AN: Okay, so, this was never meant to be posted. I wrote it awhile ago as a sort of thing for me and thought it was too weird to be posted. But I stumbled across it again and thought - you know what? I've posted some weird stuff already so why not?

So here it is. It's sort of AkaSaku sort of SaiSaku - I don't even know. It's weird.

Also could be connected to Oblivion but the timeline won't match. I'm just giving you all possibilities for what happened - but in the end, it's up to you to decide. It could be this, 'Hallucinations of the Dead', maybe I'll even write more.

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto

"…and I mean, all they do is stare at each other all day. What kind of love is that? All they do is stare. I mean honestly people. Everyone goes 'ooooh, their love is so deeeep, ooooh, they're so cuuuute, they're so sweeeet', but for kami's sake it's bloody boring!"

The stuffed animals on Sakura's bed stare back, smiles pinned to their cheeks. Their button eyes seem to spin around like windmills.

"Yes," says one, "but you see the way they are around each other – it's like Naruto's suddenly grown and Hinata's suddenly shining!"

Sakura shakes her head and paces around the room – up down up down. Behind her, the clock ticks rhythmically from 2:59 to 3:00am. Outside her window, an ANBU Root watches unseen.

"But- but- can't you see? He's gone now! My Naruto – gone! She's sucked the life out of him!" Sakura throws her hands in the air in a dramatic flair. She sighs and collapses onto her bed, crushing her stuffed animals and her ANBU mask. She wriggles, not caring if she's suffocating her fluffy companions to death.

"You're just upset because you're all alone now. You know that it was always meant to be Naruto and Hinata, you and Sasuke…" says the familiar voice of her stuffed elephant. It seems to come from above, even though she is lying on top of him.

"But," the voice continues, "Sasuke's DEAD and you have NO ONE."

A low growl begins in Sakura's throat and she purrs, hiccups, then laughs.

"But I don't want Sasuke anymore," she says in a sing-song voice, "I want Na-ru-to!"

She stands up with a whirl and twirls around her room, giggles bursting from her parched lips. Her ANBU uniform dangles menacingly at the open door of her closet.

"Naruto-kuuuuun!" she sings.

Her soft toys shake their head from their mangled position on her bed.

"You're going crazy," they say.

Sakura is absolutely erratic.

She wonders around Konoha aimlessly now, doing whatever that strikes her interest. Today she rescued a squirrel from a tree.

Feeling bored, Sakura twirls around and spikes chakra to different parts of her body – eyes, feet, head, ears, and hears Naruto in the distance.

She grins and runs towards him, speeding through the Konoha markets. She is in a particularly good mood today, so she makes sure not to knock anyone over.

Finally, she finds Naruto at Ichiraku ramen. He is with Hinata.

"Naruto-kuuun!' she yells.

They both wince.

"Hey Sakura," Naruto says quietly, in the same way he talks to all the children at the Academy. She skids to a halt in front of him. Even though he is sitting down, she feels as if he is looking down on her.

"Hinata-chaaaan," she coos, swinging from foot to foot. The girl gives her a shy smile. Sakura notices that her hands creep towards Naruto and Naruto instinctively leans towards her, almost protectively. Sakura always notices these things.

"Guess what," she says.

"What," Naruto says softly. Hinata shoots him a look.

"I'm just humouring her," he says quietly. With the chakra spiked to her ears, Sakura can hear everything he says perfectly. But she ignores him. Her toys are better company anyway.

"I rescued a squirrel today."

"Oh," Naruto says awkwardly, "Good on you."

There is a sudden draft behind her.

"Haruno-san."

An ANBU has appeared. Hinata jumps and Naruto flinches but Sakura does not react at all.

"Shikamaruuuuu," she says with a giggle. In a flash she turns around and wraps her arms around him. "How's Ino-chaaaan eh? She hasn't talked to me for a while."

The ANBU disentangles himself from her grip.

"Haruno-"

"Do you know," she says, interrupting him, "That sometimes she talks to me in my dreaaaams? Sometimes, I humour her-" Naruto winces "-other times… other times I kill her. I snap her neck and wrench out her spine and she screams and the blood comes like a river – like that river in Tea I saw when I was seventeen. It was on a mission. You remember eh Naruto-kun? You remeeeeember?"

Hinata has now woven herself completely behind Naruto. Shikamaru reaches out a cautious hand.

"Sakura," he says, "You didn't go on any missions when you were seventeen. You were… hospitalised."

Naruto begins to inch away but Sakura's hand shoots out and clamps on his wrist.

"Leaving so soon?" she says in a surprisingly serious tone, "I was just about to talk to you. Finish that conversation we had two years ago. You know. About that little deadly poison-"

"Sakura!" Shikamaru barks. He jerks his head to Naruto and in a yellow flash he disappears, Hinata with him.

Sakura throws her head back and laughs. A few drops of blood taint the ground Naruto had just been standing on – blood from when her nails had dug into his flesh.

