A/N so this is my first fanfic, please read and review,

I don't own agents of shield or it's characters yada, yada, yada

Chapter One

Reflections

Ex-agent Grant Ward looked at the gray wall in front of him. He was a prisoner now he had been brutally beaten by May and then apprehended and sent to prison by had learned that Fitzsimmons ,his former S.H.I.E.L.D. team members had survived the fall into the ocean. He was the one who had dropped them into the ocean at that time he knew they had a better chance of survival. If they had stayed on the bus Garret surely would have killed them without any remorse. he hoped there was a chance coulson and the rest of the team would find them. Still it troubled him greatly that he had sent his former colleges to their potential deaths. (That stupid pod was supposed to float).He was thankful when he learned of their survival, but it hurt him even more to know that fitz's life hung in the balance. Even if the scientist did survive the traumatizing event he would "never be the same" according to had also threatened that he would be tortured internally as well as externally.

That is not what troubled Ward, he deserved to be tortured , to feel pain. No, Grant Ward hated himself because the truth was despite Garret's warnings not to get attached to anyone or anything he had become attached to his S.H.I.E.L.D fact if he was truly honest with himself they had become like a family to him. A real family not the abusive family he had to live with during his childhood.

Coluson, He had become a very father-like figure to him. Coulson tried to be stern, but the man was too soft and kind hearted to ever utter a harsh word.

May, he had been involved with her physically and while he didn't have any romantic feelings for her, he felt like she was someone he could vent to, his equal ( or perhaps even better) when it came to combat.

Simmons, sweet Simmons she had become like a sister. Half the time he had no clue what she was talking about. She always used various scientific terms and british words and it always confused him. While he had been acting most of the time he genuinely did believe that she was brave when she had contacted the virus and threw herself off the plane in order to protect the rest of the team.

Fitz, little Fitz had become like a little brother and reminded him so much of his old dog buddy. His dog who he didn't have the strength to kill...

And then there was.. He could barley think of her name... And then there was Skye... The unaccounted variable, the person who had thrown a wrench into the works , the girl he had fallen in love with...

Not that it mattered now anyway, she hated him, despised him, in fact the whole team absolutely hated him. He deserved it though after what he put them through. Especially Fitzsimmons , and it killed him that he had hurt her. He had told her that he would never hurt her, but he thats just what he had done, he had hurt her the most out of any of his former teammates because he had broken her heart. He wished he could take it all back, to start over and tell Coulson the truth from the beginning.

Sure they would have been mad , but had he told them the truth early on he would have had a chance to prove himself, to help take down Hydra and his former S.O. John Garret, he could've had a better life, a life with her ... He could have had a family... But no he chose John Garret and why?... because of some stupid debt he felt he owed the man, a debt which amounted to nothing with what it had cost him. When he had been an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D he'd had the hope of a bright and beautiful future, but now he was locked away in a prison cell with no hope of rescue and no hope of a second chance, because he didn't deserve one. He'd spend the rest of his life in this miserable cell with only his broken memories, and thoughts of what could have been. Grant Ward lay down on his uncomfortable cot, turned over and silently cried himself to sleep...

The nightmares came. They always did. There were various nightmares. Some were of Fitzsimmons not surviving the fatal drop into the ocean, others were of Garret succeeding in killing Coulson.

The first of tonight's nightmares(for he had many in one night) was one of the ones Ward considered to be the worst...

There he stood on some vacant street, debris and rubble all around him. He held a gun, at the other end of the street was Skye, to his left was Garret. He heard Garret's harsh command in his ears. "Well what are you waiting for shoot her!" As if he were being controlled by some sadistic puppet master he lifted the gun and took aim. Skye with tears running down her face pleaded with him... "Grant... Please stop... Dont' do this..." Ward felt the puppet strings pull at his trigger finger, no matter how much he tried to resist he could not pull against the strings that commanded him. The gun went off and Skye crumpled to the ground. Looking up Ward saw Garret laughing manically as he controlled the strings attached to an evil grin he said "told you it be fun!" His laughter echoing in the empty streets...

Ward awoke in a cold sweat trembling and gasping for air. He knew he'd been crying because his face was wet. With a heavy sigh he rolled over and sat up drinking in his dark environment, he assumed it was evening, but there was no real way of knowing. Sighing again he got up. The cell he was in was small , not small enough to be too uncomfortable, but small enough that not much could be done. He began pacing up and down the length of the room. It really was the only thing he could do to occupy himself other then sleep.

He had been pacing for about five minutes when he heard "againts the wall prisoner" this meant that the door was about to be opened, and if he attempted to escape he would recieve a painful shock from a taser. He pressed himself against the cold hard wall as one of the guards entered with a tray of food, followed by another guard that carried the taser, should Ward try and escape(not that he ever would, he deserved to rot in this cell.) but the guards didn't know that.

The first guard set the tray on the ground, turned and exited, the second watching Ward the whole time followed him out, turning his back at the very last second before slamming the door shut behind him. Ward got up and began eating the "food" on the tray, it tasted awful, but what right did he have to complain? Finishing his meal he returned to his cot, hoping the nightmares would not return, but he knew they would, they always did...