A Cut in the Bloodline
By: Screaming With Your mouth Shut
Chapter 4: Speak For yourself
Auska's POV:
"It... it really is you..."
...
...
...
I stepped off of the scale, not wishing to see the haunting red digits flash in front of me. I couldn't, I could never muster the courage to do so. I tried. I tried so hard! What the hell is wrong with me? It doesn't matter what I do, nothing seems to-
Knock, Knock
I stood frozen. Oh god... how long was I in the bathroom for...?
"Auska, are you done yet? We're leaving in 45 minutes."
Oh... right... I completely forgot that Misato and I were sharing a room. I shuffled back towards my small pile of clothes. What stood before me, was a full body mirror. Why was it here? What good was it doing? I tried to cover it up with my towel, but it wouldn't completely get rid of the image it would project. The real me. No matter what, it was still there, starring at me as I starred back. I hated it.
"Okay! I'll be out in a second!" I yelled back to her.
Fat. That was all I could think of when I saw myself. The mirror showed otherwise, but I knew deep down, that I was hideous. I could spend hours arguing with myself, I had to be the best, I had to be on top. Not only did I have to be the best at piloting EVA, I had to be the best looking as well, I had to win, always. But no matter what, the eating disorder would win, everytime.
All those hours spent at the gym were only a mask, a shadow of my true self. I had to give myself the impression that I was doing this to improve my health. But when I looked at my reflection, a part of me couldn't help but point out the fact that my ribs were poking out of my chest, and my hip bones threatened to tare through my skin at any moment. The rational part of my mind screamed at me to stop, but I would never listen to it. I will never give in. I wanted to be beautiful, perfect in every way... even if that meant starving myself. The real me...
My mask always remained in place. I would lie to everyone. I ate very little, sometimes nothing at all. And when I did, I would purge it all out immediately. My body must hate me, I don't blame it. But I couldn't stand the feeling of food inside of me, no, I had to be pretty, no matter the cause. It hurt, I knew that this behavior was having repercussions on me. For one, I slept more then usual, I was dizzy and tired most of the day, and lacked strength to do even the most basic tasks. The others quickly noticed this, but I would always brush them off, saying that it was just exhaustion, I would plaster that fake smile I carry around with me while I lie between my teeth, telling them everything will be okay. Heh, sometimes, I even feeling like I'm lying to myself.
I sighed to myself, before zipping up the rest of my jacket. I turned to leave before some strange force stopped me. I had to. Absolutely had to. I spun on my knees, facing towards the mirror again. I couldn't help myself. Why am I so drawn to this? Is there something I'm forgetting...? Who am I trying to fool, myself or the mirror... Taking in a deep breath, I slowly moved towards the object in the corner of the room.
I'm pretty sure my violent coughing and hacking could be heard all throughout the hotel floor. I wonder if they would listen to me. I wonder if there's anyone around to stop me. It didn't matter. The toilet was my best friend, it was always there for me, even when there was nobody else to talk to. It understands me. The real me... After a while, I managed to control to myself, and the coughing soon subsided. It felt wonderful, truly wonderful to be perfect. But I wasn't satisfied yet. Taking in a deep breath, I slowly stuck my fingers back down my throat, triggering yet another waving of violent coughs and dry heaving. Maybe if I stay like this a little while longer... grabbing a roll of toilet paper, I wiped up my face, and all along my mouth. This was amazing, what it truly must feel to be perfect. I couldn't help but paint a small smile across my lips. And with one last glance, I pulled the leaver on the toilet, not only flushing down yesterdays meal, but my regret along with it.
You're way to thin...
Then why am I still heavy?
"What are you guys going here..."
What? That doesn't sound like anything Shinji would say at all... Isn't he happy to see us? He looks so... blank... his tone of voice, one of fear and anger. What have we possibly done to him? It wasn't us that made him go through that nightmare. Even his daughter holds the same blank face as him. What, does it run in the family or something?
"What do you mean 'what are you guys doing here", where here for you of coarse." It was clear Ritsuko was the one to handle this... "Reunion"...