"What is the matter Shi-ka-kun?" she asks. The other patrons at Ichiraku's file out faster, each customer paying hastily and ushering their family away. Teuchi murmurs at Ayame to clean up at the back. He stays and keeps an eye on the two outside his stall.

"There was a pile of dead cats found in an alleyway," Shikamaru says. "They were found murdered, disfigured, and mutilated."

Sakura laughs, then sobers. "So?"

Shikamaru sighs, wringing his gloved hands.

"We all know it was you Sakura. The Hokage says one more incident and you'll be back in hospital."

"But it wasn't me!" Sakura laughs.

Shikamaru takes off his mask and gives her a penetrating stare.

"Look at yourself," he says, "You're covered in blood, guts, and bone."

Sakura looks down at herself. Indeed she is.

"Oh," she says calmly, "I suppose I am."

She laughs again and stabs Shikamaru repeatedly in the ribs. Teuchi gives out a strangled scream. The market sits in strained silence. There is a faint sound of rhythmic sobbing.

Then, Shikamaru disappears in a puff of smoke – a clone.

"I knew it!" Sakura screeches. "I'm right. I was always right. I told you so!"

The market is emptying out. Mothers are hurrying their children away.

"I told you so!" Sakura repeats shrilly, "When you injected me Naruto – I was only seventeen but I knew. I told you it was going to make me crazy! I told you so!"

"It's a suicide mission," Sai says blandly.

Sakura fixes on her mask and gives him a quizzical look. "I didn't know you knew such phrases. You're improving."

Sai smiles fakely. "No," he says, "I just heard the Hokage using it in terms to your mission."

Sakura laughs. "Perhaps I will die then. Would you miss me?"

Sai shrugs. "I suppose so."

The two continue on in silence. Finally, they reach the edge of the forest.

"This is where we separate," Sakura says. "If I don't come back, tell my parents that I'm sorry, but do not tell anyone the truth."

Sai nods.

Then he hesitates. "Your parents are dead. I do not know the truth."

Sakura just laughs, a hollow, throaty laugh.

"You've been to the cemetery, and you know more than anybody else."

"I doubt that," Sai says, "Naruto and Tsunade know all about you. They've known you since you were young."

Sakura shrugs. "Yeah, but they don't know that."

Sai gives her a quizzical look.

"They don't know-"

His face dawns with realisation.

"Oh," he says, "oh."

Sakura gives him an all-knowing smile.

"They don't know- they don't know that you're not crazy."

"Yes," Sakura says. "But sometimes I think I am. I think I'm going bat-shit insane."

Sai puts his mask back on and leaves. Sakura waits five minutes then doubles back. If she's going to die on a mission, it sure as hell won't be this one.

She masks her chakra seamlessly, effortlessly, and sneaks back into Konoha. The voices of her little toys sing in her head, making her wonder if pretending this long has really made her crazy.

She enters Konoha again, and deciding that since she's going to die anyway, she might as well have some fun beforehand.

She henges into Hinata. It'll probably take the town an hour to realise that there are two, but that is more than enough time for her to kill herself in an effort to stop a World War. Humming, she walks through town, exchanging civilities with the civilian and ninja. They all love her, now that she's dating Naruto.

For every hand she shakes, every pleasantry exchanged, she leaves a little cherry blossom in the bottom of their shoe. It is, perhaps, her one act of revenge against her village. She wonders what will happen when the people come home today and realise that the person they touched was Haruno Sakura.

She laughs, but no one pays it much mind.

She enters Konoha hospital, exchanges a few words with the receptionist (a young chuunin who used to work under Sakura) and makes her way to the forbidden storeroom.

As she opens the door, Tsunade looks up from her workbench.

"Hinata!" she says, "How did you get in here? Only Shizune and…"

Her eyes widen in realisation.

"Sakura," she says. "Stop."

Sakura laughs.

Tsunade abandons the bench and lunges at her, ready to attack.

But Sakura has the ultimate weapon – a weapon that will wipe out Konoha, and with it all the poisons and the one person who knows how to make them.

Sakura drops her henge and lifts up her shirt.

"Recognise this?"

Tsunade freezes immediately.

"Sakura – how – how did you…?"

"If you move," Sakura says calmly, "I'll use it."

"No," Tsunade says, "No. You – you'll kill yourself. You won't do it."

Sakura's lips curl into a feral grin. "Don't think I'm crazy enough to do it?"

Tsunade's expression turns grim, but she does not say a word. She knows that Sakura will do it if she does not follow her whims. Maybe Sakura will do it even if she does.

"By the way. Do you know about Kabuto's new and improved Reanimation Jutsu? He's done what no one else has ever done."

Tsunade shakes her head. "No no no no no no-"

"Yes," Sakura says triumphantly. "He brought back the dead."

Tsunade's eyes turn cold.

"You mean- he brought back Deidara- you learnt from Deidara-"

Sakura laughs.

"No Tsunade-chan. You've got it wrong."

Sakura laughs again and twirls her fingers around the signs inscribed on her stomach. Funny how the dead can come back to life eh?

