The Whole World in His Eyes

I like you
And that's a lie
No, I do love you
I'd never want to hurt you
So
I like you
You loved me
To think that there was a song like this
I want to laugh with you

—Ai Kotoba, DECO*27 ft. Hatsune Miku

My first ever coherent memory was that of the wetness trickling down the back of my head, and the harsh hissing of raindrops as they hit the stones.

Mother.

The word was unfamiliar, but instinctively, I knew that it was what I was longing for—

(Warmth.)

(Food.)

(Shelter.)

Where am I?

"Oh."—something with a big voice was approaching me. I crouch down among the stones and try to make myself seem small so that it wouldn't attack me.

Please… don't come any closer…

"Poor thing's soaked through."

It picked me up with its long hairless paws, and I peered into its face, into its strange, dark eyes with round pupils. Its dark fur fell down the sides of its smooth face.

Ah.

This is "warmth."

And then, I realize, from some hidden corner of my mind, that this was a "human."

"Hm… Eru might like a cat as a pet."

Eru?

But his warm paws were soon cupped around my small body, and I soon drifted to sleep, lulled by the smooth rocking motion of his stride.

"He's a beauty, isn't he, Eru?"

"Un!"

The next thing I felt was a tentative stroke down my body by a careful little human-paw, and the soft darkness as it tried to pull me back into sleep.

"I found him hiding under a tree from the rain. His mother seems to have been nowhere to be found."(—oh, it was the human who took me away.)

"That's sad…" (—what a small, delicate voice.)

I don't understand what it was saying, but I like it a lot better than the first one's big voice.

"Isn't it? Would you take care of him for me while I am away?"

"Yes, Uncle Jun!"

A soft rustle. I then realized that I was lying on something extremely soft.

"How about you name him, eh, Eru?"

"But…"

I open my eyes, and look up at the two humans that were talking above me. The smaller one turned her head upon sensing my movement, and gasped.

"He's awake!"

"Yep. Might be hungry."

A small dish of something was placed before me, and it was not until I was lapping it up when I knew that it was milk.

This is "food."

"Uncle, look, his eyes…"

"They might be the greenest green I've ever seen in a cat's eyes."

"They're like the color of growing rice plants!"

"Haha. That's a farmer's daughter for you."

A sliding sound, and another human walked into the room. "Sekitani-san, you might be late for your flight if you don't leave soon."

"Right." The first human stood up, while the second, shorter human with the small voice and long, straight, shiny black fur produced water out of her eyes.

"I wish you didn't have to go, Uncle Jun…"

"Same here. But I must. Anyway, I'll be back sooner than you'll expect, so don't cry."

"Mm." The first human patted the smaller one on the head, and went away. The third human accompanied him out of the door.

The small human remained beside me, wiping the water away from her eyes, and then she pointed a finger at herself.

"I am Eru," she said, lightly, bravely, and she held out a hand to me. I stay put, and let her stroke my ears. Her skin is soft and her touch gentle.

And this… This is "shelter."

It was then that I decided that I like this human. Or, no, not exactly like…

Maybe more along the lines of "I don't hate her."

(Yes. That's more like it.)

From the shivering little thing that I had been, I become stouter and stronger as the days passed.

I learn how to run up and down the garden to chase the birds, and snag one from flight.

(Almost like flying, myself.)

I learn how to climb trees and jump from a high branch, landing on my feet every time.

(And they say that cats have nine lives.)

I learn to enjoy solid food, and even express my preferences.

(I especially like field mice. I often get taken to the rice field for this purpose.)

I learn to keep up with this little human Chitanda Eru as she goes around the house to satisfy her curiosity, experiencing things with her little hands and feet and body.

What she experiences, I experience as well.

We were inseparable.

As the days turned into weeks and dragged on, I slowly become accustomed to the noises that the humans in this big house were producing, and even learn the meaning of some of them.

Sometimes, the human named Jun visits the house, and I know the days when he was visiting because the usually subdued Eru becomes happier and pinker than usual, and submits me to many more hugs than was tolerable.

I usually ditch her when Jun arrives at the entrance, and find a place to hide in for the day.

