Disclaimer: I don't own the Vampire Diaries nor am I making any profit from this whatsoever. Characters, etc. all belong to their respective owners.

A/N: So, as you could probably guess, this fics is very, very loosely based off the movie that shares the same title (yeah, the one with Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake). It's a super cheesy movie, but it was fun to watch.

And, if I'm being honest, this is really just an excuse for me to write a bunch of smut.

Anyway, this takes place after season 3 and completely ignores season 4 and season 5 and it won't be a very long fic (like 8-10 chapters or so).

Oh, and before I forget, there will be some Beremy/Jeremy bashing in this fic (but it's basically how Damon acts about Jeremy before the show decided to try and make Deremy a thing).

Enjoy!

They had become friends. Sort of.

Somewhere, in between working together to try and save all their asses and commiserating over their failed Gilbert relationships (or, in Damon's case, lack of a relationship), they become friends.

Elena's transition to vampire hadn't been easy at all, especially since Elena had never wanted to be a vampire in the first place. Caroline was the one to help her through it, though, and now she was okay.

Damon had been hoping that since Elena was a vampire, her feelings had changed. However, they hadn't. Elena still loved Stefan and being a vampire had only magnified that love for him. It had crushed Damon and he had taken off for a while, but eventually returned.

She had put Klaus back in his proper body and he had finally taken off a left Mystic Falls and she had been more than happy to see him gone (hopefully for forever). However, Abby hadn't been kidding when she said that the desiccation spell required very dark magic.

The power she felt from stopping Jeremy's heart and desiccating Klaus had felt amazing and she had become addicted. Damon, having known his fair share of witches through his hundred and forty-some-odd years as a vampire, knew how to detox one from dark magic.

That's how she ended up being his drinking buddy.

If nothing else, Damon had good alcohol.

"We should have sex," he says suddenly.

She promptly chokes on the glass of bourbon she'd been nursing before the past couple of hours.

"Don't tell me you said what I think you just said."

"Oh, come on," he says, rolling his eyes. "Don't tell me you've never thought of it."

Okay, so maybe she had. Once. Or twice. Or maybe a few times. But that had been back when he was just Older Sexy Danger Guy™ and not a crazy, sometimes homicidal vampire.

"I mean," he continues, "It's bound to happen sooner or later. Preferably sooner, though."

She just gapes at him, not sure what to say.

Oh, come on, a little voice in her says, Don't tell me you don't wanna get some.

"Have you ever even had sex before?" Damon asks, interrupting her unwanted thoughts.

"Yeah, me and Jeremy did a couple times back when we were together, in between both of us nearly dying and trying to save everyone," she says defensively before she can stop herself.

"Oh, baby Gilbert was your first? Someone really needs to teach you how good sex is supposed to be."

Her mouth drops open a little bit. Bonnie's always known that Damon could be crass and that he's quite the womanizer, but she certainly hadn't been expecting this.

"Yeah—" she sputters, "But…but…not everyone has like a hundred and sixty plus years of experience under their belt."

"I know. That's a damn shame isn't it?" He replies with a grin.

He drains his glass of bourbon before standing up and walking towards the ridiculously expensive couch she's sitting on. He sits down next to her, a little too close for comfort and she can feel his breath on his face.

"So," Damon says, reaching out and brushing a curl away from her face. His fingers slowly curve along the length of her jaw and his touch feels electric. "What do you say?"

She stares into his icy eyes, contemplating. She'd be crazy to say yes, wouldn't she? On the other hand, a night of crazy, wild sex could take the edge off.

Oh God, she's actually going to do this, isn't she?

"Okay, but first some ground rules," Bonnie says. She somehow manages to keep her voice even, despite the butterflies fluttering in her stomach.

Damon rolls his eyes, but motions for her to continue.

"One: this never gets out. To anyone. Ever."

"That goes without saying."

"Two: No biting or leaving visible marks."

"You're boring, but fine. Anything else?"

"Just one last thing: This is a one-time thing. No strings, no messy attachments, none of that bullcrap."

"A woman after my own heart."

"Okay, so do you want shake on it or…?" She kind of feels like an idiot in that moment. She just agreed to have sex, but asks if he wants to shake hands to form an agreement?

"I've got a better idea." He pulls her in for a kiss.

It's the first kiss they've ever shared and she's a little surprised at how much she likes it. He thoroughly explores her mouth and she finds it overwhelming in a pleasant way.

Before she even thinks about what's happening, she's in his bedroom and taking off her clothes.

