The Fanfiction World

Summary:"No more Mary Sues!" "No more crazy slash!" "No more cutting!" "No more non-working drugs!" – our beloved protested but the fangirls wouldn't listen…PARODY!

Warning: Due to the heavy use of foul language, sarcasm, and overall silliness the story should not be taken seriously by anyone. Ever.

Chapter 1: Flashbacks Make it More Dramatic

Stan and Kyle were in Stan's depressing room, filled with Heavy Metal posters and razors glued to the walls. Apparently the interior portrayed masterfully the teenager's inner demons.

Kyle watched as it was raining outside. Not because it often rains in the show but because every heavy-emotional scene needs some rain.

"Are you sure we have to do this Stan?" – the nerdy redhead asked quietly, trying very hard not to look at the now shirtless super-best-friend of his.

"Yeap, seems so. After all we do have to meet the needs of fans otherwise we don't get enough reviews."

Kyle looked at the brunette only to meet his sex-filled eyes. Stan was taking off his trousers, revealing his smooth, creamy skin.

The Jewish teen didn't like what was coming next. To be honest he hardly ever liked anything that happened in fanfiction.

"Remember how all of this started?" – he asked, voice speaking of nostalgia…and terror.

"Yeap, it was all thank to Mr. Garrison. And then Cartman. It always is, isn't it?

FLASHBACK

(Cause flashbacks are cool and are always written in Italics)

"Ok, so today children instead of talking about real literature we are going to talk about fan fiction. Because you know why should you read the timeless classics if you can just read about your favourite characters boning?" - Mr. / Ms Garrison grinned at his now seventeen-year old students.

The teacher (for a lack of a better definition) was in one of his woman stages again and if you asked him why was he in such a foul mood he would admit that it was that time of the month..

"Oh, man I don't wanna read any stupid fanfiction!" - Cartman cried out loud while pouring a bag of Cheesy Poofs into his mouth.

For the purpose of this story Cartman was still a fat dummy, he was still loud and annoying, Nazi as always and not-falling for his mortal enemy Kahl. Not yet.

"Shut up , Eric or I'll make you read all those stories where you make sweet, sweet love with Kyle."

"AYE ! I do not do that !" – Cartman shouted in defense, his expression the epitome of shock and anger.

"Oh, well you can always end up marrying Butters ." – the adult mused, pushing up his glasses and glancing at the feminine boy at the front desk whose eyes widened in horror like a pair of sauce pans. It was a comical view really and Garrison had to supress a laugh. Poor, Butter he had no idea what things the fanfiction version of his character liked doing.

"Me ! Oh, no! My parents won't like that part…" – the said Butters cried, waving his hands fiercely in panic.

"Your parents are already abusing you in most fan fics , Butters, just like Kyle's parents abuse him, oh and Kenny's and uh…Craig's…Tweek's. That's because according to the teenagers who write these stories parents are some horrible monsters who destroy your life."

"Geh, how lucky we are to be in those stories then…" – Butters mumbled.

"Butters, you are not allowed to be a sarcastic character."

"Excuse me, teacher, but why the hell are we doing this ?" –Kyle asked from the first desk desperately trying to stop what seemed like would be another waste of time both for the author and for the ones reading the story.

"Because :

a) this is South Park so we get to do meaningless things all the time (part of the show's charm really) and

b) the writer of this story can't go to sleep and has nothing better to do than this."

"Um, isn't this kind of stuff supposed to be in the author's note? Not in the middle of the story?" – Red chipped in because she was kind of an expert when it came to fanfiction. It was one of her guilty pleasures and she had a thing for reading some Thor-Loki brotherly bonding. Although the things the Thor did to the mage weren't always all that brotherly.

"Oh, but…"

"No, buts Kyle, instead of complaining just shut up and fuck Stan already."

"WHAT !?" –both of the boys, not to mention Wendy and cried in one voice.

"Well, in like 90% of the stories you end up humping each other after like 10 chapters of really boring emo crap, so I say, why not just skip that part."

"And what do we minor characters do?" –asked Wendy, trying not to think about her two best friend becoming a lot more than friends which was the fantasy of apparently every fangirl of every fandom out there.

