Wok and Roll

by Neoraichu

Po dragged himself back up the stairs to the Jade Palace. He'd been delivering a package for Shifu all the way across China. Okay, it only felt to him like he crossed China, but it was really across the province. It wasn't like he was the Dragon Marathon Runner after all. But Shifu insisted that he and he alone deliver the parcel without opening it.

Personally, Po thought it was just payback for what he did to Shifu's Lucky Dragon Coin. He swore it looked just like any other coin to him.

"PO!" hollored Monkey, "Thank goodness you've returned!"

He blinked as Monkey ran out to greet him just outside the main gates to the Palace.

"Is it an attack?!" he asked, "Temutai?! Taotie?! Hundun?! Fenghuang?! Tong Fo?! Junjie?!"

"If it was only that!" replied Monkey.

"Well spill it!"

"Tigress," he said as he gulped, "She's... I mean..."

"Is Tigress hurt?! Is she sick?! Did she leave the Furious Five again?!"

"SHE'S COOKING!"

Po blinked.

"YOU DON'T GET IT!"

"Because I though the only thing she ever made was fried Doufu. How hard is that?"

Monkey paused, and then said, "We ran out of that DAYS ago! Now she's trying... other recipes!"

"Still lost over here."

"Then she makes us taste it for her!"

"Oh..." he said at last.

"So get in there so you can get her out of there!"

"Look," he replied, "It's not like this could never happen again."

"So?"

"It looks like it's time Tigress..." he said slowly, "learned to cook."

"ARE YOU NUTS?!" asked Monkey as he looked at Po wide-eyed.

"How hard can it be?"

"No one's been able to teach her to cook! It's like she has a mental block or something!"

"That's because the Legendary Dragon Warrior hasn't tried yet."

...

Tigress flipped the food in the wok as she glanced at the Recipe Scroll again. The brass spatula scrapped the bottom of the wok as she tossed the food around. She was sure she would get it right this time.

"Hey Tigress," said Po as he poked his head in the kitchen doorway, "What'cha doin?"

"Cooking," she muttered.

He glanced back over his shoulder as he asked, "I don't suppose you know why Viper's heaving in the hallway, would you?"

"How should I know?!" she asked back.

Walking over and looking over her shoulder, he asked, "What are you making?"

"It's just stir fried vegetables," she replied evenly.

He looked down in the wok. Then he glanced around at the ingredients she had lying around. There was just something that didn't feel right.

"Mind if I try a little?" he asked.

"Uh... sure," she replied. Getting a pair of chopsticks, she plucked out a piece of huāyēcài (broccoli), blew it to cool it, and offered it to him. He gingerly took it in his mouth, and then he knew something was horribly wrong. As soon as she looked back at the wok, he spat it out the window.

"Was it good?" she asked.

"Well, yes... and no."

"What does that mean?" she asked suspiciously.

"Did you make any... substitutions?" he asked cautiously.

"Yeah," she replied, "The recipe calls for rice wine, but all we had was rice vinegar. It's the same thing, right?"

He blanched. Then he asked, "and just how much salt did you add?"

"A pinch," she replied.

"Could you show me just how much that is?"

So she grabbed a handful of salt from the bag.

He sighed heavily.

"What's wrong?" she asked as she turned to look at him.

His eyes narrowed as he looked back. "If you practiced Kung Fu the way you cook," he said, "I don't think Shifu would have ever bothered to train you for the Furious Five."

She looked shocked. Indignant. Wounded.

"It's just food!" she hissed.

"JUST FOOD?!"

"Food is simply something that gets you from one day to the next."

"Tigress!" he snapped. Then he took a deep breath and continued, "That's like saying Kung Fu is just punching people in the face."

"That's not true!"

"I may not be the best Kung Fu Master or cook," he replied, "but I know enough about both to know they require the same level of discipline."

"How can that be?!"

"Because the one thing about Kung Fu and cooking... is they're both ways of life!"

"I don't understand."

He took the wok off the fire and set it aside. Then he stood in the middle of the room and took the Tiger Stance.

"That's not right!" she moaned.

"Show me what's wrong," he replied.

So she stepped in and began adjusting his positions. While right in his face, she adjusted his arms, shifted his leg with her own, and then moved his shoulders back to move his center of gravity.

"You should know that by now," she growled. They were all but nose to nose as they looked into each others eyes.

"And yet your stance at the stove was just as sloppy. Maybe even more so."

"A cooking stance?" she asked, "Are you making this up?"

"Did you just make up the Tiger Stance?"

"No!" she snapped as she turned away, "Why don't you just make something that everyone will like?!"

"You didn't give up on me when I stank at Kung Fu," he replied, "So I can't let you quit on cooking! The Tigress I know IS NO QUITTER! Just think of me as... the Spatula Master!"

