Donnie felt the full weight of the fight hit him about five minutes into the walk home. The timing seemed logical to him; the adrenaline in his system was waning leaving a heaviness in its wake, the tunnels were generic and offered no distraction from the fevered thoughts that replayed through his mind. As he tromped through the sewers next to his brothers he felt the beginnings of those all to familiar characteristics of coming down from that particular high; the shaking of his limps, the tremble in his hands and then, without much notice other then his own realization it was about it happen, his knees buckled.

Mikey was the closest to him so it was no surprise when his younger brother moved forward with their telltale ninja speed and wrapped two strong arms around his waist. Raph moved in next, his aggressive brother bolstering him up. For a minute Donatello felt wholly pathetic, the weakness in him (whether it be emotional or simply blood loss) seemed insurmountable in the wake of what had just happened and what would happen in his immediate future. He felt adrift, lost as his mind twisted back and forth between the Kraang arena and the recent fight to the whole out war he was about to wage. He knew enough to not fight it, that trying to block the feelings accomplished nothing but a mess inside him so profound that it had taken years to get over the last time he had tried to contain it. Instead, he let himself feel it; the terror of loss, the fear of death and the unholy will to kill in order to survive. It coursed through him like a drug, taking all control from him and stripping him as bare as an exposed nerve.

He needed an anchor. His mind screamed out for it. He let his mind focus on his physical sensation of his family holding him close, the security his brothers offered that he had not been able to experience in so long.

In those most desperate moments in Dimension X it had been April who had anchored him just as she had done after the fight. Holding him, forcing him to look at her, feeling her mind connect with his. It wasn't romantic or lustful at the time but the basic human connection that he needed to ground himself. She had needed it to. When they had first been taken there had been no thought of attraction or romance, just comfort. It was a strange realization that this was probably the first time since they had been taken by the Kraang that they had not been together in the aftermath.

Severe Codependency? his traitorous mind offered

He dismissed it. It was something more intrinsic then that. Besides, he didn't need her twenty four seven, it was just in these moments. He did miss her mind. Somehow the mental power she had, what she had forged in the interim of being taken and escaping, locked into his own mind. It was something he planned to research as he was easily seeing it in Perri and Peter as well as Mondo and Candy. Her mind was always able to smooth out his ire, to calm the tempest of his wild thoughts. It was something he needed now as his brain panicked, trying to reconcile his desire to kill with his distaste for it; trying to provide him a coping mechanism for his dubious morality.

Then he felt it, the stabilizing force washing over him, the sensation of a ground. He latched on, his own mind all too used to the sensation of another mind touching his own and reveling in the peace it brought. The plan where his mind went was lovely, innocent and free, full of feeling and emotion so brilliant and bright it was joy just to exist in it. The thoughts were not April's, that was clear, but they were something different and just as beautiful. Energy was washing over him, deeper then anything he had felt before and as expansive as another universe. A sense of faith and love and a intense desire for well-being was all around him, encompassing and good. His mind, ever curious, sought out the source. Love was love but it was so different from April's, this love for him was pure and unconditional and infinite in size, coupled with a trust so deep it made tears well in the corner of his eyes as he was confronted with it. Donatello's eyes shot open as he realized what was happening.

In front of him, staring directly into his eyes Marcus stared back. His turtle son was holding his, smaller versions of Donnie's how hands lifting up his chin so that they were level with one another; their matching features bared down on one another in a way that made his chest tinge with emotion. In fact all four of his boys were looking. Jan was supporting Julian on his back while his free hand was against Marcus' carapace, Febrian had his hand on Marcus' shoulder while the child was, obviously stabilizing Donnie's own mind.

He realized, with a start, this was the hive. This was a taste of his hypothesis that his son's were connected to one another emotionally. He felt a little overwhelmed by it and just how wonderful it felt.

The gratefulness Donatello felt was overshadowed by the immediate concern that this could be damaging. He pulled back suddenly, causing his son to jump and his brother's to support him.

"Whoa," Mikey whispered, reaching a hand to his own head "What was that?"

Raph too looked a little shocked, eyes wide and glassy with uncharacteristic tears. Belated Donnie realized that by touching him he had extended the connection. They had made a larger circuit with one another.

Donnie turned his attention back to his son, "Marcus, why did you do that?"

The boy looked up, all wide-eyed and scared. His small hand hovered for a moment before the little boy shoved it behind him, looking contrite. He felt a pang of guilt and tried again.

"Marcus, I'm not mad but what was happening there?" he attempted, this time bending on a knee to face his son.

"You asked me to." Was the only response his son gave him, looking far too innocent.

All four of his sons grouped closer together, forming a supportive unit for their brother. He found himself wondering what it was that connected them? what it must feel like being connected all the time? It had definitely provided a stabilizing factor, in fact his own mind was at ease, as if the turmoil had been managed, expanded and shared. He still felt the guilt and regret and all the emotions associated with his actions but the panicked edge of it was gone, the razor point of his hurt dulled into something more manageable.

He hauled himself to his feet.

"Boys, go ahead, the lair is in twenty feet. " he ordered before turning to Mondo, "Do you mind going with them. I need a minute with my brothers."

