A/N: :D Hello, everyone! Here is the story, and I hope you all enjoy. Warning: This is very, very, incredibly AU. Surprised? Also, although it is AU, it is also based off of the movie universe.

Melkor's Restaurant is an establishment owned and run by Lord Sauron, not by Melkor as one would at first think. The dark Melkor was cast into the void by competing restaurant owners, but he left his restaurant to his surviving lieutenant, Sauron.

Lord Sauron did not look like a threat to the competition at first, so they let him be; but they came to regret that decision in the end.

The restaurant is changed. I taste it in the beverages, I taste it in the entrees. I smell it in the air... Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it.

It began with the baking of the Great Cupcakes.

Three were given to the Elves, immortal, most talented... most tasteful of all beings.

Seven to the Dwarf Lords, great cooks and bakers of the pubs and taverns.

And nine... nine cupcakes were gifted to the race of Men who, above all else, desire chocolate.

For within these cupcakes was bound the strength and will to feed each race.

But they were all of them deceived... for another cupcake was made.

In Melkor's Restaurant, in the fires of the Oven of Doom, the great chef Sauron baked in secret a Master Cupcake to control all others. And into this Cupcake he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all sustenance.

One Cupcake to rule them all...

One by one the cheap restaurants fell to the power of the Cupcake. But there were some who resisted. A last alliance of Men and Elves entered in a competition against the bakers of Sauron's restaurant. In the Oven of Doom they competed for the freedom of the food industry. Victory was near!

But the power of the Cupcake could not be undone. The great chef Sauron ate all the competing baked goods. But with great courage, one critic, named Elendil, denounced Sauron as a cheater. Sauron killed him.

It was in this moment, when all hope had faded, that Isildur, son of the critic, took up his father's pen.

He wrote a scathing review about the dark chef's foods. Sauron, the enemy of the free customers of Melkor's Restaurant, was defeated.
The Cupcake passed to Isildur, who had this one chance to destroy evil forever.

But the hearts of Men are easily corrupted by chocolate. And the Cupcake of power has a will of its own. It gave Isildur a dreadful, insatiable desire for chocolate; he ate too much, and the Cupcake betrayed him to his death.

And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost.

History became legend, legend became myth. And for two and a half thousand years the Cupcake passed out of all knowledge. Until, when chance came, it ensnared a new eater.

The Cupcake came to the customer Gollum, who took it deep into the sewers of the town.

There he consumed it, but there was ever more. It was never gone. 'It came to me. My own. My love... my preciousness.' That is what he called it, for such is what it was.

The Cupcake brought to Gollum unnatural long life. For five hundred years it poisoned him. And in the gloom of Gollum's sewer it waited.

Darkness crept back into the restaurants of the town. Rumor grew of food poisoning in the East, whispers of a nameless brand. And the Cupcake of power perceived. Its time had now come. It abandoned Gollum.

But something happened then the Cupcake did not intend.

It was picked up by the most unlikely customer imaginable... A fast-food eater, Bilbo Baggins of McDonald's.

The time will soon come when fast-food eaters will shape the meals of all.

Warning: Do not proceed past this point if you have unpleasant reactions to randomness, etc. It gets worse in the next chapters. Prepare yourselves for craziness.
~The Management

A/N: This story may not proceed very rapidly, because I'm working on several others. Be warned!
:) :) :) :) :) Please review! Reviews are awesome. I will love you forever! (: (: (: (: (: