A/N: Originally started writing this for Swan Queen Week (Fake Relationship) but didn't have time to finish it, so yes, it's super late but I didn't think I'd have time for this at all considering the timing coincided with my trip… So enjoy the SQ week treat although SQW is long over… Unedited so I apologize for any mistakes. Also, don't take this seriously, like, at all. I'd say it's mild crack... if that makes sense.

"You want me to do what?" she exclaims, completely scandalized by the Savior's proposition.

"Please? I'll do anything you want!" she's nearly begging now, her voice a mixture of a plea and a whine. "I just… I kissed him a few times and now he thinks we're soul mates and true love and all that mushy crap." She rolls her eyes at the memory, he just wouldn't take no for an answer. Apparently once you kiss someone, even if it's out of desperation and means absolutely nothing to you, it means you're helplessly in love with them. This is precisely why she doesn't do relationships, most men are idiots. Though never in a million years would she have expected a fucking pirate to be so damn clingy.

The disgust is clear on the mayor's face now as she can't help but picture the blonde locking lips with that… pirate. She shivers internally at the imagery, it's almost more disturbing than the two idiots publicly displaying their affection. "You kissed that oaf?" she asks incredulously.

The blonde worries her bottom lip, averting the queen's gaze as she looks down and shrugs before practically squeaking out a "uh… yes?"

"What on earth possessed you to do such a thing?"

"Well… we weren't exactly on earth… I don't think, at the time. Neverland isn't on earth, is it? Maybe it is, I don't know… I mean…" she sighs exasperatedly, her counterpart rolling her eyes at her babbling, "can you please just do this for me?"

"Alright, let's see if I'm understanding this correctly. You kissed that buffoon, and now, rather than just tell him that you are no longer interested, you want me to pretend to be your… girlfriend?" she practically spits out the last word, as though it leaves a foul taste in her mouth.

"Basically, yeah." she winces and shies away, preparing herself for the lash out that she's sure will come from the brunette.

It doesn't, surprisingly. Instead the mayor furrows her brow, tilts her head to the side and looks at her in what looks to be a mix of confusion and wonderment. "You're the Savior, Miss Swan. You have friends and family and fools pining over you, practically anyone in this town would do anything you asked of them…" her voice softens and she wears the oddest expression on her face. "And of all the people you could ask, you chose to approach the Evil Queen?" It isn't until the words come out that Emma realizes what that expression is; disbelief. But it isn't what one would expect, it isn't perturbed or patronizing like her previous expressions, instead it's full of wonder… and some form of self-doubt and loathing.

"You're not evil, Regina." her voice is so soft, so gentle that she almost can't believe it's really her that's talking, but it is, she knows. It's that part of her that comes out in the rarest of occasions and it's then that she realizes she cares about her son's other mother more than she ever thought she would. "Not anymore. And well… we do share a son. It's not that unbelievable that we could be… you know, more." She shrugs again, once again biting down on her bottom lip to quiet her nerves.

Regina continues to stare at her in awe and open adoration and it sends strange tingles down the Savior's body. The moment starts to feel too intense then, especially when the queen is looking at her the way she is so she attempts to relieve the tension, adding a quip at the end that is sure to appall the formerly evil queen, "you don't want Hook to be Henry's new stepfather, now do you, Your Majesty?"

It creates the desired effect as the queen takes a step back, clearly taken aback and Emma does her best to stifle the laugh that threatens to erupt at the mayor's reaction.

"So…" she tries again, before Regina even has a chance to respond verbally to the ridiculousness of her suggestion, "will you do it?" She looks away again, unwilling to see the rejection she knows is coming.

"Fine." That's it, that's her answer and Emma can't even hide her surprise as she whips her head back up to look at the queen.

"Fine? Really?" she searches the other woman's face for any hint of a lie and she doesn't see any. The queen smirks at her then and she grins in response.

"Don't make me change my mind, Miss Swan." she deadpans.

Her grin falls then as she rolls her eyes but it doesn't change the fact that Regina actually agreed to be her (albeit fake) girlfriend. So she finds herself smiling again and correcting her new girlfriend in an all too teasing tone, "And it's Emma, my love." She winks as the mayor shakes her head, trying desperately to hide the smile with her supposed disapproval, but Emma knows her too well to be fooled.

They're in the Sheriff's office now, Regina has once again made herself quite comfortable, sitting on the desk, one leg daintily crossed over the other looking unbelievably powerful and… quite sexy. An impassive expression graces her face as she eyes the Sheriff as she 'works'. Truly Emma is simply pretending to do paperwork to avoid a tense staring match or some sort of awkward conversation with the mayor, but if Regina knows, she doesn't show it.

Then her phone suddenly begins to buzz, luckily she's currently got it on silent because the last thing she needs right now is for Regina to insult her based on her choice of ringtone (and she just knows the mayor would not approve of her choices, especially not the one she has picked out for the queen herself, though if she were honest, part of the reason she had chosen them was the knowledge that they would irk the other woman). She picks up her phone to find a short text from Killian, who, despite being incapable of changing his clothes, has managed to learn how to use a cellphone. The message is complete with 'C3' which she suspects is meant to be some sort of smiley face. She sets the phone down and lifts her gaze to the mayor, who is now staring at her quite intently.

"That was Hook," she answers the brunette's unspoken question, "he's on his way now so I guess we should... you know..." she waves her hand in the air between the two of them before standing up, "act girlfriendy or something."

"I'm quite certain I've never seen the word 'girlfriendy' in a dictionary, dear." She holds back a smirk at the Sheriff's disgruntled expression, maintaining her impassive mask as she continues, "but I suppose we should act as a... couple if we are to convince the one hand wonder of our little farce."

"So umm..." the Savior shifts from foot to foot, one hand in her pocket while the other tangles itself between blonde locks, "how should we... I mean..."

The mayor shakes her head ever so slightly, unable to hide her amusement at how flustered the other woman has become. She uncrosses her legs, her skirt riding up just a little, and beckons her with a single finger, "come here and stop babbling, dear, it's unbecoming." The sheriff silently does as told, stopping an arm's length in front of the older woman, a sheepish smile gracing her features. Regina suppresses the urge to roll her eyes and instead reaches out, settling her hands on the other woman's shoulders and pulling her closer, so that the blonde is now standing between her legs.

Emma's face turns a deep pink as she feels the warmth emanating from the other woman, it's not like she can help it, considering Regina's practically got her legs wrapped around her, legs clad only in sheer pantyhose and a skirt that, because of the way she's sitting, is just barely covering her... upper legs - yeah, upper legs because she really doesn't need to think about the woman's ass or her lady parts when she's this close.

She doesn't realize she's been staring down at the woman's upper legs until she feels warm fingers lifting her chin, she can feel the blood rush to her face, can almost imagine her own head turning into a tomato from the embarrassment as she lifts her gaze to meet the queen's. The fact that those plump red lips are lifted into a smirk certainly doesn't help matters, either.

Before she can say anything, luckily, a door is opened and shut and footsteps that can belong to none other than Killian Jones make their way towards them. Neither woman moves, though both are well aware of the new presence in the room, Emma starts to pull back when the steps cease, but Regina tightens her grip on her shoulders just enough for her to know that she is not yet allowed to move, so she doesn't. Instead she stays, sharing the air occupying the limited space between them until the pirate clears his throat and the mayor looks up, one eyebrow raised to showcase how displeased she is with the interruption. It's an act, the Savior reminds herself, Regina is pretending to be your girlfriend and thus must pretend to hate the interruption. Her dislike of the man himself, however, is completely real.

"What do you want, pirate?" the mayor practically spits out, and if she didn't know Regina was acting, she would be completely convinced herself, especially when she lowers her hands and possessively grips the Savior's forearms.

Emma finally turns at that, and it's just in time to see the mix of confusion and hurt warring on the pirate's face. She almost feels guilty for the lie she's about to tell him, because she knows how much it's going to hurt him. Almost. Because she knows that if she doesn't go through with this now, he'll never stop following her around and it's getting far too annoying to allow it to continue any longer. Besides, there's a little part of her that's enjoying this, watching the Evil Queen intimidate Captain Hook. The thought alone makes her want to laugh. She doesn't, of course, laughing would just be completely stupid right now.

"Swan?" he asks, and it's more of a plea than a question. Nothing has been confirmed, but really, you would have to be a complete imbecile not to assume there was something going on between herself and the mayor when the brunette's legs are practically wrapped around her torso. She knows for sure that if she walked in on any two people in the position they're in now she'd think they were making out, at the very least, so...

She shrugs sheepishly and squeaks out a timid "hi." He smiles momentarily but then Regina pulls her closer to herself ever so slightly and the smile is overtaken by his previous expression once more.

There's an awkward pause and her gaze bounces between the pirate and the queen and while Hook looks a little heartbroken, there's a fire in Regina's eyes that is nothing short of worrisome. So she carefully extracts herself from the mayor's hold, standing close enough to touch her but not so close as to appear inappropriate, pushes back her hair and hides her hands in her pockets. Regina then lifts herself off the desk, coming to stand next to her, her arm brushing against the sheriff's as she clears her throat and releases an expectant "well?"