"Oh, well let me see… You Wendy are mostly portrayed as a femi-nazi evil witch who stands in the way of Kyle and Stan's undying love."

"Craig here often times rapes Kyle, so that Cartman can then save him. Or he just falls for Tweek's anxiety. Because you know, teenagers love glamorizing mental illness almost as much as they love slash."

"OH THAT PRESSURE." - called out the small blond boy in horror.

"I am so not fucking that" – Tucker murmured as he flipped off Tweek.

"So, basically all of the stories revolve around how Kyle hooks up with somebody ?"

"Yes, that is correct Token. You yourself don't even have a part in most fanfics. Except that you or Clyde always organize some kick-ass party where Stan and Kyle get drunk and later hook up. Oh, and Wendy and Bebe too. Sometimes you and Token also get to know each other…how do I put this intimately. "

The whole class fell into a tense silence, trying very hard not to picture what their teacher had just said. It was difficult, having in mind they were a bunch of hormonal teenagers but in the end their want for sanity won. Well, not in the case of Kenny but everyone already knows what a pervert he is, so no surprise there.

"What do I do…I mean despite fucking Kyle?" – Stan asked at least, unable to quell down his curiosity.

"It is really funny that you have a bigger role in the fanfics than in the show, Stan. In some fics you are a brainless jock but mostly you are this bitchy emo kid who cuts himself…because of Kyle of course."

"But this makes no fucking sense!"

"Mmm, not according to the hoards of Style lovers."

"No, no wait a second I still don't get why would I ever save Kyle?! I've never done that!" – Cartman cried out, finally being able to process Garrison's words from half a page ago.

"Well, Eric..uh…this one time you actually did…"

"Shut up, Butters! I swear I fucking hate this fanfiction thing and I'm just starting to hear about it!" – the heavy teen ranted, casting a furious glance to anyone who dared look in his direction.

"Oh, at least you guys aren't dead all the time! All I ever do is leave you some crazy letter in which I say total bullshit and somehow predict the fact that you'll end up fucking each other. It's like I always know whether it'll be a Style or a Kyman before it has even happened. If you don't remember I am freaking immortal not a psych!" – Kenny finally snapped trying to be that angsty character that always story could appear "deeper".

His speech wasn't muffled because the author simply forgot or was just too lazy to give us an explanation why.

"Actually Kenny, Stan and Kyle die in a lot fics too. Most of the time they cut their wrists (because of each other of course) but there are occasional car crashes and drownings in Stark Pond. Later the other one realizes how much he has loved his best friend and that he has always wanted for them to be butt pirates so he kills himself too while the author writes some profound lyrics by Ed Sheeran and everyone cries."

"But what is the fucking point in killing all the main characters!?"

"Go ask G.R. , Wendy. Oh, and stop being such a manipulative bitch and let Stan free to fuck Kyle. Or Craig. Or Kenny. Or Cartman.. Or whoever those crazy fan girls want him to. It's obviously not you. Now for homework…"

"But we never have homework" - Eric whined.

"Well in fanfics you have because that way you do your homework in pairs…and then end up doing each other." – Gerisson wiggled his eyebrows like the epitome of the ultimate creep, only to make the whole scene even more disturbing than it already was for the teenagers.

"Ew, gross!" – they cried in one voice.

"Now, now, we all have to do what fans want, otherwise we won't get enough feedback and we don't want that to happen. For HW you have to read a South Park Fanfic rated at least T. And the genre of course is Romance/Angst."

"Ohhhhh" - the whole class wanted to protest but…

But the author was too lazy to finish this chapter.

Author's Note (Although no one reads them really)

Hey, guys, hope you liked the first chapter!

Please don't take the story seriously, it's not meant to be offensive or anything, just thought I could make some fun of how silly we fangirls can be. I myself am a huge fan of South Park and I do write slash…so, yeah no hard feelings!

What do you think of the boys finding out fanfiction (about themselves no less!) for the first time? Which couples would you like to be parodied?

If you have any ideas about the story, don't shy away and share!

Please review and tell me what you think! Have a nice day!