Nico's point of view

I like the darkness, and not just because I'm a child of Hades. I like the feeling of just being by myself, just bing able to be alone. And not around them. Leo, Frank, Annabeth, Piper, Jason (My gods I wish Jason would leave me alone) and of course Percy.
Except for Hazel, I love being around my sister.
It's actually dinner time and I know I should be inside the Argo2 eating with all the others, but when I was down there getting ready to eat Leo made a comment something like
"I wonder who Nico has a crush on? I mean we all know everyone else's its only fare to know his as well! Wouldn't you agree,Percy? Jason?
what about you Hazel? do you want to know your big bro's crush?" He said all that with his stupid grin, grease smeared across his fro head and covering most of his shirt. It's like its leo's very mission in life to make me uncomfortable, And when I looked over at Hazel she was giving Leo one of her pissed off glares.
Then of course Jason just had to open his big mouth.
"Leo leave him alone, Nico doesn't have to tell us anything he doesn't want to. And if he does then great, if he doesn't then we should just let him be."
he said all of this directed, not at Leo, but at me. I mean for gods sake he literally could not be any more obvious.
But then percy spoke.
" Well I bet nico has a crush on someone, in the Demeter or the Aphrodite cabin. There both right across from mine and he's always hanging out there under a tree," he said all this while eating his blue pizza and blue coke. His words stung a bit, and I turned on one heel and left, forgetting abut food entirely.
I went up and sat in my usual spot, where you watch out for other stuff. I don't know the actual term for it. And I honestly don't care, I just know that its the best place to go to be alone. And that's exactly what I wanted. The sky wasn't completely dark, it was a dark blue, so dark it was almost black but not quite. I sat down criss cross apple sauce, just like how Bianca would have me do when I was a little kid and she wanted me to sit still.
I wish she was here.
I wish she was he so badly, I just want to talk to her about why seeing Annabeth and Percy holding hands hurt my heart so much, and I want to tell her about being trapped in the bronx jar, and just why I feel so lost, and why I feel like I'm drowning.
Because that's exactly what it feels like, I feel like I'm drowning, every breath I take is a struggle, every move I make is slow and sluggish.
I want to ask her why this is happening, who can I get rid of these feeling for HIM. I love Hazel, I truly do I just want the sister who took care of me when mom died, and when all this shit went down. I can't talk about HIM to Hazel, she wouldn't understand. She would think I'm a freak, that there's something wrong with me. And she wouldn't be wrong.
Something is wrong with me. I shouldn't feel this way. I can't feel this way. I must, to my last breath, hide what I'm feeling. No matter what, and if things are going the way they are now, then my last breath won't be to far away.
Looking up at the now black sky it's hard to imagine a tomorrow, and sometimes I can't, and am surprised to find that there is in fact, something to wake up to instead of just staying in the darkness of sleep.