That was when Shinji's gun became known. The click of the hammer being pulled back was almost unmistakable. Now I kind of regret leaving my gun at the hotel room.
"Shinji, buddy, don't you remember us?!"
Of coarse he remembers us you idiot. I mentally face palmed. Why did we have to bring him along... He isn't going to do much good here is he.
"What do you want..."
I flinched at the tone of his voice. It was so hollow and... lifeless... I don't understand, did we do something particular to make him hate us? I then notice that he had a bit of a protective stance in front of his daughter. What the fuck does he think we're going to do, kidnap her?
"Uh ha ha... Shinji it's us... you're friends..."
Speak for yourself, Toji...
"You are not my friends... I barely even know you..."
Okay, now he's really starting to piss me off. Just who does he think he is? We came all the way over to see him, and he treats us like shit! You're lucky you're attractive or else I would have to take my foot to that pretty little face of yours.
"Shinji... this isn't like-"
"I'm not going to pilot for you, so you can forget it. Goodbye."
That was the last straw, I snapped.
"NOW LISTEN HERE!"
I even surprised myself there, I never realized I could reach octaves that high before. I digress...
"We flew half way across the world just to see you, there is no way in HELL that you are just going to blow us off like this..."
I took his silence as a reason to continue, at least something got through that head of his...
"...besides... why do you hate us so much... what did we ever do to you!"
All of this was starting to make my blood boil. I needed to calm down, I could already feel the dizziness start to hit me. I quickly found myself leaning against the railing. Man... why do I feel so tired all of a sudden?
"I want nothing to do with NERV. I made it perfectly clear that I-"
"That you what? Shinji, your mother has been absolutely heart broken since you left. There are still people who care about you back at NERV, people who want you back. We all came here, because we want you back. We don't care about the Evangelions anymore. It's history. Why wont you listen to us!"
It looked like Ritsuko was about to burst into tears, I've never seen her this emotional in quite along time. There was a long drawn out silence, as Ritsuko attempted to get a hold of herself.
"I'm sorry..."
Hehe, I guess old habits die hard don't they. Still apologizing for everything, hey?
"...but I'm not going with you... Goodbye."
"NO, Shinji, wait!"
But Ritsuko's desperate plea's weren't enough. By then he had already closed the door. As we descended down the steps and towards the SUV, I couldn't help but wonder why he held so much negativity towards us. I didn't know. The whole world felt like it was spinning to fast.
This was a disaster.
Misato's POV:
HE WHAT?!
Just what the hell is going through this damn kids head? I thought he would be happy to see us, but he completely gave us the middle finger. I sighed in utter defeat. I should of went with them. Dammit why did I stay. I've been his guardian for a year, he would surely show something towards me. The way he acted towards Auska, Ritz, and Toji... Shinji, what happened to you?
"We're going to be a little late. Some sort of accident or something happened on the highway."
Sigh... "It's alright, It'll give me time to think of a new strategy."
Like hell we were going to leave him. We didn't worry for 14 years, take 2 air planes, and sleep in a cold hotel room for nothing. But it doesn't seem like he wants to return, or have anything to do with us. Part of me wants to leave him be and return back to Japan. But dammit, I deserve to happy to! I want him back just as much as the rest of us. Isolating his daughter like that, honestly Shinji... Why are you doing this to me?
"Alright, we'll be there soon, Auska's not looking to well, could possibly be that she picked something up on the way here."
Oh. So that's why the hotel bathroom smelt like vomit this morning.
"Understood, see you then."
Click!
Sigh... What am I going to do?
I glanced down at my phone, which was resting in my lap. Without even thinking, I snatched it up and dialed Kaji's number.
Rei's POV:
'You have 24-hours to vacate your apartment.'