"I, uh... well..." he fiddles with his Hook for a moment, studying the two women before he shakes his head slightly, rolls his eyes and clears his throat. It's pretty clear what that means, he's already shaken off the idea, deeming it absurd and a work of his imagination, because the Savior and the Evil Queen (who already share a son!) being in a relationship is completely impossible, apparently. That's when that all too smug smirk tugs at his lips and he shifts his gaze to look only at Emma as he says, "I was just wondering if the Lady Swan would like to accompany me to lunch." His eyes sweep her body from head to toe, lingering a little too long in certain areas before returning to her eyes expectantly.

"Look, Killian... I-" before the blonde can even finish her sentence the queen cuts in with a stern "she's not interested, pirate."

He raises a brow at the interruption but otherwise completely ignores the brunette which is never a good thing, Emma can practically feel the anger radiating off the other woman so she places a hand on her forearm, like she's done so many times before, to try and calm her down, though her eyes are still on Killian.

"No, she's right. I'm not interested. Because, well... you see... I'm kind of... Regina and I we're... well..." and there goes the babbling and stumbling like the idiot Regina probably already thinks she is, but she can't seem to stop herself, can't seem to form the words, even though this whole thing was her own idea. So, maybe she really is an idiot and maybe Hook is exactly who she deserves, because idiots just don't deserve to be with someone they love who loves them just as much. So really, maybe it's time to stop this whole charade and give in to the dashing man who wants her so badly. She's about to do it, tell the truth and just stop fighting it when a hand suddenly grips the back of her head, clings to her hair and spins her around so that she's facing the older woman. Regina's eyes are darker than usual and there's a mix of anger and irritation and... something else in her eyes but she moves too quickly for the blonde to study her any longer because soon soft full lips are smacked onto her thin dry lips.

The kiss is... well, it's not exactly ideal. It's rushed and a little forced and just a tad awkward. There's no real feeling in it, except maybe a little angry passion but it's not the toe curling kiss that has you floating on air for days on end. It's a bit disappointing, actually, and it's over so soon that if it weren't for her own erratic breathing and the smeared lipstick on the darker woman's lips then she would have a hard time believing it had actually happened. But it had, clearly. Regina's panting just as hard as she is but there's that anger burning in her eyes and she's staring at the leather clad pirate like she's contemplating his murder. And if this were a movie or a cartoon, perhaps it would even be comical, because there's this horrified grimace on Killian's face as he stares right back at the two of them, no doubt attempting to digest the display he'd just witnessed.

Unfortunately, Hook recovers quicker than expected, because suddenly he's looking smug all over again and really could this possibly get any worse? Yes, of course it can, because there's a long list of things Regina hates and if their trip to Neverland is anything to go by, smugness is one of those things.

Regina takes a step towards the pirate then, forming a fireball in her hand as she does so, which is just not entirely helpful right now. So she does what she supposes a girlfriend is supposed to do when her partner goes into Evil Queen mode and reaches out to her. Her fingers wrap around the queen's forearm once more, just in time to stop her from throwing the fireball while attempting to bring her back to reality, "Gina, babe. Please don't."

The 'Gina' thing was not intentional, at all. In fact, she has no idea where that came from or why the hell it chose to come out of her mouth, but if anyone (and by anyone, she means her fake girlfriend) asks, then it's a cute nickname she uses because she loves her and stuff and it's the kind of girlfriendy thing that girlfriends. She doesn't really love her, obviously, it's pretend. Fake relationship, fake love. Fake, fake, fake, fake, fake. Not that that's important right now, because what really is important is the fact that it worked. Regina closes her fist and the fire is gone as she turns to look into Emma's eyes. Emma smiles softly, a little on the sad side and Regina nods with the smallest hint of a smile in return.

"Like I was about to say," she turns back to look at Hook, squeezing the queen's arm ever so gently in reassurance, "I'm not interested... in you, because I'm already in love with somebody else." She glances back to the queen as she finishes, unaware of the smile tugging at her lips but completely aware of the moist eyes that greet her. She's not entirely sure what's happening, maybe Regina really is just an incredible actress, but she really feels like... well, she's not sure but it feels like something. And something is a whole hell of a lot more than nothing.

"Oh please," Hook scoffs, breaking the moment, "I've kissed barmaids with more passion than that sorry excuse for a kiss you two just shared. Look, I understand if you're scared, love. I was afraid to love again for a time, too." He walks up to them then, ignoring Regina once more, as he invades the blonde's personal space, his rum scented breath caressing her face as he reaches out and grabs her free hand, "But what you and I share, Swan, it's meant to be. I know you feel it."

