Emma gingerly opened the door to Hook's room on the Jolly and was immediately hit with a waft of strong alcoholic smell.
"Killian?"
Her illustrious baby daddy was splayed out on his bed holding a bottle of rum, stinking drunk. "Oh look who it is. Swan! The mother of my child" he drawled.
She crossed her arms in annoyance before pivoting around to leave. There was no use talking to him like this.
As she moved to leave he stopped her in her tracks with his words.
"Yes leave, Emma. Like you always do."
"What else do you expect me to do?" she cried. "I tell you I'm pregnant and you rush off and get as drunk as a skunk. So yes I'm leaving. But I'll tell you one thing, this time I'm not leaving this baby. It's mine and I don't give a damn that you're not happy about it. I don't need you. The baby doesn't need you" she said in anger, hurt at his accusation that she was always leaving. But deep down she knew he was right. You couldn't be hurt if you left before they had a chance to leave you first after all.
She wrenched the door open without realizing Killian had rushed up behind her to slam the door shut.
"Do not accuse me of not caring about our baby" he breathed angrily into her ear.
She turned around in the cage of his arms he had formed around her and stared at him mutinously. "I'm not discussing anything with you while you're drunk."
He grinned but without any amusement. Tilting his head to indicate the empty bottles littering his desk, "do you seriously think those bottles of rum was enough to intoxicate me? That was a pittance." He paused to let that sink in before continuing, "you should know that better than anyone lassie."
Emma froze and searched his eyes. "You remembered?" she whispered.
He nodded his head in confirmation. She shoved him forcefully away from her before turning to pick up the nearest empty bottle and threw it at his head. Good thing he wasn't drunk and still had lightning fast reflexes.
"What is wrong with you? You don't get to be the mad one here, Emma."
She responded by pitching another bottle at him. "Damn you Killian. You were never supposed to remember. That was my moment. Mine! Alone! Not yours!" she emphasized.
He stared at her as if she had lost her ever loving mind. Was this, how had Charming phrased it? Crazy pregnancy hormones? He remembered Charming whining about how crazy Snow could get while pregnant.
"Alone? Beg your pardon milady, but I believe there were 2 people in that room. You surely couldn't have done that alone" he said while gesturing with his hook towards her belly. Killian cocked his head to the side, the images of them playing vividly through his mind.
Emma paused. "Are you blushing?" she asked forgetting her anger for a moment.
And right on cue, he could feel his cheeks getting warm. Damn the woman. How could she do this to him right now, when he was still very angry? But the things they had done. He knew she could be quite creative. And inventive. And giving, very giving.
He shook his head to clear his mind. He couldn't believe this, but their coupling was not the most important thing right now.
"You're not going to turn the tables on me Emma. I'm the only one that gets to be mad here."
"If you're really happy about the baby, then why are you so angry?"
"Because you slept with him! You trusted him! You shared yourself with him while keeping me at arm's length."
"You're nuts. You're speaking as if that wasn't you." Giving him a dirty look, she said "besides, I wasn't the one holding sex hostage."
"It's not! I'm not that guy. Not anymore. Damn it Emma. That man used you. He could've, would have killed you without any remorse. He wasn't worthy of you."
Emma dropped down in a chair, finally realizing what this was all about. "You don't like your past very much do you?"
He turned away from her, never meaning to blurt out what he just did.
"What does worthy even mean anyway? We're exactly the same."
He waved her statements away. "If I'm still the same person, then why were you so open with him, while pushing me away at every turn? Was it the danger? Was that the attraction?"
"No. Damn it, I was never scared of you. Not in that way. Past or present. Think Killian, you say you have the memories of that night back, did you have murderous thoughts towards me then?"
He hesitated. He had never thought of it that way before.
"Were you using me? Why did you let me go? You gave me a choice. You knew I was plotting something and you were going to let me walk out free and clear. Why?"
And then it dawned on him. "Like I told you before, it was what our kiss exposed. Until I met you."
She blushed at that reminder. "So we've settled this right?" she asked tentatively, not entirely sure they were.
"Actually no darling. We have a whole host of issues to muddle through first, starting with why you gave yourself to him. If you see us as the same, then how come you keep pushing me away?"
"It was just sex" she muttered.
"Is that so?" he challenged, raising an eyebrow. "Liar. If that's the case then why did you tell him, I love you?"
Emma stiffened in shock. "How do you know that? You were knocked out!"
"I was actually coming to, before you blew that imp's dark magic in my face."
Emma got up and headed towards the door. That was the one thing they were not going to discuss. But he grabbed by her waist and carried her over to the bed.
"Oh no you don't. You're not going anywhere till you answer my question."
"I'd like to see you try and stop me" she said wriggling in his arms. "We both know I can knock you out."
She felt a metal band go around her wrist and he pulled both their arms up to show her that he had cuffed them together.
"I guess it's finally my turn to tie you up. And don't bother trying to get out of them." He tapped the cuffs with his his hook, the metal clinking together making an ominous sound to Emma. "The Dark One enchanted them so that only I could unlock it with a spell."