"It wasn't Deidara, Tsunade-chan, it was me. Tsunade-chan, he brought back me."

Her mentor staggers back in shock, inching closer to the emergency help button.

"Yes. That's right. Those two weeks I was missing – I was dead. I'll tell you why? Because the poison worked! All this time you've all been thinking – Sakura's crazy, but it's not our fault at all! After all, we injected her with the placebo. It was Ino that received the real dose. And it worked! The drug did improve darling little Ino's results. She went from chuunin to ANBU in a flash! This was the miracle drug!"

Sakura paused, then sighed, smiling wickedly.

"The only problem was, of course, that two weeks later Ino's blood vessels systematically combusted. But that's alright. That's a small glitch in the poison that we can fix. But don't you see? It wasn't the poison that killed her – it was me."

Tsunade inches closer and closer to the emergency help button but Sakura has stopped caring. She's waited too long for this moment.

"You know those fears you had? That the poison made people crazy? Well - it was true. I'll tell you what happened that night you injected us – Ino killed me. She went crazy and she killed me. But that's alright. I came back. I came back and I killed her too! Don't you see? Don't you see?"

Tsunade shakes and trembles, stumbling backwards. She pushes the emergency help button as she does so, but Sakura pretends not to notice.

"I tried to make you see that the drug would make you crazy, but none of you believed me. It made Ino crazy but none of you knew! And you were going to inject it to all of Konoha! I have to stop you. Don't you see? I have to stop you."

Her hands form the seal and Tsunade leans forward.

"No- don't-"

Sakura holds up a hand, breaking the seal. Tsunade pauses warily. "I met some interesting people while I was dead," Sakura says calmly. "You know, Deidara, Itachi-kun, Kisame-chan, the usual. People who'd been betrayed."

Tsunade swallows visibly.

"I really wanted them to come back with me, you know, but Kabuto wouldn't do it anymore. So I killed him."

Tsunade lets out a sigh of relief.

"But that's okay. I learnt the jutsu myself. And I brought them all back!"

She laughs and screams. A squadron of ANBU have appeared in the room, alerted by the emergency help button. One has impaled Sakura with his katana, right through the stomach.

"I brought back Akatsuki, Tsunade-chan," Sakura says as blood gurgles through her lips, "aren't you proud of me?"

Then she laughs, and stares her old mentor right in the eye.

"You see, what your ANBU captain just did – he activated my little weapon," Sakura says, surprisingly clearly with the blood around her mouth, "Deidara-chan taught it to me."

Then, the building explodes.

October 21st. That was to be remembered in all history books as Konoha's D-Day.

Half the city – wiped.

The new Hokage, Uzumaki Naruto, stands with his wife in front of the funeral pyre of the old Hokage. He addresses the masses.

"We stand today to remember the Fifth Hokage. Her name was Tsunade, but she was much more than that. She was loyal, strong, and one of the damn bravest people I ever knew. She died protecting this village – her last jutsu was one which enveloped Konoha in her arms, and she held us safe as she herself was killed. We lost many facilities in that explosion, but thanks to her, the only casualty was one. We gather today…"

In the treetops above, Sakura calmly sips her coffee.

"Does it bother you," Sai asks, "That they didn't hold a funeral for you?"

"Nah," Sakura says as she tries to balance her coffee mug on the tree branch. "I got everything I ever needed. Right Dei-kun?"

Next to the pair, Deidara rolls his eyes. "Yeah. And if we don't get back soon Itachi will throw a hissy fit. And this bastard here probably has to get back too yeah."

Sai nods and hands Deidara the painting of Iwa he had made on his last mission. The missing ninja grunts in thanks and burns it.

"Feels good watching it go up in flames yeah."

Sakura rolls her eyes. "Just like you to burn the product of such precious, time-consuming work."

"I don't mind," Sai shrugs.

"Exactly."

Sakura sighs. "Come on, let's go. Nothing more to watch."

"Yeah," Deidara says chuckling. "Do you remember their faces when they saw your cherry blossoms? Priceless! And when Naruto discovered that trail of blossoms you left from his house to your grave? Oh! And when…"

As they leave, the coffee cup she had left on the branch teeters precariously and falls. It lands with a splash, right on top of the Hokage's head.

There is a beat of silence.

Then, the remains of the cup burst into a hurricane of cherry blossoms. Quietly, Sakura's laugh echoes through the air.

And then there is chaos - Hinata faints, Naruto is shaking, the civilians are screaming, ANBU are scattered trying to find the dead girl walking-

And amidst all the commotion, Sai laughs.

"She's not dead," he murmurs, "No. She's here and all of you were too stupid to realise. She was never dead!"

He pauses, and looks out at the frenzied Konoha.

"She wasn't crazy either," he adds, "but you'd never believe me."

AN: Well. I've been writing a lot of Konoha does bad stuff to Sakura and she runs off to Akatsuki eh? Hope that you enjoyed and feel free to review if you have with any comments, suggestions, improvements, etc. Thanks!