"Must I?"

"YES!" he answered as he tossed the contents of the wok out the window. Then he set the wok and spatula before her, and said, "Now show me how you hold these."

She picked them up as he moaned, "Now that's just plain wrong."

He stepped close behind her and placed his hands over hers. "For one thing, you wrists are too stiff! One must finesse them to keep the food moving at all times. That way, you get the most flavor with the least burning."

She looked from their hands to his face over her shoulder.

"Another thing is you must respect the ingredients just as much as you would respect any weapon. Just as much as you would never deliberately go into battle with a rusty sword, you never cook with less that the best ingredients you have."

She blushed slightly as he moved her hands.

"That's how you smoothly keep the food moving," he said as she felt his chest against her back.

"I never knew that cooking required... such dedication and passion... as Kung Fu."

"Anything you want to be good at does!" he replied, "Now I'll show you how to prepare your ingredients." He stepped over to the cupboards as he said, "and we do have rice wine around here. You just have to know where Shifu hides it."

"He hides it?!"

"Yeah," he said, "I think he likes a drink on the side once in a while."

Tigress actually giggled. He set out the vegetables and other things as he waved her over. Picking up the knife, he moved to place it in her hand.

"Po," she said, "I think I know how to hold a knife!"

"You may know how to fight with a knife," he replied, "but you aren't trying to kill your food. Just cut it into manageable pieces."

She noticed how carefully he adjusted her grip on the handle as if he was showing her a punch routine.

"Kitchen safety is just as important as Kung Fu safety," he said, "Nether one works if you hurt yourself by accident."

She nodded as she felt him against her back. He was practically holding hands with her. Step by step, he showed her what ingredients to add, how to stir them, when to add the next, and when it was all done. He smiled at her as she looked down at something much more beautiful than anything she had ever made on her own.

Turning off the flame, he picked up the chopsticks, took a piece of huāyēcài, and offered it to her after blowing a bit to cool it. She took the piece and ate it. It seemed like minutes as she tasted it before she smiled broadly.

"It's... it's..." she sputtered.

"Awesome?!"

"AWESOME!" she replied as she spun about and kissed him full on the lips. He was totally surprised as she wrapped her arms about his shoulder. This kiss dragged on for a few minutes before she backed off.

"Not that I'm complaining," he said slowly, "but what was that all about?"

"You opened my eyes to the beauty of food! To the ways of... FOOD FU!"

"When you put it that way, it does sound awesome!" He wrapped his arms about her waist as he planted a big kiss on her lips. This time, he held her in the kiss for a few minutes.

As they parted, she said, "Well, let's eat."

...

"This is wonderful!" sighed Viper as she swallowed another bite.

"I'm so glad you're back!" agreed Monkey.

"No disrespect, Tigress," said Mantis, "but I wouldn't wish your cooking on my..."

"Tigress made all this herself!" he interrupted as she blushed a bit, "All I did was offer a little advice and corrected a few flaws... in her stance."

Crane blinked as Mantis, Monkey and Viper just stared slack jawed.

"No way!" said Monkey, "Are you pulling my tail?!"

"He's not," sighed Tigress, "I just had... a bad attitude about cooking. He showed me what I can do if I approached cooking the same way I approached my Kung Fu training."

"Sage advice," said Viper.

"I wonder if the Universe believes in a Dragon Chef?" asked Monkey.

Tigress looked back at Po's eyes and said, "Maybe."

The others were too busy enjoying their meal to noticed that Po and Tigress chose to sit next to each other, and spent more time feeding each other than they did themselves.

"A little more practice," said Po as he whispered into her ear, "and I'm sure Master Shifu will be as proud of your cooking as he is of your Kung Fu."

She blinked as she replied, "I would like that very much."

The two didn't even notice that the other Furious Five finished eating and left one by one until Viper, the last one to leave, said, "Who knows what else you can learn from Po."

The two blinked as Viper slithered out.

"What is she talking about?" asked Po.

"I don't really know," she replied.

"Let's just clean up the dishes and go to bed," he replied, "I can show you a nice breakfast recipe tomorrow before we start training."

"I would... love to," she replied as she gave him a strong hug. He leaned in as he hugged her back. Then they mutually kissed each other deeply. Standing, the two of them cleared all the dishes and took them to the kitchen to be washed and put away.

"Maybe there's something you can show me," he sighed as they parted.

She gave him a huge smile. He was surprised when she said softly, "My room. 5 minutes. You better be wearing nothing but a smile, because that's all that I'm going to be wearing."

"Wait, you know about..."

"Trust me. I read it all from scroll 69 down in the archives."

"Maybe there's a point to reading those scrolls after all."

She winked as she sauntered from the room. He then dashed to his. They were surely going to do some... interesting 'Kung Fu' that night.