(I like Jun, but his voice is still big, and even if I think I could like what he says, I don't like how it comes out in his scary tones.)

However, sometimes, even when I know what someone is trying to tell me to do, I simply ignore them and they think that I am as dumb as the next cat. (Which is kind of misleading, but I didn't mind.)

I didn't mind anything except when I am uncomfortable.

I like lounging on the sunlight out in the garden by the pond. I like to spend the afternoons sleeping on the hallway. Or on the top of the closet. Or on Eru's favorite cushion. Or in one of the trees.

(Basically everywhere. I'm not picky when it comes to my favorite hobby.)

Sometimes, they would scold me when I climb up certain places, or eat certain foods, or scratch my claws at something, but usually, they let me do as I please. So I grow to decide that I like this house.

Mainly because it has lots of places to hide and sleep in.

However, sometimes, a lot of people would come in and the noise and chaos would be unimaginable. Sometimes they would greet my human or her father or her mother with "happy birthday". I didn't really understand the fuss, and I didn't like how they intruded into my space.

Sometimes the smaller humans would suddenly pick me up or chase me.

(I'd thank them to leave me alone.)

Because of that, I came to understand that compared to most of the others, my human is more considerate and more honest and more caring, and slowly, my feeling of not-hate began to grow.

I began to not-hate her more than my naps, and my food, and my little bed.

(I think that in itself should speak for a lot.)

She has never really given me a proper name. To her, perhaps I was only "the gray cat with the green eyes."

Like other trivial matters, I also didn't mind this. However, I have memorized her name.

(Eru.

Eru.

Eru.)

I try to recite it to myself every morning so that I wouldn't forget.

(Not that I would.)

"Ever since we had that cat, it seems as if our harvest has become more bountiful." Her father says this one day during lunch.

"They do say that cats are lucky for a business," her mother laughs.

"I don't think it's particularly because of that, but he's the best mouser I've ever had in a while. Keeps the plants from getting eaten by those pests."

Eru smiles. "Isn't that great?"

"Maybe we should name him something already, other than call him 'the cat'," her mother suggests, and Eru puts down her chopsticks and thinks.

"How about 'Houtarou'?" she finally says. "Written with the characters for 'a watchtower that protects'?"

"Quite the grand name," her father says thoughtfully, "but a good one nonetheless."

And from then on, I became "Houtarou."

My human likes to talk to me whenever she is at home and finished with her chores and duties. (That was what I can never understand at all about humans.)

She tells me things like, "Houtarou-san, I saw so-and-so today at school. I'd like to be her friend, but…" or "Houtarou-san, I'm going to try my best again tomorrow. Such-and-such is hard, but practice makes perfect!"

(…You get the picture.)

I mostly fall asleep when it gets too long, but sometimes, the one-sided conversations segues into serious territory, and when her voice dips just a little and her eyes go downcast, I snap back awake and try with all my might to listen.

Try, mind. I still need my sleep sometimes. I don't think she minds, though.

I could boast wholeheartedly that I alone knew all of her secrets. Eru was, after all, usually quiet and keeps to herself.

(Not when she gets curious about something, though.

Humans always say that "curiosity killed the cat," but Eru was human, so even with the countless times she went off on a tangent about some interesting thing, she was never really the worse for it.

However, sometimes I hoped that she would let me off the hook, sometimes.

I never was one for excitement.)

Cats can never measure how much time has passed, but when I finally noticed that Eru was taller and her big eyes livelier than ever, I finally thought, Ah.

She's all grown up.

(Not that anything much has become different. She still bugs me with stuff, she is still very much the little girl who adopted me, still tires me out with her hundred conversation topics and insatiable curiosity, but I don't really mind.

Maybe, just maybe, I really love the sound of her voice.)

"Houtarou-san, according to legend, when a cat lives to a certain age, it grows another tail and becomes a human."

Eru says that one winter evening as she lies down beside me on her futon and strokes my fur.

Really? I mull over this bit of information, and then yawn and stretch sleepily.

"What will Houtarou-san look like as a human, I wonder? I cannot stop thinking about it."

She again looks at me with those sparkling eyes, and I try to think of an answer even though I couldn't really speak.

