "Steve is bi. Coulson sort of already had 'the talk' with him," and wow, Tony could hear the air quotations, even if Clint didn't make them, "And it turns out Cap is really pleased that being gay is all well and good now." Clint shrugged. "There was that whole thing with his best friend that never quite made it to the mainstream media, but yeah. Cap's bi. I swear Coulson nearly passed out at that, because childhood hero and everything, but he knew I was watching, and wasn't willing to risk an arrow in the ass, because he is mine."

Tony nodded, because Clint was scaring him a bit.

Clint waved a hand, calming himself down slightly.

"So you're good on that front. It's just the part where you have to ask him out without him thinking you're making fun of him, and then go on a date that isn't destined to be a total failure."

"Thanks for your confidence in me," Tony muttered, but it wasn't entirely unfounded. He had fucked up a lot of relationships in the past, and this was one he desperately wanted to get right. Which was possibly one of the reasons why he couldn't ever have Steve know that he was the one to break his arm, even if it was an accident.

Clint slouched back on the couch for a minute, thinking. Tony was pretty sure he was thinking inside his head, and not out loud, but Clint picked up on his train of thought anyway.

"Steve broke your arm, didn't he?" Clint asked, glancing sideways at him.

Tony nodded slightly. "But he can't ever know. It would kill him. You know how he gets."

Clint nodded beside him. "Yeah, I know. So how are you going to go about wooing him?"

Tony grimaced at his word choice, but had Jarvis display the plans he'd made so far.

It took most of the afternoon, but after a lot of arguing and compromise on Tony's part, but they finally had a plan that they were pretty sure would work on making Steve realize his super soldier strength feelings (Tony) and that wouldn't end up with anyone in jail (Clint, because there was no way he was getting that blow job then.)

Tony dismissed Clint, sending him with new arrowheads to try, and headed to his closet. Clothes were the first step. Then everything else would come after.

He wondered who was going to win the bet for real this time.