The lizard nodded, reaching out and clasping their hands in a solid grasp before moving in front of the Hamato children and herding them in the general direction of the lair. The boys followed obediently with only Julian looking over his shoulder and keeping his little eyes trained on them until the group rounded the corner. Donnie paused, watching his family and Mondo go before turning to his brothers. Leo was staring at him with knowing look while Raph seemed uncertain. Mikey was Mikey.

"I think I owe you an explanation." Donnie offered.

"Yeah, I'd say so." Leo replied, no malice in his tone, "What the hell just happened Donnie. I mean, you told us about Dimension X but, I don't know what I was watching in there but I don't think I liked it."

"You were insane man," Raph said gently, "And that's coming from me. And then that thing that the kids did"

"That was awesome dude," Mikey whispered reverently, "I don't know what that was but it was…like…awesome…"

Donatello nodded slowly, "What you saw, what I did in that fight…"

"No, that's not what were talking about." Raph interrupted sharply, looking at him dead in the eye, "I don't care if you decided to pull the asshole's heart out and eat it in front of us. What we want to know is if you're okay?"

Donatello paused. There were few moments in his life where he didn't anticipate what people were going to say and this, apparently, was one of those moments. He could only stare at them. His mind had offered a thousand scenarios, some of which included his brothers calling him a monster and others were they praised him for being so ruthless (that was mostly Raph). None of those scenarios had involved a serious interest in his well-being. It was a grievous oversight on his part and he felt a stab of shame at it. He had always just assumed his brothers would be more critical of his actions rather than supportive.

"I…" he began, "I don't… No, no I'm not."

Raph gave him a nod, as if this was the answer he'd bee expecting all along. Mikey nodded as well, moving to stand nearer to him, pressing their sides together.

The weight of Leo's hand on his back almost bested him. He reached up to clasp his hand over it, feeling, for the first time in a long time, like he was actually home. That home didn't mean a place but the feeling he got when he was around his brothers.

"I can't even tell you how it feels to be back." Donnie began softly, "I don't even know where to start."

"Start whenever you want to." Raph offered, moving the entire group forward and glancing at Leo, "I think we've all seen enough to have a basic idea of what you're going to have to say."

He nodded, "I had to do things there. Some terrible things. I don't ever want to boys to know about it."

He gave them a self depreciating shrug, "It's bad enough April knows what I am. She was there most of the time, when they dragged me back in along with the body of whoever I was up against. It was an arena, kill or be killed."

He bit into his lip, looking at his brothers for judgment. There was none, only concerned faces and support. He felt it again, a touch of that love and calm his sons had offered him just through his brother's eyes. He continued on, forcing the words through his mouth.

"I wasn't as bad as the predators," he began softly, "You saw them in there. Jag was pretty horrible. Dreadmon too but at least he felt remorse. Remorse is something but it really is useless when you take actions into consideration. I killed; I ended more then one life and not at all gently. It was violent and horrible and brutal."

Donnie paused, trying to keep the roar out of his ears as he forced himself forward. If he was going to come home, really come home, he wanted his brothers to know everything. They had had full disclosure with one another for years and while the fear of their rejection loomed the fear of their finding out from someone other then him out weighed it.

"I used to count how many people I had killed but after awhile I realized it wasn't doing anything but making me insane, so I stopped counting, stopped trying to see their scared faces and the life drain away." He stated.

"I didn't ever want my sons to see that." He said, trying to keep his voice in check, "I don't want them to know what I did in the arena. What any of us were made to do."

He looked down, "I didn't want you guys to know either."

The silence was there, stretching before them before he felt it. He looked up to see Leo had reached out and had pressed a hand on his shoulder again. Mikey moved quickly, wrapping him in a hug and he felt Raph near him, eyes solid and supportive.

"You did what you had to do." His gruff brother stated, "Whatever that was you did it to survive and were glad you did."

"There isn't any dishonor in it," Leo added with pure conviction, "You kept yourself and April alive in unbelievable circumstances. I don't think any of us can say what we would or wouldn't have done in that situation."

"We don't judge bro," Mikey added, motioning his arms in a round pattern to encompass them all, "This is a blameless circle up in here."

This time he couldn't hold back tears. He felt them start and began to stream. Embarrassed at his blatant emotionalism Donnie lowered his face. His brothers were kind enough to give him a moment to collect himself and as he did Donatello was shocked to find the fear was gone. The stress of believing his brother's could never accept what he had done. He wiped at his eyes one more time before smiling a real smile.

"You have no idea what that means to me." He replied softly.

They stood together in silence, with only the sounds of dripping and running water around them. In the background he could hear his boys, their nervousness forgotten and their playful yells coming from the lair.

"So that thing the kids did?" Mikey ventured, pressing his fingers together.

"Yeah…" Donnie let his voice drift, "I honestly have no idea what that was. I've never experienced it before. I guess that's what it's like for them. Just being with one another. Together and connected."

They all took it in.

"You think we can all do it again?" Mikey asked now with hopeful eyes, "Because, really, it was pretty awesome."

Donnie shook his head, smiling as he draped an arm over his brother's shoulders as they moved together towards the liar.

"I don't know." He answered, "Hopefully."

He smiled. There was so much he didn't understand but, for the first time in a long time, he felt he was a little closer to achieving his goals and little more secure in the knowledge that he had his family back.