"If I had known I'd be getting naked with someone tonight, I would have actually bothered to shave my legs," Bonnie says dryly as she pulls off her pants. She's not even wearing cute underwear, being clad in simple, but comfortable grey panties that covered everything and a plain blue satin bra.

Damon snorts. "I lived for about seventy years before women actually started to shave their legs and, trust me, it didn't stop me from having sex then."

"Ooh, bringing up the fact that you're an old man. Very sexy."

He doesn't respond, instead pulling her to him and pressing his lips against hers. As he carefully guides her to the bed, he also reaches behind her and unclasps her bra, freeing the fleshy globes. She pulls away from him, slowly climbing onto the bed.

He climbs on top of her and she clumsily tries to paw his shirt off. When it's finally off she drags her hands across his exposed skin, feels every ridge of his abs.

His mouth moves to her jawline, peppering it with little nips and kisses, while one of his hands cupped a bare breast. She gasps when he softly squeezes it, before rolling the nipple between his index and thumb.

She arches into his touch, feeling an insistent throbbing between her legs. His mouth moves from her jawline and goes to cover her other breast.

He continues to play with her breasts until she feels like she's ready to explode and just as she's about to demand him to finally get to the main part, he makes his way down her body, lips trailing down her flat tummy. He slides her panties down and tosses them somewhere over his shoulder and his hands slowly run up and down her thighs as his face moves towards her throbbing center.

"Wait, wait, wait, what're you doing?" Bonnie asks breathlessly, pulling Damon away before he can go any further.

"What do you think?" he responds, giving her a confused look. "Don't tell me Jeremy never—"

"Ugh, yeah, he did, you moron," she says quickly, feeling her skin heat up in embarrassment. The last thing she wants to do is to go over whatever sexual acts she's done with Jeremy while in bed with Damon Salvatore of all people. "I just—I mean, this is just a one-time thing, so I don't really expect you to—oh my God!"

Any thoughts she had are completely interrupted by the amazing things his mouth is doing between her thighs.

He begins with a few long licks at her slit before delving in. When his tongue finally touches her clit, her hips buck and she vaguely hears herself murmuring something, but she's not even sure what. He then slips one finger inside of her, lightly stretching her, and that finger is soon joined by number.

"Yes," she groans, clutching at his hair. "Don't stop, don't stop, dontstopdontstop…"

Bonnie can feel him smirking against her cunt and when he captures her clit between his lips and begins to lightly suck, she can feel herself quickly coming undone.

She's still clenching around his fingers when he presses kisses up her stomach again, before pulling away to meet her face-to-face.

"Good?" Damon asks with a smirk.

"It was alright," she replies, trying to sound like she isn't gasping for breath or just had the best orgasm of her life. She has a feeling that she's never going to be living this one down, though.

The obnoxious smirk remains on his face until he leans down and presses his lips to hers again and she finds that she can taste traces of herself in his mouth. Strangely, she finds it to actually be a bit of a turn on.

His hand slides down her bare body until he grips her thigh, lifting it and parting her even wider for him. She vaguely wonders just when his pants were taken off when she feels his hardness pressing against her entrance. His lips move from hers to press against the throbbing pulse in her neck and with a smooth roll of his hips, he's fully sheathed inside of her. She can't help the small sigh of satisfaction that escapes her lips.

He starts off at a moderate pace and she finds it pleasurable for a bit, but soon she finds herself wanting more.

"Faster," she instructs him breathlessly and he happily complies.

He does some strange rolling motion with his hips that she doesn't quite know how to describe, but it hits a spot in her that almost makes her scream aloud.

"That," she gasps, barely able to get her words out, "Do that again."

And he does it again and again and again.

There's a tightening feeling inside of her and then she snaps like a rubber band, her world bursting into a million colors of pleasure.

When she comes back to reality, Damon is hovering over her. He's panting heavily and sloppily kisses the corner of her mouth.

They spend the next half hour, silently laying side-by-side.

"That was, uh…wow," she finishes lamely, finally breaking the silence.

"Of course it was good. I told you it would be." He grins smugly and turns on his side, trailing his fingers down her bare body with clear intentions of having another go.

"Again?" Bonnie asks, almost incredulous. She feels boneless and can't even imagine being able to go another for another round of sex with him.

"If this is only going to be one night," he says, reaching down to the juncture of her thighs to tease her to arousal, "We should make it really count."

She gasps and grinds into his touch.

"On second thought, another round actually doesn't sound that bad."

A/N: Like I said, this is loosely based off the movie. There'll be some things that are similar and a lot of things that are different, but if you've seen the movie before (and you totally should), you'll recognize some of the events that happen and some of the one-liners.

Thanks for reading and, as always, reviews are very much appreciated!