April 26th, 2019

It was over.

Just the day before yesterday, he had stood in front of the bar association panel – the tribunal, really – and they had demanded his badge from him, had destroyed it in front of his eyes. He had never had a chance, and he had known it ever since he had realized that he had presented forged evidence in court. Granted, one of the panel members, the brother of Prosecutor Gavin, had voted against his disbarment and expressed his condolences afterwards, inviting him for a cup of coffee, but even this display of sympathy from an unlikely, and quite frankly somewhat suspicious, source had done nothing to lift his mood. How could it have? One mistake, one overly hasty step, and his career had been over, just like that.

Phoenix had not shaved since that day, and had taken to sleeping in his clothes – not in his suit, naturally, there was no reason for him to wear it anymore, but in a bulky, worn hoodie and jeans.

Thankfully, he had already paid the rent for the office ahead of time – he would have until the end of May until he would have to vacate the premises. His apartment was another matter altogether; that, he would have to clean out within the next four days. And after the next month was out, who knew where he would stand?

I have no skills or talents that'd help me earn a living… He had studied art and law in college. The latter was now barred for him as a source of income, and he sincerely doubted that he would be able to keep the lights on by selling caricatures of passers-by on the street. His acquaintances, most of them attorneys and prosecutors, would shun him, and the only one who was unlikely to do so, Edgeworth, was once more on a prolonged stint in Europe. Not that he wanted to taint his old friend's image by association. Of course, there was always Larry…

… If I throw my lot in with the Butz, I'll end up in jail sooner rather than later. To not even mention that Larry was also never made of money, and changed jobs and residences about as frequently as his underwear. He might be good for a few nights on the floor, but would not be reliable enough to save Phoenix from ultimately becoming homeless. And then, there was also the shame of admitting that he had hit rock bottom, that, from one day to the next, he had become a liability rather than someone who could be relied upon.

There was nowhere to go for him, no way out. The thought alone was at least as paralyzing as the situation itself.

Phoenix sighed, absentmindedly scratched his stomach, and reached for the TV remote to change the channel, trying to find something to numb his mind even further than it already was, when there was a knock on the door.

"Come in, it's open!"

A moment later, Maya was standing in the room, her expression filled with unwanted pity.

"Nick… I just read what happened in yesterday's paper, I was at Hazakurain Temple for a training unit before that… is it true?"

He did not have to ask what she meant.

Phoenix sent her a tired smile – he would not let his frustration and sadness out on his friend, after all she had gone through.

"Yeah, I'm afraid so. I'm not a lawyer anymore…"

Maya frowned. "But… but it was an honest mistake, right? I mean, you didn't know that that ripped-out page was a fake! That doesn't matter at all?"

He could feel the smile beginning to waver, forced it to remain on his lips. Maya had never given up smiling, not when she had lost her sister, not when she had lost her mother, not when members of her own family had attempted to murder her.

"Unfortunately, it doesn't. I presented it as evidence, so it was my job to ensure it was legit. I should've suspected something off when it was just given to me right before the trial…"

The spirit medium's disconcerted frown deepened. "I… I don't understand. Why are you smiling and shrugging this off? You never give up, Nick! You've made miracles happen in the courtroom more than once!"

Now, Phoenix's expression became serious. "Yeah well, seeing that the only way I'm allowed in a courtroom anymore is either as a spectator, witness, or suspect, I'd say the time for miracles has passed. I'm sorry, Maya, I really don't want to be a jerk, but empty pep talks aren't exactly appreciated at the moment. Thanks for your visit, it means a lot to me, but I think I want to be alone for now."

Because if you stay, I don't know if I can continue to hold it together. Yet, he also did not want to unload on his erstwhile aide – as the Master of Kurain, she likely had more than enough on her plate.

The way she had just described her impression of him, as someone who fought to the last and performed miracles, as someone she looked up to, was almost enough to punch an audible sob out of him, but he managed to mask what little of it made it past his lips with a clearing of his throat.

Maya stubbornly shook her head. "Nick… you're clearly not okay, and I don't wanna leave… but I will, I guess. After I call my sister for you. Maybe she can think of something to do."

"No, Maya, wait – !"

Too late. The spirit medium had already closed her eyes, and her figure began to shimmer slightly, to grow taller and more voluptuous…

A moment later, Mia Fey opened her eyes to her former protégé's shoulders sagging in defeat.

"Phoenix! How long has it been?"