She's used to his advances by now, or at least, she should be, but regardless, her grip on the mayor's arm tightens and it's a testament to her threshold for pain that Regina doesn't even squirm or make any sort of protest as the Savior's knuckles go white with the pressure she's exerting on the older woman. "I disagree," she grits out. "I don't feel anything for you, except maybe pity."

"Don't do this, Swan, pretending you're with the Evil Queen? No one in this town would believe it, because it isn't possible. What you and I share, however-"

"Don't call her that!" She barks out before taking a ragged breath and bringing her voice back down to a normal level, "Hook, I'm serious, back off."

To his credit, he seems a bit taken aback at the outburst, and if Emma turned to look, she would see the shock on the queen herself.

He tries again, of course, persistent ass that he is, "come on, love."

"That's enough!" Regina finally cuts in, "Emma is mine, now go find yourself one of your passionate barmaids, pirate." She makes a shooing motion with her free hand as she says this, as though he's no more than a minor annoyance, like some sort of pesky insect. It's enough to make Emma release her hold on the woman, no longer needing the crutch. She regrets it almost instantly, though, the loss of warm soft skin against her palm hard to miss.

"You can't honestly expect me to believe, after that rather poor display earlier, that Your Majesty has any sort of feelings for the Lady Swan, daughter of your long time nemesis? You can't possibly understand how strong our love..." he continues on about how right he and Emma are and how ridiculous it is to even pretend that the Evil Queen and the Savior could ever share anything even remotely close to what he and Emma apparently do. Emma's heard it all before, of course, and Regina stopped listening to him quite some time ago. The one thing neither Emma nor Killian expect, though, is what the queen does next, which just proves to be the number one way to shut him up and put this whole thing to rest (or so the women hope).

Regina drops her hand down to the Savior's jean-clad thigh, startling the sheriff with the sudden contact. She squeezes Emma's thigh just a little before sliding her hand further and possessively cupping the younger woman's sex. "Mine." is all the older woman hisses, her tone leaving no room for debate and her eyes practically staring holes into the man's skull. The open mouthed shock on both the pirate and the Savior is more than comical, but the queen's only response is a victorious smirk. Emma snaps her mouth shut eventually, but it's only really because the mayor increases the pressure she exerts on the blonde's crotch. Emma gulps audibly, more than embarrassed by the extent to which the mayor has taken this little act. She's also really, really glad she's wearing jeans right now because her panties are incredibly soaked and she's pretty sure the material of her jeans is thick enough to conceal that fact, at least for the time being. She doesn't jerk away or pull the older woman's hand off, however, because as embarrassing as the situation is, judging by Killian's slack-jawed expression, it's quite effective.

Hook mumbles out something unintelligible before pretty much running out of the Sheriff's station with his tail between his legs (not a real tail, unfortunately, he's not one of those fairytale characters, but really, he could be with a simple flick of the wrist... but that's a little too mean to come from the Savior and apparently Regina is content enough with the cowardly reaction that she doesn't appear to entertain the thought).

When the unwanted suitor has disappeared from their sight, they continue to stare out in the direction he left in silence.

It takes a few moments, but the rising heat in her lower belly reminds Emma of the exact position they're in at the moment, because of course Regina has yet to remove her hand and of course Emma hasn't tried to remove it, either.

Another awkward moment passes until Emma finally coughs and asks "uh… Regina?" The mayor turns her head to look at her and hums in response, "do you think you could… maybe um… move your hand?"

Regina cocks an eyebrow and stares at the blonde for a moment before she speaks, her voice a deep husk. "I don't see how this is necessary now that the one hand wonder is gone, but, well… alright." And then she does move her hand, slowly, teasingly, rubbing Emma's jean clad crotch with purposeful fingers.

That wasn't exactly what she meant when she asked her to move her fingers but... well... is it really worth complaining over when - oh damn it, did the mayor just make her moan?

A/N: I'm not even gonna lie, this was totally inspired by the 'Wilson doesn't believe Huddy is canon' moment… though I haven't actually watched it in years but the memory came to me and well… how could I resist? And by that I mean that I wrote all that just to have Regina grab Emma's crotch in front of Hook. Regrets? Hell no.

If it didn't take me so damn long to finish this stupid little fic, I'd probably continue it just to have a series of situations wherein Regina inappropriately touches Emma to make others uncomfortable. But as it is, I got stuck on a part of this for far too long and I'm already making people wait too long on other fics, so this is all, at least for now. Reviews would certainly be appreciated!