(I wonder what's it like, to be a human.)

And during the long days I spent in my human's house, one of them really stood out in my mind.

The house was usually quiet, but today it was more so, as if the merest noise was sacrilegious, and more than once I saw water trickle out of a human's eyes.

I wasn't sure, but I think they started to act like that after when that ringing noise from the hall came.

(I think it was called a "telephone.")

That evening, Eru picked me up and permitted me to sleep beside her. Usually, her mother forbids that, but tonight seems to be special.

She, too, has water trickling from her eyes. I try to lick one from her cheek.

It tasted salty.

"Uncle Jun won't come back anymore," she murmured in a strange voice, and I just watch her steadily. "Never again."

I let her hug me until she fell asleep. I think she needed that.

(Or maybe I fell asleep first, but I cannot really remember such trivial things.)

After that, I never saw Sekitani Jun, the first human in my life, ever again.

I wish I could express that I was affected by this, but…

(I am a cat.)

The days become longer for me.

During the past few weeks, I found that I can no longer move like I used to. I think that is when I finally realize that I am finally what humans call "getting old."

I find it harder to run up and down the garden to chase the birds.

(Frustrating.)

I find it harder to climb trees and jump from certain heights.

(Frustrating.)

I find it harder to eat even my favorite food.

(Frustrating.)

I find it harder to keep up with her boundless energy.

(However, I'm glad—she still is no different from the human I first loved.

I was the one who had changed.)

I still like to play with random stuff that I find all around the house, but then, one day, when my joints become stiffer and the perpetual pain in my chest becomes stronger, I find that sleep was growing to be my only reprieve.

Until when I couldn't even fall asleep anymore.

And when one day I fell from my sleeping place at the porch and did not land on my feet, instead reduced to a trembling heap on the grass, Eru was worried and took me immediately to the vet.

I didn't understand what was said, but ever since then, I cannot even walk around normally anymore. Sometimes, when I really have to move, I limp awkwardly to my destination.

"Tomorrow is your first day at high school," Eru's mother says one evening at the dining table. "How fast time is!"

"I didn't notice how much time has already passed after Uncle Jun has given him to me," Eru replies, and I feel her eyes turn to look at me. "Almost… twelve years, right? I was four then…"

"He's still as taciturn and moody as he was when he was a kit."

"I know. That's one of the things I like about him. He never really does anything specific to comfort me, but… It's as if he listens to me when I tell him something. Like he has the whole world in his eyes."

"Don't you see? You're his world—his whole life." Her mother smiles. "Of course, when he looks at you, he'll have the whole world in his eyes."

Eru smiles sadly. "Ah."

(How can she look so sad and happy at the same time?)

I close my eyes, tired out from the conversation, and, strangely, for the first time in weeks, I easily get sleepy.

The cool spring breeze gnaws at my bones. I couldn't move. Is this the end of the line for me then? Can't I even be granted one day to see my girl off to her first day as a high school student?

My joints scream otherwise, so I don't move.

I feel Eru kneel beside me. "Houtarou-san?"

As always, I don't answer. However, I feel a drop of water on my fur, and I remember that rainy day when I first came here.

I fall asleep.

My first ever coherent memory was that of the wetness trickling down the back of my head.

I guess that'll be the last as well.

(After all, I am just a cat.)

AUTHOR NOTES

[I'd like to think that after that, Eru sees Oreki Houtarou in her music class and thinks, "Yes, that would be Houtarou-san if he were a human, even his name is the same" and memorize his name because of the memories of her cat.]

[And plot twist: Houtarou IS her cat came back as a human trololol but that would be quite complicated. This is AU tho, so let your imagination run wild]

I did this AU because Houtarou is a total example of a cat-human. (Like the way he likes to nap and would choose to do so all day if allowed, and the way he is quiet but does not particularly detest being around people—until they mess with his laziness.)

The "ki" in Oreki means tree, so that's where I put the cat for Jun to find.

And also, the original reading of the characters in human!Houtarou's name was "a boy, strong and dedicated." It's different from the characters I used for cat!Houtarou's name, but still reads the same.

"I am a cat"… A teeny reference to Soseki Natsume's novel that has the same title.