His voice was so quiet as to be almost inaudible. "Two and a half months since our last case…"

Mia shook her head in disbelief as she saw the mess of convenience food wrappers strewn around the office couch and the pieces of Phoenix's suit fired carelessly into a corner, with his tie draped over poor Charley, who drooped as he had not been watered in a few days.

"Something has happened, or Maya wouldn't have called me. What's going on?"

His deceased mentor's worried tone cut into him like a knife, and now, he could not hold back the sob welling up in his throat.

"Y-you know how you always said that an attorney has to keep smiling, no matter how bad it gets? That you only get to cry when it's all over?"

A tear escaped the corner of his eye, and he spread his arms slightly, a helpless gesture inviting her to look, look what I've become.

"Well… it's over. I've been disbarred. I've made a stupid mistake, and a few days ago, they made me watch as they destroyed my badge."

Another sob rose within him, and his inability to stifle it only emphasized his powerlessness to himself. The tears were flowing freely down his cheeks now.

"Everything I've worked for… carrying on your legacy… it's all over and done with. I don't know what to do, Mia… I don't know where to turn… and I'm so sorry that you have to see me like this…"

Phoenix's gaze had become blurry enough by then that he could only see vague blobs of color anymore, and he lowered his eyelids for a few seconds, trying to will the beginning heaving of his chest back under his control.

His efforts proved to be futile when two slim arms surrounded him, and his head was gently pulled down until his forehead came to a rest on a narrow shoulder, the purple fabric concealing it smelling faintly of jasmine and fresh mountain air.

Mia's fingers carded through his spiky hair, the soothing gesture drawing yet more tears out of him.

"Let it all out," she whispered.

And Phoenix cried. He cried like he had not since the day he had found out Dahlia had never loved him and merely used him as an evidence mule, wordlessly, seemingly inconsolably, clutching at Mia as if she was an anchor for safety, for sanity. He cried until there was a vague sick feeling in his stomach, until his eyes were red and puffy and felt as though he would never be able to fully open them again.

Eventually, the tears did abate, leaving behind a feeling of dull emptiness. Mia had softly stroked his hair all the way through his crying fit, likewise saying nothing, just holding him close and making soothing noises.

When he finally trusted himself to speak again, he quietly repeated his apology from before. "I'm sorry…"

"Don't be silly." Mia's smile was bittersweet. "I know I told you that, as lawyers, we have to keep smiling for our clients… but there are times when we're by ourselves, or with close friends, where we just can't keep it up any longer. We're human, after all. And please, don't apologize. Don't think that you've disappointed me. I'm proud of you for everything you've done, and I'll be eternally grateful to you for taking in my sister and my cousin when they had no one else. They've both grown so much while they were with you."

She rose and carefully took the pink tie off of Charley's branches, picking up the other pieces of the suit and arranging them on the empty hanger on the door hooks. Then, she turned to Phoenix once more.

"You've done so well, always. Granted, I don't know the background of your disbarment – and at the moment, it seems like talking it over would only upset you – but I know you. You wouldn't do anything unethical or illegal on purpose."

Mia sat down next to him, studying her former protégé's face for a moment.

"I'm not going to tell you to smile this time, Phoenix. I know that, in situations such as this, people telling you to keep up a stiff upper lip only end up making things seem worse. Just… if you need anything, whatever it is, whether it's help or just company… Maya and I will always be there for you, and I'm sure Pearl would insist that I mention her, as well. We love you like family, and we'll never be ashamed to call you our friend. You are not alone. Please remember that."

Phoenix's responding smile was hesitant, but genuine.

Mia rose. "Would you mind if I write my sister a short message, or would you prefer that this stays between us?"

He thought about the options she had given him for a moment.

'We love you like family.'

'We'll never be ashamed to call you our friend.'

Admitting to his current weakness would not make it go away, but perhaps, with time, the admission would lessen its sting.

"Go ahead." Phoenix's nod was imbued with a renewed hint of resolution.

I'm not going to shut out my friends, and I don't have to pretend I'm fine in front of them when I'm really not.

Things were still bad, yes. He still did not know how to go on from here, no. But he was not alone, and that counted for something.

While his mentor sat down to pen a quick note for Maya, which her sister would read once the channeling had ended, Phoenix entered the small bathroom to wash his face. As he turned on the faucet, gathering some of the cold water with his hands, he realized that the numbness in which he had stumbled through the last couple of days had finally lessened somewhat.

Thank you, Mia.