Emma glared at him. "Fine, we stay here, locked together. How long are you going to last before you have to use the restroom, after downing all that rum? I'm not going to help you take off your pants either!"
"Why not? You did back then, on that very memorable night. On this very ship and bed I might add" he said cheekily.
Not having a comeback, Emma stuck her tongue out at him and turned away as much as she could with the handcuffs.
"So now we're going to be childish?" Hook wrapped his arms around her waist.
"I don't understand it. You declared your affections for that Hook quite easily and yet you've kept those words from me. You knew him for a couple of hours!"
"You keep trying to separate them but to me he was you. That night might've been our first meeting for you, but it wasn't for me. All that stuff, we went through together, the stuff you did for me was in your future, but it was my past. "
"That's because I've changed. Because of you. For you."
"I never asked you to change Killian. I don't want you to change."
"I know. But I wanted to. I wanted to be wor"
She stopped him by clamping her free hand over his mouth. "Not this again."
"I know what you said, sweetheart but you're the"
Her fierce glare at him stopped him mid-sentence. "Don't you dare say it."
"I wasn't going to say the s word" he told her witheringly.
"Well then what?"
"You misunderstood what I meant by worth. I wanted to be the man you trusted to never leave you. The man you never wanted to leave. I want to give you what you never had, Emma. And that man wasn't the one in the past. That man only had one thing on his mind, revenge. He wasn't capable of giving you those things. Not back then."
"Oh" was all she could say. She was trying to hold back her tears. Damn pregnancy hormones.
"Yes oh" he mocked her gently.
"Now your turn."
"For?"
"Don't pretend that you forgot my earlier question." He jiggled their cuffed hands for emphasis. He sighed. Stubborn to the end, his swan. "Fine, let's start easier shall we? Why were you so upset I gained my memories back. They weren't yours alone, lass."
"Yes they were" she childishly snapped.
"Did you not mean it?"
"No. Yes. No. I don't know." She was frustrated at herself for not being able or wanting to explain. She hated being vulnerable and backed into a corner. Only Killian was the person able to make her feel this way, like she wanted to run away and never look back. At the same time she wanted to cuff him to her and make sure he wouldn't have the ability to leave even if he wanted to.
"You don't get it. For that one moment, I was able to pretend I wasn't her. The orphan, the kid no one wanted, the thief living on the streets, the pregnant girl abandoned to jail, the girl that walked away from her baby, Snow White and Prince Charming's daughter. The savior. I wanted to be carefree and just live without worrying about consequences or getting hurt."
She swallowed back her tears. "I didn't want to be her. Just for that one night, with you. I don't like her" she finished painfully.
"And you didn't want me to remember because…"
"Because it was mine! Sharing it with you meant that woman was now Emma. She's not nameless, baggage-less anymore. Those words didn't come attached with my past or my fears. They were untainted. It was supposed to be my one memory of my happy ever after" she finished miserably. She turned around and poked his chest angrily. "You stole my moment!"
And he finally understood. The word love for her was intertwined so intimately with the complicated pains of the past. But with his past self, for one night, their story had a beginning, middle and end that was pure and free. For one moment in time, her love was untouched by the interwoven strands of ecstasy and agony that was reality.
He caught sight of their reflections in the mirror. "We're the same aren't we" he repeated her earlier words.
Catching his eye in the mirror, "I like you, you know. Your past you. Without that man, you wouldn't have been able to give me what you've already have. Without that pirate bent on revenge for 300 years, all the things you've given me, the things you've said, would be without meaning."
He placed a gentle kiss on her neck. "You know I'm supposed to be the one making the grand declarations. The romantic and dashing pirate, charming the damsel until she succumbs at his feet."
Emma snorted. "Puh-lease. You're all talk, no action. If I waited around for you, I'd probably die first as the crazy old lady living with 15 cats."
"Excuse you? And when did you become the lady of action between the 2 of us? If I waited for you to come around I'd be a rotting corpse tied to a tree and you would be having erotic dreams of my handsome self with no way to fulfill them. "
"I initiated our first kiss. Both times" she added as an afterthought. "Actually I always kiss you first come to think of it."
"I keep coming back for you, even after you kept tying me up!"
"I saved you at the Dark Hollow and from drowning in a tub!."
"I saved you from marrying that rabid monkey."
Emma frowned. "Really? You're going to bring that one up?"
"Fine. I confessed to feelings first at the Echo cave. And I declared my honorable intentions to win your heart first."
"And? I wanted to have sex with you first and I told you I lo…" she stopped abruptly.
Hook grinned. "Are you going to finish that? What did you tell me first?"
"No." Her face remained adorably stubborn.
"Emma."
"No."
Getting serious, she turned around and stared into his eyes. "I want our baby. I'm desperately scared but I want a new ending. One with him or her, and one with your memories intact."
Hook smiled tenderly at her. He understood completely what she was telling him. He toppled them both backwards onto the bed.
"In that case, let's improve my fuzzy memories and make new ones shall we?"