I took one last look around my old apartment room. I couldn't believe it, I still couldn't believe it. This had been my home for most of my life. And now, I have to leave it all behind. The memories, the times I spent in here, when he came. Gone. The city had been planning on clearing this plot of land for quite some time now, it was only a matter of time till NERV gave them the approval. I didn't know how to react, I didn't know how to feel about the situation. It felt like the hole in my heart grew bigger. Did the commander really see me as worthless enough, that he could just toss me away with the flick of a pen? How much more shall I suffer? Will I ever find happiness again? I just didn't know anymore.
I closed my eyes. I had nothing left. Nothing, besides the clothes on my back, and the three most valuable items I held dear to my heart. Reaching into my jean pocket, I pulled out the gold necklace. I held it in my hand, starring down at the shiny gold charm at the end. I felt ashamed of myself. I actually thought about selling it. I needed the money. I needed to eat. But I couldn't sell it. I could never bring myself to do such a thing. Not when its from Shinji-kun. It just meant to much to me. I figured I could survived without eating for a few days if that's what it took. The feeling of acceptance and love meant to much to me, I just couldn't abandon.
...but in the end, he was the one who abandoned me...
No, he will come back, I'm sure of it. And when he does, I'll be waiting, always.
Always...
Always...
Always...
That thought never failed to lift my spirits. Remaining my his side, it was all that I ever wanted. All I ever dreamt of. Whether I am able to have children or not is still questionable. But it was an idea I found myself leaning more and more towards. Spending many slow days and sleepless nights pondering. Yes, that was what I wanted. Something to prove mine and Ikari's love.
But... what if he found somebody else?
Would he... betray me like that?
No... I found myself shaking my head. He told me I was special. That I meant alot to him. What about that night. I soon found myself blushing as I remembered the events that had happened... February 17th...
"S-so... uhhh w-what do you think...?" Shinji asked.
I was honestly speechless.
"I-I... t-thank you..." I replied.
I smiled that same smile I did for him, only for him...
"H-here... t-turn around... I'll... I'll put it on for y-you..." He replied back.
I did as instructed... Suddenly...
"I-I-I c-can't s-s-seem to..." It sounded like he was choking on his words.
I had this crazy idea...
I began unbuttoning the top of my blouse.
"R-Rei! Y-you don't h-have t-to..." What was he getting so worked up about?
"Y-you... need to b-be able to... get to my neck... c-correct?"
I finally realized...
"Y-yeah... but..."
I was as nervous as he was...
I felt his hand brush up against the back of my neck.
Something inside me snapped...
I reached behind and grasped his hand as he locked the two ends of the necklace together.
I heard him gasp...
"R-Rei!"
I felt... hot...
"S-Shinji-kun... I-I..."
I don't even remember how I found myself sitting on his lap...
I looked into his eyes... It was then that I saw something new... Something had changed in him...
His face kept inching towards mine...
"Happy..." I heard him whisper, his face still drawing towards mine.
Why did my heart stop...?
"...Birthday..."
Our lips lightly touched...
"I love you." I blurted out. I remembered... I immediately started kicking myself for saying that out loud. I was to afraid to look him in the eye, so I had no idea how he reacted. But I knew one thing for sure... I meant what I said...
I'll remain by your side... always... and forever...
I opened my eyes, letting out a small, inaudible sigh, I turned towards the door.
A/N: I Apologize for the late chapter. I had been pretty preoccupied this summer. Also, this chapter is a little shorter then usual, but I felt like I had to push something out anyways. If you haven't noticed, I've been wanting to take this fic into another direction. I hope I didn't go to over board with Auska having an eating disorder, and with Rei seemingly going out of character. Not like ooc really matters anymore. Fourteen years can do alot. But I'm on my way to shaping Rei into the character I want her to be for the remainder of the fic. I had to borrow a couple ideas from other fics, I haven't been thinking of many ideas lately. Anyways, has anyone seen 3.33? What a disaster. Completely put me off writing for a while, let alone the entire franchise as a whole. I was pretty disappointed, and judging by the pm's I've been receiving, I'm not the only one who thinks that aswell. Oh well, next chapter, expect some adult content. The rating will be changed from T to M. I will be dwelling more into everyone's 'dark' self soon, so look forward to that. Anyways, thanks for reading! Cheers!